


When You're Ready

by eleanorbloom



Category: Open Heart (Visual Novels)
Genre: Adult Content, Angst, Character Development, Child Neglect, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Love Triangles, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:15:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 115,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26229304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eleanorbloom/pseuds/eleanorbloom
Summary: When Ethan leaves for the Amazon, Eleanor decides to move on and starts a relationship with Bryce, who knows she's still in love with the attending. Will Bryce win her heart in the end?____This story starts at the end of First Year, and then follows most of the events of OH:SY.
Relationships: Bryce Lahela/Main Character (Open Heart), Ethan Ramsey/Main Character (Open Heart)
Comments: 38
Kudos: 56





	1. Why

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> I've been posting this story on Tumblr, and finally today I made the time to publish it here.  
> This is my first Choices Fanfic ever and the first time I write in English. I'm a Spanish speaker so it's gonna be a huge challenge for me, but I'm happy because it will let me improve my English, especially my writing skills. That said, I apologize in advance for any mistakes.
> 
> The title of this fic and all its chapters are song-inspired. The title and plot are inspired by Shawn Mendes’s song. At the beginning of each chapter, you’ll find the lyrics that inspire the plot of each one.
> 
> Well, enough verbiage. Welcome to When You’re Ready. I hope you enjoy it!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bryce Lahela is in love with Eleanor Bloom but unfortunately, she’s in love with someone else. How will he deal with the situation?

**_Chapter 1: Why._ **

_So many nights trying to find someone new_

_They don’t mean nothing compared to you_

He opened the door of his apartment, staggering. The celebration at Donahue’s had been wilder than he expected. Too many tequilas he couldn’t deny to Jackie. And too much anxiety to kill with alcohol. Bryce sat on the sofa and sighed. He finally had a break to process what had happened today. Eleanor was safe. The Ethics Committee had decided to not suspend her, and Teresa Martínez’s family had withdrawn the lawsuit against Edenbrook, as they were grateful for what Eleanor did for her mother. In the end, all her effort and dedication had been rewarded. He was happy about it, but more relieved that Eleanor wouldn’t be leaving. Bryce had been feeling increasingly afraid of that possibility, although he was trying to stay positive. The world wasn’t a fair place, the doctors didn’t have to understand the real reasons that led Eleanor to help Teresa Martínez. They would only see incompetence, malpractice, but never the honest desire that she enjoyed her last days traveling, just as she always dreamed since she was a child.

The very idea that things had been different caused him intense pain. Thinking of all the suffering that Eleanor could’ve to go through was almost unbearable. Also, the fact that she had to leave and he couldn’t see her anymore. But mainly it was her pain that affected him the most. She was one of the few people who deserve all the good in the world, for her kind heart, her dedication, her solidarity with her colleagues and patients. She didn’t deserve anything that was happening to her, but at least that was over.

And now another thought came to his mind: Eleanor was with him right now. With Ethan Ramsey. He wished with all his heart that whatever they had now would work for them, because she was truly interested in him, to his misfortune. But he respected her decision. From the day she told him that they couldn’t keep their casual hookups because she was feeling things for Ethan Ramsey, he respected her decision and wished her well. Every time Bryce saw her or saw them, he wished them all the best from the heart, although they were apparently far from it.

Since Ramsey had left the hospital, he hadn’t reached out to her not a single time, not even to ask how she was or to support her in the difficult process she was living with the Ethics Committee. What asshole leaves Eleanor at a time like that, when she was supposed to be someone Ramsey cared about? When she heard from Eleanor that Ramsey had not contacted her, he felt uncontrollable anger but did his best to not say anything. Yes, he was suffering for his friend, Naveen Banerji, but Eleanor, with his life on the verge of collapse, still cared for Banerji and him, she hid the secret from her friends and colleagues, and then, when she found the cure for the old man, she used her time to cure him instead of preparing for the Ethics Hearing. But the Great Ethan Ramsey couldn’t give her a fucking hour just to support her because it was more important his suffering and sense of failure than what Eleanor was going through. Eleanor had left him for a selfish, insufferable ass who was unable to use his position or his freedom and time to support her when she most needed it. Instead, Bryce had spent all the time he needed to recover from the poorly sleeping hours every surgical resident has since Medical School, and had accompanied and helped her to get the support of senior physicians from Edenbrook. But after all, Ramsey did use his contacts to help her. But of moral support, no signs.

And now she was with him. He saw her approaching Ramsey when he entered Donahue’s, and how quickly they both left. Bryce couldn’t judge her; it was her feelings after all. But Bryce sensed that the following events wouldn’t be good news. There was the rumor that Ethan Ramsey would return to his old position at Edenbrook, so he would continue that stormy dynamics of setting limits with Eleanor because he was her boss, but still breaking those limits at the slightest pressure. And he would continue to have Eleanor in limbo, waiting for him to make up his mind and choose her despite his fears. Waiting for him to decide to give her everything she deserved without conditions or hesitation. All that love, attention, and affection that he wanted to give her, and that somehow were still there, waiting for his chance.

He sighed again.

“Everything happens in time, Bryce. Don’t rush it”—He said to himself before making his way to his bedroom to catch some sleep.

The next day, the good news came. Harper Emery left her position as Chief of Medicine and would return to her scrubs as Head of Neurosurgery. Naveen Banerji would take her position, so Ethan Ramsey was officially Director of Diagnostics. The last big news was that Eleanor had won the junior fellow competition and would be spending her second year of residency as a junior member of the Diagnostic Department. He was so happy for her because it was something she really deserved. All the sweat, blood, and tears that she put into that competition had found its reward. Besides, she deserved it for her human qualities. However, he also knew that the news implied a turn in her relationship with Ramsey. Aside from being her boss, now they would be colleagues, they would work much closer, and if Ethan already intended to put boundaries between them, her position in the Team would put much more difficulty on that. Bryce didn’t want to take this news as a light at the end of the tunnel, an opportunity after so much confusion, but he couldn’t lie to himself. Deep down he wanted this to complicate things, but on the other hand, he didn’t want to see Eleanor suffering again. He wasn’t a selfish bastard to want something like that.

Bryce saw the exchange of awkward glances between Ethan and Eleanor, while Naveen Banerji gave them a knowing smile. It was clear that the man knew what was going on between the two and didn’t seem to care at all. Probably Naveen would be in the front line encouraging Ethan to stop being such an idiot and accept his feelings for Eleanor. Hell, if he himself didn’t feel things for Eleanor, he would be by Banerji’s side, with popcorn cheering Ramsey to finally make up his mind and stop making Eleanor suffer. But of course, that was not the case. He was hopelessly in love with her.

Ethan looked away, embarrassed, and quickened his pace to catch up with Naveen. Eleanor turned to him. Her smile was so bright that the sun would be jealous of the light, warmth and beauty that emanated from her, happiness and pride swelling her heart.

Bryce opened his arms, inviting her for a hug.

“C’mere!”

Eleanor cheerfully received the hug, rejoicing in the warmth she only found in Bryce’s arms. From the first hug many months ago, both hiding in a supply closet, Eleanor had been conscious of the healing powers of his hugs. At that time, he consoled her for her first collapse on her first day at Edenbrook. And now, that embrace was simply showing the pride and happiness Bryce was feeling for her achievement. He, who had always trusted her, even more than herself. He, who had always shown her the way to self-confidence and fight for what she believed in.

“You did it, Elle. You really did it”

“Yes! I am still in shock. Yesterday, this time, my life was still threatened, and look at me now! I won the competition. Well, not technically because it was finished when Ethan left … But I was chosen by Naveen Banerji himself, my mentor’s mentor”

“Yes, and the guy whose life you saved. It was the least he could do”.

“Well, I think so”—She shrugged her shoulders—“But I’d like to think that I made it for all my merits in the competition”

“Of course, Elle. You deserved this spot more than anyone, apart from being an excellent doctor, you are an extraordinary human being. And that’s what makes you better than anyone”

“Aww Bryce”—Eleanor hugged him again, touched—“You’re always so flattering. I hope someday I know my qualities just as well as you know them”

“Well, just keep hanging out with me and this self-assurance will infect you. But be careful, our friends could stop tolerating you as they do with me sometimes because my ego is too big”

“Oh, I think I could reach a healthy balance between knowing my worth and not overstepping the limits of self-centeredness”

“Oh, are you implying I’m out of it?”—Bryce raised an eyebrow, serious.

“No, but you are always very close to the verge. Since you haven’t surpassed it yet, that’s why I still consider you my friend”

“Oh, you honor me”—He feigned a modest nod.

“Well, I should get back to my patients before the attendings chew me out for wasting my time with a scalpel jockey”

“Oh my gosh, Eleanor, how can you be so cruel to someone who treats you well and fills your soul with self-confidence? I think the position went to your head”

“Who are you again?”—She asked, looking at him from head to toe.

Bryce grinned.

“I’m going to become Harper Emery’s favorite and I’ll be the one to ask you who you are. We all know that surgery is more popular than internal medicine”

They both laughed.

“You are such a child, Lahela. Never change”

Eleanor raised the palm of her hand.

“I won’t"—Bryce replied as they high fived. 

He saw her leaving to the Nurse's Station at a light pace. He couldn’t suppress a smile. He was extremely happy to see her succeed on her first day back at Edenbrook. She deserved that and more.

As he supposed, things between Eleanor and Ethan didn’t go well. From what he could observe and the things he heard from Eleanor’s drunken babbling, Ethan was trying to set serious boundaries between them, but not strong enough to prevent them from ending up kissing in his office to kill the tension or suppress the pain of not being able to be together as much as they wanted, simply because _Ethan didn’t want it that way._

As the weeks went by, the situation became increasingly annoying to Bryce. Although he had made up his mind to forget Eleanor, he still unconsciously wanted her to realize that he was everything she needed and deserved. And he felt stupid waiting for her because it was clear that Eleanor had no eyes for anyone but Ethan, even if he kept ignoring her.

His annoyance reached such a point that one day he made the decision to avoid any contact with Eleanor and her friends as much as he could. He began to spend time with his surgical mates in his interest to meet new people and lose himself in the sea of parties and girls with whom to spend the night.

That night, he went to Donahue’s with the interns knowing that Eleanor and her friends had a night shift, so he wouldn’t have to meet her. He took a seat next to Rosa and Charles.

"You had a fight with your nerdy medical friends, or what?"—Rosa asked when she saw him take a seat.

“No, why?”

“Because you have been spending a suspicious amount of time with us lately, when you used to be with them all the time”

“I needed a change”—He shrugged his shoulders, with feigned disinterest— “Now that the competition’s over, there’s not so much gossip around them”

“Sure”—Rosa replied, not convinced.

A few shots later, several surgical residents were gathered. Including a third-year resident who Bryce had always found attractive because she had an air of Shania Twain, and she was the first musical crush he had ever had. And well, the reputation of being Bryce Lahela was also well received by older residents, because after two hours of drinks, Bryce was there, crossing the door to his apartment with his arms wrapped around Caroline’s waist, the attractive surgical resident who aspired to specialize in dermatological injuries. The woman was incredibly neat and was dressed impeccably. She had an exquisite aroma and a look so inquisitive that it seemed like she was looking through his skin. Although, she was actually scrutinizing _his_ skin.

“I can’t believe it’s real”—She said, touching his cheeks with her fingertips.

“Me? Of course I am”

Caroline rolled her eyes up.

“No, your skin. I was always struck by how smooth it looked, like you were a doll. And I think you are”

“I think this level of observation is more intimidating than having to pose for an hour naked in front of the whole hospital”

“I bet you wouldn’t mind spending your life walking naked with that body you have”

“And I won’t in a couple of moments either”

Caroline approached him to close the distance between their bodies, and they continued the journey to the room, where the clothes went down the floor and the four walls muffled the moans and exclamations that came from their bodies. And so came the culmination of that long-awaited search for pleasure on the skin of another woman with the intention of erasing the marks of someone from the past, believing that it would help him end his agony.

“Crap, Lahela. I always try to have low expectations, but you have proven me wrong”

“Prove you wrong?”

“I thought you weren’t the wonder that people said, but you are”

But no. Instead of ending with the ego energized by ending up banging with the woman he intended to, and even more flattered for his performance; Bryce ended with an existential void that decomposed him the entire night.

“And you are as attractive as I imagined you would be since my first week as a surgical intern”

Caroline didn’t know, but those were the holiest words Bryce had ever said. Without true charm, candor, interest, or desire. They were said just to not be rude to her.

“Shut up, it sounds like you have a crush with your elementary school teacher, and we don’t have that much of an age difference”

Bryce gave her a humorless smile.

He woke up the next morning with the bed empty. He sighed with relief. The truth was he had no intention of dealing with Caroline or faking a smile or joking about the night before, because he had a shitty mood that hopefully was enough to greet the staff and patients. In his intention to try to be better about the situation with Eleanor, he was worse now.

Weeks later, he tried again, but with the same result. During the encounter, he couldn’t help but wish that _she_ was the one in his arms, or that she was by his side after the act was over. Was it Caroline, or any other resident, or even a Tinder date, the result was the same. He still missed her, he still imagined her features and the beautiful expressions on her face.

Bryce finally understood that the lie of filling the void she had left with other women had only increased his pain, so he decided to not be with a woman again until he had begun to heal. And to do it, he had to learn to deal with Eleanor and her friends. He couldn’t use the technique that so much criticized Ethan Ramsey, so he stopped being so reluctant to the company of Eleanor and her roommates and returned to spend time with them. It wouldn’t be easy, he was sure about that, but it had to be done.


	2. Why Keep On Breaking My Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan has been acting distant with Eleanor, which breaks her, but when she finds out he’s leaving for the Amazon and he had no plans to tell her, all her anger finds a reaching point.

**Chapter Two: Why Keep On Breaking My Heart**

_Why do you toy with my dreams  
They’re depending on you to come true?_

After her successful return to Edenbrook, Eleanor continued her residency with renewed energy and self-confidence. Although she had already achieved the position in the Diagnostic Team, she was still considered between the Attendings as the best medical intern in the hospital, due to her profound care for the wellbeing of her patients, and the solidarity she had with her colleagues and staff.

The fact that Ethan was putting boundaries between the two didn’t affect her work at first, but eventually, it began to ruining the almost inexistent and fragile emotional stability she had left after such chaotic weeks that had her life on the verge of collapse. 

Ethan kept pressuring her to become the best doctor she could be, maintaining a strictly professional relationship between them, but always, after weeks of self-restraint, he would fall into the temptation of generating any situation in which both discussed, just to ended up kissing desperately. He would push her away just as Eleanor would pressure him to face his feelings. Ethan kept insisting that their situation was very difficult, but her career was too important to jeopardize it with their relationship. This dynamic happening over and over again. Ethan walking away, ignoring her, then exploding because Eleanor knew exactly what to say to make him surrender, to finally end up walking away again, like he never faced anything, like he never stopped ignoring her since they both came back to Edenbrook. After all this, Eleanor was made of knots of anguish and anxiety.

The last time, it had been almost a month ago. Eleanor was already tired of Ethan’s avoidances, of the rude responses, of the excuses that “he didn’t have time to talk”. That day, after having solved a very difficult case, and from which she had obtained no support or help from Ethan, under the excuse that she had to solve it herself because otherwise, she would never be the best doctor she could be if he intervened at the first difficulty, she visited him in his office to talk to him. She used to avoid to make a conflict out of it, but Ethan always pushed her to the limit, to the limit where she no longer tolerated all the rudeness he had inflicted.

She knocked on his office door, and after a few moments, Ethan invited her to come in. Well, not her, because if he had known she was the one behind the door, he would have denied her the entry. Or maybe he wouldn’t have answered at all.

Eleanor watched how her jaw clenched as she entered.

“Eleanor, what do you need?"—He said, tension evident in his voice.

"I want to know for how long you are gonna keep this bullshit between us"—She inquired without further ado.

"I beg your pardon?"—His eyes lit with rage.

"You’ve been avoiding me for weeks, for months, now! You don’t even look at me, and when I ask you for help, you get rid of the responsibility under the excuse that ‘I have to learn by myself’” —She gestured with her fingers and her face visibly pissed off—"What the fuck are you an Attending for, then?“

"If you really needed my help, I wouldn’t hesitate to intervene”

“You wouldn’t hesitate to send Inés or Zaid to monitor my progress and intervene there if they see that I’m lost! I already realized your little game, Ethan. You use them to avoid having to deal with me”

“I do it with all the interns, that’s what senior residents are for. Why should I have a special treatment with you?“

Eleanor shook her head, disbelief on her face

"I’m not asking for special treatment, I’m simply asking you to speak to me because you just keep ignoring me”

"And why do you need me to stop ignoring you?”

Eleanor was losing her patience, she had dealt with his avoidances and pretended disinterest too many times. She was getting really tired of it.

“I miss you, Ethan"—She confessed.

Ethan looked away, avoiding her pleading eyes.

"That has nothing to do with the hospital, so your justification is out of place”

“I’m worried about you…”

“Worried? Why?”

“Because I know that you’re not having a good time with all this, I’m not having a good time either…”

“Eleanor…"—He mused imploringly—"Please don’t do this. You well know-”

“But it’s too unfair"—She interrupted—"We are both suffering. And you make me feel horrible when you ignore me. I wonder if that’s because you don’t care about me anymore”

Ethan got up and went to the window next to his desk, clearly uncomfortable with the question. He stood there for a few moments, losing his sight at the view of Boston, at the infinity of buildings and streets, vehicles moving in different directions, people walking and running to their destinations.

Eleanor waited for a reply, but after realizing that Ethan wouldn’t answer her like he did so many times before, she turned around to leave, just as Ethan opened his mouth to answer her. 

“If I’m doing all of this it’s precisely because I care about you, Eleanor”—He said in a deep voice—"I don’t want my feelings to ruin all your potential, your career, and to put obstacles in the promising future you have. Your career is much more important than what I want…"

“And what about what I want?"—She inquired in a tiny voice as she hugged him from behind. Ethan tensed at her touch.

"I do this for your own good, Eleanor"—He replied, using all the mental strength he had to avoid succumbing to her embrace—I know what you want because we… We both want the same, but I’m preventing you from making a mistake.

“I’m an adult, I know all the implications. You have no right to choose for me”

“I know, and I’m not comfortable with that. But I know that this is the best for you. I don’t want to do anything that hurts you”

“But you’re already doing it”

Ethan turned to face her.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m in deep shit with your silence, when you ignore me, when you spend weeks without even looking at me. You make me feel invisible. You make me feel like I’m nothing to you”

"Eleanor,” Ethan stroked her cheek, and watched her honey eyes full of tears “You know that’s not true”

“At this point, I don’t know. I don’t know what’s real, if _we_ were real, if you still care about me. Because you’ve spent months pretending that I am nothing to you, and what happened seems to be just a dream”

“All that happened was real. But it must remain there, in the past”

“Ethan…”

“Eleanor”—He added abruptly.

He was losing his patience because he sensed all his strength was leaving his body. Having her just a few inches from him, begging for his touch, for his love, was more than he could bear

“You well know why I have to do this. Don’t make it more difficult than already is”

“I know that someday I’ll understand why you’re doing all this, because of my career and all that… But I think I’ll never understand why it has to be _this way_ , why you have to take me away from you, why you have to ignore me. Why Ethan? Why do you have to act like you hate me to show me how much you care?”

Ethan had a logical answer: “Because it’s easier for me like that. Because that way I won’t surrender, I won’t feel the urge to kiss you every time I see you ”. But he couldn’t say that, because it wasn’t right. He knew that the way he was dealing with the situation was not fair and the way he had been treating her wasn’t correct nor the most logical alternative. Eleanor was right, it hadn’t to be that way, but Ethan couldn’t any other way but that.

“I miss you so much—She sighed, melting as she put her arms around him—“If at least we had a friendly relationship, if only we could talk, if I could count on you and you on me. But you don’t even let me that, Ethan. You completely deprive me of you after you gave me everything”

Ethan stared at her in pain and couldn’t resist the urge to hug her. To protect her, to caress her hair to ease her pain. The moment Ethan planted his lips on her forehead, Eleanor sobbed.

“Why can’t you face your feelings differently?”

"Because I’m weak"—He finally confessed, not parting his lips from her face—"Because when I’m with you I lose all the self-control I have, and if I have you around, I don’t give a shit about anything. And I can’t allow it”

“And you can’t even try?”

"Do you think I haven’t? I did it until I kissed you in Miami, I did it until you went to my apartment and we made love for the first time. I tried again when we both got back to Edenbrook. But after everything that happened, it’s much harder for me to do so knowing that I had you”

"Ethan … But can you at least try to be less cruel?” At least stop pretending that I don’t exist? Can you look at me, speak to me? You really hurt me”

“And it hurts me to see you and not be able to have you”

Ethan moved his lips to her cheeks, kissing the tears that were falling from her eyes. He drank the salt of anguish, of pain, of injustice. Eleanor raised her head so her lips were brushing his.

“Eleanor…”

“Ethan… I’m drowning"—She said in a hushed voice—"Please … Give me a break”

Ethan took her chin and looked at her face for the first time in weeks. Weeks that seemed like forever. He had missed both having her beautiful face close, and being able to study all her features and the way each emotion formed on her face, or how the color of her eyes varied according to the light. Inside the building, it was more likely to capture chocolate hues, and with trails of natural light, they were accentuated in honey tones. In full sunlight, they took on an orange hue similar to ginger. And at night, it was the most beautiful amber shade he’d ever seen.

Eleanor’s eyes sparkled against the grayish light of winter in Boston. Chocolate tones mixing with honey and a turbulent sea of fear, anxiety, loneliness. There was no trace of the bright, yellow trails similar to sunshine that always characterized her gaze.

“Please"—She insisted.

Ethan had lost himself in her eyes, unaware of the agony that was lingering on Eleanor. And at that moment, Ethan knew that refuse wouldn’t have honored his self-control nor his promise. It would have been cruelty. Conscious cruelty. He couldn’t leave her like that, because he felt how much she needed him. Because he needed her too: the agony was breaking him in two.

He closed the distance and drank the salt from her swollen lips. He wiped the tears from her eyes and gently cupped her cheeks.

"I’m sorry"—He whispered before kissing her lips again. 

She closed her eyes, letting herself be carried away by the softness of his lips and the breeze of his words, which were an almost inaudible whisper, but the pain and regret were palpable. He continued his kissing procession all over her face with the same plea for forgiveness. As if with each kiss, as if with each tear he managed to kiss and drink, he could be redeemed from all the pain inflicted.

Eleanor tightened her grip around his waist.

"I love you"—She whispered as she felt kisses on her neck.

Those words were divine forgiveness, the Gates to Paradise. But Ethan knew that he wasn’t worthy of such a concession. Because he had no right to even be in Purgatory. All his actions, all the pain he had inflicted on Eleanor made him worthy of Hell, and even with the intervention of Eleanor, who acted as judge and party, as a messenger between Heaven and Hell, and as the chosen one to grate his forgiveness; he couldn’t accept.

He pulled away from her ruefully and looked her in the eyes. Eleanor deciphered the panic in his eyes before Ethan himself could understand his own feelings. As his hands began to tremble on her neck, he released her and let both hands fall on his sides. She stared, still waiting for some kind of answer, but nothing came out from him. After a few moments, Ethan kissed her forehead, and without any more warning, he left the office.

Eleanor felt like the breath she had taken had been just an illusion, a trap. What she thought it would be a bit of fresh air after been drowning for so long, it turned out to be a mouthful of freezing water entering her lungs, beginning to drown her and deprive her of life. Something had died inside her.

After that, nothing changed. Ethan continued to ignore her, even more than before. Eleanor understood that nothing she did or said would change things. Ethan would keep running away and would keep pushing her out of his life. For the same reason, she decided that she wouldn’t seek him, and wouldn’t try to change his mind. She would act exactly as he was acting. She would pretend he didn’t exist for her.

This dynamic worked well for Eleanor until the day she learned Ethan was joining the WHO to fight a pandemic in the Amazon. Danny had been instructed to update the hospital database to reassign Ethan Ramsey’s cases to other Attendings, due to he’d be away for several weeks. Since Danny didn’t know why he asked Sienna if she knew anything. Sienna, on the contrary, hadn’t even heard that he would be out. This way, she looked for Eleanor to ask her if she knew anything, although part of her knew that there was a high chance Eleanor didn’t, because her friend had chosen to ignore Ethan’s existence in the same way that he had been doing with hers. As soon as she had a moment to talk, she asked her to meet up in their usual place, on the emergency stairs on the fourth floor.

“Hey Ellie, how are you?”

“I’m fine. What’s up?”

“You… have you heard about Ramsey?”

“Heard what?”

Sienna looked both ways, a sad look in her eyes.

"I think Dr. Ramsey is leaving”

"What?"—She replied, confused—"How is he leaving?”

“Danny told me Banerji asked him to reassign all Dr. Ramsey’s cases to the other attendings ‘cause he’ll be gone for a while. Weeks, to be more specific”

“Um, well, no. I have no clue. I haven’t talked to him in weeks, so I find it difficult to manage more information or any information, given that I didn’t know about any of this”

“Well, yes, I supposed so. But I thought you needed to know”

“Thanks, Sienna”

Eleanor was about to return to her patients when Sienna grabbed her softly by the wrist.

“I think you should ask him, Eleanor”

“Oh, yeah, sure, as if he’s going to answer me if I ask”

“But perhaps that way he’ll know you know. And maybe… He will talk to you. To say goodbye at least”

“Nah, he probably will look at me like I’m some kind of alien and then leave like he didn’t listen to me”—Eleanor shook her head—“If he has been keeping this so secretly it’s precisely because he didn’t want me to know”

“Ellie, I’m so sorry … I shouldn’t have told you this…”

“Sienna, you don’t have to apologize for something you are not to blame for. The fault is his, for ignoring me the way he does. And well, mine, for letting him treat me like this all this time”

Eleanor took a breath.

“If I have the chance, I will ask him. If not … well, we’ll have to wait for the rumors to spread through the hospital. If he wanted it that way, it’s because he’s a coward, and I’m tired of chasing cowards”

With that said, both friends returned to the main hallway of the hospital and continued their hectic morning. Eleanor at first wanted to convince herself that she didn’t care, that she wasn’t interested in knowing if he would be out or not, but after a couple of hours, her anxiety, anguish at the thought that she wouldn’t see him again in perhaps how long, came up. She started to convince herself _again_ that he didn’t care about her, because he had no problem in leaving without saying goodbye to her.

She spent the rest of the afternoon trying to locate him, without success. Finally, near the end of her shift, she found him at the Nurses’ Station talking to an elderly patient that Eleanor remembered seeing in the hospital for a couple of days. He had several charts scattered at the front desk while he was giving them one by one to the nurse sitting on the other side.

Eleanor knew that this would be her only chance to chat with him, so she didn’t mind interrupting the conversation he was having with the older man.

“Your recovery is going very well Robert, in a couple of days we will discharge you if you assure us that you will have someone who can take care of your pharmacological treatment”

“Oh, of course, my boy. I spoke to my granddaughter and she said that she would come to take care of me as long as I need to. Don’t worry”

“Very well then”—Ethan smiled at him as he gave the last of the charts to the nurse.

“Go in peace, Dr. Ramsey”—The old man assured

“Dr. Ramsey?”

Ethan frowned, perplexed at the sight of Eleanor speaking to him, _looking_ for him, after spending weeks avoiding him.

“Dr. Bloom”

“I… Would you mind, Mr. Jones?”

“Absolutely, my child, I think we are done, are we, Dr. Ramsey?”

“Yes, we are. Have a nice night, Robert”

Mr. Jones walked away

“What do you need, Eleanor?”

Ethan felt his mouth dry after saying her name, when he had spent weeks just hearing it in his head. His name felt like a sacred elixir poured into his tongue.

“Can we…?” Eleanor pointed to the hallway that led to the emergency stairs. Ethan eyed her suspiciously, but she ignored him. She started to move toward the staircase so Ethan had no choice but to follow her.

“What’s all this mystery, Bloom?”

“Is it true that you’ll be away?

“How do you know that?”

“Just rumors”

Ethan pinched the bridge of his nose murmuring to himself _“They have no respect for my privacy”._ Then, he added directly to Eleanor:

“It is not your concern”

Eleanor ignored his cutting response.

“So it’s true”

Ethan sighed.

“It is”

“Why are you leaving?”

“If you know that I’m leaving, I suppose you should know why”

“Why the fuck do your think I’m asking you? I just know that you’re leaving because all your cases have been reassigned, but I don’t know why”

“As I said, it’s not your concern, and I don’t have any intentions to let you intrude”

Eleanor’s face disfigured as she felt her eyes begin to burn, tears threatening to come out.

“What did I do to you to be so cruel to me, Ethan?”

“Keep my life private is being cruel to you? I didn’t know you were so egocentric. I don’t owe you any explanations”

His face was impassive. Eleanor’s gaze turned from serious to a charged with rage.

“You’re right, my bad. I think I hallucinated when you said you cared about me”

Eleanor headed for the stairs, but Ethan stopped her, taking her forearm.

“Wait… Eleanor”

Eleanor tried to wriggle out of his grasp

“Please…”

Eleanor stopped just a few stairs up not facing him.

“I’m going to the Amazon with the WHO”

Eleanor turned to him, startled

“What?”

“The WHO asked me to go to the Amazon to fight an outbreak that had been developing for about four weeks there”

“When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow”

Eleanor felt as if someone had stabbed her in the stomach, not once, but a thousand times, each stab burning worse than the last. It was an unbearable physical and soul pain. Ethan watched her face become more disfigured.

“Tomorrow? And you weren’t going to say anything to me… Not even say goodbye?”

“Why should I?

Ethan knew that his response would do her more harm than he had already done, but he couldn’t resist it. It was his way of shielding himself and not apologizing for something he knew had been unfair. Because in all that time he was dying to tell her, but he swore to himself that he wouldn’t, that he would keep the distance between them to not make the farewell more difficult than it could be.

“I…”—Her voice was muffled. She cleared her throat determined to not make a teary, almost childish show again.

“I just thought that after everything we went through together, you would at least have the decency to tell me you were leaving for something so important as this, or I don’t know, since you are my boss, at least you would inform me that you would be away and I couldn’t count on your almost nonexistent support for the rest of the year”—She couldn’t resist the sarcasm as she felt the rage was taking control of her entire body —“But obviously, I was wrong, my mistake in expecting some miserable consideration from you”

“Why do you pretend to care now? You’ve been ignoring me for weeks”

“How bold of you, Ethan”—She replied as she shook her head—“If I’ve been doing this, it’s because I don’t have a choice! It’s the only way I can cope with you doing it. Because I understood that there is no point in waiting for something that you don’t want to happen. But yeah, you’re right. I shouldn’t have asked you anything, after all, we are two strangers who have nothing in common”

Eleanor was hurt, disappointed. He couldn’t believe that Ethan had hidden such important information from her. She knew that he was doing it to avoid his responsibility, because he knew that he should have told her, but he chose to play the insufferable rather than assume his mistake.

"Eleanor …” He approached her when she turned toward the stairs again “You’re right, you have every right to be mad. I didn’t want to…”

“Yes you did, Ethan"—She replied, turning, her eyes still blazing with anger—“Are you really so naive to believe that I don’t know you? You wanted exactly everything you did. If you have ignored me all this time, it’s because you want it, if you didn’t tell me about your trip, it’s because you wanted it that way, consciously. It’s not how things just happened. You know exactly what it means, and how bad it hurts me, but you don’t care”

"Don’t say that … I do care

“Well, it doesn’t seem. Because for you it’s much easier to ignore me and pretend that I don’t exist than to recognize my existence and deal with it. So no, you don’t care about what I feel”

"Eleanor, please … You know it’s not like that, I do care about you … but it’s the only way…”

“Shut up. Shut up, Ethan! I’m tired of your hypocrisy. All that you call “worrying about me” is bullshit. It’s torture. And I’ve gotten tired of the same shit all over again. Go like a coward. You know how to do that very well. It’s your subspecialty”

Eleanor left, infuriated, her face bright with tears. She was hurt and deeply disappointed. But she was also mad at herself. Because she shouldn’t have approached him, she shouldn’t have spoken to him, she shouldn’t have asked for explanations, because she was nobody to ask for them. But she did it anyway because she still refused to see the truth. Because deep inside she hoped things would turn differently, that Ethan would stop pushing her away and he would ask Eleanor for a chance. But now the truth became more palpable and undeniable.

At that moment Eleanor finally understood that there was no going back. If in all this time there were unbreakable walls that were separating them, now there would be thousands of miles doing it so, which could be much more inexorable than the walls themselves. Eleanor knew that she had no option but to let Ethan go for good.


	3. All I Ask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor goes to Donahue's to deal with the pain of Ethan's departure. Ethan, unhappy with how things turned out, reaches for Eleanor in the hopes of leave things amicable before he leaves Boston to go to the Amazon. SMUT!

**Chapter Three: All I Ask.**

_It matters how this ends_

_‘Cause what if I never love again?_

Eleanor walked into the locker room feeling her heart in her throat, a knot threatening to make her explode with rage and bitterness once again. When she reached for her locker, she found Sienna already fully dressed to leave Edenbrook.

“Oh my god, Ellie, are you okay?!” Sienna inquired as she perceived the mortified expression on her face.

“I’m not”

“What happened? Did you… Did you speak with Dr. Ramsey?”

“I did”

“And?”

Eleanor couldn’t help but let a few tears stream down her face, but she managed to avoid the sob.

“He’s going to the Amazon with the WHO”

“What?! Oh my god, that’s big”

"And he’s leaving tomorrow”

“Oh no. Ellie, I’m so sorry ”

Suddenly, all traces of sadness and rage disappeared from her. She wiped the tears off her face and cleared her throat.

“Don’t be. Let’s get outta here, I need a drink”

"Okay, I’ll text the others to meet at Donahue’s”

Sienna eyed Eleanor with concern. She wanted to tell her to stop suppressing her feelings, to stop pretending she didn’t care, but she preferred to keep it quiet, hoping that at some point she would explode and let everything out. Because she had spent all those weeks pretending that she didn’t care, that it didn’t hurt to ignore Ramsey, that it didn’t hurt that he didn’t care that she was ignoring him. Nearly five months of pent-up emotions.

An hour later, Eleanor was at Donahue’s with Bryce and her new best friend, the vodka. Elijah was with Phoebe choosing a few songs on the jukebox to dance to; Sienna was with Danny and other nurses playing darts and Jackie and Rafael were deep in conversation at the bar. Bryce had noticed her mood but didn’t want to ask her directly, since he guessed who was responsible. Instead, he preferred to join her to drink, without judging that she was almost drinking the entire bottle of vodka by herself without any coyness, although he was willing to make her stop when it became dangerous for her health.

Suddenly, Eleanor’s face sparkled with fury. Bryce turned to check the source of her discomfort, knowing perfectly well who it was. Ethan was at the bar talking to Reggie as he took a seat.

“You’re so predictable, Ethan Ramsey"—She muttered as she took the shot of vodka in one sip—"I bet he’ll have a couple of shots, waiting for the moment when I’m alone, and if doesn’t find me alone he’ll just switch to some non-alcohol drink because he will have to wait for me until I decide to go home. All that wait just to cry apologies for something he didn’t want to say, but said anyway”

Bryce smirked as he heard her rant.

"Do you want me to leave you alone so you can talk to him?”

“No! No, please, I don’t want to make it that easy for him. I want to see what he’s capable of. If he’s just going to be a shitty wary that’s going to expect to find me alone, or if he’s able to get right up to me. Please don’t leave me alone, Bryce.

“Don’t worry, Elle, I won’t leave you alone if that’s what you want”

“Thank you, Bryce. You are the best”

“I know I am. Cheers for that”

They clanged their glasses and took another shot.

“Why are you so mad, by the way?”

Eleanor told him their talk with the details that only a drunk and upset person can do it.

“So, he’s leaving then? And he didn’t even tell you?”

“No. He didn’t want to tell me”

“Oof, what a douche. Hun, why do you let him treat you like this?”

“I don't know. I don’t know why I have allowed this torment for so long. But I got tired. I don’t care anymore. If he stays, if he goes. I don’t know why should I care when he has never cared for how bad I’ve been all this time”

Bryce looked at her with a sad expression. He hated to see Eleanor that way. Crying, hopeless. Suffering. He took her hand tenderly.

“Eleanor, I’m so sorry”—He said, caressing the back of her hand—“You don’t deserve anything you’re going through. It’s okay to be angry, you can’t allow him to treat you like that”

“I know”—She replied in a tiny voice.

“And you can’t keep wasting your time with someone who doesn’t value you, Elle. He may love you, but if he really valued you, he wouldn’t treat you like that. He wouldn’t let you suffer like that” 

Bryce stroked her cheek, looking right into her tear-filled eyes.

“You’re right, Bryce"—She stared right into his eyes without looking away, then wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

“You deserve de world, Eleanor”

She couldn’t help but give him a big smile as her cheeks flushed.

Then she turned her gaze to the bar and realized that Ethan was with a tense posture making glances toward their table. Seeing Eleanor cry and be comforted by Bryce surely challenged his nerves more than he was willing to admit.

About fifteen minutes later, her friends began to return to the table to start the Karaoke session. They had fun with some of their favorite songs and other classics requested by other clients. Then was Eleanor’s turn to sing a song. She felt a twist on her stomach.

“Eleanor, it’s your turn, what did you request?”

“All I Ask”—She replied to Elijah, simply.

Everyone at the table stared at her.

"Eleanor…"—Bryce whispered—"Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes. I’m done hiding my feelings, pretending he didn’t hurt me just to make him feel the less uncomfortable”

The melody began to play, and Eleanor already felt her heart shatter without even having started the first line. Her friends stared at her for a few moments and then looked away at the awkward situation that was coming. 

_“I will leave my heart at the door_

_I won’t say a word_

_They’ve all been said before, you know”_

Eleanor was heartbroken and drunk, and practically putting on a show in front of all Donahue’s, but deep down her friends knew that _that_ was what Eleanor needed right now, to release all her feelings in front of Ethan, though not directly. Because Eleanor had been holding back all these months, resisting love, the desire to be with Ethan, resisting the urge to stand in his office or his home and ask him once again to stop pushing her away and to be together once and for all, more times than she had already done. She had swallowed the love, the pride, the pain in inhuman ways. But what had happened today was the culmination of too many repressed feelings, and if her way of finding catharsis was through the saddest, cheesiest, and most heartbreaking song Adele had ever written, then so be it.

_“So why don’t we just play pretend_

_Like we’re not scared of what is coming next_

_Or scared of having nothing left”_

Eleanor took all the courage she had and turned her gaze to Ethan, who was staring at her with the most mortifying look she had ever seen on him, and she had seen plenty: When Dolores passed away, when he found out Banerji had a month to live. He was not holding anything, the pain, the guilt, the embarrassment.

_“Look, don't get me wrong_

_I know there is no tomorrow_

_All I ask is_

_If this is my last night with you_

_Hold me like I’m more than just a friend_

_Give me a memory I can use_

_Take me by the hand while we do what lovers do_

_It matters how this ends_

_‘Cause what if I never love again?”_

At least Eleanor had a very good voice to sing the songs of Adele, so she wasn’t embarrassing herself too badly. Of course, she was not as good as Adele herself but made a few good notes, and the alcohol had given her too much courage to go for the high pitches, and the anger gave her too much feeling to sing with such a passion, that she astonished to all her friends. She was actually killing it.

_-"I don’t need your honesty_

_It’s already in your eyes_

_And I’m sure my eyes, they speak for me_

_No one knows me like you do_

Eleanor looked directly at Ethan again.

_And since you’re the only one that mattered_

_Tell me who do I run to?"_

The words came out with such rage from her core, that Ethan felt as if she had said it a few inches from him, and not indirectly through a song and standing several feet away from him. And he felt every one of her words, every look, every drop of anger and sadness. He acknowledged receipt of all this and accepted his responsibility. He felt broken at the sight of her because he wanted to do so much to ease her pain. But he couldn’t.

After the song was over, Eleanor returned to her place with tears on her face but not one iota of embarrassment.

“Eleanor, that was truly beautiful”—Sienna said, tears on her face too—"Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m feeling better, I think it took a lot of weight off my shoulders”

“That is the important thing”

“You were very brave”—Bryce said caressing her back.

“Guys, I just ridiculed myself in front of the whole bar and you guys are treating me like I’ve won a war”

“You did something for yourself that you should have done months ago. Show how you really feel”—Sienna replied, serious.

“Well…”

“We are proud of you, Eleanor”— Elijah added.

“It’s about damn time you take care of yourself and don’t let Ramsey do whatever the fuck he wants”—Continued Jackie.

“Even if that means to sing a sad song in front of him”—Concluded Sienna.

After that, Eleanor was in a better mood and managed to distract herself from all she had been through that day. However, the presence of Ethan, sitting there at the bar, probably waiting for her, was a latent nuisance in her stomach.

A few hours later, Eleanor and her friends decided to go home. The moment she passed by his side, Ethan got up from his seat and walked towards her.

“Rookie”.

His disposition had changed from hell to heaven. She was no longer Dr. Bloom. She was _Rookie_ again.

“What is it, Dr. Ramsey?”

Ethan looked at her sadly at the coldness in her response.

“Can we talk?”

Eleanor looked away to the floor, anger washing over her again. Then she looked back at him, who was waiting for her answer with pleading eyes.

“About what? I’m going home”

“I know … I-“

“I’ve been here the last four hours, I’m sure you could’ve looked for me in all this time… But obviously you waited for me to want to go home to do it?”

Ethan knew she was berating him. She shook her head.

“I was hoping you weren’t such a coward and would look for me directly. But you behave like a shy teenager who has never spoken to a woman in his life”

“Eleanor, are you coming?”—Jackie asked.

Her friends were at the door, first-hand witnesses of her exchange with Ethan.

“No, I stay. Don’t worry about me”

Eleanor looked at Ramsey coldly. They took a seat in the back of the bar so no one could hear them.

“So? I thought we were done”—She broke the silence between them.

“No, we are not done, Eleanor”

Ethan lowed her head, pondering his words.

“If… If I didn’t tell you about my trip to the Amazon, was because I wanted to make things less difficult for us. The last time we spoke I made myself clear that we can’t be together not because I don’t want to, but because we can’t. And when I noticed you started to avoid me, I thought maybe you finally understood my point, and I was okay with that”

“Then why you threw all over my face that I was ignoring you, like you weren’t okay with that?”

“Because I realized that you didn’t do it because you understood my point. You did it to piss me off. To return the favor. As vengeance. So, if you did actually ignore me with that motive in mind, you didn’t have the right to reclaim something from me”

“I…”—Her cheeks turned red.

“That’s not the point now, Eleanor”—He interrupted—"What I’m trying to say is… You can’t stop saying that everything I’ve done it’s because I want it, that I’m responsible of all your misery. But let me be clear. I don’t _want_ it, Eleanor. I don’t want to be _apart_ from you, I don’t want to _ignore_ you. I’ve never wanted to spend the last five months ignoring your existence, not be able to talk to you, not to even look at you”

Eleanor observed his features, tracing all sense of honesty and determination. She knew he wasn’t lying or playing the victim.

“I’m not comfortable with this”—He continued—"I’m not okay with that but if that’s what allows me to be away from you to not interfere in your career, I’m willing to do that and more. I know it’s painful for you, that it’s not the best option for both of us. But this is the _only way_ I can cope up with the situation”

“The only way… Ethan, are you sure not _talking to me_ , not even _looking at me_ the is the only option?”

“To me, it is”—He responded categorically—Eleanor, what _I_ want is to be with you. If I could, I would’ve never let you leave my bed the first time we made love, or I would’ve never get up from your bed the last time we were together. If I could, I would live in that dream all my life. But I can’t”

Tears started to stream down her face. _Again._ His words broke her in million pieces. Because she couldn’t stop reliving those nights in all these months. Now she was realizing Ethan couldn’t either.

“I need you to understand that I’ve never wanted to hurt you. If my actions have hurt you, I’m sorry, but I mean it when I say I’ve never wanted anything of this to happen. I would love to make you happy in the ways you want. Believe me. But you have fought so hard to be here, Eleanor. Years to get to be at Edenbrook. Years and especially difficult months to get the Junior Fellow position. I can’t let you jeopardize your career nor your reputation”

Eleanor was speechless. She felt dumb, like a stupid teenager that let herself go on emotions and never thought through the real meaning of all his actions. She still felt a little pissed off, because there were still a lot of things Ethan should have avoided telling her and that were mean. But everything else he had done was… reasonable. Fair. Thoughtful.

“Ethan… I’m sorry for yelling at you like that. I feel embarrassed about how childish I was today”

“No, Eleanor. I still believe that you have every right to be mad at me because I didn’t tell you I would be out. I always knew I should’ve told you, but I was afraid. I’m a coward as you said. I didn’t want to face this conversation. Your pain. But you deserved more”

Eleanor nod.

“Well, yeah. You should’ve told me. But I made an outburst. I didn’t want to listen to you, I was being stubborn just to get what I want, but maybe I’ve never really put myself in your shoes”

“That’s all I ask. To understand why I’m doing this from my point of view”

Suddenly, Reggie approaches.

“Ethan, I’m sorry, but we are about to close”

“Thank you, Reggie”

Eleanor grabbed her purse and walked to the door followed by Ethan.

Eleanor turned to him.

“I believe you when you tell me you’ve never wanted to hurt me by staying away from me. But there have been plenty of times when you have hurt me by behaving like a dick to me, unnecessarily. Because one thing is avoiding to talk to me, but you have ignored me, you have been cruel, you have looked at me like you hate me”

“Yes. I know. I hope you can forgive me one day”

“I could forgive you, but I’ll only do it when I feel assured that you won’t do it again and I think there’s not enough time for that now”

Ethan stared without saying a word. He knew he couldn’t promise her that. He knew himself.

“Well, I think you can go in peace now that we have left everything clear, don’t we? Have a nice flight, I hope the mission is a success and you return safely. Bye”

Eleanor started to walk down the street to get a taxi.

“Why are you leaving like that? You’re not even going to say goodbye?”

“I said bye. That’s a goodbye. Or was it too informal? Goodbye Dr. Ramsey. There you have”

Ethan took her arm, forcing her to look into his eyes. Hers were reddened, tired, anguished. Like she was holding a ton of pain on her mind.

“Eleanor…”

“What, Ethan, what?“—She answered as her voice was breaking. She didn’t want him to go. But she had to let him go. To let that goodbye lingering more than necessary would only do her more harm than it had already done her.

“Let me take you home”

 _No._ She would lose her mind if she let that happen. But she wanted it so bad.

“You were drinking”

“I drank whiskey when I arrived, after that, just lemonade, because I figured I’d have to wait until the end of the night to talk to you”

She wanted so bad to be with him as much time as possible. But she was trying to respect Ethan's intentions. But… He was leaving tomorrow. That was the last time she would see him in god knows how much time.

“Okay, let's go”—She agreed.

They walked silently back to the hospital, where Ethan had his car parked. The journey was silent. Ethan didn’t even dare to turn on the radio. They were only accompanied by the noise of the engine and other vehicles traveling through the streets of Boston at 3 am.

Eleanor wanted to say so many things, but it would make everything worse. So she lost herself in the smell of his car. Every time she sensed that smell on someone’s car o in any place, it reminded her of him. 

She had always had a particularly olfactory memory, and although most of the time it brought her good memories of her childhood or adolescence, in terms of relationships it always brought her bittersweet memories, melancholy, regret. 

She knew that smell—The smell of Ethan’s car, a scent of pine and musk—, or _his_ smell — a fresh citric scent—would only bring her pain.

Ethan parked outside the apartment. The street was lonely, no one could be seen in the distance, and the only sound was the murmur of cars passing by the main avenue. A lump wove in her throat. She was afraid.

Eleanor turned to him to say goodbye. She wanted to make it simple. She could swear that she wanted to make it simple. 

“Have a good trip, Ethan, I hope you get back safely”—She spoke softly as she hugged him.

"Thank you, Eleanor”

“Text me to know that you arrived safely, please”—Eleanor asked, looking straight into his eyes. Those sky-blue eyes that were always the beginning of all her madness.

Ethan caressed the nape of her neck with his thumb and then he closed his eyes while pressing his forehead into hers, trying to absorb all her presence, the silkiness of her hair, the sweet scent of her neck, the warmth of her skin, of her hands. Before Eleanor could pull away, he sighed:

“I hope one day you finally understand that everything I’ve done, everything I’m doing, is for you. Because it's never been about me, Eleanor. The only thing that matters to me is that you become the brilliant and successful doctor you really deserve to be”

There were so much sincerity and pain in his speech that Eleanor pulled away from him so she could see his eyes. She stroked his cheek.

“I know, in a way I understand it, Ethan… But I can’t accept that path has to be this painful… And so unfair”

“Life isn’t fair, Eleanor”

Eleanor wanted to refute him that in this case, life had nothing to do with it. Because life wasn’t being unfair to her. He was being unfair. But she was unable to say a word. She was mesmerized by Ethan’s look. His eyes that so many times had given her comfort, now they haunted her dreams, they didn’t let her sleep at night, and at that precise moment, was threatening the little sanity she had left. 

After a few moments, they began to look at their lips, mere inches away from each other, until they finally gave in to the inevitable. A brush of lips so satisfying and full of redemption that they sighed in unison, to come together again in a more intense kiss, capturing and biting each other lips. Ethan felt Eleanor’s tears stream down his cheeks. To alleviate her own pain and avoid a sob, Eleanor stroked Ethan’s hair tightly in the back of his head, intensifying the kiss even more, sliding her tongue in his, and all over his lips. 

Ethan didn’t have time to hesitate and was caught up by the same desire. Soon, he was sliding his hands under Eleanor’s coat, feeling the curve of her breasts, her waist, and her hips. It was a never-ending dance of lips, which was complemented by more caresses, and then Eleanor climbing on top of Ethan, straddling him with her legs.

On another occasion, she would have pulled herself together and walked away. But knowing that she wouldn’t see him again for a long time, it drove her crazy. And maybe not for a long time, but there was always the possibility that this would be the last time they would be together, that both of them would want each other. Because no one could foretell what would happen from now on, when both he and she had finally accepted that their relationship had reached a dead end and that it was up to Ethan to revive it, and he had been clear that that wouldn’t happen.

“Eleanor…”—He sighed, a glint of reluctancy in his tone. He gulped.

She ignored him and continued to kiss him passionately, as she began to move over Ethan’s lap gently. 

"Deny that you want this"—She whispered a moments later—"Say that you don’t want me and I swear I’ll go”

Eleanor pulled away from him and looked into his eyes. It was dark, but she was able to see the sparkle in his eyes slightly. Eleanor’s anticipation was stifling as she felt Ethan’s bulge between her tights.

“I want you more than anything in this world”—He replied melting at the sight of her on top of him, his arms around her body.

Without wasting another second, she kissed him again, intensifying her movements over him.

“Eleanor"—He gasped, feeling an electric shock down his spine as he rested his hand over Eleanor's hips, pressing her against his crotch, rubbing each other as their moans began to invade the car.

Suddenly, Eleanor slid her hand between his tights, feeling his arousal under her fingers. He went to her pants, unbuttoned them, and shoved his hand under her panties. He felt her wetness, her desire. She sighed.

“Ohh, Ethan…”

“You’re so ready”

“Yes” She mumbled.

Ethan tried to lower her pants, but he couldn’t do much, due to the uncomfortable position. For a second, Eleanor thought they could have gone to her room but abandoned the idea immediately. She knew that Ethan could have second thoughts on their way to her apartment and she didn’t want to risk the possibility to be with him. 

Instead, she returned to the passenger seat, took off her shoes, and after moving the seat backward, took off her pants and panties. Ethan imitated her and pushed the seat backward as well and began to unfasten his pants. Eleanor, anxious, unhooked his belt and pants before he could finish, and released his cock under the boxer, and lowered herself to slide her tongue in all his length, to finally cover the tip with his mouth and then go deep. After a few moments, she moved upwards, sucking him hard.

“Eleanor”—He sighed in pleasure.

The girl worked on him for a few moments, until Ethan stopped her and guided her to sit on his lap again. “Come here”

They kissed again, devouring each other, Ethan grazing her jaw, her neck greedily, while she was gasping loudly as the anticipation was taking her body, feeling his arousal right under her sex. Then he removed her sweater and pulled her shirt and bra up, exposing his breasts. He cupped them with both hands before taking his mouth straight to her chest and began to kiss them… and then to suck her nipples.

"Ethan” Eleanor moaned loudly “Yes!”

The sound of his breath while licking her nipples and the “smack” after his mouth sucked them resonated in the car, and it was just another source of pleasure for Eleanor. But there was still something both were missing. Eleanor shifted slightly as she directed his arousal towards her center.

“Fuck”—She sighed as Ethan was entering her.

It was a blessed feeling, although neither of them believed in God, least of all in religion. That pleasure, that ecstasy, was a catharsis after all those months containing their deepest feelings and desires, after reliving almost every night the precious time they had spent together and that now were long gone.

“Oh, I missed you"—He groaned, taking her butt harder, as he was picking up more speed.

“Fuck yes. I wanted you so bad”—She kissed him, tongues colliding, teeth biting and swollen lips asking for more and more.

“You feel amazing, Eleanor”

The noise of their bodies colliding filled the car, but they were soon muffled with the moans that each one was not able to suppress, in the face of the sensations that were overwhelming them.

If someone was passing by and they had caught them, they wouldn’t have cared. All that mattered at that moment, was the feeling of their bodies connected. The pleasure that one was producing in the other. The ecstasy, the madness of their touch. The smell of their bodies. Ethan went to her breasts taking one with her hand, sucking her nipples hard while the other hand was on her ass, gripping her roughly.

“Ethan, I’m close”

Ethan was holding back just to this moment. He grabbed her firmly by her hips and began to thrust her at an impossible pace. Eleanor couldn’t comprehend where all that sensations were coming from, how she started to melting so abruptly, because she climaxed just a few seconds later.

“Oh my god, ETHAN!”—She screamed as he felt her hot breath in his mouth. Her tights squeezed as she was climaxing and that was enough to make him cum crying out her name.

He saw Eleanor toppling over him resting her forehead into his. Ethan embraced her, trying to feel every inch of her exposed skin in his.

“I love you”—She whispered.

He tightened his embrace, just as he did the last time she had said those words, and Eleanor still couldn’t figure out if he did that to pent up and not say anything, or to catch some bravery to tell her something. Either way, she wasn’t waiting for an answer this time. She only wanted him to know, before leaving, that she still loved him.

After a few more seconds holding each other, Eleanor returned to the passenger seat. She took her clothes and began to put them on. He also fixed his clothes. Somehow, when she came back to reality, the atmosphere was just as tense and painful as before the kiss. Even though the orgasm was still latent between her tights, the fact of knowing that the goodbye had finally come, was shattering her.

She turned to him, look into his blue eyes for a brief second, and breathed:

“Have a good flight ”

And without further ado, she got out of the car towards the building. 

“I love you too, Eleanor”—He said just as Eleanor closed the building’s door.


	4. Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor understands why her breakup with Ethan hurts so much. Bryce takes up the mission to cheer her up.

**Chapter Four: Nothing’s Gonna Hurt You Baby**

_Whispered something in your ear_

_It was a perverted thing to say_

_But I said it anyway_

_Made you smile and look away._

Eleanor didn’t know how much time has passed since she threw herself onto the bed after saying goodbye to Ethan. Hours, maybe, since the sunlight started to sneak through the curtains of her bedroom. A knock on the door woke her up from her vegetative state.

“Eleanor, are you there? Are you alone?”

"Yes, come in"—She replied in a raspy voice. Her throat was dry and sore after too many hours trying to hush her anger.

Sienna came into the room and looked at the bulge on Eleanor’s bed, a bundle of bones and hair, of tears and sadness. There was no trace of her friend anywhere.

"Oh my god, Eleanor!"—She exclaimed realizing her miserable estate. She was curled up in the middle of the bed, pale, haggard, destroyed. Sienna laid down next to her and hugged her tightly.

“What happened?”—She whispered while stroking her hair.

“The same as always. He apologized for being a coward, we cleared things up between us, he brought me home and… We ended up having sex in his car.”—A sob escaped from her mouth—"God, how could I be such an idiot? How did I let this happen, how am I going to move on now…?”

Eleanor couldn’t stop thinking about how alive she felt in his arms, the way he was looking at her caused her goosebumps every time she remembered it. She still could feel his tongue sliding through her skin, his mouth pinning her nipples, his hands stroking her hips. And oh, the way he thrust her. And the way he moaned. The memories were too vivid.

“Eleanor, don’t feel guilty. It was what you felt in your heart in that moment, what you needed. There is nothing wrong with it. I’m sure you did it knowing that you’ll be away for a long time.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Let all go, Eleanor, I’m here with you.”

“I just don’t understand why it hurts so much, Sienna. There’s nothing extraordinary about what he did to me. It’s something that just didn’t work out. My second boyfriend from Med School hurt me a lot more than him and I didn’t feel as miserable as I do now.”

“Perhaps the feelings you have for Ramsey are not quite the same as you had for that person. And you have gone through a lot together, Eleanor. And he’s someone who will mark your life forever. With or without relationship. Maybe that’s why. And because you put a lot of hope in something that never had a solid foundation.”

That was true. There was never a conversation, she never heard from him not an iota of his intention to start something with her.

“Yes, maybe you’re right. I put too much faith in this kind of illusory relationship when nothing was ever settled, we never talked about having something stable. It was only three nights when we showed ourselves as we were, but then it was all over. I’ve been more time trying to make this work that the time we actually… were together if you could say we were together at all.”

“The important thing is that you are clear about your feelings. And be clear about his intentions. You tell me that you both made things clear?”

“Yes. There can be nothing between us to not interfere with my career.”

“And you understand it, do you accept it?”

“I understand it, but I still can’t accept it.”

“It’s a start. If you understand it, you’ll soon accept it. He already made his decision, Eleanor. This time apart will allow both of you to start from scratch.”

“And if he rethinks our relationship in this time apart?”

“Eleanor, you can’t hang on possibilities, on what-ifs. You have to move on. He has been clear with you all this time but you just can’t accept it.”

“But he loves me, I know.”

“Sometimes that’s not enough, Ellie. I agree with you that you could make things work. Even Banerji seems happy with that idea, but he doesn’t want to. For some reason, he’s not willing to do that, and you can’t wait for him forever to make his mind.”

“You’re right. I… I think the same. Excluding all this career thing, there’s something that holds Ethan back in our relationship. Something deeper.”

“And he won’t let you in because he has to keep his distance from you. So you can’t embrace the idea of healing him of whatever traumas he has.”

Eleanor lowered her head, defeated.

“He’s been clear enough for some reason, Ellie. He must have weighed all the implications, and one of them must be that he knows that he’s not ready to give you what you deserve and for the same reason he’s taking a step back.”

Eleanor nodded. Yes, she would definitely have to ponder that, because Sienna was right. What she had been trying to do was one of her worst flaws. The constant need to heal people. To heal her partners, the men in her life. Even her friends, sometimes. Even when she was the one who needed attention or someone who could heal her, she had always put everyone first before herself. And all this time, what Eleanor looked for was to heal him. Be good enough so she could heal him of something she didn’t even know what was, so he would choose to be with her.

“I have to put myself first.” She sighed at the realization.

“Yes, you have to. And I’ll be there for you every step of the way.”

Eleanor hugged her tightly.

“Thank you, Sienna. You are absolutely the best friend I could ever hope for.”

With that, Eleanor got up from her bed to start what it would be a difficult day. She didn’t know when Ethan’s flight was leaving, but every moment she remembered it, she thought that at that moment he might be boarding the plane. The next day, she surely believed that he could be in Brazil. The day was infinite waiting for a message that never arrived. And the rest of the days suffered the same fate. Ethan didn’t write or reply to any of the text messages or the emails she sent him to know if everything was okay.

A week after Ethan’s departure, Eleanor couldn’t bear the anguish and asked Banerji about Ethan. She entered the cafeteria hoping she would find him there, having lunch. And she was right. She found him sitting alone near the window, fork in hand eating what it looked like a piece of pork with mashed potatoes. She bought a salad and a tea, and went to sit across from him.

“Do you mind, Dr. Banerji?”

“Absolutely not, Dr. Bloom, join me, please.”—He agreed, happily.

“Thank you. How have you been?”

“Perfectly fine. I’ve been feeling in a better mood now with the spring sunlight.”

“Yeah, has been a wonderful, indeed—She answered almost mechanically. She had no fucking idea how the spring was, she hardly looked at the sky when she had the opportunity, and when she did, it was to lose herself in thoughts. Her days had been a misery, the was no sun for her these days.

Banerji gave her a sad smile, like he could read her mind, like he knew there was no sun for her since Ethan left.

“Dr. Banerji I…”—She took a deep breath—"I need to ask you something.”

“I’m open ears, my dear”

“Have you heard about Dr. Ramsey?”

“Since when, since he entered in the Amazon, you mean?”

“Um, well, yes. I mean, I haven’t heard a thing since he left. He didn’t reply to my text or emails.”

"Oh, I see."—He nodded with a guilty look in his eyes—"He’s doing well, Dr. Bloom. The last time we spoke was about three days ago, when he told me he was about to enter into the Amazon and he would probably come to the urban area in two weeks. The signal is really poor in the area, so, as I haven’t heard anything else, I assume he’s doing well.”

“I understand, thank you, Dr. Banerji.”

“Do you want me to tell him you asked?”

“No, don’t tell him. If he doesn’t want to talk to me, I will respect his silence.”

“But he did tell you that he was leaving, right?”

“Only when I confronted him.”

“Oh”—He couldn’t suppress a sad smirk—“How did you learn, then?”

“A friend told me. She had heard from the nurses.”

“From Danny, right?”

“Right. How did you…?”

That’s when the realization came.

“Oh. You did it in on purpose, did you?”

“Sorry, Dr. Bloom?”

“Knowing that Ethan wouldn’t tell me about his trip, you asked Danny to upload the database cause you knew he would talk to Sienna or maybe directly to me.”

“You have a great imagination, Dr. Bloom.”

“Dr. Banerji, please. There’s no point in denying now.”

“Yes, Eleanor. It was me. I tried to convince him for a week to talk to you. But you know him, he’s stubborn.”

“I disagree, I would say coward.”

“Well, yes. He was a coward, but you have you understand that he really cares about you, Eleanor.”

“I know he does, but that’s not enough to forget how much he has hurt me.”

“I guess you’re right.”

“Thank you, Dr. Banerji. For this and for… Do everything you did so I could find out that he was leaving.”

“It’s nothing”

Both continued their lunch talking about other things, without going back to the subject of Ethan. Eleanor told him how her last weeks had been and that even though Ethan had avoided her for the most part, she had managed to solve all her cases.

***

Two weeks later since Ethan left, Bryce was standing in the Nurses Station, checking some charts of a few post-operation patients, when a sweet scent caught his nose. _Her perfume_. He raised his head from the chart and turned to the right. She was there, asking a nurse to run some blood tests. Then she leaned slightly into the desk, releasing a loud sigh.

“Long day, Elle? ”

Eleanor looked a bit startled to her left and found Bryce smiling at her, chart in hand.

“The longest. One pita and two inconclusive patients. I’ve run every test possible and still nothing.”

“Maybe you just need a break, grab some air, a change of perspective.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

“I’m free once I finish with this chart. Maybe we can take a break together, I bet 15 minutes with me and you’ll be feeling like new.“

Eleanor looked at him with the intention of refusing. She had neither the energy nor the patience to deal with anyone, least of all Bryce’s energy and cockiness. However, when she looked at Bryce, she noticed his smile was different. It wasn’t that charming, suggestive, self-assured smile of his. It was a sincere, motivating smile. It reminded her of the face her mom made when she got frustrated when she couldn’t make something good for the first time, and she used to encourage her to try again.

"Alright"—She replied once Bryce was done with his check and returned the chart to the desk—“You better make this 15 minutes work”

Both started walking down the hall toward the elevators.

"You already know what can I do with 15 minutes and still have minutes left.”

Eleanor opened her eyes, flushed, stopping in her footsteps.

“Chill, Eleanor, we’re not going to a supply closet to hook up”—He replied, laughing at her perplexity—“But you did have a very explicit idea of what we could do if we were over there, don’t ya?”

Eleanor hit him with her elbow.

“Very funny, Lahela.”

As they got out of the elevator, they headed to the nearest exit of the hospital and sat on a bench near the administrative offices.

“So, how have you been? For real. I haven’t had the chance to talk to you in ages.”

Eleanor sighed. She knew she couldn’t give Bryce evasive answers. Sienna and Elijah had been supporting her all this time, listening to her when she was feeling low, but when she wasn’t in the mood she could easily tell them she was fine and go on like nothing. But not with Bryce. Bryce knew she wasn’t fine and Eleanor wouldn’t feel comfortable avoiding the truth with him.

“Honestly, still feeling like shit since he left, I miss him so much, Bryce. But I… I think it’s getting better day by day, though.”

“Good to hear that. You really have to snap out of it, Elle. I know these things doesn’t go away miraculously when you say “stop” or “you have to be alright”. But you really must believe in yourself, believe that you can’t keep drowning yourself for someone who doesn’t value the way you deserve. Give yourself a chance, give yourself time to heal and be good again, because you deserve to be happy.“

Bryce smiled at her tenderly. Her eyes were a little shiny, but she managed to smile back at him.

“Just because you don’t keep soaking in sadness, it doesn’t mean that what he did wasn’t important or wasn’t bad. If it hurts, is because it was important, but you are more important than any pain or sorrow.”

Eleanor stared at him thoughtfully. She had never considered it. She didn’t want to stop suffering because doing so would mean that what had happened wasn’t serious, that it was an exaggeration; but the truth was she deserved more than that. She couldn’t keep drowning herself when she already knew she had to move on. It was somewhat self-flagellation and she knew she cannot be that pathetic. Not again.

Suddenly she remembered the lyrics from a Gotye song and she understood everything. “ _You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness_ ” and the truth was, she was addicted to that kind of sadness, almost nearing the self-pity. It made sense when the subject of all this acting was here, first-hand witness of all he had inflicted on her. But now he wasn’t here to witness the hollowness she had been living. And she wouldn’t get anything, after all. It was all over.

"It’s true. I’m not saying it’s always this way, but sometimes you don’t move on because of the pain, the sadness gets to be comfortable, like a friend you can always rely on to excuse yourself, and in my case… I think I’ve actively let it take control without even resisting it. I’m the worst, I’ve been playing the victim all this fucking time.”

“No, Elle. Don’t say that. You’re not playing the victim, you were just living your emotions, your pain the way you find it best, and that’s okay. You always put yourself as your last priority, now you’re number one, and that’s fine.”

Her heart skipped a beat. Eleanor couldn’t believe what she heard. He knew she was _that way_ , that she always put everyone first but her. It always surprised her how well Bryce knew her considering that they know each other for less than a year. For being a scalpel jockey, he was very observant. 

“Being your number one priority doesn’t mean soaking in sadness anymore.—He continued—That time has passed. Now you have to be happy, _that_ has to be your first priority now, okay?”

"Mmm Yeah. I think I should get out of my shitty state of mind and do something positive for myself.”

“Exactly”

Eleanor looked up at the sky and then closed her eyes as the sun shined down upon her. She took a deep breath, like sensing the air for the first time in years.

Bryce couldn’t help but watch her. Her wavy brown hair, tied in a ponytail, her smooth bronze skin shining under the light. His big eyelashes. Her full and rounded lips. She looked more relaxed than he had seen her in a long time.

That was the encouragement he needed to do what he had in mind, but had been resisting. He was going to fight for her. He was going to show her what she deserved. He would make her feel loved, valued, respected, happy. It would be his last attempt before deciding to forget her completely. This time it would be his last chance.

Suddenly Eleanor opened her eyes and Bryce looked away in surprise.

“Hey, do you have plans for tonight?"—He said trying to redirect the attention.

"No, just go home and sleep. I’m pretty tired”

“I’ve got this invitation"—He slid a hand through his hair, looking somewhat nervous. He was being nervous? What the hell was happening?—"I’ve been wanting to go for weeks, but drinks always come first—Bryce winked at her— Have you ever been to _Improv Asylum_?”

“No, what the fuck is that? Is it in the psychiatric wing?”

Bryce laughed, thankful that Eleanor still kept her sense of humor and sharp replies.

“No, no, it’s a kind of theater or venue for improvisation, where they present some improvised routines and sometimes ordinary people go and improvise situations, stand-up comedy, and that stuff. We should go.”

“Um, sounds interesting, but I don’t know if I can handle this right now. I know I said I’d be positive from now on, but I’m still fighting with this shitty mood. I’m hardly having this conversation with you, I don’t know if I can handle people trying to be funny… and I imagine many will fail.”

“Oh, Elle, you’re such a grinch when you’re low. Just because I’m moved by your grinch mood, I won’t be feeling offended because you’re _bearing_ a conversation with me”

“I barely bear myself these days, Bryce.”

“Exactly, and that’s why we should go! You need to get out of your head, your thoughts, the same old shit, thinking about Ramsey all over again. Laughing at other misery will do you good.”

Eleanor stared at him, holding back a laugh until she finally gave up on it. Bryce melted inside at the sight of her smile. She looked _so_ beautiful when she laughed. She always seemed to radiate warmth and joy when she did it.

“Let me think about it, okay?”

“Of course, text me when you decide”

“Deal.”

A then, Eleanor pager went off.

“Well, I guess I should give it a try on my patients. Some results are ready”

They got up and began to walk toward the hospital. The 15 minutes break had made its purpose. It distracted her, boosted her spirits. And it let Bryce start the master plan of getting Ethan Ramsey out of Eleanor Bloom’s head. Maybe not forever, but at least for a little while, until he returned and she had to face him again, now, hopefully, completely convinced she had to let him go for good. 

Eleanor stopped in front of him before heading to the Nurse Station.

“Thank you, Bryce. I don’t know how you do it, but you always find a way to cheer me up.”

“One of my many, many talents, Dr. Bloom”—He winked as he took his path towards the OR.

After reviewing the test results of other patients, Eleanor had new ideas for treating the patients she was stuck with. During the afternoon she managed to diagnose her two patients and calmly cope with the PITA patient who would be in the hospital for at least two more days.

It was close to 8 pm, she still had an hour left to finish her shift, when she finally had a minute to get her phone out. She looked for the chat with Bryce and wrote to him.

**Ellie 🌻:** “Ok, I’m up with this Comedy Asylum”

**Bryce L. 👨🏽⚕️:** “You’re such a granny, Elle. It’s called IMPROV ASYLUM 😂😂😂

**Ellie🌻:** “Whoops, my bad 🤷🏻♀️ Get me out if this shitty mood before I transform myself into Pita resident, plzzzz😩”

**Bryce L. 👨🏽⚕️:** “Over my perfect dead body you’ll become a pita resident. I’m glad you’re up. Meet me in the atrium when you’re done. 🤜🏽”

**Ellie🌻:** “Deal Dr. Lahela. 🤛🏼”

Eleanor returned to check the progress of all her patients before going to the locker room to change her clothes. A few minutes after 9 pm, she met Bryce at the atrium of the hospital, and together they went to the building. There was a line to get in, but they managed to get a seat in the back row.

Around 10 p.m. the show began. The shows were really great. It started as a stand-up comedy routine but it was all improvisation, based on the interaction with the public. In some routines, they invited some spectators to improvise something and it worked out really well.

Bryce and Eleanor were in deep laughs when someone approached them. 

“Now—Said the improviser, appearing behind both of them surprisingly—Looks like we forgot to schedule the Ken and Barbie Hawaii show. You can come now if you want.”

Everyone stared at them, mostly to Bryce, who always looked undeniable like a ken doll. That pita patient of Eleanor wasn’t wrong after all.

“Sure, I and my Barbie have a lot to show up”—Bryce replied, a cocky smile on his face

“Really?”—The guy asked, intrigued

“Yeah, you think you could give us some minutes?”

“Of course, we are always up for the public to join us”

“Bryce, what are you doi-”

“Let’s go, Elle” Bryce interrupted before Eleanor could finish speaking. He got up from his seat, took her hand, and dragged her to the center of the room.

“Bryce, what the fuck?”

Eleanor was red and nervous. She did not expect that. She signed to watch a comedy show, not to act in one. Least of all, in improvise one.

“Let’s have some fun, Elle. You can do it.”

“But what are we gonna do? We didn’t plan anything!”

Bryce bit his lip, thinking.

“I’m gonna be some sort of Johnny Bravo, ok? You know who Johnny Bravo is, right?”

“Of course. We have the same age, we grew up watching the same tv shows.”

“Great. Just… Follow me.”

Eleanor laughed, feeling the anxiety and panic leaving her stomach as she tried to remember her childhood. On Sundays, she’d spent all day watching Cartoon Network until it was time to go shower and get ready for the new day of school. Remembering the dynamics that were in the Johnny Bravo show, she had a seat, took out her phone, and pretended that she was sending a WhatsApp audio.

Bryce lifted his chest and walked just a little cockier and imposing usual, and a bright and charming smile on his face. He sat down next to Eleanor and tossed his hair to the side.

“Oh, girl, my meeting was boring and I ended up-” Eleanor started to talk to her phone.

“Hey baby”

“Wait for a second, Megan. Hey,” She answered, bewildered.

“Beautiful day uh? Just like m-”

“Oh yeah, just like me, sooo smooth, uh?—She snorted and then tried to resume the conversation with her friend—As I was saying …

“I was gonna say just like me, with my glossy hair and firm muscles, but yes, you’re not that bad yourself, baby.”

Some spectators giggled.

“Excuse me?!”

Eleanor got up with the phone still in her hand.

“Girl, you cannot believe what a douche I just met. This guy just sat beside me and has the ego the size of The Statue of Liberty…”

Bryce walked over to her.

“Pfff that bad? Honey, it’s at least the Statue of Unity in India. But I would say the Burj Khalifa Building in Dubai suits me better, for the size of my di-”

“SHUT UP! What’s wrong with you?” She shouted, with a perfect feigned angry face. 

“If ya got it, flaunt it, babe” He lifted his arms open wide, showing off all his body.

Oh no, he did not say, that, did he? She fought the laugh that was about to come out from her mouth.

“Ha, you really think your peanut is that big?” She raised an eyebrow.

“You wanna see it?”

“Ew, no! I’m gonna call the police for…”

“For being too handsome?”

Eleanor tried her best to suppress a laugh again. He was making an incredibly smooth Johnny Bravo personification. Well, physically and in attitude, they were very similar, except that Bryce wasn’t a women stalker.

“No! For sexual harassment!”

“Okay, babe, I’m sorry. I’ll be gentle.”

“Don’t call me baby, I’m not your baby”

“But you wish you were” He put an arm on her shoulder, smiling widely. 

“I doubt it, I have a boyfriend” She took his arm out of her and started to walk away from him.

“Well, you look like the type who needs two.”

“And maybe four and I still wouldn’t pick you.” She turned to him for a second and the left the stage upset. 

Bryce was left alone posing with his muscles as if nothing had happened and then he approached to random a woman sitting in the front line.

"Hey, baby…” And with that, he finished his improv.

Everyone applauded

“Let’s give this Bostonian Johnny Bravo some kudos, and to his very patient catcalled women. I was about to call the police too, he’s too dangerous to be free in the city!”

“What great chemistry between these two, uh?”—Another improviser commented

“Maybe you should join us permanently.”

“We are fine, beginner’s luck”—Eleanor replied, a little shy.

They both returned to their seats and couldn’t stop laughing

“Oh my god, Bryce, that’s hilarious. I don’t know why I never imagined you like Johnny Bravo before, when you’re like, his doppelgänger!”

“Woah, woah, don’t insult me, he’s not half pretty as I. Besides, he has no brain, and I’m a fucking surgeon!”

“Well, I guess that’s true.”

“And girls approach me, not I to them.”

“You sure about that? Who approached _me_ half naked the first day of residency?”

“That was fate. Fate wanted you to meet me in such a glorious outfit.”

“On your boxers? Right.”

Around midnight the show ended and they both walked around looking for a quiet place to eat and drink. They found a bar a couple of blocks away, and with burgers and beers on the table, they continued to enjoy the night.

“So you managed to diagnose your two patients, huh?”

“Yes, our break really helped me. I knew that would do me good, but I was too stubborn to get out of the hospital and get some fresh air.”

“Eleanor, you are being too harsh on yourself. Be more gentle, cause you are doing the best you can.”

“I know. Thank you, Bryce, really.”

“You know you can always count on me right?”

“Yes, I know. You have been a huge support to me in all this time. Hell, since the beginning, Bryce. First day of Residency and just wearing boxers.”

They both chuckled.

Bryce saw the brightest smile he had seen in her weeks and was completely grateful that he was the reason she was like this, because he intended it to be a recurring thing in her.

They talked about other trivialities and more personal topics until they decided to call it a night. They walked to the T and when they reached the place where they should part, both stopped their steps.

“I had a great time, Bryce. I didn’t realize how much I needed this until now.”

“Glad I could make you smile after all you have been through, Elle.”

Eleanor gave him a friendly hug, and Bryce returned it without ulterior motives.

“Good night.”

“Good night, text me when you get home.”

“I will.”


	5. Something About Us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bryce has a surprise for Eleanor.

**Chapter 5: Something About Us.**

_It might not be the right time_

_I might not be the right one_

_But there’s something about us I want to say_

_Cause there’s something between us anyway_

After the night out at Improv Atrium, Bryce and Eleanor continued to hang out as much as their shifts allowed. Sometimes to try new music, new bars or simply to go to find some new adventures just as they used to before. 

Eleanor, so committed to getting her life back, accepted all the invitations he made her. She soon noticed that she was feeling in a better mood when she was around him and her daily mood had improved significantly.

That led Eleanor to start seeing him like she used to before. In fact, not like before, but completely different. She didn’t think of him as someone to have a casual fling with, a friend to have fun with and that was all. She was beginning to see him as the man she was attracted to and comfortable with. A man who no longer brightened her days by his humor, his flirtatious smile, or his self-confidence, but by the care, the time, and the good moments he was giving to her.

At first, she didn’t realize the changes in her, she thought she was just so happy to hang out with him like they used to, that she was glad their adventurous friendship was back; but one day, she found herself wishing she could see him and talk to him. Wishing she could see his smile and hear his voice.

One day, Eleanor was walking into the hospital with Jackie when someone caught and hugged them by the shoulders.

“How are two of my favorite medical interns?”

“I’ll be better if you take your ken doll arm off my shoulders, thank you.”

“Always so nice, Varma.”

“Of course, Lahela—Jackie winked at him, a smirk in her mouth—You should be thankful that I didn’t punch you in the face”

“What happened to you? Did you use stones instead of sugar with your coffee this morning, Jackie?”

“Sugar is for wimps; I drink my coffee black”

“That explains how psychopath you are sometimes”

“And you, why so happy, uh?”

“I’m always happy, Elle.”

“Yeah, but you’re annoyingly happier than other days."—Jackie insisted

“Actually, you have a minute, Elle?”

“Sure”

Jackie raised an eyebrow, looking at them suspiciously.

“I catch you later, Jackie”—Eleanor added, without noticing her cheeks had turned a little rosy.

"Take your time."—She joked as she continued walking towards the locker room.

“What is it?”

“Have any plans today?”

“Maybe go to have some drinks at Donahue’s, has been a rough week.”

“I’ve got something better”

“Like what?”

“A surprise. You up for a surprise?”

“Um, yeah? I guess so”

“I need some confidence, Elle!”

“Yes, I’m up for a surprise with Bryce Lahela!”

“That’s the spirit!”

They continued their way towards the locker room, lost in the conversation.

“Can you give me a clue about this surprise? Like, it’s music, it’s food, it’s some new game?”

“Well, maybe it’s the three of them.”

“You’re not helping, Bryce!”

“It’s a surprise, and I’ll keep my mouth shut until we are there.”

“Okay, I get it”—Eleanor answered, rolling her eyes—So, we meet at the atrium as usual?”

“Yes, as usual.”

“Okay”

Surprisingly, Bryce cupped her cheeks with both hands and gave her a short but loud kiss on the cheek.

“Have a nice day, beautiful, see ya.”

And then he went directly to his locker, but not before giving her the most charming smile she had ever seen on him. Eleanor stood in the doorway, flushed and astonished.

Jackie glanced towards her, still looking mischievous.

“What are you, fifteen?”

Eleanor ignored Jackie and went to her locker, her cheeks still reddened. She put on her scrubs, tied her hair into a braid, and with Jackie by her side headed to the Nurses’ Station to do the first morning rounds.

Although she was fully focused on her work, Eleanor couldn’t help but feel a little anxious about the end of her shift. The kiss Bryce gave her in the locker room attacked her from time to time, making her cheeks return to a rosy hue. In a way, she knew that was connected to the surprise Bryce had, because he never, in all these weeks, had been this affectionate to her. But she didn’t want to get any ideas or illusions about anything. 

"So…"—Jackie said to her, both taking a break in the Nurse Station. "Are you going to tell me what the meathead wanted with you or not? You’ve been acting weird since this morning.”

“Um … Nothing, just inviting me out, as usual.”

“Oh sure. As usual. What is gonna be today? Jazz? Trash punk? You’ll make yourself quite the music critic, uh?”

“Actually, I don’t know, he didn’t tell me.”

“A surprise date, damn. He’s getting serious.”

“Shut up, Jackie.”

“Oh, Eleanor, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.”

She blushed.

“I have.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“Please, Eleanor, he has been stupid for you since day one, and the stupidest since he started to take you out once Ramsey left. Do you like him?”

“Um, I don’t know.”

“You cannot not know, it’s simple, yes or no. You have to know before it gets more serious.”

“I don’t know, Jackie. Maybe. It's… it’s not that I do NOT like him. But I don’t know if I like him… or like him enough. I’m confused.”

“Mmm well, I think that’s a start.”

“You think so?”

“Well, yeah. Of what I recall, he was never a possibility before. Just a hookup. And now…you don’t deny it.”

“I know, it’s just… I still have feelings for Ethan.”

“Yeah, I know, but you can’t close the door, Eleanor. Maybe he’s your way out.”

“But I don’t wanna use him. Not him that has always been too good with me.”

“I’m not saying you should use him. I’m just saying, give him a chance. If you don’t feel it, it’s okay, but you should give both a chance. To you, to… feel something good in your life after all the crap Ramsey put you though, and Lahela… because of all the effort he has put on you. Just a chance.”

“Well … I guess you’re right.”

“I’m always right Eleanor.”

“Thank you, Jackie. I never thought you would be so good at pep talk.”

“I’m not, but I’m tired of seeing Lahela cheering you like a fucking clown and you don’t seem to notice.”

“I have notice… I’m not that dumb… It’s just, just today I realized where this is really going. Or where he wants to go.”

“Oh, Jesus Christ, you’re so clueless sometimes.”

Eleanor gave her a shy smile.

“Eleanor, just … don’t close yourself to the possibility. If you realize later that he isn’t for you, that’s fine, but you can’t miss a chance because of someone who is thousands of miles away and hasn’t shown any concern for you since he left.”

She nodded and then saw her friend grab the charts from the table to start a new round with her patients; then took a breath and decided to do the same.

Eleanor spent the last three hours of her shift thinking about the last few weeks. She did have realized that Bryce was trying to cheer her up and get her out of her misery. But she had never realized that he had other intentions with her because he never suggested anything. Bryce was direct, flirtatious, and always went for what he wanted, without hesitation. Therefore, if Bryce had been flirting with her, Eleanor would’ve noticed. Instead, all she remembered was Bryce asking her out, going to concerts, talking about life, etc. When Eleanor was suddenly feeling a little bad, Bryce would persuade her into talking about her feelings and would guide her toward a way out or would just make her laugh to ease the demons inside her head.

“Eleanor, you’re doing it great.”—He would say when she was feeling down in the middle of the night—“Just look at you now! We are in the middle of a jazz music concert, surrounded by people who in a million years we would think we meet. You’re not in your room, crying, thinking about Ramsey, or eating ice cream, or drowning yourself with work. You have come a long way. Just look at your face! Even your face it’s different!”

“Well, yeah..”

“Enjoy your life, Elle, meet new people, live new experiences, find meaning in simple things like music, or a random night out in Boston. That’s what really matters.”

Eleanor was moved to realize how, once again, Bryce noticed things that not even herself noticed. Her progress in pain, her mood, etc. And that was because Bryce took the time to listen to her, to pay attention to her. Her friends did that too. Sienna and Elijah mostly, had been actively supporting and caring for her all this time. They had given her their space, but they also pushed her to share her feelings with them and they used to call her out when she was sinking again.

But with Bryce… it was different. 

Fifteen minutes to the end of her shift, Eleanor finished her rounds. Before another new case could be handed over to her, she went straight to the locker room to take a shower and change her clothes. Ever since their first night out with Bryce, Eleanor started to bring some nice clothes to get change in case he would invite her to another adventure. Fortunately, that day she was bringing a pretty cute outfit. 

She dressed in dark blue jeans, a white collared sleeveless blouse, and an emerald green jacket. Unlikely other nights out, that night she paid attention to her appearance. She fixed her hair and applied the basic makeup she had found in her backpack: A cupper tone eyeshadow that highlighted her brown eyes in a golden tone, a mascara that made her eyes look bigger, and a pink lipstick that gave her a jovial appearance.

As soon as she was ready, she went to the atrium to wait for Bryce. She sat down on a chair near the entry and started scrolling on her phone, looking for memes that made her laugh to ease her anxiety.

“Hey, sorry for the delay I had to talk to…"—Eleanor looked up and Bryce choked with his own his words.—A post-op… Woow”

“What?”

“You look incredible, Elle.”.

Eleanor blushed and smiled at him

“Thank you. You look great too. This color suits you.”—She replied gripping the collar of his pale pink silky shirt that made his skin look like sweet caramel.

“Shall we?”

“Absolutely”

“Are you going to tell me where are we going?”

“No, but I’ll tell you it’s a little different from where we usually go. I think you’ll like it. There, that’s our uber ride.”

He pointed out a car parked a few feet from the entrance. 

“Good night. Bryce?”—The driver greeted.

"The very same.”—He replied while both got in the car and greeted the driver.

“Do you have an alternative route?”

“No, use the one that the application gives you”

“Okay.”

After about ten minutes, the car stopped. As the got out of the car, they sauntered toward a square building, made of glass, beautifully lit and surrounded by green grass and trees. Eleanor searched for a name that would reveal where they were until she found it in the building next to the first one, which revealed: _Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum_.

“A Museum? Wow, I never thought you were a Museum guy.”

“Well, I am. I mean, I’m not the type of guy who goes to museums weekly, but from time to time I like to go when I feel the adventure’s waiting for me there.”

“And you’re feeling the adventure is waiting for us in there?”

“Well, adventure is not what I have in mind for tonight, but I’m open to anything”

Eleanor couldn’t help but blush a little. Then, they made their way into the building.

“Is it common for museums to be open at this time of day?”

“No, just this museum, on this specific day.”

“What do you mean?”

“The third Thursday of the month, the Museum opens at night and people play music and put shows until late. They usually close at 9 pm, but for some reason, it will be open till 12 pm today.”

“Really? I had no idea. How exciting!!—She said clapping her hands, smiling like a little girl.—I like this already!

“I’m glad you liked it.”

Bryce showed his cellphone when they made it to the ticket booth.

“Wow, you had planned this with anticipation, uh?”

“A couple of days, yes. I’m not just spontaneity, you know?”

After their entrance was allowed, they continued their way towards the Fenway Court Palace, the museum itself. The Palace was the house of Isabella Stewart Gardner, an art collector whose Museum was called after her, and that was built to emulate a 15th Venetian Palace.

Every step they walked into the building felt like they were entering another world. There was no trace of Boston there. It was all Europe, China, and some America too, but the style and most of the art were foreign. 

They spent about two hours wandering around the four-floor construction, while the bands were playing, the exhibitions were showing, the tours being guided and the attendants were having a drink. A real party in an outstanding place.

Once the finished the third floor, Bryce decided to take her to the main floor so they could see the Fenway Atrium Court up close. The Courtyard was famous for the Mosaic of Medusa, which had been created in Rome before Christ, and was surrounded by an impressive array of shrubs, flowers, and botanical spices that made them forget, once again, they were in the middle of Boston. The tranquility and beauty of nature in those square feet transported them to another dimension, much more with the stars that covered the spring night.*

“Oh my god, this is … absolutely wonderful. It seems like it was taken from a fairy tale.”

Eleanor turned to him, a big smile on her face. But he had been looking at her all this time. The Fenway Courtyard was indeed beautiful, but her smile would always be the winner for him.

“May I have this dance, miss?”

In the distance, a jazz ballad was playing, coming from a band on the other side of the courtyard. They began to dance close together, cheek to cheek. Eleanor wrapped her arms around his neck while his were at her back; both with their eyes closed, feeling the music, the tranquility in the air, the laughter of the people. ( **A/N:** I highly recommend you to hear _[this version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Axgo8yT7ew)_ of the song, since I wrote the scene with that one on my mind).

_“When I fall in love it will be forever_

_Or I’ll never fall in love_

_In a restless world like this is_

_Love is ended before it’s begun_

_And too many moonlight kisses_

_Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun”_

Eleanor hadn’t felt so calm in a long time. Her anxiety had dissipated and had been replaced by a feeling of amusement, peace and joy. There were no worries, fear, anguish. And it was all because of _him._

_“When I give my heart it will be completely_

_Or I’ll never give my heart_

_And the moment I can feel that you feel that way too_

_Is when I fall in love with you”_

Suddenly, Eleanor slid her arms through his chest and wrapped them around Bryce’s back, hugging him. Bryce reacted a few moments later, a bit astonished, but returned the embrace with delight. He placed his hands to her waist and tightened the grip. For a brief moment, Eleanor wanted to cry for how beautiful that moment felt. She pulled away from him, her heart beating fast, and looked him straight in the eye. And at that moment, both were aware of how much desire was in them. But a pure desire. A longing he had never seen in Bryce. A longing Bryce had never seen in Eleanor toward him.

Bryce was an open book and Eleanor always knew when he wanted her. But now his longing was completely different. It was in a tender, protective, and amazed way, all at once, like he was discovering a treasure in front of him. And for Eleanor, it felt like she was seeing him for the first time, seeing how he really was, with all the feeling he had tried to hide in these past weeks. She was discovering a treasure too.

Her legs began to tremble, so she brought her hands to his cheeks, in the hopes of finding balance and the courage she needed for the next move. The touch of his skin was enough to find it. 

She leaned to him, and after observing each other mouths for a few moments, their lips fused. Hers brushed his delicately, carefully, feeling the warmth and sweetness little by little. Bryce encircled her more firmly around the waist, leaving her body completely flushed to his. Then he brought a hand to the back of his neck to tilt her head and deepened the kiss without losing the delicacy or sweetness of that moment. Their hearts were beating fast, eyes were seeing stars, their skin was melting as they opened their mouths to explore more of themselves; until they finally, after a long dance of lips and tongues, they returned to a slow, soft kiss, just to finish with a chaste kiss in their lips.

"Elle"—He sighed, pressing his forehead into hers, not hiding any astonishment in his voice.

An electric shock waved through her spine. She had always loved the fact that he was the only person in the world that called her _Elle_. That nickname felt unique for her. 

Then he pulled away from her, his amber eyes looking into hers, creating electricity the moment they met. It seemed like he was looking right through her soul and made her feel an exquisite warmth and calmness inside her.

“Bryce…”—She whispered, her eyes sparkled with joy—"Don’t think I haven’t noticed everything you’ve done for me in this time."—She continued softly while caressing his cheek with the tip of her thumb, holding her eyes in his.

“What do you mean?”—He replied, feigning ignorance.

She shook her head

“I know you’ve been particularly focused on cheering me up, making me feel good…”

“Well yeah, it’s the least I would do to keep you from looking sad, Elle.”

“I know, but it has been much more than trying to get me out of my misery for a while. Although our nights out always have a friendly motive and you have never insinuated anything all this time, your eyes and your heart have spoken for themselves.

“And what have they said?”

“Well, in all this time, everything has been about me. How I feel, what I wanna do. You don’t flatter yourself when we are together, you don’t encourage any conversation that ends up bringing the focus to you. And it feels natural, it doesn’t feel… cynical or condescending of you. That’s a very great show of interest. I know that deep down it has been with ulterior motives.”

Bryce bit his lip, holding the gaze, implicitly accepting the accusations she was making. She smiled.

“Thanks, Bryce. This date has been beautiful.”

“Date?”

“You don’t have to pretend with me anymore. I know that when you talked about going out or hanging out, deep down in your mind you planned it as an undercover date.”

Bryce laughed.

“Wow. Not for nothing you were selected as Junior Fellow on the Diagnostics Team, were you? Very good observations.”

Bryce stroked her cheek.

“I hate to see you sad, Eleanor. That’s why I’ve been trying to make you feel good, to show you how you deserve to feel, how you deserve to be treated, because you don’t deserve anything that happened to you.”

"Bryce…"—Eleanor had never seen him so serious as now. He was genuinely reflecting how much he had been worried about her, how much her situation had pissed him off.

“Eleanor, you are a person with incredible kindness, devoted to your patients, colleagues, friends … You shouldn’t be treated they way Ramsey has done to you or left you wondering what you did wrong. Not even the excuse that your career is most important is justified, because there are much kinder and considered ways to put distance between you and without hurting you that much.”

“I know.”

“You know, when you told me we had to end what we had, I was okay with it, because I truly believed that Ramsey was gonna fight for you, because, God, in his place, I’d do everything to make you happy, I’d give you everything”—Bryce sighed, looked up at the sky and then to her, resolution in his eyes.—"But I can’t anymore, Eleanor, I can’t keep seeing you suffering because of someone who doesn’t value you, someone who isn’t even capable of sending you a fucking email to tell you that he’s okay.”

Eleanor looked away, hurt, sad, embarrassed. Hearing the reality from his mouth was a much-needed bucket of cold water.

“It’s true, it was a miserable attitude of him. But Bryce, listen to me. I appreciate everything you have done for me and …”

She couldn’t go on. She had to be careful with her words to not feel any regrets later. But actually, there was nothing else to think about, that moment was the confirmation of all the doubts that had been around her mind during the day, and, honestly, also for several days, since she sensed something was different with Bryce. The doubts weren’t really doubts. It was fear. Fear of making the same mistakes as with Ethan. Afraid of doing to Bryce what Ethan was doing to her. But Eleanor was no longer afraid.

“I feel things for you, Bryce"—She confessed—"Even more than I felt before we broke up, but I still have Ethan in here” –She pointed to her heart—"And I don’t want to give you any false hopes. The last thing I want is to hurt you, and I don’t think I’d ever forgiven myself if I did.”

“I know, Eleanor, I know it’s not something that happens overnight, but I want you to know that I’m here for you, and I wanna show you what you deserve because I care about you, Elle"—Bryce suddenly shook his head, denying. —"More than that, I’ll do it because I love you.”

Eleanor was agape. She’d managed to conclude that Bryce liked her, and well, everyone knew that. Sienna, Elijah, Jackie had noticed what Bryce was doing with her that last few weeks, but she never expected to hear those three words from Bryce. But they were sincere. His gaze, all his past behavior echoed what he had said. And that amazed her more. Although it also increased her fear of hurting him in all this path that they seemed to be starting together.

“I won’t pretend that I don’t feel what I actually feel. Would be contradictory of me to shut up something like that when I want to give you everything, and that starts from being honest with my feelings… And please, don’t feel scared. I’m not saying this to manipulate you. I just want you to know how I feel about you, but don’t feel forced to anything, okay?”

“Bryce, I …”

“Elle, I know you don’t feel the same, I know you’re in love with Ramsey, but I want you to give me the opportunity to show you everything you deserve. The love, care, support, and happiness… So when the day comes, you stop accepting crumbs from anybody and go for what you really want and deserve. It may not be with me, but with someone you love and that loves you back the same way. Even with Ramsey, if he wakes up.”

Eleanor was astounded. _Bryce Lahela_. The cocky, brilliant, and handsome surgical intern. The most self-confident person she knew. The man whose art of flirtation came so naturally to him, as if he carried it in his veins. That Bryce Lahela was playing all his cards even knowing that he might not be the winner, but someone else, including Ethan.

"Bryce… Are you serious?”

“I am, Eleanor. You have to figure it out for yourself. I don’t do it just to make you choose me, but to make you happy. And well, if it turns out that it’s me, obviously I’ll be the happiest man on this planet. But what I really want is you to figure this out.”

“Oh my God Bryce, I’d never have expected this.”

“I must admit that neither do I. I spent a long time trying to forget you, you know? But when I realized that I couldn’t… And that you were so sad, I decided to give myself a chance, _give us_ a chance to be happy, to look for possibilities. And I believe together we may find a lot of happiness along the way, Elle. Also pain, but if we are together I think it will be easier to face what may come.”

Eleanor stared at him in the eyes, reading the sincerity in his expression. There were no hidden intentions, no jealousy, no insecurity, no manipulation. Only the genuine wish that she would experience in her own flesh what she deserved in a relationship.

“I’m speechless”—She murmured, stroking his silky hair softly.

Bryce grinned, caressing her cheek.

“You’re truly wonderful, Bryce.—She finally said—Among all the prejudices I had about you, one of them was that you had zero emotional intelligence. Even when you have been very understanding all this time. But this is different. This is so open-minded, so selfless. Is on another level.”

“That’s how love works, Elle. It’s selfless. And if I’m honest with you, I only found out this because of you. Before you, I never felt this way. I want you more than anyone in my life, but what really matters to me is you to be happy, and I hope it’s with me.”

“I think I’m being happy with you right now… And I have been happy these past weeks too”—She replied, her cheeks flushed.

“I’m glad you feel this way—Suddenly, he chuckled—God, you’re so cute when you blush”

Her cheeks went crimson

“Ahh stop it!”

“Just look at you, so lovely”

They both laugh.

Eleanor then caressed his cheek, looking at him so tenderly. She couldn’t understand since when it was _that_ easy to look at him this way, but she liked it. She kissed him again.

“I don’t want to play with you, Bryce, but for some reason, I don’t want to leave your side, and … Maybe a part of me wants this to go on and grow until… Well, until you’re the one.”

His heart stopped. He’d have never expected that. Well, he didn’t even think this date would go that well, but he never expected Eleanor would be so open to the possibility to be together. It seemed like he was doing a good job after all.

“You really mean that?”

“I really do, Bryce.”

“Me too.”—He replied, stroking her hair.—But you have to know that if you feel things are changing, for better or for worse, you must tell me. If Ramsey returns and promises you heaven and earth and you want to try with him, just tell me. And if instead … Your love turns to me, well, of course, I want to know!”

“I will.”

There was still music in the air. Another jazz ballad. Bryce wrapped her in his arms and kissed his forehead.

“I love this, Bryce.—She whispered while melting in his embrace—“You really outdid yourself. This is perfect.”

“Just like you, Elle.”

* * *

*: To give you an idea of how beautiful the Fenway Atrium Court is, you can see [this picture](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6f186acdcc813e163170e5e9980cba1e/953447aba56386c3-b4/s1280x1920/33b307ffc25aef8f0ebf210f9eae912aceb2569f.jpg), which I posted on Tumblr with this chapter. The photo was taken by [Donny S](https://www.instagram.com/donnys.photography/), a photographer based in Los Angeles, and who gave me his permission to use his photo in this fanfiction. 


	6. Cool

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get heated on the dance floor. SMUT!

**Chapter 6: Cool.**

_I like us better when we’re intertwined_

_The way you touch me got me losin’ my senses_

Eleanor woke up the next day with a big smile on her face. She couldn’t remember the last time she woke up that happy, but surely, it’d been months. Enthusiastically, she got up from her bed to start the day. Once she was all cleaned and dressed, she went to the kitchen, where Elijah and Sienna were making breakfast. As she started to have breakfast, her friends bombarded her with questions about her absence the night before. After teasing them with evasive answers, she finally told them what had happened, and that she and Bryce were dating.

Sienna couldn’t resist an over-excited reaction and Elijah looked really happy for both of his friends. For Eleanor, who had been suffering too much because of Ramsey, and for Bryce, because he knew how much he cared for Eleanor, and how much he had been doing to make her happy. 

Once the three of them were ready for another day of work, they headed to Edenbrook.

The moment their eyes met in the locker room that morning, there were sparkles just like the night before. Eleanor was feeling a little shy and nervous, as it always happens when a relationship starts, but even if Bryce was a million light-years over the moon, he cared to not make Eleanor feel uncomfortable, pressured, or overwhelmed. Just when Eleanor agreed, he planted a chaste kiss on her lips when he approached her to say hi. Even if she was feeling a little weird, after the kiss she felt relieved, calmed. She still couldn’t understand what power had Bryce over her.

Just as what happened that morning, things started to develop at Eleanor’s pace. At first, Eleanor didn’t feel comfortable enough to display too much affection in public, but as the days went by, she started to not mind that Bryce would steal a kiss from her lips or her cheek when they would bump into each other at the hospital; or that when they were at Donahue’s, Bryce would almost always put an arm around her when they were sitting together. In fact, after a week, she would find herself craving for those kisses or his touch.

One day, Eleanor was at the Nurse Station doing some paperwork, when suddenly someone approached her and said:

“Hey, I’m Bryce.”

Eleanor looked up. He was leaning on the desk with his statuesque figure and his usual flirtatious, megawatt smile.

“Hello, I’m Eleanor.” She answered, trying to look serious.

“Nice to meet you. You work here?”

“Yeah.”

“Since when? I haven’t seen you around”

“Mmm, about a year”

“Really? And how the hell I’ve been missing this angel from heaven?”

Eleanor laughed

“So smooth"—She muttered to herself—"Maybe the devil got you distracted.”

Bryce smiled knowingly.

“How are you, beautiful?”

“Good”—She smiled— “And better now that I see your smile.”

“Seriously?”

Eleanor blushed. She didn’t even think about it for a single moment before speaking from her heart, but she had no regrets. Being able to surprise him with her own feelings, and seeing him out of place without having anything flirty to say, was a divine gift. 

She had been overanalyzing her feelings over the last few days, wondering if she should tell him how she felt or not, fearing that her words could confuse him, but finally had decided that she wouldn’t hide how she was feeling about him. After all, the only way Bryce could be feeling sure about her choosing him was hearing it explicitly from her mouth. Other than that, everything she says was part of the development of their relationship.

”Seriously.— She confessed.—I was missing you.”

“Damn, if I was feeling fantastic seeing you, I’m gonna burst hearing you say that.”

Eleanor knew it wasn’t an exaggeration. Bryce had a giant smile on his face, and she could see the emotion and stars blinding his eyes.

“Don’t burst please, just contain yourself so I can keep seeing you, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll do my best.”

“Thank you.”

“I was missing you too.”

Eleanor smiled at him tenderly for a few seconds, then she looked back at the folder in her hands, trying to finish it soon. As she felt that Bryce continued to stare at her without saying anything, Eleanor raised an eyebrow.

“Why you keep looking at me, weirdo?”

“Oh, sorry."—He replied, looking a bit uncomfortable. ”I-“

“Do you even work here or are you some kind of psycho who likes to watch interns doing their job?”

Bryce relaxed as he noticed Eleanor had been teasing him. It seemed that what Eleanor had told him, had caught him _really_ off guard.

“Well, I do work here.—He replied, regaining composure— Don’t you see this surgical scrubs?

“Yeah, but you could get them anywhere as a disguise to your stalker hobby.”

Bryce chuckled.

“That’s true.”—He conceded—"Why don’t we go somewhere more… _private_ … so I can demonstrate to you that I really work here?”

“What the hell, you just met me like 2 minutes ago and you wanna go somewhere private already?”

Bryce laughed, surprised

“Damn, I guess that was very bold.”

“Yes, but I like that, Dr. Bryce …?”

“Lahela”

“I like that, Dr. Lahela, and even if my mum taught me to not talk to strangers or go anywhere with them, I’ll join you once I finish with this paperwork.”

“Perfect. You know where to find me”—He murmured before walking out toward their favorite supply closet.

Once Eleanor was ready, she headed to the meeting point.

“Well then, Dr. Lahela, how are you going to show me you work here?”—She asked entering the room. Bryce approached her instantly, pressing her against the wall.

“I’m a surgical intern, which means I have magic hands. So…”—He took her by the hips to bring her closer to his body until they were a few inches apart. Both felt a lack of air the moment their eyes met. There was hunger in his eyes, and Bryce could say Eleanor’s mouth was thirsty of his kisses as she was slicking her tongue over her lower lip and then she gulped.

He tilted his head and began to short the distance slowly, until he captured her lips, a few gentle brushes first, just to savor her avidly after that. Eleanor wrapped her arms around his neck, converting the kiss in a voracious exchange of hidden desires.

In a matter of seconds, Bryce gripped her leg to his waist, and with his free hand encircled her waist to bring her incredibly tight, her bodies flushed. He soon moved his kisses to her cheek, then down her jaw and neck. At the feeling of his lips brushing her sensitive spot, Eleanor was invaded with goosebumps that made angle her head back involuntarily. Seeing his provocations were well received, Bryce started to rock his hips slowly to her core.

“Bryce”—She sighed when she felt a hand wandering under her scrubs, touching the skin of her back.

“Yeah?”

She pulled him away gently, biting her lower lip. Bryce took his hand away and loosed the grip on her hip.

“Elle, sorry I…”

“No, it’s not that—She assured, her face colored with heat, her chest pounding faster.—I… I want you to keep going, but not here.”

“Oh, okay.”

“I know we used to do it here before, but just for this occasion, I would like some normality, if you know what I mean.”

Bryce chuckled.

“Of course, Elle. I’d like that too.”

“So… My place, yours?”

“My place. Had to be tomorrow, though. I’m on a 24-hour shift.”

“Okay, that’s fine by me.”

They stared at each other, Bryce looking a bit hesitant to kiss her again, as things could get out of control if they keep kissing. Eleanor didn’t mind and brought her lips to his. The way he kissed her always left her craving for more, so she wouldn’t waste another second without having him.

He wrapped her waist and swapped positions, now he was against the wall and started to slide down, and Eleanor followed him until Bryce was sitting on the floor and Eleanor was sitting over his lap, her legs straddling him.

“Which part of ‘not here’ neither of us understood?”—Eleanor asked, playfully stroking his hair.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep my word. I can deal with the self-control but only until tomorrow night.”

Eleanor resumed the kiss. The heat, the anticipation was irresistible, so she couldn’t help but move her hips softly against Bryce, feeling his bulge pressing her core.

“Elle”—He sighed—“I'll keep my word but…” He couldn’t finish. He placed both hands impatiently in her ass, his skin was aching just to feel it between his fingers.

“I can’t wait for tomorrow”—She sighed as she felt his tongue and then his teeth in the crook of her neck, and his hand all over her back and hips, like he was losing his mind in the touch of her skin.

“Me neither, but we’ll have to”

“Yeah, hope time flies.”

After a few moments of sweet torture, Bryce pulled away slightly to look at her in the eyes.

“I’ve got an idea, but that means to prolong our own agony.”

“What is it?”

“Let’s go dancing? We have done almost everything but go clubbing.”

“Oooooh, yes! I’ve been thinking about it too, love the idea.”

“Tomorrow then?”

“Yes, and after that, we go to your apartment to finish this.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice”

The next day Eleanor walked toward the Atrium fully dressed in a clubbing mood, feeling like it has been ages since she was dressed like that. A tiny black leather skirt that covered sufficiently her bum and tights with a red lace tank top that defined the curves of her waist with almost surgical precision, and over it, a matched leather jacket. Bryce was waiting for her in a multicolored shirt with a black cardigan on her hands.

The moment she was in front of him, he didn’t even conceal the hungriness in his eyes.

“Shit. I don’t know if I can take you out to dance dressed like that.”

“Oh, come on, let me have this put on for at least an hour, then you can take it off me at your please.”

“Damn Eleanor, you’re wild tonight”

“I’m in a clubbing outfit, Bryce. When I’m dressed like this, I’m a hoe, so get used to it.”

“But you’ll only be a hoe with me, right?”

“Of course, I’ll be your hoe tonight”

“Oh, crap, let’s go already before I drag you to my apartment.”—He complained, taking her by the hand.

After a short uber ride, they sauntered into a colorful nightclub, loud music already beating. Some hip hop and Latin hits. The fact that the club had Latin hits, was a special request by Eleanor, due that she enjoyed dancing reggaeton because of her Latin roots. After a few shots, Eleanor felt the music took control of her body, so she held Bryce by the hand and guide him into the middle of the crowd, moving her hips to the sexy Latin song that was playing. Bryce followed suit and placed a hand on her hip.

“It will always amaze me how well you dance, really”—She whispered in his ear.

Bryce kept pace with her, even though sometimes they would only mock and overact some moves just to end up laughing and kissing passionately. 

After ten minutes of dancing, Eleanor was feeling the heat after realizing that dancing was foreplay for what was next. The way Bryce was moving his hips, the way he was touching her skin, roaming her hips, her waist, and how he pressed her back against his chest, was being the sexiest foreplay they could’ve ever done that night.

Eleanor was feeling the anticipation, the desperation to touch his body, to feel his mouth against every inch of her skin. And Bryce wasn’t thinking any differently.

Half an hour later, they were all sweated. But that just made them look even sexier. Eleanor gave him a heated, sloppy kiss, while _Con Calma_ from _Daddy Yankee_ was invading the dancefloor. She started to move her hips incessantly, then she turned her back to him seductively. Bryce pulled her by the waist, her body flush against his chest, and whispered in her ear:

“You moving like that is going me crazy”—Then he kissed the crook of her neck while one hand was wandering over her breasts and the other at her hips and tights not minding they were in a public space. Eleanor shuddered then turned back to him, and kissed him again, this time hard.

"Let’s go to your apartment."—She said in a husky murmur.—"I’m done with this foreplay.”

Bryce looked at her with such hungriness, that neither of them could suppress the desire for each other as if the world was about to end. Bryce lowered his hand past her hips, to caress her butt under her skirt, and grabbed it with both hands.

“Hey, someone’s eager”

“Can you tell?”—He whispered as he rocked his hips against hers.

Eleanor felt his bulge for the first time and didn’t even hesitate before put hand subtly over his pants, caressing him while feeling how it tightened at her touch.

“Fuck, Eleanor”—He groaned in her ear.

“I can’t wait to have it in my hands, in my mouth.” She whispered in a sultry voice.

“Oh, come on, let’s go”—He commanded, taking her by the hand. He practically dragged her through the dancefloor. In a matter of minutes, they had collected their clothes from the wardrobe and gotten a taxi.

It was the longest trip of their lives, between trying to take their hands off each other to not put a scene on the taxi; and trying to conceal the panting in their breaths, while the clothes were itching in their bodies, and the dirty words said were resonating in their minds.

When they reached the elevator in the building, Bryce took her cheeks and kissed her hard.

“Finally. I don’t know if I could’ve handled another minute”—He said, his voice sultry.

“Neither do I”—She replied, tugging his hair tightly.

When they reached the floor, he pushed her down the hall without parting lips, not even when they got to the door. Bryce opened it up almost blindly. They stepped inside, Bryce slamming the door shut while pulling Eleanor against the door, devouring her lips ravenously, drinking from her skin in every inch he caressed with his lips.

“Fuck yes”—She sighed. Bryce took her jacket off. He observed her lace tank top.

“Finally I can get rid of this sinful piece of fabric that’s been bothering me the whole night”—He said while cupping her breast tightly.

“You’ll have to wait a bit more”—She murmured, the moment she started to slid her hands over his torso, his muscles taut under his clothes. She removed his cardigan and shirt in one motion, leaving her torso bare. She watched him carefully, hungrily a few seconds, before began to kiss him all over his chest, pecs, and nipples.

“Eleanor”—Bryce shuddered at her touch, feeling her hands on his chest and her tongue stimulating his nipples. He smiled at the fact she remembered how much he loved this. 

"God, I wanted this so …"—She whispered as she left a trail of kisses all over his torso—"So much.” 

Feeling a bit dizzy, Bryce took her face and led her to his mouth. A dance of lips and tongues that became more and more ferocious, thirsty, needy. They needed more flesh, more heat, more pleasure. Bryce unzipped her skirt and pulled it down in a blink. In the next, his hands were skimming her ass with his hands expertly, while licking and biting the crook of her neck, just to finally slip his finger middle in her wet core. She moaned at his touch, cursing him. He just chuckled.

Then, he resumed his task, sliding his lips to the junction of her breasts, removing the annoying top in a single movement. When he intended to get rid of her bra, he stopped in his tracks, stunned at the look of her figure deliciously adorned in garnet-laced lingerie. He gasped when he met her eyes and found she was looking at him as if she knew how gloriously she looked that night. That self-assured look, that wasn’t recurrent in her, made his heart skip.

“God, you’re the most beautiful creation of the universe.”

“After you?”

“No. Top spot.”

“Wow, now that’s a compliment, Johnny Bravo.”

They both laughed and kissed tenderly.

“I wanna taste every inch of you”—He muffled after a few seconds, biting her ear.

“What are you waiting for?”

He brought his lips to her neck, first sliding soft kisses until he finally opened his mouth and began to bite her. Eleanor tugged his hair at the sensation in her sensitive spot. Bryce moved his hands to her back, unclasping her bra and tossing it to the ground. He massaged both breasts with his soft hands, just to then capture her nipples with his mouth, tasting and drinking the sweetness of her skin, of her pleasure.

“Holy fuck, yes”—She whimpered, feeling an electric shock waving to her core.

Suddenly, Eleanor felt a rush of pleasure in her sex. She opened her eyes just to find that Bryce had reached under her panties and was working on her sweet spot delicately.

“Oh God, Bryce”

“Ya like that?

The panties fell to the floor, his hands still rubbing her core, while her legs began to shake. She brought one leg up to Bryce’s hip to hold on him.

“Yes. Fuck, yes, just like… Ahhh”—She moaned as his finger pick up speed—“Bryce!”

“Yes, I love when you cry my name, babe, I wanna hear you.”

“Br… Fff... ”—But she couldn’t say anything.

Eleanor closed her eyes, completely overwhelmed with the sensations on her body. 

"Look at me"—He ordered, serious.

Eleanor obeyed and looked at Bryce, who was staring at her hungrily as he continued to work on her clit.

"Bryce…” —She sighed, incapable to take her eyes off him, hypnotized. As if a magnet attracted her gaze to Bryce’s eyes, who had a serious and excited look that she had never seen before.

Suddenly he parted from her and started to kiss her shoulders, her chest, her abdomen until he reached the origin of her ecstasy. She felt his tongue gently caressing her clit, then devouring her folds eagerly.

“Ohmygod, Bryce”—She moaned, pulling his hair with both hands, completely desperate.

"Bryce, fuck…"—Her legs began to tremble incessantly, her strength leaving her body— "I’m gonna fall …”

In one swift motion, Bryce stood up, took her in his arms and laid her down on the couch that was a few feets away; and got on his knees. He took her tights gently in his arms to supported them on his shoulders, then he leaned to her sex, and began to move his head and tongue in circles, and then in lines, alternating the rhythm and intensity of the touch.

“Mmmm. You taste so good”—He sighed.

Eleanor looked down and realized that Bryce was staring at her, all focused on her pleasure. She stroked the strands of hair that fell in his forehead, and then rested a hand on his head, tugging his hair gently as she guided a pace, while with the other hand she tried to keep balance on the couch.

“Bryce”—She whimpered. Bryce huffed against her folds, making Eleanor pant at the vibrations in her clit. Then he took both hands to her breasts and started to massage and grip her nipples. Eleanor started to move her hips involuntarily. She was close to her climax.

“Give it to me, baby”—Bryce whispered, parting from her core just a second, and then he introduced two fingers in her center while licking her clit with the tip of his tongue quickly.

Eleanor couldn’t hold it anymore

“Yes, Bryce, FUCK YES!”—She groaned loudly, from the depths of her core, convulsing on the couch to finally vanishing into thin air. 

She had reached a limit never before explored, which immersed her into a cloud of pleasure that caused her to float peacefully. Her head was spinning, losing track of time and space, feeling like she was floating in a sky full of pastel tones and sweet scents. It was warm and quiet. 

She still could feel his tongue in her, getting every bit of her juices, savoring it like it was the most precious nectar, causing her a soft but pleasant sensation.

She didn’t know how much time had passed, but when she opened her eyes, she found herself being carried by Bryce like a koala bear to his room.

He placed her in the bed, delicately. She tried to narrow her eyes in Bryce’s direction, but it was still very blurry. She could tell, however, that he was taking off her pants, leaving only his underwear, and then he lunged to her side.

“Fuck”—She sighed.

“What’s wrong?”

"Umh? Nothing, just…"—She said, turning her face towards him, unable to look at him.

Bryce giggled

“What, you still haven’t come back?”

“No, I’m still floating somewhere… in a warm pink sky, near a black hole, probably.”

“Oof, I was that good, uh?”

"Good it’s an understatement"—She sighed.

Bryce rejoiced in the sight of Eleanor still with the effects of the orgasm. While she was regaining clarity, he turned to her, leaning on his elbow, to observe every inch of her exposed skin. He slid his fingertips on his favorite spots; her thighs, her hips, her waist, her breasts, her shoulders, and finally her soft little hands. 

After a couple of minutes, Eleanor turned to him, exposing the curve of her waist even deeper. Bryce couldn’t help but grab her by the waist and pull her closer to his body.

“What kind of magic was that?”

“So advanced, that You-Know-Who would be jealous.”

Eleanor laughed hard. Then, she moved even closer to Bryce, sharing the warmth of their bodies. She kissed him sweetly while pushing him back onto the bed, laying on top of him. Soon, she brought her kisses to his neck, his sweet scent lusciously provocative made her more thirsty. Then she followed down his chest, his taut abdomen muscles feeling warm; until she reached the edge of his hips. She got to her knees in the middle of the bed and helped him remove his boxer. She caressed his exposed skin a few seconds, and then she leaned over him again, continuing the kisses on his hips, thighs, and then around his length. She felt his tension, the anticipation to feel her mouth in his sweet spot.

Eleanor sat back for a moment to stare at Bryce, the erotism of his figure was difficult to avoid. Bryce was serious but hungry, his expression a bit affected because of the anticipation. His naked body, with his erection not yet full, was a sight that exceeded all the dirty expectations she had had about Bryce in the last few days. 

“Not for nothing all I’ve gotten on my mind since I left the supply closet was you, and the thought of eating you out tonight.”

“You have gotten incredibly good at dirty talk, what happened?”

“You.”

Eleanor wet her lips and leaned again into his crotch. She took his length with both hands and kissed the tip, first slowly and delicately, until it entered in her mouth, gaining more shape inside her. With the help of her hand, he began to stimulate the base, while with his mouth and tongue she drew circles on the tip

"God, Eleanor…"—He growled between groans—"You’re amazing.”

“Mmmm—She huffed, completely focused on him.

After a few moments, Bryce tugged her hair softly

“I want you, babe. Come with me.”

Eleanor got on her knees and watched him carefully lying on the bed, his face a little sweaty and excited. She approached him slowly, leaving her lips millimeters from him.

“I want you too. Since yesterday, and even before that.”

She kissed him. Suddenly Bryce grabbed her hips and sat her on his lap, her legs straddling him. Eleanor was surprised by his unexpectedness but smiled provocatively.

“I like it when you grow impatient.”

“I’ve been too patient, in fact.”

He kissed her hard, and after founding her entry, he pushed himself inside her. They both shuddered.

“Oh my god, yes”

“Finally”—He sighed with relief.

Eleanor began to move over him, guided by the grip of him in her hips. After a while, they parted briefly so Bryce could sit against the headboard of his bed. Once Eleanor straddled him, they kissed again, this time like desperate animals, as if each other were water and they hadn’t had a drop for days. The desperation growing inside them was primal. Eleanor lifted her hips over Bryce’s crotch, faster and faster. After a few moments, they both began to moan, their breaths colliding between kisses.

“Ohh, Bryce, you feel so fucking good inside me.”

Without warning, Bryce shifted his hands to her ass and gave her a loudly slap, causing Eleanor unexpected waves of pleasure inside her.

“Oooh fuck, yes”—She whimpered, her thrusts increasing swiftly.

“You like it?”

“Y-yes, yes, so much”

Bryce did it again, this time harder.

“Oh God, you feel amazing, Elle."—He groaned deep, sweat droplets starting to trickle down his face.

Eleanor cleared his face, then pulled him close to kiss him hard. They parted when the sensations began to consume them and their bodies began to shake.

"Ohh, ohh, yes!—She moaned, arching her back.

Bryce captured a nipple in his mouth, bringing her over the edge. She cried out his name desperately, her muscles squeezing hard, making Bryce obtain his own release seconds after.

They both found themselves in the middle of that ecstasy. Although orgasms feel different for each person, somehow they both felt like they reached exactly the same climax. Because the same cloud lulled them, and the same warmth sheltered them. Maybe the pink sky Eleanor mentioned before, rested on Bryce’s mind, making his heaven look just like hers.

Eleanor rested her forehead against his, her breathing ragged, their faces glistening with sweat. Bryce hurled himself onto the bed, taking Eleanor with him, propping her up on his lap.

"Shit"—He gasped a few minutes later when he regained some breath.

Eleanor pulled away, all sweaty and sticky, and lunged to his side, still gasping for air.

“That was… Wow. I’m glad we didn’t do it in the supply closet”—She sighed, pure satisfaction in her voice and face.

“This 36-hours waiting did worth it.”

“Yes, but I don’t know if I can handle it again.”

“There’s no need now, we both kept our promise to wait till this moment, and now that we made it…”

“Thank you for understanding and for waiting.”

“Nah, I wanted it that way too, even if yesterday seemed otherwise.”

Eleanor leaned to kiss him softly. They both cuddle in the middle of the bed until they went for the inevitable second round.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is the last chapter I've posted on Tumblr so far. I hope you enjoyed reading it! I struggled a lot because OMG it's Bryce and he's incredibly sexy.
> 
> Kudos and comments are really appreciated. Thank you so much for reading.  
> Love, 
> 
> E.


	7. Flotando

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor finds out Ethan will be back at Edenbrook soon. What does it mean to her relationship with Bryce?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is based on the song Flotando by Francisca Valenzuela. Listen to it, please, is so beautiful. As it is in Spanish, I recommend you the translation from musixmatch. The other pages don’t get the beauty and poetry of this song. It’s really sweet and fits really well with what Eleanor is feeling right now for Baby Bryce.

**Chapter 7: Flotando (Floating).**

_Y sin decirnos nada me tomas en tus brazos (Without saying a word you embrace me)_

_Dame un descanso, dame un abrazo (Give me a rest, give me a hug)_

_Y así y al fin, al fin, estar flotando (And then, finally, finally to be floating)_

It was Thursday when Eleanor heard from Banerji that Ethan would be back next Monday to Edenbrook, just as a new year of Residency began, and so her job as Junior Fellow in the Diagnostics Team. Ethan’s compromise with the WHO had finished but he had decided to spend a couple of days in Manaus, as a buffer between two places as different as Boston and the rainforest.

Ever since then, she began acting weird, nervous, and anxious. She couldn’t stop thinking about how she would react the moment she saw him again. Will he still ignore her? Did he forget her already? Did he miss her? Would he return with the intention to make things work between them? There were so many questions, so many suppositions, all questions that she had been wondering the first month he had left, and that had been put on hold once she started to date Bryce. But now everything was coming back to haunt her.

Her time with Bryce had been like a bubble. A bubble that had kept her alienated from the reality. He had made her feel good, calm, happy, free from anxiety because the biggest of her problems wasn't wandering around the hospital and Bryce had her mind occupied enough to not think about Ethan.

But now he would be back, he would be wandering around the hallways of Edenbrook, she would be working with him closer than ever. Things would turn very different from what they had been. And the thought that she would fall for Ethan again just got her desperate. Not only because of her and what she would feel, but for the pain she could inflict on Bryce. Because she was more than aware of all the pain she could do to him and didn't want to hurt him at all. 

Bryce noticed the change in her behavior but didn’t pry. He asked how she was but she played the dumb like nothing was happening. He decided to not push her to talk about what was bothering her because if she needed to talk, she would always look for him.

When he asked her roommates if something was bothering her, none of them knew. But later that day, Elijah approach him in the locker room and told him he had found out what it was.

“Dr. Ramsey returns on Monday.”

“Oh. She told you?”

“No, I heard one of the Attendings commenting he was going on vacation now that Ramsey will be back on Monday.

“I get it. Thanks, mate—He said, patting him in the shoulder. —I appreciate this a lot.”

“Sure thing.”

***

It was Saturday night. After a long shift, he went directly to his apartment, had a pizza for dinner, and took a shower. He was about to go to bed when he received a text from Eleanor, which surprised him because an hour ago they had said good night and agreed to meet for lunch to spend their free day together.

“We need to talk, can I come to your house now?”

“Of course, babe. I’ll be waiting.”

Twenty minutes later, she entered his apartment.

Bryce tried to hide his concern. Knowing she was acting weird because of Ramsey, it was inevitable to think she would want to break up with him or something, but he couldn’t be sure. He didn’t want to make suppositions or guesses.

“What’s up gorgeous?”—He asked, cupping her cheeks with both hands. He could read the fear, the anxiety, and the anguish in her swollen eyes. Evidently, she had been crying and that view made his heart ache.

“Ethan’s coming back on Monday.—She confessed

“Yeah, I heard.”

“And I’m… I’m scared…”—She said in a tiny voice, letting her tears stream down her cheeks—“…Of what I could feel. I got the feeling that when he’s back, I’ll realize that I haven’t stopped loving him as I think, and I’ll feel things and I don’t want to feel anything for him. And I don't want to… to…—She wrapped her arms around his waist, sobbing uncontrollably —”I… I don’t want to… to hurt you, Bryce.”

His heart skipped a beat. She was worried about him. They only thing that should bother her was how bad she would feel now that her love was back, but instead, she was worried about _him_.

“It’s okay, take it easy, Elle”—He whispered, stroking her hair softly, pulling her away gently to look directly into her reddened eyes—“Do not rush, okay? This takes time, we both know that, and it’s understandable that you still have feelings for him. You can't really be over a person until you face them. In this case, the only way to be over Ramsey, it's to talk to him, to see him.”

He wiped the tears with the tip of his finger, delicately.

“I’m sure things will be different once Ramsey comes back, I've always known that but I won't back down, my love for you will keep as or stronger than is now, if you still want it to, of course. This takes time, Elle. First, we have to make it till Monday, you have to see him… Maybe things will happen, that's inevitable, but after that, things are going to turn out and you’ll find the peace you need to make your mind.”

She stared in his eyes, processing his words.

“Yeah, that’s true.”—She took a breath—“It’s just… I hope you don't feel bad about this, I mean... If some things happen between Ethan and me; or if I still have feelings for him. I don’t want to hurt you, actively, consciously, you know what I mean? You have to tell me if I’m hurting you, if I'm abusing our arrangement. God, this is hurting you? Me crying and talking about him?”

“No. It’s not, Elle, because I know what’s on your heart. I’ve never expected you to be over him just after a month dating me. I would be pretty awesome if I do that, though—He joked—And I don’t feel bad for this, I actually appreciate that you came to me. Means a lot that you trust me, babe.”

“Yeah, I promised I would be sincere with you. I just hope this doesn’t end up making you feel worse. You have to tell me if I hurt you. Please, promise me that you’ll tell me when I’m abusing our situation.”

“I promise.”

Giving her a sweet smile, he kissed her forehead and then wrapped his arms around her. In a matter of seconds, he listens to her sighing, relieved, and her body starting to relax. He felt like she was melting in his arms.

“It’s incredible how you soothe me when I’m feeling sad—She murmured after a few minutes of quietness—You always say the right words, and give me the right look and the right caress to put me back in place.”

“Oh, babe… I’m happy I have that effect on you. You should know that you make me feel that way too. You enlighten my day every time I see you, and even when I only think about you.”

“Awww. You’re so cute”

She kissed him tenderly in the lips.

“So, you’re feeling better now?”

“Yeah, a lot better. Thank you.”

“Good, let’s have some rest before that overthinker mind of yours eats you alive, shall we?”

“Alright. But you’re going to bed really early, why’s that?”

“I intend to wake up early to study for my first day as a second-year resident.”

“Ooh, nerdy, I like that.”

Eleanor followed Bryce towards his bedroom and proceeded to change her clothes into the shirt she uses when she stays with him, while Bryce prepared the bed for both. Once they got in the bed, they kissed briefly before Eleanor embraced him and rest her head on his chest. Bryce put an arm above hers and started to draw circles in her soft skin while both contemplated the comfortable silence between them.

She felt so relaxed, that it was almost unbelievable that an hour ago she had been through an outbreak of anguish and cry after spending two hours in her bed facing the inevitable reality of seeing Ethan again, each minute closer to that moment. She tried in vain to calm herself, but the irrational fear of hurting Bryce just kept growing and growing until she found out the only way to get rid of that burden, was talking to Bryce. To be honest with him.

And that was all. The moment she saw him, the moment she heard his comforting words and felt his hands caressing her body, her face, her hair, and saw his eyes conveying love, calmness, support; all her fears were gone. It only took a couple of minutes in front of him to feel how that black cloud vanished from her head. She came to him just to stop lying to him, and instead, she found peace, comfort. _Love._

When she didn’t even know what she needed, there he was, giving her exactly what she needed. He had given her things she didn’t even know she wanted, things she didn’t know she needed. And that realization felt like a tremendous warmth that started in her heart and spread to her whole body, to head and toes. Every cell of her body was demanding to explode. The warmth on her chest was fighting to come out of her throat.

“Bryce?”—Eleanor whispered, her throat was tight.

“Tell me, beautiful”—He replied, lowering his eyes to meet hers.

She leaned on her elbow, looking directly at him.

“I love you”—She said softly, exposing all her fragility to him.

During a brief moment, his eyes showed surprise. He just couldn’t believe what he heard. Not even in his wildest dreams, he would have expected those words from her, given the hard time she had been living.

“You do?”—He asked, a genuine smile shining on his face.

“Yes”—She tried to sound the most assured she could because she didn’t want him to doubt about what she was feeling.—“You know I’m still confused, that I have a lot to process, but I felt this warmth in my chest when I thought about you and how incredibly calm I am by your side, and it’s so pure. And this feeling cannot be other than love. I’ve always had feelings for you, as a friend. But now this love is… different.”

He stroked her cheek, smiling.

“I love when you open to me like that, babe. When you say what’s happening in your mind and heart, and how you process your feelings. I’ll always be thankful for how sincere you are with me, Elle.”

He kissed her tenderly

“I love you too, Eleanor.”

“Thank you for always making me feel in peace when I’m having an inferno inside my head.”

She rested on his chest again feeling like she was floating of joy and calmness. They stayed in silence for a few minutes. It was like they both had agreed implicitly to stay quiet to savor the moment of love. A sacred silence.

“You know,”—She said a few minutes later—“one of my favorites things about Spanish it’s the variety of forms to express love. Specifically, that it has levels to express love. While in English we only have “I love you”, the Spanish language has two. _Te amo_ y _te quiero._ _Te quiero_ it’s the first level. According to my grandma, that’s for friends and when you’re starting to love or appreciate that special someone. And _Te amo_ , is used between parents and their children, and between couples that are committed to one another. Practically, to express they’re in love. So, that said. What I meant tonight was… _Te quiero._ And even if it’s just a first step, that doesn’t make it any less, right?”

“Of course not. Just the fact that you love me makes me feel so damn happy.”—He kissed her forehead sweetly —“You know what my ‘I love you’ means, right?”

“Um…”—Eleanor blushed.

“It’s a _te amo_. And don’t act like you don’t know it.”

“Bryce”—She was melting inside—“I had to be the biggest stupid of this planet if I don’t end up falling for you, right?”

“Well, yeah. But I really can’t blame you when is the heart that wants what it wants.”

Bryce woke up the next morning spooning her. The room was tranquil, the only sound was the murmur of cars passing by outside and her steady deep breath. A divine sound. The living proof that she was with him at that moment.

After a few minutes contemplating her, Eleanor turned to him, tangled an arm around his waist, and stayed in that position; her sigh breaking the silence for an instant. Bryce lowered his view just to see her profoundly asleep. He couldn’t help but kiss her forehead and stroke her hair softly. He didn’t want to wake her up, but he needed to have her with every sense.

He was feeling a bit anxious too because no one could know what was going to happen once Ramsey comes back. If he was going to fight for her or let her go. If he would still have a chance or not. Everything was going to change tomorrow, so he wanted to relish that moment, the moment of having her in his arms, in the intimacy of his bedroom, in the intimacy that they had built in the past weeks and that didn’t need nor a place or words to exist, just the two of them present in the moment. And even if she wasn’t awake and conscious at that moment with him, unconsciously, she was, because even asleep she was looking for his embrace, she was craving for their intimacy. He closed his eyes with a pleased smile on his face and fell asleep again.

He woke up a few hours later, feeling as Eleanor was crawling back to bed from the bathroom.

“Good morning, handsome”—She greeted, joyfully.

“Good morning, hot stuff, how’d you sleep?”

“Like a baby.”

“But you _are_ a baby”

“Well yeah, but you cuddled your baby to sleep _too_ well”

They kissed tenderly.

“I’m pretty good at cuddling, right? Can’t help it. How are you feeling?

“Better. My eyes are still a bit swollen but I’m feeling light. And you?”

“How do you think I slept if I shared the bed with the most beautiful creature in the universe?"

“Uff, you’re starting early, Johnny.”

He chuckled.

“So, we’ll spend the day studying?”

“ _I_ will study, you can do whatever you want while I do it. Watch a movie, do yoga, cook, sleep.”

“But I’d do it alone, what’s the fun in that?”

“Mmm. —He hummed and remained quiet for a few seconds, thinking—”You know what? Changes of plans.”

“Bryce, you don’t have to change your plans just because of me.”

“Babe, there will be like 80 degrees today, I’ve just realized we can’t spend the day in here. It’s summer, it’s our last day as interns, we should be outside!”

“Yeah, that’s true. Ohhh, maybe we could go to the beach? Oh my god, yes!!! Let’s go to the beach! Pleaseeeee.”

“If is a beach we are talking about, you don’t even have to ask.”

“Yessss! Where? Martha's Vineyard? I could search if there are any rental houses…”

“Nah, we don’t need some fancy houses to enjoy ourselves, right? Let’s go to some public beach here in Boston like a normal person would. Fewer things to worry about. Don’t you think?”

“I agree. As long as there’s a place to lay on, I’m good.” 

They got up from bed excitedly, had a quick breakfast, and after left the house decently cleaned, they went to Eleanor’s apartment to prepare a bag to the beach and to put on a bikini. Then, they made their way to a near grocery store to buy some drinks and snacks, and finally, they went to take the train to Revere Beach. 

It was almost midday when they got to the beach. There were already lots of people installed, but the beach was massive, so there was plenty of room to find a comfortable spot. There were huge and small groups of people chatting, singing, listening to music, or just enjoying the sun. 

Bryce's eyes sparkled at the view. He loved places full of people enjoying themselves. He reminded him of home, which wasn’t his home anymore. Boston was his home now, but the salty air, the sound of waves at the sea, the murmur of people having fun just made him feel what was missing to feel completely at home. Each time he approached a beach, he would remember.

They wandered for a couple of minutes until they found a spot where to lay on. They rolled out the towels, put up an umbrella, took off their clothes, and put themselves comfortable. Bryce stared carefully at Eleanor, her carrot tone bikini making her look warm and, somehow, sweet; especially when she met his eyes and smiled at him.

“What are you looking at, weirdo?”—She joked while she’s applying sunscreen in her arms.

“Can I give you a hand?”

“Where?”—She asked mischievously.

“Whenever you want me to”

They both chuckled

“Help me with my back”

“Right away, doc” —He replied getting on his knees and applying a blob on his hands. He spread it on his hands and then started to massage her back, softly at first to then turn his motions into an intense rub.

“I love you magic hands”—She mumbled in a pleasured tone.

Bryce took a bit more of sunscreen and went down her tights, grabbing playfully his bum.

“Hey, how did you graduate from Stanford if you don’t know where the back ends?”

“I’m a proactive man, you know? Your precious ass needs to be protected too, so your thighs, and legs, and ankles…”—He said sultry while rubbing her tights intensely

“God, you’re incredible”

“I know. That’ll be all.”

Eleanor crawled back to him.

“Thank you. My turn”—Sha said taking the sunscreen and applying it on his back. She wasn't a massage expert like him but did her best. She was intense on his shoulders and his waist while admiring the muscles of his back, toned and firm and his caramel skin, soft at touch.

“I’m done”—She said, kissing his shoulder.

"Thanks, babe."

“So, what should we do? We could play a game”—She asked, sitting across him with her legs crossed.

“I have one”

“Which one?”

“Strip poker”

Eleanor threw him a pillow

“Would be too boring, though—He said, thoughtfully—"You, two pieces, me, one. And there are kids. No, definitely not.”

“I agree”

“Truth or dare, then.”

“Oh, okay. Game on, Lahela”

“You start. Truth or dare?”

“Truth”

Bryce thought his question for a couple of seconds.

“If your sex life was a porn, what would be your ideal life?”

“What the hell is that question? You’re starting hard!”

“We have played truth or dare too many times with the gang, normal questions are expired by now.”

“Okay, okay. I get it. I think… This has been always a thing to me: A threesome with two guys.”

“Uh, naughty. With who? Ramsey and me?”—He asked, jokingly.

“Actually no. He’s too serious for that. You really wanna know with who?”

“Yes. I’m really, _really_ curious.”

“You and Raf”

“With Rafael Aveiro?!”

“Yeah would be a total dream to bang with you two hot stuffs.”

“Have you slept with him?”—He inquired curiously, no jealousy or weirdness in his voice.

“No, I haven’t, but I’d only do it for a threesome with you.”

“Lucky me.”

“Why you say that, you like Raf?”

“Hey, I haven’t chosen truth or dare.”

“And I already answered like three questions in a row, come on, tell me.”

“I find him attractive, so I’d probably fuck with him if we were on a threesome. And maybe if I didn’t like you that much then, I would have flirted with him instead.”

“Damn. Color me impressed. Oh crap, the images in my head. I need to go to the water to freshen up, god”—Eleanor moved her hands like a hand fan.—"God, how I’m gonna look at him again?”

They both chuckled.

“Okay, okay, let’s move on. Truth or dare, Johnny.”

“Stop saying me like that!”

“Pick, pick!”

“Dare”

“Ok. I dare you to… Go to talk to that girl with your best Johnny Bravo personification and ask her if she has a boyfriend because you wanna be hers”

“You’re cruel, you know that, Eleanor Andrea Bloom?”

“You made your choice, Bryce Cream.”

Bryce sighed, brushed his hair, and approached the pointed girl.

“Hey babygirl, are you single?”—He asked with a cocky smile and a too-self-assured manner.

“Yes”

“Oh, cool. Would you like to be my girlfriend, because baby, you’re fabulous.”

“No, sorry. I like girls.” The girl replied, her cheeks blushed but somehow flattered.

“Oh, okay, I guess I’ll have to live with that.—He feigned a sad look—It was a dare, by the way, I’m not a creepy in real life, sorry.”

“Don’t worry.”

Bryce returned to his towel.

“Truth or dare, snake.”

“Hey, I’m not Landry, how you dare?!”

“Dare, ok. I dare you to-”

“Hey! I didn’t choose a dare"

“I’m sorry, you have to be careful with your words. I dare you to ask that group to choose a song and you have to dance it.”

“My gosh, you’ll be the death of me, Lahela.”

Eleanor got up and went to a group near them.

“Hey guys, I’m playing truth or dare. You have to choose a song for me and I’ll dance it.”

“Oooooooh”—The group whistled.

“He’s your boyfriend?”—A girl in the group asked.

Eleanor froze at the question. She didn’t even know how to call it. Her friends knew what they were doing, but other people hadn’t pried in their relationship.

“Kinda. Just dating” —She said at last.

“Okay, so we can put something sexy, then. There you go.”

The song started to play in the speaker. _You can leave your hat on_ by Joe Cocker.

The group started to make teasing noises. Eleanor blushed.

“I’m not seeing you dance. If you don’t do it, I’ll make a worse dare, Bloom.”—Bryce shouted under the parasol, a grin on his face.

Eleanor started to move her hips and lifted her arms seductively, her cheeks almost crimson. She flexed her legs downward, without stopping swaying.

“Thank you guys”—Eleanor said, as she started to walk toward Bryce and stood in front of him, moving her body, sliding her hands over her skin until she got on her knees and started to crawl towards him, seductively. Bryce gasped, looking at her mischievously. He felt his swim trunk tightening and he knew it wouldn’t calm anytime soon.

“Let’s go swim”—He said, standing up, taking her by the hand and then charging her on his shoulder to carry her to the water.

“Bryce, watcha doing!”—She giggled.

Once he was a few feet into the water he lowered her to the ground and kissed her instantly, stopping her giggling.

“I killed you with my dance, uh?”

“Yeah, you always do”

Eleanor pulled out from his grip and jumped into the water. Bryce followed her instantly. They began to swim away from people, specially children. Then, she swam towards him and wrapped her arms around her neck and her legs around his waist and kissed him passionately, until after a few moments, they parted, laughing sweetly.

“Why every moment with you is perfect?”

He looked at her, stunned. He couldn’t get used to her being that tender and sweet with him. He was used to be him the sweet one and the one with compliments, but she always found a way to surprise him.

“Cause I’m perfect”—He stated —“And you’re perfect too, so it’s inevitable.”

He kissed her again, this time hard, both losing themselves in their touch, the warmth of their bodies, the sweetness of the moment. They stayed in the water until they got hungry and returned to their spot to eat some snacks. The kept playing, this time, just truth and truth.

“Let’s ask something light. Tell me about the most awkward date you’ve ever had.”

“Um, let me think… It was in a museum…This guy was such a weirdo.”

Bryce raised an eyebrow.

“Just kidding, that would be the best date I’ve ever had. The most awkward has to be the one when a guy tried to play it cool, super liberal and all, and I don’t know why but I commented my grandparents came here escaping from the Military Coup in Chile, and he mocked that they shouldn’t have come to the country that paid Pinochet to kill Allende, that they should've gone to Cuba, the cradle of all communist and socialists. It turned out he was a filthy republican, so I ended the date in that instant.”

“What a douche, but you didn’t say anything?”

“Of course I did. I said I had to go because I didn’t date with brainless that supported clowns like Trump, or something like that.”

“Good, you had your chance. Where you meet them?”

“Tinder. You never know what you’ll find. — She shrugged her shoulders.—Your turn. So, that Rafael thing got me thinking… I never asked you this, I just assumed and clearly I was wrong. Are you bisexual?”

“I would say so, yes. I like both men and women, but I’m more inclined to women, though. Especially one called Eleanor Bloom. You?”

“Hetero. I’ve never been attracted to a woman, but you’ll never know until it happens.”

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Good keep your options open.”

They keep asking questions, between normal stuff, to more intimate questions that made them know each other in other aspects. Their past lovers, their life at College. The only thing Eleanor couldn't get a glimpse of, was about his family. He had a way to avoid it, and when Eleanor asked him directly, he directly said he preferred not to talk about that. Eleanor understood and changed the topic, but couldn’t help but feel worried about him.

The rest of the afternoon they spend it taking a bit of sun, resting, listening to the people around, and chatting. Then the group from early invited them to play volley, so they joined the group and had a great time with them. Bryce was more than happy to show up his volley skills and just show up the perfection of his entire being. Their team won two of three matches played. Bryce was more than happy with the victory. 

She had just sat in their spot after the last match when her phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Ellie, hi! Where are you? I’ve been trying to reach you all afternoon!”

“Oh, Si, I’m sorry. I’m at the beach with Bryce, we were playing volley.”

“At the beach? At Martha’s Vineyard?”

“No, no, Revere. Just here in the city”

“Oh, cool. I envy you. I’ve been here all day confined to four walls. Anyway, I and the guys were thinking about going to Donahue's to celebrate the end of our intern year today.”

“Oh, that's a great idea. I'm in. Wait. Hey, Bryce, wanna grab drinks with the guys later?”

“You don’t even have to ask, babe.”

“You heard him.”

“Cool, _babe_.—Sienna teased her—I see you guys later, then. Byeee”

Around 9 pm Eleanor and Bryce made their entry to Donahue’s. They grabbed a table outside and Eleanor went for the drinks while their friends were on their way to the bar. 

By midnight they were all immersed in chatting, remembering the best and worst moments from their first year that had finished just a few minutes ago.

“Oh. My. Good”—Sienna whispered, startled—“He looks so different”

“What are you talkin-"—Eleanor turned to her back. 

It was him. Ethan Ramsey was entering the beer garden with his usual stoic look. He had grown a beard and his outfit was different from usual, which made him look younger and sassy. More imponent. 

Eleanor couldn’t help but blush. Her stomach twisted at the very sight of him. He was there. He was back.

“Rookie”—He said once their eyes met for the first time in an eternity.

And that was all. That’s what it took to make her bubble burst. 

_Pop!_


	8. Me cuesta tanto olvidarte

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan is back in Boston and things have changed more than he would have imagined.

**Chapter 8: Me cuesta tanto olvidarte.**

_Y aunque fui yo quien decidió que ya no más (And even though it was me who decided we were through)_

_Y no me canse de jurarte que no habrá segunda parte (And I didn't tire of swearing to you that there wouldn't be a second chance)_

_Me cuesta tanto olvidarte (It's so hard for me to forget you)_

As much as he tried to avoid that moment, there he was, both feet on the grounds of Boston Logan International Airport. After two months in the Amazon, he was back at the place he wanted so much to escape, only to return with empty hands, with his personal mission failed. 

His heart was feeling like there were never eight weeks since he left Boston, and was aching as much as the night they said goodbye. He had left for nothing. He wanted a reset, but he wasn't sure if that's what he got there.

Even if he tried every day to get her off his head, the most nonsensical things would remind him of her. 

The sparkling eyes of the children seemed attached to the memories of her giving him the shiniest smiles he had ever seen.

The carefree nature of a young woman would remind him of her youthful spirit, a trait he had grown to appreciate since the moment he knew her, but that he had failed to preserve in the last months, due to his erratic attitude towards her.

And if there was nothing that reminded him of her during the day, there would always be a sparkle at the end of the day, just about to sleep, that would explode in his mind like a firework. Whether it be the feeling of her hands touching his face, his hair, his bare chest; or the feeling of her soft lips giving him life after a searing kiss.

Whether it be her amber eyes illuminating the darkness of his mind and waking him up to a trance of vivid memories and feelings of happiness and joy. Vivid memories of something that were long gone and that couldn’t be back; or her laugh invading his ears and making him jolt as if it was the painful hallucination of a schizophrenic mind, and swear she was just laughing by her side when the truth was they were thousands of miles away.

Some nights he would toss and turn in bed, wondering what would she be doing; if he had broken her more than he was aware; if what he had done was right; if all this was really about her or about his fears and the ablaze belief that he would never be worthy of her because he could never give her everything she deserved. Wondering if all this was always about the fact that since he was a child, he never felt worthy of love.

He honestly couldn’t know.

He didn’t know how to face a truth that had been carrying his whole adult life, and he wasn’t sure it was now the time to explore those feelings. It didn’t make sense now. 

Some other nights he would lay remembering her, but the tiredness would be like morphine to his mind, sending him to sleep just as his head would touch the pillow. The memories of her wouldn’t haunt him like a ghost all night, the guilt wouldn’t eat him alive, there would only be a full night’s sleep, with physical recovery but with the same burden on his mind.

After three weeks, however, he had convinced himself that he had done the right thing. That she would eventually move on, that she would let him in the past and all this bad road would be over soon. But the hollowness somewhere inside him reminded him every time, that it wasn’t what he wanted, that he didn’t want it that way.

There was another way, but he was a coward.

Deep inside, he was hoping that the distance between them wouldn't make an effect like he intended to. He wanted it to fail. That her love was stronger than that. That that strongness was the proof he needed to push himself towards her, to fight for her, to hold her and never let her go again.

But then he would remember that all that he had been doing the last months, was for her, and only to protect her. That this self-sabotage would only damage her career. He couldn’t let that happen.

*

Ethan was having dinner at the ranch in the company of the owner, a Colombian elder woman who had spent her entire life receiving tourists that came to the rainforest from all places, and that had taught her the basics in various languages to communicate with them, English above all.

She had observed him for weeks. He noticed he was taciturn, thoughtful, that would never involve in small talk, so she had decided to respect his privacy and his love for silent meals. But he looked too troubled that night to ignore it.

“Are you in love, doctor?”—The woman asked, interrupting the dissection of his own thoughts.

“I beg your pardon?”—He replied, a bit startled for the intromission.

“I have lived long enough to know, by the look in your eyes, that you are in love. And that you would do anything to deny it, but it’s a stupid try, _mi niño_.”

He remained silent.

“I know you the yankees only care about work and money. You as a doctor are more human than others because you are _here,”—_ She splayed her arms in the air, trying to sum up in a single gesture the greatness of the Amazon _— “_ but for the same reason, you deprive yourself of the more important things in life as family and love.”

“Saving lives is the more important thing to me.”

“I know that. You have no family, no partner because your job goes first. But you are in love and I bet you are keeping the person you love away from you. Maybe that’s the reason why you are here, in the first place.”

“I didn’t know people in the Amazon were diviners.”

“We are not, but I have lived enough to see too many people coming here to forget, and that had failed.”

Ethan stared at her, thoughtful, not even sure if he would address her accusations.

“So, I am right?”

There was no point in denying. He would be gone in three weeks and then he wouldn’t see her again. He wasn’t risking anything.

“Yes, you are.”—He finally admitted.

“And Medicine has not taught you anything, doctor?”

“What do you mean?”

“You see life and death every day. You know the value of life and how easy it goes. Being a doctor is a tough job, but as someone who knows about the meaning of life and death more than any other person, you don’t seem to put into practice everything you have learned: To live and love ”

“It’s not that simple”

“It is simple. You have no idea how simple it is. I only hope you don’t learn it the hard way, when you lose your chance. I have seen it so many times, you wouldn’t believe me.”

The friendly silence joined the tabled again, leaving Ethan more pensive than before.

Maybe the elder woman was right, but Ethan was never a man of sentimentalism, of searching the meaning in things. He only wanted to seek the truth in life, how things were based only on facts. And the truth in this situation was that he had to stay away from Eleanor to protect her reputation and her career. There was no point in trying to find an alternative answer to that. The truth about them was absolute.

Still, he couldn’t stop thinking of her words.

Ethan force himself to come back to reality as entered in the baggage reclaim area of the airport. Once it was all collected, he took a cab to his apartment. 

Once he was there, he took a shower, unpacked his luggage, and drop off his clothes from the trip at the laundry service on his way to the hospital.

The sun was already set when he met Naveen at his office.

“Ethan, my boy, I’m so happy you’re back safe”—He greeted giving him a hug that Ethan replied coyly.

“Good to see you, Naveen. How have you been?”

“Incredibly well, the weather has been so nice. And my position as Chief gives me more time to enjoy the sun, so I’m incredibly well with the amount of vitamin D I have absorbed these past weeks.”

“I can see it. You’re more joyful than usual.”

“Not just because of the sun, but because you’re back. I sincerely missed you, my friend”

Ethan nodded in a way that Naveen interpreted as he felt the same.

“How was Manaus, well, and the rainforest in general?”

Ethan updated him about his trip, describing the streets and highlights of the city in detail, and after that, he followed up with his labor with the WHO, and how things were when he left.

The origin of the epidemic had been found in a river that rises in Colombia and flows to the Amazon River, in the middle of Brazil. The Amazon River was the biggest in South America and its size was the reason it had caused nothing less than an outbreak just in a few weeks.

Just before Ethan left, the development of a vaccine had started, as a variant from the Malaria’s; therefore, in the next three months it was expected to be tested and by the end of the year, it was expected to be produced. He wasn’t sure if the WHO would call him for another Mission, but Naveen would be fully aware of that in case they would.

*

The hospital was quiet when both mentor and protégé left the office. They parted ways in the parking lot. Naveen, to go to his car, and Ethan, to walk down the street towards Donahue’s to say hi to Reggie.

He needed a drink to feel he was really back in Boston. At Edenbrook. But deep down, he wanted to go there because he hoped she would be at the bar. There was no way she wouldn’t be with her friends celebrating their last day as interns and welcoming the first day as second-year residents.

His pace was slower than usual for multiple reasons. First, because he wanted to enjoy the warm night Boston was welcoming him with; second, because he wasn’t going there to kill the tension of a day’s work, just to enjoy the night. And third, because some part of him was afraid of what he would find there. If shewas there. If his face would betray him even if he had mastered the stoicism long before he met her.

“Don’t teaser her, Jackie! I still have nightmares about that Ethics Hearing!”—He heard just when he was about to turn to the entry. “If Eleanor had left Edenbrook, I don’t know what we’d done.”

He had no doubt that that sweet and soft voice belonged to Sienna Trihn.

“Stolen her spot in the diagnostics team?”

And that snarky retort was from Jackie Varma.

“Oh. My God”—The tiny resident said once her eyes caught him at the entry.—“He looks so different.”

She didn’t even lower her voice as she acknowledged him. And he didn’t care. As soon as he realized where Sienna and her friends were, his eyes couldn’t help but search for _her_ eyes.

“What are you talkin-“—Eleanor turned and her mumbling stopped right away as their eyes met. Her confused amber eyes went stunned in an instant.

“Rookie”—Was all he could say to not let his feelings betray him. The sole sight of her was painful enough to try something else.

“It's good to have you back, Dr. Ramsey”—She murmured, her voice distant. Like she wasn’t even conscious of her words, like she wasn’t saying them, and an automat had taken hostage of her body.

Even though she knew he would be back tomorrow, it was clear she didn’t expect to see him tonight.

“Yeah… Good to be back”—He tried to remain serene, but for a second his eyes faltered on her with a torn expression.

He hesitated for a moment before keep walking towards the main bar.

***

She felt like someone was turning the volume up in her head. The chatting of her friends, the clinking glasses, the laugh of people, the cars passing by, the music on the jukebox inside. All was too fucking loud on her head. 

The bubble that had alienated her from the outside had popped just the moment she met eyes with Ethan. Every sound was irritating to her. Every laugh, every word, every passing car. Her heart beating fast, her agitated breath. All the noises were multiplying.

Still, she didn’t even know how she found the strength to reply to him. It didn’t sound like her at all. It was like she was observing herself outside his body, the obvious first-hand and only witness of her own autoscopy.

“Relax”—Bryce said in a jokingly tone when Ethan was out of sight—Ramsey might not be my type, but damn, I felt things too.”

All her friends burst out in laughs, trying to alleviate the tension.

“No one can deny that the man's his appeal, and with that makeover, oof. Total heartbreaker”—Conceded Jackie.

But she was barely conscious of what their friends were saying. Just as he entered the bar, she felt disoriented. Lost. The volume in her head started to turn down, silencing her from the noises around her. Like the earth had stopped rotating and she was caught in the middle of her own thoughts.

She didn’t expect that. She had come to terms with the fact that she would see him tomorrow, at Edenbrook, but she absolutely wasn’t prepared to see him tonight. At the bar. _She should have known._

Then, she heard her name somewhere. Somewhere very, very far. And after that, a warm caress in her back shook her out of her stupor.

“Elle, are you okay?”

She looked up. All her friends were trying to catch her attention, and Sienna was staring at her with her brows furrowed in concern.

“Ellie…”

“Yeah, sorry, guys, I think the beer went to my head.”

Eleanor felt a warm caress against her back again.

“Babe, are you okay? D’you need a moment?”—He whispered, leaning carefully towards her.

“No, no, I’ll be fine.”

Bryce didn’t look so convinced.

She looked at him in the eyes, knowing that it would ease her mind. She smiled. It had worked. But she knew she couldn’t spend her life being wrapped to Bryce to feel calm, that she couldn’t run to his arms every time she felt something for Ethan. She had to face the pain, the fear, she needed to confront him to really be over Ethan. She had to do it alone with all the pain it was involved in.

“I’m okay, really”—She reassured, his lips quirking a bit to resemble a smile.

He nodded.

She wanted to be okay, because the last thing she had on her mind, was to make a scene, just as the last time she saw Ethan. No, she had to grow up. The days where she would drown in sadness and ‘what ifs’ were over. She had to handle the situation like the adult she was.

But it wasn’t that easy. Even though she rejoined the conversation with her friends, after an hour she really felt the need to have a moment.

“Sienna, care to join me?”

“Of course, Ellie”—She replied getting up from the bench.

The walked carelessly towards the bar, Eleanor trying to ignore completely the presence of Ethan sitting on his usual spot.

“Are you okay?”—She asked once she closed the door behind her.

“I… I’ve been better.”—She confessed, leaning against the wall.—It’s just… I wasn’t expecting to see him today, tonight, here. I made my mind I would see him tomorrow. But well, that’s how things went.”

“It was so shocking, for all of us. Mostly because of that makeover. I swear I thought I was confusing him with another person”

“Like a extremely hot twin brother of him?”

“Kinda, yeah”

They both laughed.

“That’s torture. How can he appear here like that and expect me to stay away?”

“Eleanor…”

“Sienna, I’m teasing”

“I wouldn’t be so sure.”

“But I am. And I can’t even think about doing something with Bryce here.”

Eleanor shook her head.

“Ah, poor Bryce. He’s all in the comforting mood but I know it hurts him.”

“Maybe, but he’s actually worried about you.”

“Why he has to be so selfless? I don’t deserve it.”—She protested —He has been an angel with me this whole time. And this stupid asshole appears, and I fell to the ground like a whiny stupid.”

“Ellie, he knows what he’s dealing with. And I know he’ll be wise enough to leave when his time is over. I just hope that doesn’t happen, and that he gets his happy ending with you.”

“You don’t think I want the same? I want it. But it doesn’t matter what I want when the person I’m in love with it’s not him.”

There was silence. Sienna looked at Eleanor. She was pissed off, but not defeated like before. That was progress.

“Okay. Let’s focus.—Sienna exclaimed with renewed energy, trying to comfort her friend—"The things are this way: You’re still not over Ethan, but if you want to, you will. And you’ll do it by stop having hopes. You’ll focus on the good. On Bryce. On the beautiful moments you two have had. And as long as Ethan doesn’t say ‘Eleanor, I love you, let’s be together’, your situation with him is the same as it was when he left. It’s done. Terminated. Over. Okay?”

“Okay, yes. Yes. Crystal clear.”

“Pinky promise?”

“Pinky promise”—She replied as her pinky locked Sienna’s.

A few moments later they returned to the table. Jackie had brought a new round of beers. Eleanor took her seat next to Bryce, and without a moment’s hesitation, she brought her lips to his cheek and kissed him softly.

He stared at her a bit confused. That day, at the beach, they agreed to be more discreet with their relationship now that Ramsey was back. Somehow, she wouldn’t feel comfortable that he could know about them when nothing was settled, and she didn’t want to provoke a response in him by jealousy or make him doubt her feelings for him. That way, they would return to their habitual friendly interaction in public spaces, but their relationship remained the same. Therefore, that show of affection in public was against their agreement.

“What was that for?”

“You just deserve a kiss for being so cute with me.”

He smiled.

“In that case, I deserve more than a kiss on my cheek, don’t you think?”

She shook her head and brushed her lips into his.

“Better?”

“Much better”

They continued their chatting through the night until Reggie announced he was about to close. Eleanor and her friends collected their used jars and went to the bar to give them to Reggie. Ethan was still by the bar and apparently, he had no intention to leave soon.

“What? Last call doesn't apply to you?”—She asked, her words coming out of her mouth incautiously. Like nothing had happened. Like the two months they didn’t see each other never existed.

“Reggie and I go way back. We have an arrangement.”

“An arrangement?”—She snorted— “Is that what you call friendship?”

“I don’t have friends, but I wouldn’t mind you joining me if you were so inclined.”

“Say it. You want me to join you?”—She defied.

He stared at her seriously for a few seconds.

“I do.”

Eleanor turned to her friends

“I’ll stay for a while to check in about tomorrow with Dr. Ramsey.”

“Okay”—Sienna replied—"Just don’t stay out too late... Aurora's dropping off the rest of her stuff before work tomorrow.”

Eleanor nodded and her eyes directed to Bryce. He winked at her before turning to the door, but she could have sworn his smile fainted the very moment he turned.

“Well, we've got ourselves a brand new Ethan Ramsey.”—She stated, approaching him at the bar.—"You took the reset thing seriously.”

He gave him a painful look and scratched the back of his neck.

“Why don’t we move outside?”—He suggested, trying to diffuse his tension—"It'll be winter before we know it. Might as well enjoy the weather while we can.”

Ethan took a half-drunk bottle of nice scotch and head out to the empty beer garden, taking a seat beside a small fire pit.

“So… how have you been?”

“As good as it can be, given the circumstances there.”

“Yeah, I figure. I’m sure you went through a lot there.”

Ethan nodded. Thinking that he indeed went through a lot there, but maybe not the kind she had in mind.

“What about you?”—He inquired after a brief reflection.

“I’m doing great. Excited that intern year has finished. And tomorrow is my first day on the big leagues”

“Yeah. You start with the DT. Time has passed so fast”

“Certainly.”

Then, the silence made its presence. They stayed still to study each other subtly. Ethan couldn't decipher what, but there was something different in her that had nothing to do with the passing of time. It wasn’t the hair, her summerly outfit, or something physical. It was something in the way she was looking at him, in the way she was speaking, and even in her gestures, that made him realize she wasn't the same he had left eight weeks ago. There was something familiar about her manners, but he wasn't sure what it was.

And after an eternity of silence and endless questions inside his head, she finally spoke.

“Why you didn’t reply or call back… or said anything?”

All Ethan could think was if she was interested in asking that, it meant there was something still there. That maybe she still cared for him.

“Eleanor…”

“I had to ask Banerji to know me if you were okay. Don’t you think it isn’t unfair?”

“I know, he told me.”

“It was a fucking message, Ethan. Just ‘I’m okay’, just that, I wasn’t expecting a report. Just a fucking reply.”

“I know. I’m so…”

She raised her hand, stopping him midsentence.

“Please, don’t. If you were truly sorry, you wouldn’t have done it in the first place. It was so simple.”

“I needed to walk away…”

“Yes, I know, but this has nothing to do with that. With your so-called self-control. Cause I don’t know how much self-control you can compromise by sending a couple of words. It’s not like you can lose it being thousands of miles away from me. But, of course, the fault is always mine for expecting some decency from you.”

“You were worried?”

“How can you ask something like that? Of course I was worried! Epidemics are unpredictable and much riskier to doctors.”

She shook her head.

“I really hoped our conversation would’ve made sense to you. But no. Nothing’s changed. You can’t even be a decent friend or colleague.”

He remained silent.

Eleanor took a sip of the scotch, and then breathed heavily with her eyes closed. After a few moments, she opened them with renewed energy.

“Well, no point in dwelling in the past. Let’s talk about tomorrow.”

Her words caught him by surprise. The way she just shook off of his mistake was new. He expected she would give him hell for at least fifteen minutes, but apparently she had more important things to discuss.

“Okay, what do you want to know”—He said, finally.

“What should I know?”

“Well, once the meeting with all the other residents is done, you have to go to the Diagnostics Team office, to join us for the daily meeting. We’ll be discussing a new case too. A few hours ago, the hospital informed me that we are receiving a patient from Manhattan Presbyterian, so that will be your first case as Fellow Member.”

“Excellent. Anything I need to know about the other members?”

“I leave it to you, so you don’t meet them biased from what I tell you”—There was some strange tint in his sight, something mischievous Eleanor couldn’t decipher.

“I think you’re being tricky with the answer.”

Ethan chuckled.

“I’m not. Tomorrow you’ll have your first impressions on the members. It’ll be fine.”

“I suppose”—She sounded tense.

“You’ll do it great, Rookie. You had an excellent performance in your first year, and you made a diagnosis neither your boss nor your boss’s boss couldn’t make, so, that’s quite impressive. You deserve the spot.”

“That’s because I learned from the best.”

And there it was again, the silent longing in their eyes. The intense looks, the pain, the restraint. The alternated gaze between lips and eyes. It seemed like the dynamics from past months were about repeat again. Eleanor succumbing to her feelings, asking for a chance, breaking their boundaries just to have one more kiss, and lose herself in the same old lie with the same old ending. And just like before, Ethan would fall too. As if eight weeks hadn’t passed. As if the time and distance hadn't done their part.

But things had changed. He had no idea how much things had changed.

Because after what it felt an eternity, she just smiled at him shyly and then looked away from him at slow-motion speed. Or that’s how Ethan saw things in his disappointed mind.

Then she took her glass, her hand almost imperceptibly shaky, and drank the remained scotch on it.

Ethan froze for a moment, completely surprised at her reaction, and then turned to the table, sipping his drink too. His mind still was wondering why it was being so easy for her to just look away and don’t dare to kiss him. He was back after two months out and she didn’t even want to kiss him. 

“Good thing you’re back just when summer is beginning, so you don’t end up freezing for changing temperatures.”

Ethan couldn’t repress the astonishment when he noticed Eleanor was using the small-talk card. They had never had small talks before. She always had something to comment, some insight to share, even something to recriminate him with. But now there was nothing of it.

Maybe it was her last resource to avoid something utterly stupid or senseless like kissing him. He couldn’t really blame her.

“Yes, glad I can catch some sun. Vitamin D has worked wonders in Naveen. But he’s too cheerful for my liking.”

“Ethan, Dr. Banerji has always been too cheerful for your liking.”

“Well, yeah, but he is annoyingly cheerful now, and summer is just beginning”

“May the Force be with you”—Eleanor joked, getting up from the bench.—“Well, I’m going home now. Tomorrow’s my first day and I have to come up as fresh as a daisy.”

Ethan smiled faintly at her.

“Goodnight Rookie, I see you tomorrow”

“Night Ethan, see ya.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank every single person who has read my story here. I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for your support!  
> If someone is wondering about the song, it's an old one from the 80, from a Spanish band called Mecano (Ana Torroja is the singer). I wanted to use an English song, but I just couldn't stop thinking about how well the lyrics match Ethan's feelings. The song is played by a woman, but a man composed it, and it's even sung from a man's perspective (this is not visible in the English language which it's mostly neutral, but evident in Spanish where words, adjectives, verbs, nouns, etc can be masculine or feminine).  
> Well, that's all for today's Spanish lessons! Haha.  
> Byeee


	9. The Less I Know The Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems that Eleanor has moved on and Ethan has a hard time trying to accept it, especially with the rumors that are circulating at the hospital.

**Chapter 9. The Less I Know The Better.**

_Then I heard they slept together_

_Oh, the less I know the better._

Eleanor made her entrance into Edenbrook with confidence she never felt before. Not even last year, when she was starting the residency program of her dreams at Edenbrook, she had felt this proud of herself. It was her first day both as a second-year resident and as Junior Fellow Member in the Diagnostics Team, directed by her medical hero, Dr. Ethan Ramsey. And well, yes. The person she had feelings for.

But today was also the first day where she would leave all that in the past, to truly be over him. She would face him, talk to him, and make his presence something so usual in her life that after a few weeks he wouldn’t mean anything but a mentor, a colleague, and hopefully, one day, a friend. But not more than that.

She knew it would be difficult. The night before had been hard enough not falling into his spell again. Her lips were thirsty for his kisses, her skin aching for his touch and her mind only wanted to float into the sky of his eyes once more. But she wasn’t blind anymore. She knew it wouldn’t do her any good.

Bryce had opened her eyes. Even if Ethan had the most selfless intentions pulling away from her to not jeopardize her career, he had hurt her consciously. He had ignored her even when she was drowning. And what Bryce had done just in a few weeks? He treated her like the most precious thing in the world. Like a queen. In the way she always wanted to be treated by someone, but she thought it was just stupid ideas romantic love had put in her head. He had listened to her, respected her space, consoled her when she needed it, and even when she didn’t think she needed it. He had made her his priority. The less she could do at that moment was putting him as her priority over anything she might be feeling for Ethan.

And now, there she was, facing her first obstacle, standing outside the Department of Diagnostics. Big glass walls, and a sliding door before her. She took a deep breath and with a smile on her face entered as the doors slid softly to let her in.

* * *

The office was quiet and illuminated by the natural lighting of that summer morning. There was the faintest scent of bergamot and mandarin in the air, probably traces of Ethan’s perfume left early in the morning.

She observed the place taking short steps around. A big desk in front of the entry, a circular table on the right side with a big whiteboard behind…

“I’m here, I’m really here”

“Hey, me too.”

…And a couch between the table and the entry, where it was a man reclined, reading a medical journal.

A tanned man with tiny eyes and a grown beard stood up and approached her. He seemed familiar, but the big smile on her face made her think she might be wrong. 

“Um, Zaid? You’re on the diagnostics team?”

“Ah, I take it you’re one of my twin brother’s residents.”—He answered extending his hand to the confused resident.—“Baz Mirani’s the name, immunology’s the game. Game-slash-specialty.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t even know Zaid had a twin brother.”

After a few moments talking, her mind raced to the smirk Ethan had given her the night before. _That’s_ why he didn’t want to talk about the team members. It wasn’t about bias, he just wanted to keep it a surprise the fact that Zaid Mirani had a super friendly twin brother that made them look the personification of the yin and yang in terms of niceness and well, in term of twins. While Zaid was King of Sarcasm, Baz had no ability to perceive it. While Zaid was grumpy and serious, Baz was amicable and talkative.

Then it was the time to meet the last member of the team, June Hirata. June was a very intense-looking woman with a British accent and a self-assurance that exuded from her pores.

Eleanor felt a little intimidated by the way the attending was scrutinizing her, but she thought it was normal for a neurologist and psychologist to examine a new colleague not only on a physical level but in terms of corporal language too, just like she was doing it.

After a few minutes of chatting with her new colleagues, Ethan appeared through the sliding doors.

“Introductions done? Great. We’ve got work to do”—He said, while the three took a seat in the table.

She couldn’t help but feel a little twist of nervousness inside her stomach, but she tried hard to suppress any emotions she might feel, and just focused on trying to be just as stoic as her mentor always appears. She put her best professional face and started to observe how the team worked and took notes of all the things they were saying.

June and Baz started asking questions to Ethan, who had all the information about the new patient. Eleanor remained silent, witnessing the exchange, trying to absorb all the information possible. She was a bit intimidated because that level of confidence and questioning was really out of her league, but she tried to convince herself that it was a normal response for a first day.

The team divagated through some symptoms, theories, and diseases until June gave the final idea: _Cutaneous Kikuchi disease_. With that, Ethan asked her to run a biopsy on the patient's rash to confirm the diagnosis.

Once the team was dismissed, both attendings returned to their other duties, leaving Eleanor and Ethan alone.

“After you’re done with our patient, you can see Ines and Zaid for further assignments.”—He said as he was taking a seat by his desk—"You’ll be balancing your work here with your usual resident duties. Now that you’re a second-year, that will include rotations at the free clinic.”

“Yes Dr. Ramsey”— She replied standing up from the chair—“We will always diagnose patients without seeing them?”

“No, but we’re often asked for help by hospitals all over the country, so it’s a good habit to keep our blind diagnosis skills sharp.”

Eleanor was about to reach the door when she stops in her tracks, hesitating. 

“Is everything alright, Eleanor?”

“Actually, could we talk?”

Ethan gazed at her for a few moments before answering.

“About the job or about us?”

“The job. That’s why we are here.”—Eleanor replied with obviousness, but it sounded harsher than she intended. As if it would never cross her mind talking about them. 

His eyes betrayed him for a split of a second as he addressed the coldness in her response, but then he just got up from his desk and moved to the circular table. Eleanor sat beside him a moment later.

“I’m all yours”

She couldn't help but shook her head to herself, not missing the ulterior motives in Ethan’s words for the second time straight.

“I’m just surprised how well and how quickly you worked that out. How are you sure you made the right diagnosis?”

Ethan took his time to explain to Eleanor how the team proceeded, the normal way they work, and gave her some tips to be more involved next time. He assured her that it was normal that the first days she would be feeling lost and ignorant, but once she started to obtain more knowledge from medical journals and research, she would improve her involvement in the team. 

She nodded at every advice, and when he was done, she kept staring at him inquisitively.

“What is it?”

“Your glasses, I’m not used to see you with those on.”

“Oh, yes. I use them when I work on the computer. Now that you’ll come to the office frequently, you’ll see me a lot like this.”

“They make you look smart”—She teased, trying to diffuse the tension she still sensed on Ethan after her cold response.

“You've caught me. The illusion behind my status. Without these, I’m a simpering moron.”

That seemed to relax his shoulders a bit. They both laughed for the first time without the tension of their actual status, where recriminations wouldn’t be involved this time. Her eyes shined, happy for sharing that moment after so much discomfort.

“So, Zaid had a twin brother and you dared to not tell me.”

Ethan chuckled

“I wish I was there when you saw him for the first time. I can only imagine your face.”

“Haha, very funny. You’re such a trickster, Ethan.”

They had lean close to each other without noticing, their knees touching, and his fingers just an inch away from hers. Her composure stiffed, her will power was once again being challenged.

She couldn’t give in. She had to keep playing the cold Eleanor that didn’t feel a thing about his mentor.

She swallowed hard.

“Well, I should get those test run.”—She informed, taking the notebook in her hand, and then standing up in one swift motion—"Thank you for your advice, Ethan.”

“You’re welcome, Eleanor. Anytime.”—He responded, caught off guard by the abruptness of her reaction. 

Eleanor left the office quickly, sensing how his eyes were following her as she passed through the door. She released the breath that had been holding a few steps away from the office.

She had made it.

The interactions during the day weren’t any different. She ran the tests, informed her discoveries to the team (with the help of her intern, Esme Ortega), and then she made quite an impression with the Governor by diagnosing her son was sick; which granted her an invitation to have dinner with Naveen, Harper, Ethan, the Governor, and her staff that night. She had become the best card Edenbrook had to secure important funds to keep the hospital afloat.

After dropping Harper home after the dinner, Eleanor couldn’t suppress the memories of the last time she was alone with him in that car. The night before he left. The night of their last kiss, of the last time they made love. The last time they consciously and voluntarily stared at each other as lovers.

She was in the exact same place where everything had ended and after two months it still hurt.

Eleanor turned to her left, wondering if Ethan might be thinking the same, but his face was serious, without traces of knitted brows or troubled eyes. The streetlights were framing his features in different shapes as the car moved down the streets. She fixated her eyes in his grown beard, which still felt a bit odd to her, but to some extent, it would be useful as a fresh start. He wasn’t the Ethan she knew and wanted. He was the Ethan that left for two months to start over and be the boss and colleague she needed.

Then she looked away, coming back into her senses. She clenched the silk material of her pine dress in her fists until her knuckles were white

“ _What. Are. You. Doing?_ ” —She asked herself, pressing her fists into her knees harder at every word she said on her mind. 

The car stopped before the red traffic lights and she felt Ethan was turning to her, staring.

“ _Don’t look at him. Don’t._ ”—She ordered in her head, her composure tensing even more.

But after a few moments, she gives up.

Amber connects with the sky and the earth stopped spinning. She was so lost in him that didn’t notice he had brought his right hand to hers, taking it gently.

“We’ll be okay.”

His thumb caressed the knuckle of her middle finger, and that’s what it took to feel a shiver down her spine. He knew what she was thinking. He was touching her. No. It wasn’t anything. It didn’t mean anything.

She had to look away, but if the first time had been hard, now it would be impossible while he was staring at her. She couldn’t just look away. She wasn’t that brave, at least for now.

From the corner of her eye, she perceived a change in the lights. Her way out.

“It’s… It’s green now”—She said in a tiny voice, his eyes desperate for a moment.

Ethan glanced back to the street, clearing his throat. The air returned to her lungs.

He drove the rest journey in complete silence and he barely looked at her when she got off the car outside her apartment.

“Thanks for the ride Ethan, see you tomorrow”

“Goodnight, Eleanor.”

She had made it again.

\--

The next day, Ethan and Naveen were sharing their remarks about the dinner the night before when they spotted Eleanor, Bryce, and Sienna entering the hospital after their lunch break. Ethan tried to avoid looking at her, not wanting to expose his mixed feelings about her in front of Naveen, but the old had mastered at reading him after so many years.

“Rumors says Dr. Bloom has been doing good these past weeks”—Naveen said as he finds Ethan following her, reluctantly.

“Mmmh?”

“In the company of a surgical resident”

“You mean with _that_ scalpel jockey?”—He inquired, pointing out the resident who was walking beside Eleanor with a brief motion of his head.

“Yes, precisely”

“I doubt it. They are just friends. Besides, I don’t think she’d like someone _like him_.”

Naveen didn’t miss the bitterness in his last words.

“What do you mean? Just because he is a surgeon?”

“Yes. He is arrogant and shallow.”

“Shallow? To me is quite interesting. I’ve heard plenty of praises from Harper. Very promising, bold, intelligent, and ahead of most of his fellow second-year residents, even some third-years.”

“Hmmm, well, the point is I don’t think Bloom would have that bad taste dating a jock like him.”

“Well, they have been seen pretty cozy. I, personally, have seen them while having lunch or going t-.”

“I’ve seen them too.”—Ethan interrupted—"You say cozy, I would say he’s a harasser who likes to touch women, that’s why he might have his hands all over Eleanor. I don’t know why she lets him.”

“Am I sensing jealousy in your tone, my friend?”

“Jealousy? For Christ’s sake Naveen. Why would I be jealous of a _scalpel jockey_? And there’s nothing between Eleanor and me to have the right to feel jealous.”

Naveen chuckled.

“Whatever you say, my friend. But to me, they make a nice couple, she looks very happy around him.”—The Chief commented with a smirk full of malice, waiting for his reaction.

“Of course she’s happy around him, he acts like a goddamn clown all the time.”

Ethan turned around and left with his head steaming with anger.

He didn’t believe Naveen’s words. He didn't want to believe his words. He was convinced that Bryce and Eleanor were just friends, or maybe they were having a fling as all resident do, but nothing more than that.

But he couldn’t ignore such information much longer and against all his self-control and dignity, he started paying attention to her interactions with the surgical resident. However, at first, he didn’t find anything extraordinary. They would have lunch with her roommates as usual, hang out at Donahue’s like always, and chat through the hallways of the hospital as all colleagues do. Maybe Bryce acted flirtily and a bit handsy with her, but it wasn’t different from what he has always been with her.

The idea of them having a fling made him feel a pit in his stomach, but at the same time, it relieved him that it was just that. She was sleeping with Lahela so she could to move on. And he couldn’t blame her. But a relationship? Love? With that jock? That was beyond his comprehension.

While he was observing him, Ethan wondered what Eleanor would see in him. He had listened, without no other option, that many residents, even nurses, found him very attractive— ‘hot” was the most used word in fact—, while other residents, mostly men, would say he was cocky and arrogant, but Ethan was sure that even when he agreed he had a cocky way to conduct himself all over the hospital—all over the world— he wasn’t arrogant without fundaments.

He indeed was an outstanding surgical resident, he had heard many praises from Harper the last few months, so he just knew his worth and how to use it, and Ethan couldn’t condemn him for that. And if he was honest about it, he also had to be honest about the fact that he was an outstanding doctor too. He was always kind and nice to patients, always on time to prep them for surgeries, and always had the time and patience to explain for the umpteenth time how would be the procedure to any patient or family who would ask to him. And that was actually an important trait. That said, Bryce Lahela wasn’t so despicable after all, but he was a scalpel jockey and probably was sleeping with Eleanor, and that was enough to Ethan to despise him.

A few days later, th attending was accompanying a patient before her heart valve replacement when Bryce came into the room to prepare her for the surgery.

“Good morning Mrs. Montero, how are you today?”—He greeted in a joyful voice and then he nodded to the attending—"Dr. Ramsey”

“Dr. Lahela”

“I’m not gonna lie, I’m scared.”

“You have nothing to be scared for.”—He assured—"Dr. Tanaka is the best doctor you could have to repair anything that involves your heart, so everything will be fine.”

“That means he could fix how broke my heart is after my husband passed away?”

Bryce stared at her with a sad smile.

“I’m afraid not. But with the new valve, you’ll get plenty of years to make new memories and adventures, so you’ll have enjoyed your time to the fullest before you left this earth to be with him."

“I like the sound of that.”

“I’m sure you do. And let me say you that you will have the best resident by his side too, so you'll be in the best hands Edenbrook can provide.—Bryce winked warmly at her.

Ethan suppressed a scoff at his words and stood up from his chair.

“I believe you, my boy.”

And then Bryce grinned. A broad smile with his nose wrinkled paralyzed Ethan in his tracks for a second.

The same grin Eleanor had done that night at Donahue’s and that he had found odd and new in Eleanor, but for some reason, it was familiar.

And it was familiar because he had seen it in Bryce Lahela many times when he prepared patients for surgery. That sincere and knowing smile.

“Dr. Ramsey, thank you so much for your company.”

“You’re welcome, Elena. You’ll be in good hands now. I’ll come to see you when you have your new valve, alright?”

“Alright.”

“Lahela”—He nodded before leaving the room with his head racing incessantly.

He had read a while ago that expressions are contagious between people, even at the moment they are displayed, as a show of empathy and to recognize other people’s feelings. He did know too that couples after some time would imitate their expressions and laughs. But it also could happen with friends, family, and whoever you share a place to live with.

Maybe it was normal and Eleanor not only had expressions from Bryce but also from Sienna, Jackie, and Elijah, as they would see each other throughout the day and they shared an apartment. 

But there was another option that could explain the fact that Eleanor had acquired a smile from Bryce. But he was so in denial that he didn’t even want to put it into words.

That realization changed everything in Ethan. His focus was now on Eleanor. On study how different she was compared to the months before he left. And in their daily meetings or just in their encounters through hallways of the hospital, he found that she was again the same happy and sweet resident he had met last year, with a calm demeanor, her sunny smile, and firm disposition to help whoever needed it. But he also noticed that this 'start over' between them had been taken seriously by her. She was completely focused on the work and never talked about anything that wasn’t work-related with him, and he never found her looking for his eyes or his touch like she used to, but he could tell she used to grow anxious when she had to be alone with him in the office.

A few days later, Eleanor found Bryce, Rafael, and Ethan on their way to their morning gym session so she joined them in a heartbeat. When she got into the room with her workout clothes on, the three buddies were in the treadmill warming up. She went to the fourth machine and started to run beside Rafael.

“What made you want to workout with us this morning, Ellie?”—He asked

“I always try to find a moment to make any physical activity but I hadn’t had the chance these few last days so I’m taking the chance now. I want to stay healthy,”

“That's a very good reason. The body is a machine. When it goes without use, it rusts.”—Ethan conceded, at the other side of the room, in the first treadmill.

“Don’t think that’s medically accurate, Doc”—Bryce pointed out, running between Ethan and Rafael.

“I know surgeons don’t know how to read a book, but that’s called a ‘metaphor’”—Retorted Ethan. Even if there was a teasing smile on his face, the bitterness of his words was evident to everyone in the room.

“Geez, I’ll tell Jackie to send you an invitation to the hate group for scalpel jockeys, Ramsey. You would love it”—He said, not missing a bit, his confidence not even remotely shaken.

Ethan observed Eleanor, whose smile had fainted with disappointment. After a few seconds, as she observed Bryce was smiling as usual, she quickly shook it off and ignored the attending for the rest of the routine.

Ethan knew there was something there and just the fact that he might confirm the rumors made him angry. At himself and at Naveen. Why he had to tell him? It would have been so much better not to know what Eleanor was doing with her life. It was not his business and he had no right to snoop into her life like he had been doing these few weeks.

\---

The unusual bitter comment the attending had said to Bryce, made Eleanor sense that maybe he was suspecting about her relationship with the surgical resident. The multiples times she caught him observing her in her lunchtime, at Donahue’s, and anywhere he would spot her with Bryce were making sense now.

Maybe there were rumors. Maybe Naveen had told him, he surely knew every gossip in the hospital—not just because he was the Chief, but because he liked hospital gossip—, and of course he would deliver this information to Ethan to wake him up. The old man had always been pretty honest about his support toward Ethan and her. 

Or maybe he just knew. He just figured it out because of her coldness towards him and because even if she and Bryce tried to keep it lowkey, there was always the chance that he could have caught them the times theye couldn’t help but holding hands or kissing when they were close.

Either way, she didn’t care.

At least not as much as she cared the day before he was back, but now she felt relieved that Ethan might have some clues of her situation. She still didn’t want to confirm it, she wanted to know if he was bold enough, if it affected him hard enough to approach her and ask her about her relationship status.

But she knew him. Ethan was never a man of facing emotions or tough conversations. He was a master at avoiding feelings and people and maybe he would wait for something or someone who would confirm the rumors. The problem was if he was emotionally prepared for that moment.

______

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, Ethan acted like a psycho in this chapter, but that's how the ego works!! Even The Ethan Ramsey can have a bruised ego because his love is dating a scalpel jockey.  
> Thank you so much for reading!


	10. Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor finds out unexpectedly the truth about Bryce’s family and he doesn’t react well.

**Chapter 10: Stay.**

_Funny you’re the broken one_

_But I’m the only one who needed saving._

“Is that Raf?”—Eleanor raised her head from Bryce’s chest and stared at the ceiling, trying to prick up her ear.

At the distance, it was heard a deep voice in the middle of a mix of laughter.

“Yeah, that’s totally him.”

“What is he doing here so early?”

“Early?”—He chuckled—"It’s midday, babe.”

“Midday?!”—She grabbed her phone from the nightstand and checked. It was 12.10.—"And how we slept through all morning?”

“We stayed up late, don’t you remember? I think we got here like 3 am and then you just couldn’t shut up about how mad you were because Ramsey is being irrational about the influencer girl.”

“Oh, right. Drunken rant.”—Her cheeks blushed—“I’m sorry”

“Why are you sorry?”

“For making you hear all this crap when probably I ranted all night at Donahue’s about it.”

“Actually, you were just pissed off that Ramsey was mad at you, but when we got here you said the real stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Like you think that Ramsey is suspecting about your relationship with me and he’s taking it on you. He’s mad because you went behind his back with the Gwyneth thing, obviously, but he has contained his rage for weeks, and now he’s just… exploding.”

“Oh, fuck, you’re right, I did say that—She covered her face with both hands—"God, I’m so stupid.”

“Why? I think you’re right. He’s been acting like an ass with me this whole time too, he looks at me like I’m a piece of garbage or something.”

“But it’s really unprofessional that he is taking a work issue to an extreme just because he is what? Jealous? Mad that I’m getting over him? It’s very inconsistent of him.”

“Yes, it is. Are you going to do something about it?”

“Like what?”

“Like talk to him, tell him to stop,, that he shouldn’t take it on you at work just because he’s jealous.”

“I… I don’t know, I wouldn’t like to mix things, maybe I’m wrong.”

“You’re not wrong, Elle. You can’t let him be this ass with you, much less affect your work.”

Bryce saw how her head inside was spinning around, and her hands tensed over his rib cage.

“Just think about it.”—He added, stroking her hair comfortingly—"Don’t think for a second this is your fault, 'cause it’s not. He made his choice in the first place.”

“I know…”

Eleanor leaned on her elbow to look at him in the eyes, smiling faintly at him.

“Thank you for being so understanding”

Bryce smiled back and then caressed her cheek while his eyes were expressing tenderness and protection.

She nuzzled into his soft chest losing herself into the sweet scent from his neck.

“Let’s focus on something less stressing and boring instead”—She whispered, lovingly.

“Like what?”—He asked tantalizingly roaming his hands through her back.

“Like the fact that I’m finally waking up with you.”

“Aw, you woke up really sugary today, uh?”

“Don’t you like it?”—She asked seriously.

“I have sweet tooth just because of you.”

“Awwww”—Eleanor encircled her arms around his neck pulling him down to her lips.—“You’re saying I’m sugary, but you just gave me a diabetic coma.”

“And I am having constipation ‘cause you, Eleanor Bloom, are being too cheesy.”

She burst out laughing, resonating in the whole apartment.

“Bryce! You’re impossible.”

“And you are _impopsicle_ , babe.”—Before she could retort anything, he caught her lips into his, his hands travelling slowly down her bum. He deepened the kiss the moment she opened her mouth in a sigh.

“Do we have time for a quickie before getting ready for the concert?”

“Is it me or you’re doubting about your timing skills?”

“No, I’m just asking for consent.”

“We are wasting precious seconds, Dr. Lahela.”

Both chuckled before Eleanor pushed him against the bed and climbed on top of him, the sheets falling and pooling behind her, exposing her bare body.

“Sweet, sweet cowgirl ride me till the end of the world if you want”

Eleanor laughed hard again.

“Yeehaw!”—She joked between laughs.

This time it took like two minutes to make her stop. It would have been more if it weren’t for Bryce, who replaced her laughs for other more improper exclamations that soon had to be hushed too.

By the time Bryce and Eleanor appeared in the living room, all their friends were ready for the Music Festival Eleanor had invited them, courtesy of her patient, Gwyneth Monroe. After a quick chat, they all headed to Cambridge, excited for the new adventure.

The group spent the afternoon eating, drinking, playing lawn games and, of course, enjoying the music. At some point, they split when Eleanor, Kyra, and Aurora decided to see an art exposition while Bryce, Elijah, and Jackie joined Sienna to see an indie band she had been fangirling all afternoon.

Once the group met again, an hour later, it didn’t take long for Bryce and Eleanor to get lost in the crowd, enjoying the music while savoring the moment alone in the open air.

The sun was about to set when Bryce felt his phone buzzing. As he pulled it out of his pocket the letters froze him. He ended the call and saw 10 missing calls and a lot of messages in the notification bar.

_“Bryce, where are you?”_

_“I’m outside your apartment.”_

_“Bryce, please answer me! Are you at work?”_

Eleanor stared at him worried, sensing his nervousness.

“Is everything alright?”

“I… I have to go.”

“Why? What happened?”

“Nothing, I just remembered tomorrow I have a really difficult surgery and I need to study up.”

“Okay.”—Her brows knitted, suspicious.

He kissed her quickly and turned to leave, but she caught his wrist before he could get lost in the crowd.

“Bryce!”

“What?”—He replied, trying to hide the fear that was invading him just right.

“If something wrong you can tell me, you know that, right?”

“Yeah.”

He smiled faintly and gave her one last kiss before walking out of the crowd.

He didn’t know how he reached the parking lot and got in the car, his hands were trembling and a knot of anxious had settled in his stomach. He pulled the phone out and called back.

“Bryce!”—He heard on the other end of the line—"God, I’ve been trying to reach you for hours, where are you?!”

“Keiki, what’s going on? How is that that you’re in Boston?”

“I’ll explain later, are you coming?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there in forty.”

“Hurry up, I’m bored to death here.”

When he got to his floor, she found a tall girl in a red leather jacket sitting against his door, a backpack between her legs. He barely recognized her, even if he had seen dozens of pictures of her on her social networks. She was a teenager now, not the little girl that said goodbye to him with tears in her eyes when he left for college.

“Keiki”

“Bryce”—She said getting up from the floor. He opened the door a few moments later and both got in.

“Can you explain to me now what you are doing here?”

“Hey, bro, I’m glad to see you too.”—She ironized—“Thanks for the kind welcoming.”

“Keiki, please.”

“I ran away from home, okay?”

“You what?”

“I don’t wanna live there anymore.”

“Keiki, you can’t do that”

“Why not? You did it.”

“I went for college…”—He replied, feeling the guilt sharpening inside him.

“Yes, and then you never came back because you couldn’t stand our parents. It’s the same with me.”

“That doesn’t excuse that you escaped from home and underage. Do you have a plan? Or you’ll just wait until they come here to take you back and maybe they will report me for child kidnap?”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Bryce. They wouldn’t that.”

“Still this isn’t right, Keiki. It could’ve happened something to you on your way here.”

“Yeah, but it would have been worth it if it means not spend another second in Maui.”

Bryce looked at her, intrigued. He couldn’t understand how things were bad for her if she had everything she wanted back in Hawai. A room the size of his apartment, all the clothes she wanted, and millions of things to do. But that was enough? He knew well it wasn’t.

“Can I stay with you?”

“Of course, Keiki, but you’ll go back tomorrow. Call mom to know if she can buy you a ticket flight back, I’m not sure I have the money for that.”

“Don’t you understand? I’m not coming back there, Bryce. Period.”

He shook his head and sighed. It was impossible to reason with her, and he knew it wouldn’t get anything by pushing her even more.

“Call her to let her know you’re here, then.”

“I bet she already knows.”

She seated on the couch, looking at him defiantly. He just ignored her act.

“Have you eaten something?”

“Some Doritos I bought around the corner.”

“What do you want to eat? I’m calling a delivery.”

“You don’t cook? I want real food, Bryce.”

“I’m a surgeon, not a chef, Keiki”

“Either way, you should know how to feed yourself by now, how you have survived all these years?”

“Take out.”

“Unbelievable”

Bryce didn’t know what to do. Maybe he could just watch a video on Youtube and cook something basic to save the day. Eleanor’s face popped in his mind, but he shook off the idea as soon as it emerged. Calling her would implicate to tell her the truth about his family and he wasn’t ready for that.

“Okay.”—He said after some deliberation—"I’ll go to the grocery store, so you have food for breakfast tomorrow and all that. Do you wanna go with me?”

“Nah, I’m tired, I think I’m gonna lay down a bit.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be back in a bit.”

The moment he was out of the apartment, Bryce rubbed his hand across his face in exasperation. He didn’t know what to do, how to deal with his sister, and with the mistake he had been making all those years.

He always knew he shouldn’t have left her sister just like he did; never go back to Maui; call her just once in a while to finally only for her birthday. The guilt that has been accompanying him for ten years was materializing now in one of his worst fears: face his sister and deal with the consequences of his abandonment, the rage and the loneliness she might be feeling, all without prior notice.

He tried to clear his mind. At that moment he needed to stay calm to give Keiki the stability she had come to look for with him. He was the adult there, so he couldn’t let the feelings overwhelm him and make Keiki feel worse than she already was. 

Once he regained calmness, Bryce made his way to the grocery store where he collected all the ingredients for a spaghetti recipe he read on the internet, plus some vegetables, fruits, bread, butter, bacon, eggs, cookies, Doritos, so Keiki would have something to have breakfast and eat while she was at his place.

When the doors of the elevator opened again on his floor, she found the silhouette of a woman with a black and golden dress on, talking to Keiki. He froze for a moment until both directed to him.

“Elle”

“Hi Bryce”—She looked at him surprised, while Keiki just eyed them, leaning in the door frame, arms crossed.—“What’s happening?”

“Let’s get inside and talk, okay?”

Keiki moved backwars to let Bryce and Eleanor in. He went straight to the kitchen and set the bags over the counter meticulously, like trying to gain some time before facing her. After a few moments, Bryce turned to Eleanor. 

“Elle, this is my sister Keiki. She arrived today from Maui. She’s visiting.”

“Like hell. I told you I’m not planning to go back there, Bryce.”—She barked while she was flopping on the couch with the remote control in her hand.

“Hi Keiki, I’m Eleanor, nice to meet you”—She replied, giving a smile, even if she wasn’t looking at her.

“Yeah”—The girl just said, her eyes not moving from the TV.

Bryce just sighed, making evident his frustration. Eleanor looked at him worried and then pulled him to the kitchen.

“Can you explain to me now what’s happening? Why your sister ran away from home? Hell, I didn’t even know you had a sister, Bryce.”

Even if he wasn’t ready to talk about it, Bryce knew it wasn’t fair Eleanor didn’t know he had a sister, while she had talked about her family countless times.

“Elle, I…”—Now another fear was materializing: telling the truth about his family to someone from Boston. To the woman he loved, no less.—“To make a long story short, my family was a big deal in Hawaii. When I was in high school my dad went to jail for insider trading, and my mom only got off by testifying against him even though she was right there helping him the whole time.”

Eleanor gazed thoughtfully at him until she realized.

“Oh my god, Bryce… Your parents are _The Lahelas_? As in property tycoons turned white collars criminals The Lahelas?”

“That’s my family, and Keiki lives with them back in Hawaii. Dad got paroled a while ago for good behavior.”

Bryce saw as she remained in silence, surprise in her eyes. He couldn’t help but wince, waiting for the disappointed look, the disgust, the judgment. But nothing of it came. She instead tried to understand why Keiki was running away from home, what could have triggered that. She tried to convince him that this was not a simple rebellion as he was thinking. There was no judgment in her eyes or words. She just focused on Keiki and how to help him to deal with her.

Once Bryce felt less tense, he asked Eleanor to help him with dinner, which she accepted gladly. Half an hour later, the three of them enjoyed a plate of pasta that felt tastier as it was a result of collaborative work. 

Even if Keiki was hesitant to talk at first, the food put her in such a good mood that Eleanor got her to chat a bit with her, Bryce observing the exchange with admiration. From the answers, Eleanor could tell Keiki was a smart girl and mature for her age; she had a hot temper but the same self-assurance Bryce had, even the same smirks and looks.

“Thanks for dinner, Eleanor. .”—Keiki said before going to sleep.—"Good to know I won't starve to death my first night here.”

“You’re welcome. It was nice to meet you, Keiki.”

She smiled at her and then got to the room.

Eleanor and Bryce stood in silence for a bit, none of then sure who had to speak first.

“Bryce, why you never told me? This is big.”—Eleanor finally said, standing in front of him, concerned.

“I know… I just…I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Of you judging me.”

“Judge you? How could I judge you, Bryce?”

“Because it has always been like this. People know me and it’s okay at first, but then, when they know that I’m the son of a criminal, they assure me it’s okay but they never look at me the same, never treat me the same. They look at me like I’m about to do something, or like I’m a professional liar and I’m trying to cheat on them.”

“Bryce..”—She whispered, cupping his cheeks, her eyes full of sadness.

“I wanted to start from scratch here, no one knowing about my parents, no one judging me for that, just focusing on what I am, on how hard I worked to be at Edenbrook and be known for that.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry this happened to you.”—She said as he took him in her arms, embracing him tightly.

They stayed in silence for a while.

“How could you ever think that I would judge you, that I would treat you like that? I would never, Bryce. Never.”

“I know but some part of me thought you would.”

“Now I understand why you always changed the topic when I asked you.”

He nodded.

“But now you know you can trust me, right? Whatever you need, I’ll have your back.”

“I know, but… it’s not that simple, Eleanor. Since high school, people have seen me as a disease the moment they know I’m a Lahela, so I’ve never had anyone to trust about what I felt or just tell…stuff… the stress, the sadness… the things friends share. I never needed anyone to deal with problems, I could do it on my own until… until I met you, but I’ve ignored the feeling because I don’t wanna hold on to you, I’m scared that you’ll go away and I’ll lose the one person I trusted.”

“Why would I go?”

“Because nothing’s settled between us. There’s still the possibility that you’ll go with Ramsey or simply break up with me because you don’t want me anymore.”

“Bryce, we’ve been together for three whole months, I’m not planning to go anywhere.”

“Yeah, that’s what you say now, but you still want our relationship to be a secret because you don’t want Ramsey to know and make it a reality, because some part of you don’t want it to be true.”

“How can you say that?”

“Don’t be hypocrite Eleanor, please. I’m not stupid.”—Bryce retorted, hurt. She had never seen him this serious and cold.

“It’s not like that. And I don’t get where you’re going with this.”

“My point is, Eleanor, that I want to trust you, I really do want to tell you what is happening inside my head, but I can’t if the one person I can trust maybe won’t be here with me in two months or in a year. It doesn’t work like that with me. I have to keep on my own as always.”

“Bryce, no matter what, I’ll always be here for you, even if things turn out different-”

“No, Eleanor”—He interrupted—“Please don’t do this. Don’t be this selfish, thinking that if we end up things, we could go back to what we were. If I hold on you, I don’t know how I’ll deal with losing you or be away from you while I heal.”

“Bryce… Don’t be afraid, sometimes you have to take a leap of faith...”

“Don’t you think I haven’t taken enough leaps, Eleanor? I showed my feelings for you, I told you I loved you even before we were dating. You’re the only person I’ve done that with, and yet there is always a possibility that you won’t feel the same ever. And what about you? Yeah, you took a leap when you started dating me, but you can’t take a leap in leaving Ramsey in the past, tell him the truth, scrub all over his face that you moved on, because your ego is terrified that you weren’t enough to heal him. So, don’t dare to tell me that I should take a leap.”

He turned around and sat on the couch, both hands over his hair.

Eleanor looked at him, seeing the real Bryce for the first time. The Bryce that feels in pain, angry, annoyed, frustrated. Vulnerable. Human. The side she had never seen in him and she always wanted to know.

She took a few steps towards him and squatted down to face him.

“I’m sorry. I’m not trying to push you —She murmured—”I just want you to know that I’m here for you if you need me, okay?”

“I know, but I don’t think I’m ready for this, Eleanor. This is too much, and I need to deal with this on my own, that’s how I know best.”

“I understand.—She said softly, while taking his hands on hers.

The moment he felt his touch, his eyes threatened with tears and a knot ached in his throat. He pulled away from her grip.

“I… uh… I need you to go, Eleanor. I want to be alone.”

“Of course”—She replied, standing up. 

Once she collected her things she went to the door.

“Whatever you decide, just remember that I want the best for you, Bryce. I know we are in a complicated situation right now, but I’m doing my best to end this hell soon.”

And she left.

Bryce stood unmoved on the couch recounting the events of the past hours as the tears streamed down his face.

His biggest fears had occurred, and now he was feeling the incessant need of trusting Eleanor, tell her all the pain that was buried in his heart, but he just couldn’t. Just like his issues about his parents, he had been burying the thoughts about Eleanor not wanting to confront Ethan about their relationship. He knew she still loved him and couldn’t blame her for that, but it was hurting him more than he thought, and he had just ignored his feelings and not said anything to her because if he opened up to Eleanor, even for one single thing, it would be like to open the pandora box, and he wasn’t ready to let all go.

Things were difficult in the next days. Keiki was absolutely decided to stay with him, especially since his parents didn’t reach him or Keiki to make her come back to Maui, and he still didn’t know how to deal with Keiki, because at any try of conversation, they ended up fighting or she ignoring his tries to be friendly.

The frustration and guilty were getting bigger and bigger.

He didn’t speak to Eleanor, and barely spend time with the rest of his friends. He just locked in on himself, focusing on working hard, and go straight home to be with Keiki even if they didn’t say anything or just argued. She was alone all day so she needed some company, and he really wanted to understand her, bonding with her and be like they were before, o maybe not like before, but he wanted to be her brother again.

However, soon he realized that he had been too harsh with Eleanor. Even if she was still in love with Ethan and didn’t want to make it official, it was all within their agreement. And more importantly, she had always been very respectful of their relationship, because she had only eyes and time for Bryce, and even if she wasn’t ready to commit, to tell the truth to Ethan and stop loving him she was all in the relationship with him. He was her priority, he sensed that. He knew it. Because she had been refusing any contact with Ethan since he was back. When Bryce assumed that Eleanor had kissed him the night she stayed at Donahue’s, the reality was different. And Ethan’s behavior the past weeks was proof of that. So, he felt bad for reacting that way. She didn’t deserve it when she only wanted to help.

*

Bryce was walking by the fourth floor, expecting to find Eleanor there, when he heard heated voices inside an empty room.

“This anger you have against me is about something else and I won’t allow it, Ethan.”

“What do you mean by ‘something else’?”

“Not work-related. You have been an ass to me for weeks, and whatever might be your reason, you’re being unprofessional and you’re exactly what you wanted to avoid.”

Then, absolute silence.

If Bryce was right, Eleanor was confronting Ethan about his behavior in the past weeks. She didn’t address the problem openly, but it was clearly a step he thought she wouldn’t take so soon.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”—She said when she ran into him, not cathing it was him at first.—"Bryce? Hi”

“Eleanor”—They stared in silence for a moment—"I was looking for you. What time does your shift end?”

Bryce saw the brief moment Ethan passed behind Eleanor, his face impassive and cold as steel, ignoring their existence completely.

“Half an hour, I’m doing my final round. Why?”

“I need to speak to you, meet me in the atrium as always?”

“Okay, yeah.”—Her cheeks flushed and couldn’t help but look at him with hope.

“See ya later, then.”

He waited in their usual spot and finally, fifteen minutes later, she appeared.

“I’m so sorry, I had to run new tests for a patient, and it took me ages.”

“Don’t worry, I’m glad you’re here.”

“So…”

“Let’s go to my car, we can talk there.”

“Okay.

Once both got in the car, they looked at each other until Bryce broke the silence.

“Elle, I want to apologize. I realized I was too unfair with you the other day. I know you were trying to help and I just took it on you, because I was frustrated with the situation and I didn’t know how to deal with it, let alone with another person offering help.”

“It’s okay, Bryce, it’s me who should apologize. I shouldn’t have pushed you like that.”

“No, you were trying to help me, and I thank you for that. But I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that about Ramsey. You have been very respectful to our relationship, I want you to know that. I really appreciate it, babe. It’s just that sometimes this is… hard.”

“Bryce, listen, you were right, you don’t have to apologize for telling me the truth. I am afraid, and sadly I still have feelings for Ethan and I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to hurt you either, so it’s all so complicated.”

“I know, Elle, I know, that’s why I shouldn’t have been so rude. By no means you have been unfair or mean to me. It’s just that this is getting a bit hard for me, that’s all, especially now that I’m dealing with something big in my life and I want to hold on to you… But I’m terrified to do so.”

Eleanor rested her hands over his. 

“Look, I know I can’t promise you we will be together forever, but I want you to know that our relationship it’s the most important thing to me now, and I’ll do whatever I can to take care of us. We are still in this difficult process until things are clear inside my head, but right now I want to be here for you, I want to help you with your sister and with whatever you need. Just say the word, okay?”

He smiled thankfully and then nodded.

“Truce?”—She said, offering her hand.

“Truce”—He agreed, but instead of taking her hand, he kissed her sweetly in the lips.

Eleanor giggled against him.

“God, I missed you so much.”—He sighed, parting from her just a brief moment, to keep kissing her for another couple of seconds.

“Me too. These days have been a real nightmare without you. How are you dealing with Keiki?”

“Not so well, actually. That’s why I wanted to ask you if you would like to go home with me tonight. I haven’t been able to talk with Keiki, and if you there with me, maybe I’ll understand her better. I don’t wanna fight with her anymore.”

Eleanor smiled warmly at him.

“This means that you’re letting me in?”

Bryce had made his decision but couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous.

“Yes. I want you with me in all this, Elle.”

“You won’t regret it. I promise.”

When they get home a delicious smell invaded their nostrils. Keiki was in the kitchen apparently frying some beef.

“Hey Keiki”—They both greeted.

“Hey. Eleanor, I didn’t know you were coming. I hope I’m doing enough food for the three of us.”

“We’ll make it work”—Bryce said, hopeful.

“If not, Bryce, you can call a delivery just as you like.”

“Haha, always so loving, sis. Whatcha doing?”

“Mongolian beef, I found an easy recipe on Instagram and here I am.”

“You need any help?”

“Umh, maybe with the rice, I have to chop the scallions and then have an eye on the beef.”

“Sure.”

They both washed their hands and then Eleanor taught Bryce how to cook rice while suggesting topics to talk. Some were delicate and Keiki reacted badly, but after every scowl Eleanor gave to Bryce, he tried to act more empathetic, listening to her before judging.

Once the dinner was served, the three seated with smiled on her faces.

“Keiki, this is great!”—Eleanor praised after giving the first taste to her plate.—“You had cooked before?”

“Yeah, a couple of times, but it’s not that I have the chance to do it often when you have people who cook for you”—She replied, a bit embarrassed.

“And what do you like to do? Reading? Singing? Playing an instrument? Skateboarding?”

“I like drawing, reading, and sometimes taking pictures.”

“That’s great. Boston has such beautiful places to do it.”

“Yeah, that’s true”

“ And what about your friends? You are not missing them now that you’re here?”

“Nah, I don’t have actual friends there, they all hate me.”

“Why they hate you?”—Bryce asked, brows furrowed.

And with that question, Keiki let everything out.

That was the moment Bryce had been waiting since her sister got there. Know the motives that made her leave home and fly all over the Pacific Ocean and to the other side of the country to be with him, even if they hadn’t seen each other in ten years.

And it happened that her sister was living the same hell he lived. Her classmates hated her for what his parents did, and of course, they hadn’t done anything to protect her. They only cared about their reputation.

The mistake he kept making for ten years had led to this. Her sister suffering from loneliness, abandonment, bullying. Just like he did.

“Keiki I'm .... I’m sorry I didn't call more. I should have been looking out for you.”—Bryce finally said.

“It’s not like you could have done anything from all the way over here.”

“I could, Keiki. I should have tried, I should have done better, I should have stood in front of mom and dad if you needed me to. And I didn’t. I let this happened. But I’m gonna do better, starting from today.”

Bryce got up from the chair and opened his arms, inviting her sister to do the same. After a few moments of staring at him, she finally stood up and threw herself into his arms.

“I’m sorry I was a jerk when I turned up. And like... every day since.”—She apologized, complete sincerity in her eyes.

“The only jerk here is me. You can stay with me for as long as you need, okay? We'll figure it out.”

“Thanks, Bryce.”

“I’m sorry, Keiki. Truly.”

“Bryce, it’s okay. I’m happy that I can count on you.”

“Always.”

The three chatted on the couch until Eleanor started to feel sleepy. She and Bryce said goodnight to Keiki, who had given his bed back a couple days ago as she found out the couch really comfy and his brother needed proper rest more than her.   
When they locked in the room, Bryce pulled Eleanor to his chest gently, resting his forehead into hers.

“Thank you for doing this.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“All the right questions, and all those scowls and deadly glares that meant ‘stop screwing it up, Bryce’ is doing nothing? Really?”

“Ah, well. It was minimal. You did the hard job here, you get your sister to talk, and you listened to her and empathized with her. You apologized. You were the support she was looking for. _You_ did it amazing, Bryce. Not me. I’m so proud of you.”

“This wouldn’t have been possible without you.”—He kissed her in the lips, giving her the sweetest smile she had even seen in him, it made her stomach flutter.

“Good things happen when you trust people, you see?”

“Only with you.”

“I know. And I won’t let you down.”

___


	11. Don't Start Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Those rumors about Eleanor and Bryce were true, to Ethan's disappointment. What does it unleash in Ethan?

**Chapter 11. Don’t Start Now**

_Don’t show up, don’t come out_

_Don’t start caring about me now,_

The following weeks were calmer than previous. The conversation Eleanor had with Ethan seemed to work because, since that day, he stopped directing his anger toward her, and instead, he did what he was good at in second place: ignore her.

Eleanor didn’t mind, obviously. If she confronted him in the first place, was because she was tired of his childish attitude and knew very well that his next obvious reaction would be ignoring her like he did the past months. She needed peace and that was the only way to get it.

Still, she couldn’t deny that the situation was painful. She never expected to spend the first months in the Diagnostics Team in such a bad position with Ethan, when it had to be the best time to learn from him, learn from his mentor, the person she had idolized since she was in high school. And all because he was jealous.

The silver lining in all this was that it soothed things with Bryce. As she didn’t rant about Ethan with him, the next weeks were very sweet and calm in the company of Keiki. For some reason, Eleanor clicked very well with her. Perhaps it was the fact that she had many similitudes with Bryce, even if they hadn’t lived together for ten years, and Eleanor thought she was undeniably attracted to that, so it couldn’t be any different with Keiki.

Some nights a week, she would stay with the Lahelas and have sleepovers in the living room to talk and watch movies until they would fall asleep on the mattress of the new bed Bryce had bought for Keiki. Some other nights they would play cards, or just talk about the day and about life.

Eleanor would even chat throughout the day with her too.

“Wait, my sister is sending you memes?”—Bryce asked, really offended while they were taking a break in the cafeteria—"Why she doesn’t do that with me?”

“Because she likes me more than you.”

“But I’m his brother!”

“Hey, take it as she has the same good taste as you do. Another thing you two have in common.”—She winked at him and Bryce couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Mmh you’re right. Spending so much time with me it’s getting on you, uh?”—He whispered proudly, leaning to her to kiss her in the cheek.

“Couldn’t be any other way”

“She’s really disappointed when I get home and you don’t show up. It hurts my feelings.”

Eleanor released a hard laugh at his pouting lips and his puppy eyes just like a Golden Retriever.

“Ohmygod, finally I’m seeing your Golden Retriever side. Are you jealous of attention?”

“What do you think? Keiki came for me but only wants to see you.”

“She just enjoys my company, a female presence, that’s all. But what she really needs it’s her brother. You have nothing to worry about, Goldie.”

She stroked his cheek and a second later, he furrowed his brows.

“Goldie?”

“That’s my new nickname to you when you’re behaving like a Golden Retriever, just like now.”

“Excuse me? You still have no pet names for me, but I got a freaking _dog nickname_? Seriously, Bloom?”

“Bloom? You think you can offend me by calling me like that?”—She grinned—"We talked about this. I’m not comfortable enough to use pet names yet, Bryce. But it’s a step, don’t you think?”

“It is a pet name after all”

“God, you’re impossible.”—Eleanor sighed, getting up from the seat with the empty paper cup in her hand.—“I gotta go”

“Don’t ignore me.”

“See? You’re such a Goldie.—She laughed again.—"Gosh, you’re sooo cuteee”

Eleanor placed a hand over his hair and patted him softly, just like she would do with a real puppy. Bryce scowled her, feigning to be offended.

A moment later, she leaned close to his face and looked at him tenderly.

“I love you, Goldie.”

Then she kissed him, a soft brush against his lips that made him cackle before she parted her lips from him.

“Goddamn, you know how to manipulate me, don’t you?”—He stood up from the chair and pulled her in a tight embrace—"Love you too, princess.”

“Good boy.”—She praised, hugging him back before untangling herself from his arms and dragged him outside the cafeteria so both could get back to work.

*

Eleanor was snuggled to Bryce, deeply asleep when she heard a knock in her bedroom door. It took her a while to wake up and go to see what it was. She didn’t even think about how poorly dressed she was. Just a rose satin tank top and her panties.

“This better be important”—She murmured opening the door mid-third knock, only to find a tall figure with deep blue eyes in front of her—"Oh!”

Ethan was standing on the other side his face impassive. He tried to focus on her face, but he couldn’t resist roaming his eyes over her body for a few moments.

“Oh, uh good morning.”—He greeted, returning his eyes to her face, only to notice someone behind her, under the sheets of her bed.

“What is it, babe?”—He heard a husky voice and then he saw Bryce stirring under the sheets and looking in their direction with a drowsy expression.

_Babe._

Eleanor saw how his face disfigured hearing that single word. And obviously, the fact that Bryce was in her bed, sleeping. Ethan glanced at her stoically, but she could decipher the disappointment when his eyes betrayed him for a split second.

“It’s Dr. Ramsey”—She murmured looking back at Bryce, her cheeks flushed.

“Ramsey?”—Bryce sat up, startled, waking up in an instant.

Ethan followed his gaze.

“Good morning to you too, Dr. Lahela.”—He scowled at him briefly, evidencing how much he was hating that he was there.—"I’m sorry Dr. Bloom, I didn’t know you had company.”

His words sounded like an iceberg that made her shiver even if the room was warm with the morning sunlight filtering through the curtains. 

“What are you doing here?”

“We have a case, I need you to dress up and go with me.”

“But is my day off!”

“The Team doesn’t have days off, Bloom. Wear something nice, the board is desperate to impress this patient”

“Okay.”

“Hurry up, I’ll wait outside.”

Eleanor closed the door and looked at Bryce biting her bottom lip, guilty.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t worry. You better finish this case soon, so you can come back to me.”

“We planned this for weeks. It’s your birthday.”—She pouted, sitting over the edge of the bed, beside him.

“Baby, we celebrated last night.—He took her hands and caressed her palm softly—"I slept with you, I woke up with you, and I have my sister here in Boston, what else can I ask?”

“Well, if you put it that way…”

“Just hurry up and go to my place once you’re done, okay?”

“Okay, promise.”—She leaned to kiss him and then got up to look for a formal dress in her wardrobe until she found a navy-blue corporate dress that had been saving for that kind of occasion.

Bryce chuckled suddenly.

“You saw his face? Oh, man. I know this is cruel, but it was some kind of birthday present to me.”

Bryce crossed his arms behind his head with a satisfied smirk over his face, while he was staring at Eleanor stripping from her clothes and putting on clean underwear.

“What do you mean?”

“His face when he realized I was sleeping in your bed. It was like his eyes were just about to jump out of his face and strangle me.”

“I want to know who thought it was a great idea to let him pass knowing you were here.”

Eleanor unfastened the dress, stepping into him one leg at a time.

“Maybe that person did it on purpose.”—Bryce speculated, standing up from the bed—“C’ mere”

Eleanor took a few steps and turned her back to him so he could zip her dress up.

“I bet was Jackie. She is such a troll and would totally do that.”—She turned to him—“Thank you.”

“If it was her, I have to thank her.”

Eleanor scowled him.

“What? She did you a favor. You didn’t want to tell him, fine. He just found us.”

She stood in silence for a couple of seconds, thinking.

“Yeah, it’s kinda relieving, actually.”

Eleanor conceded, before going to brush her teeth in the bathroom. Even if he had had his suspicions and this was nothing surprising, still she didn’t know how Ethan would react from now on. And what could unleash in her.

When she returned to the room, Bryce was already dressed up.

“Hey, you don’t need to leave. Sleep for a couple of hours more.”

“Nah, I prefer to go home, Keiki has been too much time alone.”

“Well, that’s true.”

Eleanor collected her things, cellphone, keys, and purse, and both left the room.

Once they opened the building door, they found Ethan leaned against a red mini cooper. The moment Ethan exchanged glances with them, he turned around to get in the car. Eleanor stopped a few feet away from the vehicle and smiled at Bryce, her cheeks blushed.

“Well, that’s me. I hope this ends soon.”

“I hope so too. Have a great day, babe.”

“You too, birthday boy.”

She kissed chastely in the lips and then turned to get in the vehicle.

The first consequences of what had happened were seen a few blocks away for her apartment. Ethan started to call her out because if they were doing home service to patients now was only because of her and her decision to pursue wealthy patients to save the Team. But she didn’t waste energy in replying. Instead, she decided to simply turn a deaf ear to any of his outbursts and ignore him the whole ride. 

However, when his anger risked the possibility to compete with Mass Kenmore to cure Leland Bloom, one of the wealthiest men in the country, Eleanor decided to speak up. She didn’t brook up for weeks his hurtful words just to let go of a wealthy patient that could probably help to solve two and maybe more patients that don’t have the resources to be treated in any other hospital.

As Ethan left the house after declining the competition Leland Bloom had offered, without consulting with his colleagues, Baz, June, and her followed him outside to talk some sense into him.

“Ethan”—Spurted Baz—“Please, we need this. You know we need this.”

“No, I’m not going-”

“Could you please surgically remove your head from your ass for one second and consider that this is for the Team?—Eleanor interrupted, employing the same words he had used last year when Declan Nash was denying to even have a conversation with him about a possible treatment for sepsis. She wanted him to know how stupid and irrational was being at that moment.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re behaving like a goddamn diva, a freaking a spoiled child, you know? Do you think your ego is bigger than the needs of the Diagnostics Team? How unprofessional of you, seriously.”

Ethan’s face disfigured at words, exposing his embarrassment and mortification. After a few moments, he glanced at his colleagues apologetically.

“I, uh… Spoiled child seems to suit the occasion. And unprofessional. I owe you all an apology.”

Baz and June seemed clearly surprised by the bold words Eleanor had used on him and how she got to tame his anger in just a few seconds when Ethan had been punishing her for weeks after what happened with Gwyneth. When Ethan wasn’t looking at them, Baz raised his thumb, nodding amazed. 

*

After the meeting with Leland Bloom, the team returned to Edenbrook to discuss the possible diagnosis with the information provided by the patient.

“The results will be ready this afternoon, so I’ll be doing rounds while I wait for them”—Eleanor informed after ordering the exams in the Nurses’ Station.

Ethan nodded imperceptibly but didn’t say anything, making Eleanor sigh.

She needed to talk about this. Her colon couldn’t support another day or another week avoiding the topic and hearing his outbursts just like that day. Now that the truth was out, there was no point in avoiding facing it. She looked around to check if there was any sight of June or Baz near, but the hallway was absolutely deserted.

“So, you stopped acting like a spoiled child, but you’re keeping the unprofessional act?”—She asked, standing in front of his desk, arms crossed and serious glare.

“Excuse me?”—Ethan took off his glasses, visibly offended.

“You are clearly pissed off with me because you saw me this morning with Bryce, and if you are bringing personal stuff to our working relationship, let me tell you that you’re being pathetically unprofessional, Ethan.”

“Watch out your tone, Bloom.”

“Watch out your reactions, Ramsey.”—Snaped her, instantly—"You have scolded and snubbed me for weeks just because I’ve ignored all your insinuations, and you can’t keep being like that.”

“ _Insinuations_ , what are you talking about?”

“Oh, please. Don’t act like you don’t know it. Since you came back from the Amazon you have waited for me to make a move on you, even if you said we were over for good. And when you realized that I wasn’t gonna play that game, you started to act like an ass just like before you left.”

“Clearly ego issues are contagious, and the scalpel jockey infected you badly.”

“Oh. So why the hell you’ve been acting this way with me, then?”

“Because you went behind my back in contacting Gwyneth Monroe.”

“No, it started before her. When we visited Evelyn Vega’s art exposition you were already acting weird. The fool’s act doesn’t work with me, Ethan.”

He stared thoughtfully, trying to suppress the words that were about to come out of his mouth. He didn’t want to say it. It was against his nature and against the decision he had made. But like everything that involved Eleanor, he was about to act against all his self-control.

“Four months ago you were so… persistent about us being together, and now you’re dating him?”

“A lot of things can happen in four months, you’re smarter than that, Ethan. And should I remind you that you were the one who ended things and only wanted a professional relationship?”

“No, I know that.”

“Then tell me, why is all this fuss really for? We broke up whatever we had four months ago, so clearly my personal life it’s not your concern, and yet it’s messing with our working relationship.”

“I just don’t understand why you’re with him.”

“What do you mean by _him_?”

“He’s shallow, annoying, egocentric, a scalpel jockey, and you deserve more than that.”

“Don’t you dare to talk about Bryce like that, Ethan.”

Ethan stopped, eyes wide opened, surprised with the almost visceral reaction she had had at hearing his words.

“I’m wrong? Do you know what’s behind all that skin-deep beauty and ego?”

Ethan knew he was more than that, but still, he wasn’t enough for Eleanor. He needed a sharp mind, someone, that challenges her. Someone like him.

“Of course I know him, why the fuck do you think I’ve been with him for three months?”

Since the first moment her intention wasn’t to hurt him, but god, he was being so mean that somehow now she wanted to throw all over his face how much time she had been with Bryce, so he knew this wasn’t an insignificant relationship and that she didn’t spend two whole months crying for his absence. At least not physically, but emotionally, she did.

“D…”—Her words were like a punch in the face. _Three months_.—“Don’t you see he’s not for you? You deserve better than that, Eleanor.”

Eleanor took a deep breath, containing all her anger. She didn’t want to make a scene. She had to be an adult, but it was difficult when Ethan was acting this irrational and stupid.

“I don’t know who you think you are to talk about someone you clearly don’t know. Not even your status as a second-best diagnostician in the country gives you the superpowers to know a person without really talk or spend time with them.—She took another breath—"That said, I’ll inform you that Bryce has been all the transparent you never were with me in all this time. When I was about to be suspended by the Committee, he was there to give me moral support. When you left for the Amazon, he started inviting me out because he couldn’t stand to see me sad. He saw my pain and did something to relieve me, not like you, that every time you saw me drowning, you preferred to ignore me because it’s easier than to deal with my emotions and yours. When I’m sad, when I can’t deal with this whole situation with you, he is there for me, to supporting and listening to me. So, do you really think I don’t deserve someone like him?”

Ethan felt how his ego was taking hostage of his body, he hated to be this way, but that question had been wandering her mind since the moment he saw Bryce in her bed.

“Do you still love me?”

That question took her by surprise. She knew he would ask her at some point, but not now. Still, she didn’t have intentions to deny it.

“Unfortunately, yes. But it isn’t important, actually.”

“It is.”

“It’s not.”

“Eleanor…”

“Why do you care now?”—She interrupted before he could say anything that could trick her mind.—"You were very clear to me that nothing can happen between us, you ignored me for two months when you left for the Amazon, and now that I’m doing my life you suddenly care? The bollocks, Ethan.”

“I never thought you…”—He stopped mid-sentence.

“That I would move on? That my life would keep going after you? I can’t believe you’re this selfish Ethan. And this egocentric.”

“I don’t mean it like that…”

“I don’t care. Whatever you have to say, save it. You had your chances, and you preferred the easiest path. Punish me and ignore me, and I don’t deserve that.”

Eleanor left the room, her heart racing really fast. She was angry, scared, sad, anxious, guilty. All the stupid feelings Ethan always managed to make her feel, now were invading her mind and heart, threatening to explode inside her. She ran to the nearest restroom she found and once there she locked herself in the cubicle, releasing a sob.

All that had been holding up these weeks since Ethan was back in Boston, was now free. All that had been holding up because of Bryce, because she wanted things to work, but she wasn’t going to make Ethan a regular topic in their relationship. She had shared with Bryce the whole fight and how of an ass he was acting but never told him how she really felt. How devastated she was with the fact that he was ignoring her and scolding her because she had moved on. Never told him how difficult it was not even looking at him in the eyes because she was afraid that she would surrender to her most deep desires. Never told him that this whole situation was unfair because that was a moment to be learning from him, not avoiding him. Instead, she was receiving the worst of him as a person and as a doctor as he was throwing all outside the window because he was jealous.

And now she was feeling angry and more disappointed than ever. She never expected that Ethan would question her choices, especially the person with whom she had to move on. And never expected him to be this prejudicious. That he would suggest that Bryce as her partner was synonymous with insult and indignity. 

She felt sick at realizing how blindly selfish he was. And for a person like that, Eleanor couldn’t spend another tear, so after a few deep breaths, she wiped the tears from her face and started to wander around the hospital to find something useful to do.

Half an hour later, she was informed that the results couldn’t be ready that day, so she went back to the office to inform Ethan, in the hopes that she could leave early to spend the rest of the afternoon with Bryce and Keiki.

“Dr. Ramsey, the lab has informed me that the results couldn’t be ready today, there was a problem with previous analysis that had to be made again and that is on top priority, but they’ll be ready tomorrow morning.”

“Alright. You’re discharged, then.”

“Thank you.”

She was about to grab her purse when Ethan stood up from his chair.

“Eleanor, wait.”

She turned to him, her face emotionless.

“I need to understand why.”

“Why what?”

“Why you… moved on so fast when you… you said you love me. How could you leave what we had in the past just after a month? Was all you said a lie?”

Eleanor felt heartbroken. She sensed his pain and how subtly he was acknowledging that after all this time he still couldn’t move on, but at the same time, she couldn’t believe he was questioning her feelings when he had been the one who broke everything they had.

“How… How can you doubt my feelings, Ethan? How?—She said as her voice was breaking—"I was honest with you the whole time. The whole time you were ignoring me I opened up my heart to you, I ridiculed myself in front of you every time I tried to make to your senses. You really think that all that was a trap?”

“No, but…”—Ethan walked towards her and stopped a few inches away as he sensed her discomfort.—"How could you do it so fast and…. with someone so shallow, you deserve better than that. You’re brilliant, you need someone who comprehends your sharp mind…”

“Shut up!”—She roared—"I’m tired of this shit, Ethan. Don’t ever talk about Bryce like that, you hear me? You have no idea…”—A sob escaped from her throat. It really affected her how bad he was treating Bryce—“…how wonderful he is and all the things he had done for me. If you knew, you wouldn’t be saying this bullshit. You should be grateful to him instead.”

“Why you say that?”

“Because he cleaned the mess you made. You were the one that broke me into hundred pieces, and not just when you left, but every time you ignored me and pretended that I didn’t exist, every time you didn’t answer my calls or emails, even when you started to punish me for moving on. You have spent months breaking me, Ethan. In million pieces. And you know who took all the broken pieces of me, who is putting them all together? Him. Like the brilliant scalpel jockey he is, he has been stitching every single piece of me with love, dedication, with patience, with a lot of patience. He has shown me how real and selfless love is by being a good friend, inviting me out, making me laugh, putting me on top of his priorities when not even I was putting myself first. And he had never hurt me, you know? So don’t ever say that I don’t deserve him, because he’s precisely what I deserve after all the hell you made me live.”

Ethan couldn’t say anything, and after a few moments, Eleanor turned to leave, but before she could take her belongings, he spoke.

“Do you love him?”

She faced him, bravery in her entire body even if she was still crying.

“Yes”.

Eleanor could see how his life fell apart, how she broke him with just a single word.

“But you said that you…”

“I love him but I’m not in love with him, yet.”

“You’re still in love with me, then?”—He said with a hint of hope.

“Yes, but that doesn’t change anything between us.”

“It does. Eleanor, I wanted to make things right, but I was afraid.”

“Don’t you think I wasn’t afraid too? I exposed myself in front of you a hundred times and I kept doing it even if you rejected me every one of the ninety-nine times before I did.”

“You have always been braver than I am.”

“Yes. That’s why I asking you to please end all this crap for good and let me be happy.”

“I ... I don't know if I can.”

Suddenly, he heard a hiss and before he could direct his eyes to the source of the noise, an imponent and categorically voice filled the air.

"Enough. "

Ethan and Eleanor turned to the voice, startled, only to find Bryce standing in front of the sliding doors, his face frozen in a cold glare.

"Enough of your stupid game of making her feel guilty for the shit you created, Ramsey.”

"Bryce..."—Eleanor said in a tiny voice, clearly surprised of his attitude, but grateful that he had interrupted that tortuous exchange.

"This is not of your concern, Lahela."

"If you are making her feel like shit, if you are making her cry like she is now, of course it's my concern and I won't let you do this to her anymore, you hear me?"

"Are you threatening me?"

"No, I'm asking you to behave like a decent human being and stop torturing her with _your_ mistakes. She has paid more than enough for them, and it's not fair you keep doing this. So, if you really, really care about her like you're trying to show, take a step back and leave her alone."

Ethan was speechless. He never thought he would see Bryce this serious and commanding, and that he would call him out like this. His eyes were burning with fury and were standing a few inches ahead of Eleanor in a protective way, waiting for anything Ethan could throw at her or him and respond.

When Bryce understood that Ethan wouldn’t say another word, he turned to Eleanor.

"Come on, babe, let’s get outta here.”

“Okay.”—Her voice was barely a murmur.

"You have your purse here?"

"Yeah, it's..."

" Got it"—He said when he localized the black leather bag hanging from a chair in the circular table. Once he was standing beside her again, he held her hand and together walked out of the office, while the examining eyes of Ethan followed every movement of them.

The last thing he heard before the doors slid shut was a soft "It's okay baby, I got you" after a few sobs, while through the windows he could see how Bryce was holding her in his arms, her face deep buried in his chest. Then, total silence. His hammering head full questions and guilt had deafened him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this new chapter!


	12. august

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bryce celebrates his birthday with Keiki, Eleanor, and his friends at the beach, but after what happened early that day, he decides to reveal to Eleanor something that could endanger their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every story has its share of self-indulgence. In this series, is this chapter. Still, we are seeing some story progression.  
> I decided to name the chapter “august” because I couldn’t get that song off my head while writing it. This time it has nothing to do with the lyrics. 
> 
> I hope you like it!

**Chapter 12: august.**

_And I can see us twisted in bedsheets_

_August sipped away_

_Like a bottle of wine_

_'Cause you were never mine_

After a few minutes wandering through the hallways, Bryce found an empty room and gestured Eleanor to get in. She was still sobbing.

“I’m sorry, I promise I’ll… I’ll stop I just need…”—She whispered when Bryce closed the door behind them.

“Babe, it’s okay. Take your time”

“It’s not okay... It’s your birthday, I’m a mess…and I shouldn’t… let it affect me… this bad.”

Eleanor really wanted to stop crying, but seeing Bryce so worried and supportive just made her feel even worse. How could he be that way? How could he worry so much about her when practically a few minutes ago he heard her saying she wasn’t in love with him but with Ethan instead? He knew all that, of course, but it wasn’t easy to digest either.

“Listen”—He said placing his thumb and index finger on her chin, lifting her face up to him.—“Don’t worry about that. What matters to me now is that you are okay, so take your time and breathe. I’m here for you if you need me, okay?”

She nodded.

“In that case, would you hold me, please?”

“Of course, beautiful.”

Bryce instantly closed his arms around her, drawing soft circles around her back with his palms, while whispering words of reassurance and comfort.

“You were so brave, Elle, so brave.”

“What do you mean? I… started sobbing like a…child and I just couldn’t walk away, I was a coward.”

“But you faced him. You exposed your feelings, how he hurt you, and what you’ve been doing to move on. And that requires a lot of bravery. You could’ve just walked away and ignored the conversation, but you didn’t.”

“Yeah, in fact, I… I started that conversation earlier. I just thought… _Fuck it, I want this to be over_ , and I did it. I’m so tired, Bryce.”

“I know, you’ve been holding on too much.”

“You too, Bryce. I want this to be over for you, I hate keeping you like this.”

“Elle.”—He said parting from her and staring with his face all serious, but his eyes were looking at her with his usual softness.—“I appreciate the gesture, that you care about me, but it’s important that you do this for yourself. You always do things thinking about others, you never care about you, so please, do this for you, you know this has never been about me.”

“I know… But if I think about you, I feel a lot braver than when I only think about myself.”

Bryce smiled at her tenderly and shook his head with shiny eyes.

“What?”

“You kill me when you’re this cute with me, you know that?”—He kissed her cheek.

“I’m just being honest.”

“I know, and that’s the best of all.”

“If it weren’t for you, a lot of things would be different now. Not just because we are together, but because you have given me the strength I never had, and that’s why I’ve been able to resist all this in these months.”

“I think the strength has always been there with you, and you just learned how to use it by spending too much time with me.”—He flashed her his megawatt smile and Eleanor couldn’t help but grin at the gesture. She would always melt at the sight of that smile.

After a few moments, she breathed deeply, sensing how the pain and the fear were finally lessening. She had let go of all those pent-up feelings, the anger, the fear, the unspoken words, and feelings toward Ethan. All that was left was the truth and the unknown consequences. But she had Bryce. Her biggest support, her shoulder to cry her soul out, her voice of reassurance, her voice of love, her embrace of peace. None of this would be easy, but she had him by her side to face all that.

“What are you doing here, by the way?”—She said before wiping all traces of tears from her face.

“I texted you that I was coming to pick you up. As you didn’t saw my text, I went to the nurse station, and then they told me you were in the Diagnostics Office.”

“Oh. Yeah, after I texted you, I planned to leave, but Ethan stopped me to talk. And Keiki?”

“Waiting for us in the cafeteria.”

Eleanor observed his features trying to read how he was feeling. He was completely in the mood of making her feel good, but she could sense he was just trying to hide what he was actually feeling.

“What did you hear before getting in?”

“Pretty much everything you said about me. What Ramsey thinks of me.”

“Gosh, I couldn’t believe it. I wanna believe that he doesn’t mean it, that he only says that because he’s hurt and jealous, but I couldn’t help but feel angry that he spoke about you that way. He has no fucking idea of how you are.”

“Yeah, the man’s speaking from his ego, he cannot think I’m _that_ bad, right? He just feels threatened by my greatness.”

He said opening his arms to show off his always sculptural and attractive body like he was Adonis and Helios in one body.

Eleanor chuckled, realizing that he wasn’t that far from being a mixture of both. He was indeed the most beautiful person in the world and he always exuded energy and warmth so big that no other person could ever match him.

“Of course he is, Johnny Bravo.”—She leaned to him not resisting the urge to kiss him.—So you… heard what I said about you.”

“Yeah, I did. Really poetic, I have to say. I don’t think anyone has ever said something so beautiful about me that is not me.”

Her cheeks blushed in a vivid crimson, completely embarrassed, but somehow relieved that Bryce could know how she really felt about him, and what she thinks about him.

“I meant every word, Bryce.”

“Good, because I believed all of it and now you cannot deny that I’ve been stitching the one million pieces of your shattered heart.”—He said in a toned voice as if he was reciting the saddest elegy.—“Another point for cardiothoracic specialization.”

“Are you seriously mocking of my suffering, Bryce Lahela?”

“Of course not.”—Bryce assured apologetically, all traces of laugh erased from his face.—“I didn’t mean that—”

“I’m teasing you. I’m glad you’re giving it a funny connotation because it was super corny and I wanna forget that I said that.”

“Sorry, but I won’t let you forget that, ever. If we end up having family, even my great-grandchildren will hear the story about _how I stitched the heart of my beloved Eleanor._ ”

Bryce mimicked the trembling voice of an old man while saying the last words.

“If that’s the case, I’m dumping you now. Bye. We are over.”

Bryce grabbed her by the hips before Eleanor could walk away from him

“Are you sure?”—He whispered in a sultry voice, before placing feather kisses down her neck. 

Eleanor gulped and then shook her head.

“Fine, not today. I cannot be the bitch who dumped you on your birthday, so you’re safe.”

“So merciful.”

“I have a heart after all, thanks to you.”

Both chuckled.

“So, if you came here to pick me up that means our plans still stand?”

“Yep, we’ll get to have a beach party after all.”

“Yay! You texted the guys?”

“Yeah, Jackie and Elijah can’t join us because they start his night shift soon, but Sienna is waiting for us in your apartment, and Aurora will join us after her shift, so is Kyra.”

“And Raf?”

“On his way to help Sienna with some cookies and pastries that she baked.”

“Excellent, let’s go then, we can’t waste another minute, birthday boy!”

An hour later, Bryce, Keiki, Sienna, Rafael, and Eleanor with hands full of snacks, drinks, pillows, and blankets walked through the Nahant Beach shore looking for a place to settle in for the evening. It was around 6 pm and the sun was still hot and it wouldn't set until a couple of hours more. And it was a weekday, so it took a lot less time to find a good spot to lay by.

Once the blankets were rolled out, Keiki and Bryce ran to get into the water, competing who reached the water first.

“Sometimes I can’t believe Bryce’s is this childish with his sister.”—Eleanor laughed, looking at the siblings fighting in the water.—“But then I remember how I behave when I’m at home with my brother, which is a lot older than Keiki… and I understand.”

“How old is your brother?”—Rafael asked, while he was setting up the portable speaker.

“21 but around me acts like he’s 10.”

“And you probably act like you’re 11 around him”—Sienna mocked.

“Pretty much, or maybe 15, like a really grumpy and emotional teenager.”

“And you know how much she’s gonna stay with Bryce? School year starts in about two weeks.”

Eleanor stared at Sienna for a few seconds before answering.

“Maybe next week? I don’t know for sure.”—She improvised.

The truth was not even Bryce knew the answer. He had been trying to figure out how to enroll her sister in a school without him being his legal guardian and with no document or scholar certificates, but none research had been successful. He was considering to call his parents and ask them directly if they were willing to sign for some sort of legal agreement in which they would give Bryce the legal guardianship of Keiki, but she had implored Bryce that he didn’t do it yet, fearing that their parents would fly to Boston to take her back to Maui. She wanted to spend as much time as she could there, before risking the possibility of being forced to return home.

“I’ll wait for you in the water, girls!—Rafael screamed a few minutes later before running toward the water only with his olive green board shorts.

All was perfectly organized and all they have to do now was stripping from their clothes and go into the water.

“Yeah, we’ll be there in a minute! —Sienna replied. Then, she stared at Eleanor, who was sitting a few feet away, contemplating at the distance.

“Ellie?”

“Yup?”

Eleanor looked away from a yacht passing by a mile away from the shore.

“Are you okay? I feel like you’re not completely here.”

She sighed.

“Actually, part of me it’s not.”

“Why? What happened?”—The tiny resident asked, sitting beside her friend and staring inquisitively.

“I got in a fight with Ethan.”—Eleanor paused for a bit, trying to diffuse the knot that was threatening her chest once again. She couldn’t let her emotions overwhelm her again, at least not now that she was in the middle of the beach, celebrating Bryce’s birthday. Not after everything he had endured in the last hours.— “He saw me with Bryce in my room this morning and he got mad and jealous and… you can imagine, it turned out to be a real mess.”

“Oh, god, I’m so sorry I never meant to…”

Sienna looked at her with eyes full of guilt.

“What do you mean with that?”

“I let him pass, Eleanor.”

“You what? But I thought it was Jackie...”

“No, no, it was me. I knew Bryce was there and I thought that… as you didn’t want to tell him, the best way was to make him see with his own eyes that you were with him.”—Suddenly, she hugged her—"Ellie I’m sorry, I feel terrible! I didn’t know it would turn out like this.”

“Wow.”—She breathed, patting her friend in the back—"I never considered that it was you, but it makes a lot more sense.”

“Why?”—Sienna parted from her, worry still in her eyes.

“You have been trying to make me talk to Ethan for weeks, and as you saw I would never do it, you preferred to give me a push. And I think it’s the best thing that could’ve happened.”

“You really think so? Ellie, you have every right to be mad at me for interfering in your privacy like that.”

“I know, but I don’t feel mad, I’m thankful for this because you’re forcing me to face something I should’ve done ages ago. So, it’s fine, really.”

“But at what cost? Maybe there was a better way to make this.”

“I think there are no ‘better ways” in this matter. Just ways.”

“Mmm, yeah. Well, I’m glad I could help after all.”

“Si, you have been an angel to me in all this process. I cannot thank you enough for that and for what you did today. Even if it wasn’t the most orthodox way, I’m very grateful.”

Eleanor hugged her, and just there she felt how her friend relaxed from all the guilt she had felt from the beginning of her confession.

“Anytime, Ellie.”

“Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Sure, whatever I can do to help”

“Could you… keep an eye on Bryce? We are always open and honest about our feelings and about this situation, but I know there will be some things that he won’t say to me. So please, support him, make him talk, I don’t want him to fight this alone.”

“Of course, Ellie, I will.”

“Thank you, Si.”

Sienna nodded.

“Okay, enough of the emo chatting, let’s go swimming!”

“Yeah!!”

Both friends took off their dresses and ran toward the sea. Sienna was using a cute sky blue bathing suit with brown beads in the straps, while Eleanor was using her brand new green mint bikini. She had bought it especially for this celebration, after using the same orange bikini for years. She knew every spare time Bryce and her they had, probably would be used in visits to the beach, so it was completely justified her new purchase.

“Here we go!!!—Eleanor shouted before getting into the water.k—Shit, it’s coooold!”

“You’ll get used to it in no time”—Rafael assured.

She and Sienna joined the rest of the group who were playing an improvised version of water volley without a net.

“Okay, time to split in two, ladies and gentlemen”—Rafael instructed.

“Keiki?”—Bryce winked at her sister.

“Hell, no.”—Keiki snapped, raising a brow to her brother— “I wanna beat your ass, Bryce. Rafael, can I join you?”

“Sure!”

“You little…”—Bryce murmured, throwing the ball directly towards Keiki’s face.

“Bryce!”

Eleanor scolded, giving him a cold glare.

“Sorry. Umh, Babe, would you join my team? Don’t tell me you’re gonna choose Rafael too!”

“No, I could never betray you like that… On your birthday.”

“What the hell? My birthday is the only thing that’s stopping you from turning the world against me?”

“Oh, no, I’ve had enough with one diva, please, pretty please, Lord, don’t curse me with another!”

“Which diva are you talking about?”—Sienna asked.

While they were taking positions in the water, Eleanor told the group the tantrum Ethan had had in Leland Bloom’s house and why he didn’t want to compete against Mass Kenmore and his apparently a former friend.

“Oh, so you’re competing against Aurora?”

“Yes, as if I didn’t compete enough with her on my intern year.”—She sighed while looking at Rafael taking a few steps back.

“And how do you feel about it?”

“Our hospitals are fighting, maybe our bosses are competing, but that cannot interfere in my friendship with her. At least to me, it’s all good.”

“I’m glad, Ellie”—Sienna muttered—“You came a long way before getting to this point.”

“We all came a long way”—Bryce pointed out—“And what acquisition we had. A regal replacement for that rat. I wish she had always been with us instead of that… Snake.”

“Absolutely.”

“Speaking of the devil.”—Rafael muttered, looking back at the shore.

All eyes headed to were Aurora was placing a box beside the snacks and drinks they had settled a while ago.

“Aurora, join us!” —Bryce shouted.—“We are about to beat my sister’s ass, and I need you in my team.”

“I’ll be there in a minute!”—She replied.

After a couple of minutes of chatting, Aurora reached where they were about to start the game, in a beautiful watermelon bikini.

“Hello everyone”

“Hello again”

Aurora stared at Eleanor awkwardly for a bit, trying to read if she was somehow uncomfortable with their new situation.

“I guess we are competing against each other again.”

“I guess so, but not right now.”—Eleanor smiled at her and Aurora returned the gesture before keep walking towards Bryce.

“Happy birthday, Aunt Harper’s golden boy”—She greeted as she was hugging him.—“I’m glad you could make your beach party, I’ve been waiting for it for _weeks!”_

“So have I, Aurie. Thank you for coming, and for joining my team, of course.”

Bryce winked at her.

“Naturally, I only join winner teams.”

“That’s the spirit!”

“Stop bragging and let’s get started!”—Keiki yelled a few feet away from them.

“Uh, someone’s anxious to lose”—Bryce teased, and a second later Keiki threw the ball to Bryce, who reacted instantly, and directed the ball to Sienna.

Twenty-five minutes later, Bryce’s team won. Between Aurora’s and Bryce’s competitiveness, who were willing to give their lives to win that summer volley match, there was not so much Sienna and Keiki could do to support Rafael.

“Well done, team! You girls are the best!”—Bryce celebrated, high-fiving Aurora and kissing Eleanor on the lips.

Then he wasted no time and approached his sister to tease her for her loss.

“Shut up, you cheated! You always cheat, Bryce Lahela!”

“You’re the worst loser, Keiki, accept that I beat your ass.”

“Never, Goldie!”—Keiki yelled before splashing a handful of water towards him.

“Oh, no, you don’t wanna start this, little sister.”

“You bet I do!”

“Oh, no, I’m getting out of this war zone”—Sienna informed—“Let’s go grab some drinks, guys, shall we?”

“Please, I’m thirsty”—Aurora commented while walking out of the water followed by Rafael.

Soon, there was water all over the air. Bryce was using all his strength to splash large waves of water towards his sister while she tried to make up for her lack of strength with speed sends of water.

“Babe, Elle, please, help me, save me!”—He shouted after a while. Eleanor sensed a little tiredness in his breath.

“Bryce, you’re practically a hunk and you need me to beat your sister? —She declared before standing beside Keiki and started sending waves of water to Bryce—“Hell no, I won’t be part of this injustice.”

“YOU TRAITOR”—He screamed the moment he realized Eleanor was helping Keiki.—“IT’S MY BIRTHDAY. I’M YOUR BOYFRIEND. HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME??”

“SHE’S FIFTEEN, YOU’RE DOUBLE HER SIZE. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED!!!”

“I’M YOUR LITTLE SISTER. YOU ALREADY WON THE GODDAMN GAME. STOP USING YOUR BIRTHDAY TO WIN THINGS!!”

Bryce doubled his efforts as he noticed both girls were surrounding him.

“You started this fight because you couldn’t stand that I beat your ass, so is your fault!”

“How much time we’re gonna be like this? Until tomorrow? Until our arms die?”—Eleanor asked, already feeling her arms tired.

“Bryce, tomorrow you have work, you shouldn’t overuse your precious work tools”—Keiki said teasingly

“You’re not gonna get me that way, Keiki.”

A few seconds later, nothing has changed.

“Keiki, what if just for today we let him win, he’s impossible.”—Eleanor winked at her, at which the younger girl nodded with a knowing smile. 

“Okay, okay…”—Keiki stopped for a second. As Bryce noticed they had surrendered, he stopped splashing water towards them with a cocky smile on his face, only to just a split second later receive an unexpected gust of water from both sides, making him impossible to block the splash. 

“HA HA HA, DIE YOU LITTLE COCKROACH!!”—Keiki yelled mischievously, bursting out of laugh.

“NOOOOO, YOU CHEATED”—He shrieked, covering his head with both hands.

“Gotcha!”

“Okay, okay, you got me, now stop!”—Bryce admitted, seconds later.

“Not until you admit we beat your ass and we got you!”

“You wish”

Keiki got speed in her splashes.

“Okay, okay, You win, you cheaters, beat my ass, happy?”

“What do you think, Eleanor?”

“Let’s stop. I’m tired.”

“Me too, I’m gonna grab some lemonade, buh-bye!”

“And you? You’re gonna keep betraying me?”

“Don’t be jealous, Goldie”—She teased him while hugging him.—“It’s your sister.”

“You preferred her over me.”

“I’m a traitor for that? Even after how I defended you with Ramsey?”

“Ouch.”

“Stop whining”

“Okay.”

“Okay? Just that?”

“Yeah.”

Bryce took her firmly by the waist and started to move into the deep sea.

“How are you doing, babe?”

“I’m doing great, now. The game was fun, and I love being in the water with you.”

“Yeah?”

“You’re a completely different person by the sea. Well, when you’re not arguing with your sister”

“How so?”

“Light, relaxed, like you belong here. And…"

She bit her lips, looking at him seductively as she wrapped her legs around his waist and stroked the strands of hair that were falling from his forehead, to then add:

“... let me tell you that you look incredibly sexy all wet, with your hair like this and I love kissing you…"

She stopped to brush her lips into his, kissing him every few words.

“like this…with your mouth… cold and salty… because of the water... Mmmm…Yes. Extremely hot.”

“Gosh, I wish I could eat you out right now, until the last bite.”

“Cannibal much?”

“You’re too damn sexy, Elle, you can’t blame me.”

“Mmmm actually I would eat you out too. With this pink swim trunk that I gave you… Shit. I love how you look in that color. I thought you would use the briefs, though.”

“No, that’s only for you. Or at least not when my sister’s around.”

“Suddenly you’re feeling modest about your body?”

“No, but I’m sure my sister has no intention of seeing his brother with a pink brief, and I can make the sacrifice for her.”

“So sweet and considerate.”

She kissed him again.

“You look extremely hot with this, anyway.”

“And without it too.”

“Of course, but that praise is for another time.”

After a few seconds, she put her feet back on the ground and grabbed him by the hand.

“Let’s get back to the party. You have to share with your people, and I think Kyra’ arrived.”

They spent the rest of the evening, drinking and eating the delicious pastries and cookies Sienna had baked. While they were all immersed in the deliciousness of the sugar, Sienna looked at the box apparently Aurora had brought.

“What you have in there, Aurora?”

“Oh, I almost forgot! A cake my aunt sent to Bryce for his birthday.”

“What?”—Bryce crawled towards Aurora and Sienna and opened the box, where it was a perfect and smooth cheesecake covered in raspberry and blueberries.—“Wait… you’re telling me… your… your Aunt, _Harper Emery_ bought this cheesecake for me?”

“Uh-huh.”

“But how did she know?”

“Because I told her a few days ago, dummy. She wanted to have dinner with me today, but I had to reschedule because I had plans already. _Your_ birthday party.”

“Oh my god. Harper Emery bought me a cake. A cheesecake. Which one of you can say that?”—Bryce hugged her, full of excitement—"AURORA YOU’RE MY NEW BEST FRIEND NOW. Not that I’m using you, my friendship is real but oh, man!”

They all laughed.

“I’m gonna save it for later, we already have cake but I promise that tomorrow I’ll bring you a slice to work.”

After their stomachs were full of sugar, lemonade, wine, and beers, according to each one's preference, the group went into the water again, to play another volley match, a little shorter than the last. This time Bryce had to accept another loss on his birthday. Kyra made a lot of difference in Rafael’s team, and finally, they won only by two points. 

“Kyra, I’ve only met you for an hour but I already like you.”—Declared Keiki, teasingly high-fiving with her while Bryce was playing the dumb with his loss.

“Where’s the birthday boy? He already went home?”—Keiki asked.—“Oh, no, look at his puppy face, fighting against his desires to appeal the result because it’s his birthdaaaaaay.”

Kyra laughed patting Keiki in the back.

“Oh, Keiki, I like you so much.”

“Another traitor.”—Bryce muttered.

The sun had set when Bryce finally blew out the candles of his cake after giving meaningful smiles to Keiki and Eleanor, the best birthday presents life could’ve given him. 

They enjoyed the pineapple meringue cake Bryce had bought in a bakery near his place, the final part of his party, which sent all the guests to the floor. It had been too much sugar for a day, but still, it felt so good.

A short while later, Bryce invited Eleanor to take a walk by the shore. All the weight of what had happened earlier in the hospital was finally getting to him, and she could notice it.

“Are you okay? You got very quiet all of a sudden.”

“Yeah, it’s just I’ve been thinking that… we need to talk about something important.”

Eleanor felt nervous at the sight of Bryce looking really serious. Even worried.

“Okay, what is it?

“You have to know that… Ramsey’s gonna make a move after what happened today. Possibly.”

“A move, like…?”

“Trying to get you back.”

“Oh. How can you be so sure?”

“I’m a man, I know what he’s probably thinking. If I were in his shoes, I’d probably do the same thing, try my last attempt before letting you go for good.”

“But he let me go for good before he went to the Amazon.”

“Yes, but probably seeing you this morning with me, made him realize that he’s not as ready as he thought.”

“But I made it clear that I’m not interested, that he has to let me be happy with you.”

“Yes, but he knows that you still love him, so he obviously will use that as his last chance before dropping all for good. So… it’s now when the things are gonna be dangerous… and painful. So I’ll need you to be as honest as you have been now. And maybe more. Like, brutally honest.”

“You say that as if I’m going to try something with him.”

“I would be stupid and naïve if I think that you won’t try something with him, at some point, even if you have avoided him the past weeks. I’ve always known. It’s in the plan.”

“And what is that plan, may I ask?”

“These months he has shown the worst of him and if you only face that, it’s easy to say no to him. But if you see the side of him that you love, the side that he's probably going to show from now on, that’s when you’ll test your love, that’s when you can tell if you’re ready to stop loving him.”

“What are you suggesting? That I should let him make a move on me?”

“Yes.”

“Bryce, how the fuck you do suggest something like that?”

Eleanor was incredulous and thought that maybe Bryce was simply messing with her. But the seriousness hadn’t left his face not even for a second.

“Look, I’m not trying to persuade you that you should accept him, but maybe it’s necessary that this happen so you never in the future wonder what could have happened if you had given him a chance… you know what I mean?”

“Yes, it makes a lot of sense, but it feels really weird. You’re practically inviting me to cheat on you.”

“It wouldn’t be cheating if I’m fully aware of what could happen and if I consent that”

“This is so morbid, Bryce.”

“This whole thing is kinda morbid if you think about it”

Eleanor couldn't say anything. She was still processing what Bryce had said. Yes, she knew that maybe someday things would happen with Ethan, but she never expected that Bryce would push her to... take a chance with him.

“And you have really thought about this, right? Like, before today?"

“Yes, I didn’t come to this conclusion today. I’ve always known that this would happen someday.”

“Since when?” 

“About a month before Isabella’s, when I decided that I'd give it a try on us.”

“You have been thinking about this like for four months?!”

“Yes, practically since Ramsey left I’ve been analyzing this. I had to have everything clear before making a move on you; know all the consequences and possible paths, and this was the first thing that came to my mind when I considered inviting you out.”

“Wow, that’s a really, really informed decision.”

“What we have been doing is extremely risky, Elle. Probably the riskiest decision I’ve made and it involves my feelings, something that I had never made a decision about, so I had to think about it this much.”

“So, you’ve been prepared for this moment? The moment Ethan makes a move on me and I give in to the temptation?”

“Pretty much, yes.”

Eleanor felt confused. It was too much new information to process, but it also gave her some clarity. Now she understood why Bryce was so insisting on Ethan knowing about them. It wasn't about making him jealous, or just to give some stability to their relationship. It was about hastening the process. The sooner Ethan knew, the sooner he would react, and the sooner Eleanor would make a choice. But he didn't push her enough because Bryce wanted to respect her times above all.

Bryce and Eleanor walked in the darkness of the night, only illuminated by the waning moon, and the lights of the houses a few miles away from the beach. After several minutes of silence, ruminations, and possible catastrophic endings, Eleanor stopped him. She had been pondering her words before saying something that could haunt her in the future, but she had never felt the kind of certainty she was feeling now. She knew it was already the time to start making decisions. And maybe, promises.

“Bryce?”

“Mmm?”—He replied turning to her, his face still pensive.

Eleanor took both hands on hers and looked at him in the eyes for a few seconds before speaking. 

“I want you to know that every time I’ve had to choose in these past months, I’ve always chosen you. And I honestly plan to keep choosing you. Whatever happens next, they are just things that I have to resolve, but it won't be the end of us."

Bryce gave her a weak smile. He didn't want to have hopes, but her words were certainly giving him a reassurance he had never dare to have before.

"I hope that's the case because I can't wait for the day you're completely mine.”


	13. Million Reasons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor 'dives' into the water trying to understand why she's still in love with Ethan.

** Chapter 13. Million Reasons. **

_I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away_

_But baby I just need one good one to stay._

Tchaikovsky was almost inaudible among the horns and cars passing by the streets of Boston. It was hot for midday, and as much as the AC was the best way to mitigate the heat, Eleanor would always prefer the Bostonian wind percolating through the window at her side of the car.

She was lost in the people walking hurriedly through the sidewalks with who knows how many concerns, joys, and miseries, in a quick game of people-watching to shut her mind for a second. To forget she was alone with Ethan in his car on their way to the Harbor Marina. To ease the pit that she feels in her stomach every time she expects something from someone. A sign of useless hope, disappointment guaranteed. A pain of hope that would always turn into deception. 

And now, even with all past experiences, with all the painful conversations in mind and the heartbreaking goodbyes playing in her mind like a broken record, there she was, waiting for something from him again. Her biggest flaw always manifesting.

She could’ve avoided the trip, make an excuse, politely decline, but it would’ve been evidently unprofessional refusing to go with Ethan just after what had happened the day before. He would have known. He knew her enough to notice it. And if she wanted their working relationship back, she had to act professionally. Set an example. And the simpler way to go with it was asking Esme to check on her patients while she was away and then joining him in the parking lot at the agreed time.

She didn’t know what to expect, though. She didn’t even know if she should expect _something_ from him at this point. Worry, apologies, more arguing, more recriminations. 

What she actually wanted was to confirm he wasn’t the asshole he was yesterday, that he didn’t mean what he said. That the man she still loved wasn’t this selfish and hurtful. But of course, she had to have in mind that the apologies may not come as she expected, or that they may never come.

But her desire wasn’t created out of nowhere. The moment she saw him this morning, she knew something was different. The cold glare, the conscious ignoring, the distance. There was none of that. Somehow, she felt like the wall between them had fallen. His eyes were looking at her differently, his demeanor towards her was soft, and even his voice wasn’t grave as it used to. But maybe it didn’t mean anything. He had just understood he couldn’t keep being this cold and unprofessional, and he was ending all that and now they would act as nothing happened. Like this almost two months didn’t happen, and they are two friendly colleagues.

“May I ask how are you doing? I’ve been worried about you after what happened yesterday.”—Ethan asked giving a quick glance at her.

Eleanor was taken aback. Although she was daydreaming with the best possibilities, she didn’t expect his words all of a sudden and decidedly mentioning the discussion they had yesterday.

She turned her head to her left and stared at him defiantly, determined to not give in so easily, even if that conversation was all what she wanted.

“You were worried, really? Yesterday it didn’t seem.”

His shoulder slumped imperceptibly at her response, though he tried to remain imperturbable.

“I know. I know it looked like I didn’t care about what you were feeling, but at that moment, I felt… overwhelmed with everything.”

As Ethan didn’t continue, Eleanor turned her head forward, fixating her eyes on the car that was upfront them. After a few moments, she felt how Ethan glanced at her every few seconds.

“What’s wrong? Aren’t you gonna say anything?”—Ethan said after a minute of silence and no reply to his first question.

“Like what?”

“Like how are you doing? I told you I was overwhelmed at that moment, that’s why I reacted that way. But I am genuinely worried about you.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I just had the stupid hope that you would explain why it was so overwhelming to you to the point of not giving a fuck about the mess I was. My bad.”

“And what should I say?”

“For god’s sake, Ethan.”—She snapped in a jaded tone.—That’s something you should know considering what happened yesterday. If you think you did something wrong, of course, ‘cause if you think that you were all good all the time, so there’s nothing else to talk”

“I…”—He stopped as the words couldn’t come out of his mouth.

A brief moment later Ethan parked in the Harbor Marina, and Eleanor didn’t even wait a second after Ethan turned the engine off, to get off the car and walk to the spot where Caroline Bloom indicated the yacht would be parked. After a minute, Ethan appeared behind her with the ultrasound in tow, just as she found Leland and Caroline talking with a group of people on the deck of the yacht.

“Ah, Doctors! Just in time! We’re about to set sail.”—Leland greeted as Eleanor and Ethan stepped in the boat.

“Where can we set up. Mr. Bloom? Somewhere private is best”—Eleanor asked motioning her head to the machine.

“Later, later, I was in the middle of an important discussion and I’d like to finish it before you resume your poking and prodding.”—He chuckled at the incredulity on Ethan’s face—“Relax, make yourself at home. I’ll be with you as soon as I can”

Ethan tried to stop him, but Eleanor spoke before he could say anything.

“Were on a boat, Ethan.”—She pointed with obviousness.—“He’s not going anywhere, and it’s not like Tobias can sneak ahead of us while we’re here.”

And without expecting a word from him, Eleanor turned around and walked to the opposite side of the boat looking for a quiet spot to sit in and take in the stunning view that was forming as the yacht navigated across the sea. 

Soon she got absorbed by the deep blue ocean in front of her, the saline smell, the brisk air, and the luxury of the quietness, feeling free from all the noises, smog, and the suffocating heat of that summer afternoon.

Those involving feelings made her wonder how different it felt from the fragment of the sea she was swimming yesterday evening. It was the same sea, the Atlantic Ocean, boarding the same city, Boston, with only a dozen miles away, but still, it made her feel so different.

How the depth could add so much beauty, when it is so terrifying and risky the farthest you are from the shore, from the safety zone? Because the farthest it is, the more mysteries and dangers can be found inside. 

How much you can find if you jump and dive into the immensity of the ocean, with equal parts of wonders and terrors waiting for you at the bottom of the sea? Is it worth the risk? Or it’s better contemplating from above or just from the safety zone?

Soon she realized that the same question applies to people. The deepest connections come with baggage, unknown baggage. Equal parts of wonders and terrors, or maybe more terrors than wonders or the other way around. It’s unknown, but most of the time, jumping and diving into the depth of a person, between their fears, traumas, manias, dreams, feelings, could worth any risk, even if it’s a pure gamble.

Did that apply to what made her love Ethan? She had been looking for the answer for months, even in the oddest and more impossible places and situations, and today it wasn’t any different. Maybe the water had the answer. 

Was it the sense of deepness? Since the beginning, they had a deep connection, even if it wasn’t romantic at first. Ethan understood her way to see life, her passion for medicine, and to help as many people as she could. And she, in return, could understand that he drives his life by a series of principles, that the medicine and the people come always first. But how deep she knew him actually? It was inches from the shore? Feet? Miles? Was she willing to go for miles away from the shore and jump in? Take the risk of getting to know the deepness of his heart, with hall his pains, frustrations, limits, and flaws?

And what about Bryce? She couldn’t help but think about how poorly she knew him on the inside at first, even when they began dating. She knew his charms, his strengths, his qualities, his capacity, but never knew his fears, his flaws, his failures, his deepest regrets. And now she knew him. Since she met Keiki, everything changed, and the missing part that stopped her from loving Bryce on another lever was filled like a jigsaw. He used to show her exactly how he felt. Tired, scared, angry, sad, jealous, all of it. And that was an important component to love a person unconditionally, fully. To fall in love. Something that she had found difficult before Bryce let her in. And honestly, there wasn’t a single part of him that she didn’t like.

The deepness… Something she had always been craving but maybe never knew what it meant. Past friends and lovers made her believe she found it. But it wasn’t. She thought she found it with Ethan. Hard not to. It was a grown-up man, smart and curious. He always had a way to push her and understand all her motives and what drove her in life, so it gave her the sense that that was the deepness she had always been looking for. But now that she has met a new kind of deepness with Bryce she had to wonder: Was it what she was looking for? That’s what she wanted in love? Or Bryce had had the answer all along?

She was so immersed in the profundity of her thoughts that didn’t hear the steps approaching her until Ethan stood by her side and offered her a lemonade.

“Oh. Thank you”—She said startled, looking at him for a brief moment before turning her eyes to the front again.

Ethan cleared his throat and imitated her, fixating his eyes on the water swiveling in front of them.

“I knew there was something between Lahela and you.”—He said after a few minutes of silence.—“I heard rumors, and even Naveen told me he had seen you with him, but I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t _want_ to believe they were true. I thought you were having a fling with him and nothing more than that. He does seem like the guy with whom you just… sleep with and have nothing serious.”

“Wow, even you get carry away with reputations, looks, and prejudices? You of all people, Ethan?”

She turned to face him, changing the cobalt of the sea for the sky blue of his orbs. It was an act of bravery. His eyes still managed to make her feel weak. There were too many memories linked to those beautiful sky eyes. 

“I have to admit that I did. That’s why I couldn’t believe it, and that’s why yesterday I reacted that way. I couldn’t understand that you were so naïve to be with a man that was just using you. I could have never imagined that he… that he could be serious about you and be deserving of you.”

“The number of sexual partners of a person doesn’t say anything about them. You can’t judge a person by that.”

“It’s not the number, or what does he do with his life, it’s just that he seemed to be a person who can’t commit and respect you, so I was worried he might be fooling you.”

Eleanor snorted.

“You talking about commitment? Oh, god, you cannot be serious.”

“Why not?”

“You have no idea what commitment is. You always ran at the slightest idea of commitment when I mentioned it.”

“That’s because I know my faults. I took a step back because I know what I could and couldn’t give you, and I thought he couldn’t give you enough.”

Eleanor looked around, checking if there were people near that could hear their agitated conversation, even if she was trying to be as discreet as she could be.

“You thought, you _thought_.”—She repeated, irritated—“You just assumed things, but never cared to ask. If you were so worried about me, why the fuck you never asked me what was going on?”

“Because it wasn’t my place to do it.”

“Oh, but yesterday you did seem to have a place to say all that crap about Bryce.”

“I know. That was very disrespectful. I shouldn’t have interfered in your private life like this”

“Disrespectful?! Really, Ethan? You insulted my boyfriend in my face. You told lies about him in front of me when you didn’t even dare to confirm your suppositions. That wasn’t unrespectful, it was hurtful, selfish, and cruel because you didn’t do it just once, you did it twice.”

He sighed and his shoulder slumped as if he felt defeated at the mention of the word _boyfriend_ coming out of her mouth. As if he had been still in denial, but there was nothing left to deny now.

“I know, it would have been better if I asked you, but… We were nothing to ask you something so personal. I was just your boss and your colleague.”

“Are you sure about that, Ethan? Because let me remind you that aside from all the Gwyneth thing, you ignored me from the moment you started suspecting I was dating Bryce, because yeah, I always knew you were suspecting. So, you weren’t acting _just_ like my boss, you were my jealous ex-something who ruined my first months in the Diagnostics Team just because you were a coward that didn’t have the balls to face the truth, as always.”

Ethan stared at her ruefully. He wasn’t capable of saying anything, but the least he could do was nod and accept her accusations.

The uncomfortable look only lingered only a couple of seconds before they were interrupted by Leland Bloom announcing that he was ready to let them examine him.

An hour later, after spending the rest of the trip chatting with Caroline about her husband and the possible missing information about his symptoms, and socializing with the rest of the guests, Ethan and Eleanor got in the car as soon as they put a foot in the Harbor Marina.

A few minutes after Ethan drove onto the main highway, he broke the silence between them for the third time.

“I’ve been thinking about why I never asked you about Lahela.”—He started— “And the truth is that I didn’t know how to deal with the fact that you could love someone else.”

She felt a lump inside her stomach as she noticed how painful those words were for him. How much he didn’t want to say them. How much he hated to be in that position. 

“Ethan…”—She whispered, completely moved by his vulnerability. –“But why? Why you let me go if you weren’t sure you wanted that in the first place?”

“It was the only thing that I could do, Eleanor. I wasn’t ready, and I think I’ll never be ready to let you go, but I had to do it for your own good.”—He scratched the back of his head— “I could’ve never imagined that it would hurt so much seeing you moving on so easily.”

She gave him a humorless smile even when he wasn’t looking at her.

“It hasn’t been easy, Ethan. I have a constant fight inside my head, every day. You have no idea how scared I am at the possibility of breaking the heart of the only person that has given me _everything_ , and the constant guilt of not being able to love him the way he deserves. It’s a nightmare, and has been hell after you indirectly started blaming me for doing something I only did for me, because I needed to heal after _you_ left. 

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Eleanor. I know I shouldn’t have made it more difficult than already was. I was so selfish.”

Eleanor shook her head, incredulous.

“Why, Ethan? Why you always have to get to the point where all that’s left is your apologies? I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s all you know. I’m always forgiving you, and I’m tired of that. When will be the time when you won’t get to the point of hurting me, of avoiding say you’re sorry and just… do the right thing?”

His posture stiffened as he closed both hands on the steering wheel until his knuckles went white. She was right and he couldn’t hold how angry he was at himself anymore. He couldn’t say anything. 

When Ethan parked outside Edenbrook, Eleanor turned to him.

“Listen.”—She said in a conciliatory tone. —“This hasn’t been easy for any of us, that’s a fact. We both have our ways to deal with the pain. I chose to do it by giving myself the chance to love again, because someone offered me a way out, knowing perfectly well what I had been through and respecting my boundaries and my fears. You chose to do it the worst way. With denial, jealousy, and selfishness. It was wrong but now is your chance to make it up by leave us in the past and by being the boss, the colleague I need, but no more than that.”

He nodded.

“Eleanor…”—He took her hand before she could get out of the car.—“I understand what you’re asking me, is what you truly deserve but… I need to know if... that’s really what you want?”

She faced him again

“Why is it important now? You never cared about what I wanted, only what was ‘good’ for me.”

“I know, but maybe I’ve realized that I was wrong. That there are more important things that what I consider good for you.”

“I think is too late for that.”

“Is it really too late? Even if you’re still in love with me?”

Her eyes widened for a second when she felt a shiver down her spine. She never thought he would react that fast. Maybe he knew he was racing against time. He wasted so much time these months and he had to act fast.

What was happening, was something she had dreamed for weeks since he left, and maybe a couple of times since he was back; but now she didn’t know how to react. What to feel. What to expect. It was confusing. Bittersweet. Because it felt wrong. He couldn’t open the door to Ethan just like that, even if Bryce had ‘allowed’ her to because those weren’t the circumstances she had imagined. However, that’s what she got, and she had to take charge of her choice.

What she was about to say had a mixture of feelings. She couldn't deny that there was hope, but it wasn’t the same as the hope she had four months ago when he left. It was clouded with fear, the fear of making the same mistake again, and it was tinted with the feeling that she was doing something wrong, even if Bryce had consented to it.

And the other feeling was… Bravery, she knew opening the door would help her to put in order her feelings, just as Bryce told her the day before. If she let Ethan be the man she loved, maybe there was a chance to know if she was willing to jump the ship and dive into the deepness of his wonders and terrors. She sensed that only getting to know him as he really was, would, at last, find out if she still loved him or she was just trapped in a part of Ethan that only existed in her mind.

It was risky, it would be hard, but that was what she probably needed to end all this tiring process. In any case, it was just open the door to possibility, but not to let him in.

“Maybe not.”

He couldn’t help but smile with relief.

“Don’t get your hopes too high, though”—She added—“I’m still with Bryce and I won’t break up with him just because _maybe_ you gonna try to make things work out between us.”

She was opening the door, but she wouldn’t make things easy for him. Bryce hadn’t had things easy with her and took a big risk. She wouldn’t let that Ethan could think he had some sort of advantage just because she was in love with him. If he wanted her, he’ll have to strive.

“I understand.”

“Okay, anything else? Because I’m done with this situation.”

“Just one more thing.”

“What?”

He stared at her for a few seconds, trying to transmit sincerity and regret.

“I’m really sorry about what happened yesterday, Eleanor. For how I made you feel and what I said about Lahela. That was totally out of line and wrong. I shouldn’t have let it affect me this bad, but it did, and I hurt you on the way. I am sorry. I know you don’t want to hear any more apologies, but you deserved a better apology than what I gave you earlier. I hope this is the last time.”

Eleanor remained silent for a few seconds, thinking. She was done with grudges and fights. She got what she wanted and had no intention to prolong the bad relationship between them. After all, she always knew Ethan wasn’t bad on the inside. But he made mistakes and he’ll have to live with them, at least until he proved with facts that he was really sorry, and those weren’t empty words as usual.

“I accept them, but don’t expect things to go back like they were before.”

He nodded with somber eyes.

A moment later, she got out of the car without looking back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and supporting my work.   
> Big hugs to you and stay safe! ❤


	14. This is me trying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan wants Eleanor back, but he's not sure if just as a friend or if he should take a chance and offer her everything. The fact that his mother is trying to come back to his life put a lot of things ins perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I warn all of you. This is a complete Ethan chapter. When I started writing this fic back in June I never intended to do a big development of characters (well, of Bryce’s, yes, but not Ethan’s), but here I am. I feel like all the things I could’ve written about Ethan when I was in love with him somehow made its way here. This was necessary to understand his behavior towards Eleanor and in general, why it took him so long to accept his feelings both in this AU and in canon OH, and it made me a little sad. He’ll always have a piece of my heart.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this new chapter!
> 
> Hugs to all of you, thank you for your support!

**Chapter 14: This is me trying**

_I just wanted you to know_

_That this is me trying_

Maybe not. _Maybe not._ Maybe it wasn’t too late.

But he knew it didn’t mean anything. It wasn’t a confirmation or a proposition. He knew this time wouldn’t be like the months previous to his travel to the Amazon when she would show up in his office asking him why he was ignoring her, why they couldn’t be together.

This time, she wouldn’t show up at his apartment to tell him it was all over with Bryce because she wanted to be with him only. No.

This time it was up to him. It would be his choice, his decision. He was the one who had ended things, he had closed the door to them, and he was the only responsible to open it up again. 

But it wasn’t an easy decision. It had been several days since the last conversation with Eleanor and he still wasn’t sure if he should take a chance. The only thing he was sure of is that he had to make up for the lost time in those two months. 

He had to be her boss, her colleague. And one of the first things he did in his trying to make up things with her, was to recognize, in front of Baz and June, that what Eleanor did by contacting Gwyneth Monroe was the only available alternative to save the Team, and by doing so, she spared him the necessity to do it himself. Baz and June agreed with him and thanked him for the big gesture, even if it took him weeks to accept his mistake.

The next thing in his scale of priorities was to fill her with all the support and knowledge he failed to transmit in the past months.

Eleanor received the change with open hands, so she started spending more time in the Diagnostic Office, reading journals, discussing theories, and simply to receive advice from Ethan.

However, he could sense Eleanor was still hurt. Things were friendly, but certainly not the way they were before, just as she warned. Even if the tension of being alone with him had dissipated, she didn’t spend more time than necessary in the office and talking to him. It was all work-related.

Those deep conversations, those coffees that led him to get to know her and have feelings for her, all that seemed to be in the past. Or it would be like that until he decides to make a move to change things between them, even in a friendly way. He wanted her back no matter how things might result in the end. As a friend or as a lover, he didn’t want to lose her.

He wanted to be for her just as she had been for him when he needed the most. He wanted her back in his life.

“Something on your mind, Eleanor?”

June and Baz had left several minutes ago and she stayed at the office to analyze a case she had been stuck for hours, but it was evident to him that she wasn’t even paying attention to the medical chart, as her eyes had been fixed on the same spot for the last five minutes. 

Eleanor looked at him, standing by her side and then taking a seat next to her. She didn’t respond, but it seemed like she was just looking for the right words.

“Is something personal or work-related?”

The response was barely a whisper.

“Work-related.”

“Involving the team?”

“Yes.”

“What is it?”

“I’m not sure if I should tell you this. I’d hate to be a squealer.”

“Eleanor. I can tell that whatever this is, has been bothering you since before the meeting, so I don’t think you should keep it just by yourself.”

Ethan has sensed Eleanor was feeling uncomfortable the moment he put a foot in the Diagnostics Office. She was too transparent when something bothered her.

She peeked at him for a moment, hesitant to look at him in the eyes.

“It has something to do with June?”

“How do you know?”—She finally held the gaze on him, her eyes widened for a brief moment.

“You were looking awkwardly at her when we started the meeting.”

Her cheeks blushed, maybe too surprised of how well he could read her or maybe that she was too obvious with her emotions.

“Yes, I was. The thing is… I found my file on her bag.”

“You found what?”

“My personal file, with my resume, recommendations, my personal data, all of it. She said she reads the file of everyone she works with, and besides all that, she has been adapting her behavior to get me on her side.”

"Typical of her."—That was his first and honest reaction, but still didn't justify why Eleanor was this worried. It was inappropriate, yes, but her file didn't have anything that June could use against her.—"I know it's illegal and you have every right to be mad that she's meddling with your private data, but it shouldn't have major consequences."

“I know. What annoys me is how manipulative she can be, that she has been acting like that just to… to get me on her side because she thinks I’m always gonna take a side on you.”—Before she could continue, Eleanor sighed, embarrassed.—“She knows we have history.”

She broke contact with him and fixated her eyes on the wall in front of her, her hands fidgeting over the chart.

Ethan always wondered if she suspected anything. June was too clever and nosy to overlook such information and to not notice their interaction in the last months. Even if June didn’t know Eleanor well, she knew him, and his behavior towards Eleanor had been unprecedented and emotional, so she would obviously suspect that his anger was not completely about the team, but about something personal. Something related to their history.

“Mmmh. I don’t doubt she does.”—He said, looking at her profile, internally begging that she could look at him again, but the conversation was embarrassing and uncomfortable for both of them, especially since they had agreed to not talk about their ‘relationship’ never again—“She has always liked to find what makes people tick. What did she say?”

Her cheek blushed again, this time more intensely.

“That she hoped our history didn’t get in the middle of our work _again_ , and that she was glad you and I had worked up things because we looked like a pathetic divorced couple.”

Now Ethan couldn’t help the blush in his cheeks. Not even the beard could dissimulate it. One thing was Eleanor noticing his behavior towards her, but June, a colleague, a professional like her, a person who was always looking for something to use against him? It was rather than mortifying.

“I see.”

“Do you think this could bring us any troubles?—She turned to him again, her eyes tinted with worry.—"I mean, she had nothing to use against me, right?”

Her voice betrayed her with a slight note of fear, but Ethan could tell she was trying really hard not to expose her true feelings. Fear, embarrassment, maybe anger, at the fact that everything Ethan had been trying to protect her from, was finally manifesting.

“No, she has nothing concrete against you, Eleanor. Naveen was the one who chose you as Junior Fellow Member based purely on your merits: you were the intern with more weeks in the first spot and you were the one who solved Naveen's case. If all, there's a lot of evidence that you deserved to be in this team more than any other intern, and it has nothing to do with me or our history.”

“I think so. I want to believe that.”

Her fingers still were twitching over the table, maybe even more than before. He couldn’t help but place a hand over hers.

“Don’t let her make you doubt about your merits, Eleanor.”—He said softly, and Eleanor turned to him, daring to expose a bit of her vulnerability and not avoiding his touch.— “You were the best intern. And Naveen chose you. If she wants to question someone, is Naveen, but I doubt she wants to play that game.”

She nodded and then she moved her hands to her lap, smiling shyly.

Ethan thanked internally that his move hadn’t been too much for her. For that reason, he dared to stretch his spare of luck even more.” 

“Why don’t we go out of here so you can get this off your head for a while?”

“What do you mean?”

"Let's grab a coffee, like old times."

Eleanor stared at him, pensive. Those seconds felt like hours to him, wondering if that wasn’t too much, if he was being too bold or too pushy. Maybe all he was gonna get, was scaring her away. He didn't deserve such generosity.

“Okay, lead the way.”

He sighed in relief and smiled.

A short walk later, they entered Derry Roasters. She took a seat while Ethan stood in front of the counter, waiting for their order.

“So, the last time we were both here was the time I helped your father finding you.”—Eleanor said after they had already taken the time to appreciate the good coffee they had come to get.—“How’s that going? I think it involved your mother?”

He couldn't help but look at her with panic in his eyes. He never expected that the first thing they would talk, would be about his mother, even if he had been wanting to open his heart to her about what he was feeling since his father talked to him weeks ago. It was too deep and difficult. But he had to do the effort if he wanted her back, even if it was just as a friend.

“Yeah, he… he told me she wants to see me.”

“How long has been since you last saw her?”

“25 five years. She left when I was 11 years old.”

“Oh”—That information seemed to work like a revelation to her, but soon she concealed her expression with concern and empathy.—“I’m so sorry, Ethan”

“It’s fine.”

The truth was, it wasn’t fine, but the fact that he could share it with her was making it a lot more bearable than it could ever be.

“And what does she want?”

“I don’t know, and I couldn’t care less, honestly. My dad keeps trying to convince me that I should speak to her. In fact, he told me he was in Boston a few days ago, but I don’t care. I… I can’t see her.”

“Why not?”

“She left us, and she has to live with her decision, just as I had to live with it.”

“But she must have to have an important reason for wanting to see you after so long.”

“Maybe, but I don’t care.”

His phone buzzed over the table. Before he could cancel the call, Eleanor looked at the screen.

“How much time have you been ignoring your dad?”

“Days… Maybe weeks.”

“Ethan. It’s your father.”

“He’s just trying to make me go see her.”

“Why don’t you give it just a try?”

“It’s not that easy, Eleanor.”

“Would it be easier if I go with you?” 

And the answer would always be _yes._ Everything would be easier and better if she’s around. It took him so long to realize and _accept_ that. Because even the deception that came after this attempt of ‘giving it a try’ was bearable just because she was there for him. Because she heard what was inside him, the conflict that has been tormenting his whole life, and why he couldn’t face his father after he had accepted his mother back in his life, even after all those years and what she had done.

After that day, Ethan invited her for a coffee as much as he could, and on one occasion she agreed to have lunch with him in a restaurant near Edenbrook, in his intention to ease the frustration and pain she was feeling for having lost a patient recently. It had been two days, he had seen Bryce consoling her a couple of times, but she was still low. It had affected her more than she wanted, and he realized he _needed_ to do something for her at that moment. Be there for her just as she had been for him on countless occasions.

That necessity to be for her put a lot of things into perspective that he could never understand before. The need for retribution, and somehow, the feeling of… unconditionality.

First of all, the fear and denial about his mother existed because the sentiment of abandonment she left on him, grew up with him until it made him believe he wasn’t enough and would never be enough. It made him fear that, at some point, everyone around him would leave him. If he never were enough to stop his own mother from abandoning him, why would he expect that another person, only based on love, would never leave him?

It was absurd. That’s why it was easier and more sensical to avoid putting himself in that situation. With no hopes, no commitment the is no pain and deception. No abandonment.

That’s why he couldn’t let himself be with Eleanor the way she wanted, and the way somehow he wanted it too.

Second, he had never been able to understand the concept of unconditional love. It was far beyond his comprehension that his father, after all these years and what his mother had done, could still love her, and even more, forgive her.

But now he had understood that he had nothing to accept and comprehend regarding his father. Because it was his feelings. His pain. His choice.

Ethan was sure he could never understand why his father could love her unconditionally, but it was certainly easier to accept it now that he understood that every person deals with their emotions in different ways. Everyone has their reasons, and no one can judge each other for that.

And he was finally able to accept it because Ethan, in the middle of the Rainforest, after countless nights trying no to think about her, realized he would love her his whole life. With or without her, he would still love her.

So even if he couldn’t understand and explain how unconditional love works, there he was, realizing that his love for Eleanor would accompany him his whole life. He wasn't sure if it would be as painful as the sentiment of abandonment, but he wanted to believe that this new companion had a lot more meaning than the former.

Either way, that also made him realize that the least she deserved was him trying. Fight for her. Show her how much she meant to him, no matter how things turn out in the end. She had tried so many times for him, _even if the ninety nines before he had rejected her._ She kept trying. He would try too.

*

That night was chill, proof enough that autumn was around the corner. Edenbrook had won over Mass Kenmore after an agitated softball match.

He hadn’t planned it would be this day, but something inside him obliged him to take the chance that night, and walk cautiously towards Eleanor, who was grabbing her stuff from the bench and sharing jokes with Elijah.

“Got any plans tonight, Eleanor?”—His voice was so low and soft that only she was able to hear him. 

Eleanor turned to him, startled by his sudden appearance. 

“Um, just celebrating at Donahue’s with my friends.”

“Why don’t you join me for dinner tonight? There’s a new recipe I’ve been wanting to try for weeks.”

He gave her a shy smile, knowing perfectly well that she could interpret his behavior as awkward and suspicious.

"Have dinner, with… with you?"—She asked incredulously.

“Yes.”

She raised an eyebrow, maybe waiting for a better explanation for this unexpected invitation.

“We need to talk.”

“Do we?”

“I need to talk to you. If you want to hear me, of course.”

Her eyes fixed on him, thoughtfully, just like the previous invitations he had done to her. Then she glanced behind him, where Bryce was chatting gleefully with Keiki.

“Couldn’t be any other day?”

“It could. But it’s your choice, Eleanor. I don’t pretend to force you to anything.”

The odds would always say she would decline. She didn't have the obligation to be dining with him, much less alone in his apartment. But she was curious. Too curious to resist the promise of a conversation after all his subtle moves those past weeks.

“Okay. I’ll go.”

His face lit up with a smile

“I’ll be waiting for you in the car.”

She nodded before shouldering her bag and approaching Bryce with a somewhat guilty grimace.

Five minutes later, she slipped on the passenger side. It was evident she wasn't one hundred percent comfortable with the situation, as if she had agreed was because of a reason beyond her choice or liking, even beyond just her curiosity. To prove something, maybe.

“Satisfied with wiping the arrogant smirk out of Tobias’ face?”—She asked a few minutes later, in an intent to diffuse the tension from her guts.

“I think so. I couldn’t care less about the game, but at least I had my share of satisfaction, indeed. What happened with Dr. Emery, by the way?”

Her smiled fainted at the mention of Aurora.

“Oh, Tobias told me Aurora had given him the information about Stephanie Hill, so I confronted her about it, but I think I overreacted. The topic is still sensitive to me and maybe I expressed myself wrong, but in no way I blame Aurora. She just gave him the idea of going after research grants for their patients, but Tobias decided to steal our patient instead.”

“I have the feeling that Tobias is using her. I don't wanna be that narcissistic moron that would say ‘he's doing it to get to me’, but even if what Dr. Emery shared was innocent, Tobias' intentions are never innocent.”

“Yeah, she’s just a spawn…—Eleanor covered her face with both hands and stroked her head, embarrassed. –“I feel terrible, Ethan. I shouldn’t have treated her like that. I’ll apologize to her when I have the chance to see her, but in the meantime, I’ll feel so guilty.”

“Troublemaker Tobias always causing problems between friends. Some things never change.”

An hour later, both Ethan and Eleanor curled up on the couch after putting in the oven the famous Georgian Stuffed Chicken Ethan Ramsey had wanted so much to try for days.

“Have you talked with your father about what happened the other day?”

He sighed as he offered her a glass of Chardonnay before sitting beside her.

“I did, a couple of days ago, actually.”

“Really? And?”

“Well, let’s say that I told him I needed some space and time to accept what he’s trying to do, but he understood that it’s not easy for me that he still loves my mother after what she put us through.”

She nodded looking at the spectacular view of Boston, that for the briefest moment, it reflexed on her brown locks. Then, she turned to him and raised an eyebrow, inquiringly.

“And?”

“And after that conversation, I think I got to understand him even more.”

“How so?”

“I’ve never been able to comprehend that kind of unconditional love he feels for my mother, because to me everything is conditional. But after a while, I realized that maybe… some things are unconditional.”

She grunted nervously and then took a sip of her wine without looking at him.

“No matter how hard my dad tried, he couldn’t stop loving my mother. She left us and 25 years later, he still loves her. And in my case… no matter how hard I tried, that I went to South America, even if I had gone to the antipodes in Australia, I know I wouldn’t stop feeling what I feel about you, Eleanor.”

The tension made its appearance instantly. Body stiffened, panicked eyes, lips pressed in a nervous mock. All signs that could’ve made him stop what he was about to say, but not tonight. He had been a coward too many times. 

“Even if you stop loving me, and you are with Bryce or with whoever person you love, even if you get marry and have kids… I know I’d still feel the same and wouldn’t be able to let you go. And I think that… that’s the unconditionally everyone talks so much about. Even if I can’t _comprehend_ it, I know that… that this love will be unconditional.”

It was the first time he mentioned the word love in front of her, and she perfectly knew that, as her eyes widened at the sound of that sole word in his mouth.

“No matter how things turn out in the end, I’d be a fool if I don’t try to have you back. The least you deserve is me trying, Eleanor. Just as you fought for me, for us, I have to do it. I will do it.”

Eleanor leaned forward to set the empty glass of wine on the coffee table and then turned to him.

“Is not that simple, Ethan.”

“I know, I know it will take time. That it will demand a lot of things, that I will have to give you things I’ve never feel ready to give, but for you… I have to try.”

“Trying is not enough. Not at this point. A promise of you trying to give me something is a risk too big that I’m not willing to take. I already told you, the only reason I’d considered leaving Bryce, would be if you get all your shit together. No regrets, no fears. No second thoughts. No half measures. Everything, Ethan. I know it's a lot to ask, but I have all of it with Bryce, and I won't fall back."

“I know. I’m more than aware that the only way you could accept me back is by offering you the same Bryce has given you.”

“Even so, I’m still hurt, Ethan. All has been great these past weeks, as friends, but I can’t even let myself thinking about being with you, and I know it’ll be like this for a long time.”

He gave her a sad smile and after a few seconds considering his words, he spoke:

“I understand. But I feel like I cannot live with myself if I don’t try, Eleanor, if I don’t…”

But he couldn’t go on.

He was trying to delay this moment, but it had to be done. No matter how things would turn out in the end, she had to know. She deserved to know. 

Eleanor never hesitated to let him know she loved him. She never was selfish of her feelings and her love. It was the least he could do.

“There were so many times I should have said it, just right after you said it, or even in the moments you would less expect, but I couldn’t. I was afraid because I’ve never said it before. But you have to know, Eleanor. I can’t hold it anymore.”

“Ethan…”

“I love you.”

The earth stopped spinning at that moment. The moment froze. Her expression. Her breath. Maybe even her heart skipped a beat because his certainly did.

“The only thing that I got going to the Amazon, was realizing that I love you and that I’ll never stop loving you no matter how hard I try.”

Her eyes were shiny and wet with the tears at bay, and then her breath became agitated.

“I…”

Words failed her.

“You don’t have to say anything.”

After several seconds, she finally managed to say something:

“Sorry, this… this is a lot to process.”

Ethan didn’t miss a single moment of her reactions, scrutinizing her face, her emotions, maybe to evade what he was feeling inside after saying something he had been terrified to say all his life.

“Somehow I waited so much to hearing you say that, that now that you said it…It feels weird, surreal.” 

“It feels that way to me too, if I’m being honest.”

“I never could be sure that you felt it, you know? Even if you tried to convince me implicitly… Somehow I always craved the words.”

“I know, and I was selfish. I’ve always been selfish when it comes to you. And you, instead, were always sincere and generous with your feelings, and I have to thank you for that, for always being braver than me.”

He leaned a few inches to caress her cheek. She closed her eyes instantly at the feeling of his touch, like body memory. Like even if she wanted to resist, her body was stronger. As if her skin still belonged to him.

“Take all the time you need, and if in the end there’s no returning point… I’ll accept it. You tried so hard on us and I failed. _I failed._ ”

Finally, the tears streamed down her face, a sob escaping from her throat. 

“You have no idea how many nights I waited for you to say all this. That you love me, that you wanna be with me... Ethan…”

“I’m not planning to stop from this moment.”

Eleanor looked directly into his eyes. He managed to convey his purest feelings. Love, admiration, tenderness. All that he could’ve given her, but he had been too cowards and too afraid to give.

But her eyes weren't like before. It was like they weren't looking at him like before, like she wasn't there at that moment. There were tenderness and vulnerability but also something unrecognizable. A tint of sadness, maybe _melancholy._

He slid the tip of his thumb over her lower lip.

“I’m tired of pretending, Eleanor. I love you, I finally learned my le... ”

And then her lips over his stopped him.

He didn’t expect that.

A soft brush on his lips that he returned with eagerness the moment she opened her mouth to let him in.

But when she felt his large hands tenderly cupping her cheeks, she stopped abruptly. It seemed like his new touch reversed the body memory and made her reject him instead. 

“ _No_ ”

Eleanor parted from him and stood up instantly. 

“I can’t.”—She cried.—“I can’t do this.”

She walked rapidly toward the sofa and grabbed her bag and jacket. 

“I’m sorry, this is my fault.” —Ethan admitted, standing up from the couch.

“No, it’s mine. I shouldn’t have let this happen. I shouldn't have come in the first place.”

He followed her to the door, trying to stop her before she could leave, but he knew her too well. 

“Eleanor, I’m sorry, can we talk about this? It wasn’t my intention to push you t-”

“No, I have to go. I’m sorry.”

Without looking at him, she opened the door and left. 

The echo of the closing door resonated in his mind for a few seconds, until the ting of the oven's timer forced him to come back to reality. 

After removing the damn chicken from the oven he sauntered to the bar to grab a glass of scotch and then went back to his spot. 

He was surprised by her reaction. In no way he had expected a positive response or acceptance, but he never imagined his words could cause her pain, sadness, and confusion. Confusion to the point of making her kiss him and then ran away from his apartment frightened and guilty.

He had taken the step even knowing that it wouldn't be enough, but it wasn’t in his plans that maybe revealing his feelings could be a mistake. That it could do her more harm than good. 

And besides all that, he had pushed his luck by trespassing the boundaries they had been implicitly respecting the past weeks. She was the one who kissed him, but he made the first move when he shouldn't have. 

A knock on the door woke him up, confused. When he opened his eyes, he found himself over the couch, with the lamps on and a soft concerto playing in the sound system. 

For a moment he forgot the reason of his awakening, he was utterly lost. But then the doorbell rang and he felt compelled to stand up and walk toward the door. Before he could open it, he gave a quick glance to his watch. It was 2.27 am.

On the other side of the door, she found Eleanor, pale, with puffy eyes and a slight trace of redness in her corneas.

Silently, he invited her in. 

The moment he closed the door and turned to her, his heart skipped a beat.

“It’s over, Ethan.”


	15. Exile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan's confession triggers unwanted memories in Eleanor, but in the end, it helps her to understand her feelings and make a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Mentions of emotional abuse, specially gaslighting. Angst and some cussing words.  
> Hello! It’s time to know more about Eleanor’s story!
> 
> I wanted to post a new chapter on Wednesday but I’ve been sick all wee so I wasn’t able to write as much as I wanted. I’m sorry if this chapter is a mess, I’ve been sleeping all day and only eating water biscuits (I’m hangyyyy), but at least the most important parts in this chapter are comprehensible and you can decide now if you want to kill me or not hehehe.
> 
> A/N2: If I had written this series only from Ethan’s POV there’s no doubt I would’ve called it Exile, because the song literally talks about him and how badly he deals with the fact that Eleanor moved on and she’s with someone else. However, in this chapter I used Taylor’s POV, but what Ethan feels can be definitely described with Justin Vernon’s parts. Okay, I’ve been gushing about this song for weeks, but I can’t help it, it’s so fucking angsty and I love it too much!
> 
> Enjoy today’s chapter!

**Chapter 15: Exile**

_I think I’ve seen this film before_

_And I didn’t like the ending_

_You’re not my homeland anymore_

_So I’m leaving out the side door._

I love you.

Those were the three words she always wanted to hear from him, but ironically, she heard them from Bryce first, the person she wasn’t in love with. And now that she finally heard them, it wasn’t like she imagined it at all.

None of the several situations she fantasized about in her mind could anticipate these mixed feelings.

It was relieving, but, somehow, it also felt strange, distant. 

Eleanor thought maybe she was afraid of being hurt again, that even if Ethan was offering her everything, and saying all the things she always wanted to hear, there was still a chance that in the end, he might hurt her, just like the many times he did before.

When she felt his skin, his hand over her lips, it brought her memories of their first kiss in Miami, the beginning of everything. The moment she started embracing the possibility of being with him, despite how forbidden it was because he was an attending and she was an intern. Before that moment, she would’ve never guessed Ethan wanted the same.

Then she was transported to the first night together when he finally managed to open up about his feelings for her. The night she thought it was the beginning for them. But it wasn’t.

* * *

His skin made her react as a reflex, like she was reliving those nights, making her want for more. He had just become the sweet person she had been waiting for. He was apologizing, assuming his mistake, and telling her that she loved her. Again. Like there was nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of. Like this time things would work. This time everything would be different.

But there was something wrong about that thought, but she wasn’t sure why.

So she kissed him, obeying her desires. She needed to remember how he felt. She had been holding back for so long that she felt like his words freed her, but the moment he placed his hands on her, everything faded. She froze up.

She woke up and realized where she was. Who she was. She wasn’t in one of her dreams, one of those moments she wanted so much to happen, where Ethan would confess, and they would kiss and be happy. And she wasn’t the woman who was dying to be with him

Things had changed. She had changed.

She wasn’t that woman anymore. The woman who dreamed that dream. Everything that she thought she wanted for so long, seemed to belong to someone else.

So she left as fast as he could. Something inside her was telling her that she had to run away, that she couldn’t keep with this. That it was wrong.

And now, walking outside her apartment, she was trying to understand why.

Why she was feeling so broken and guilty. And why that guilt was so familiar. Like she knew where it was coming from, but she was afraid of facing it.

A few minutes later, she slammed the door shut of her apartment, and ran straight to her bedroom, her breath ragging while tears streamed down her face. The guilt was growing and making her desperate.

“Eleanor is that you?”—She heard on the other side of the door.—“Can I come in?”

The sob didn’t let her speak until a few seconds later.

“Y… yes”

Aurora, wearing a gray and pink pajama, appeared behind the door, her brows furrowed in concern.

“Jesus, what happened?”—She asked, sprinting towards her when she noticed how agitated Eleanor was. She was red and her face shiny with tears.

“I…Fuck…”

It took her just a few moments to realize what was wrong.

“Eleanor, you’re having a panic attack, let me help you with your jacket.”

Aurora leaned toward her neck, zipped the jacket down, and then tugged it out.

“Do you want some water?”

Eleanor nodded.

After a few seconds, Aurora came back to her room and handed her a glass of water.

“There.”

Eleanor received the glass with both hands, trembling, and took a few sips. After a couple minute she felt how her heart started to beat at a more normal rate, the sobs had decreased, and she was able to think and talk with more clarity.

“Feeling better?”

“Yes, thank you, Aurora.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

Eleanor hesitated. She didn’t know if Aurora suspected or knew anything about Ramsey and her, and if at this point would make sense to tell her. But she needed to talk to someone, she needed to get all out of her chest and understand why she was reacting like that, and she wouldn’t make Sienna come back from Donahue’s just to hear her misery.

“I… I don’t know if you know this but… Something happened between Ramsey and me in our first year.”

Aurora nodded silently, then added:

“I wasn’t sure, honestly. I had my suspicions because you were devastated after he went with the WHO to the Amazon, but I’m not a fan of snooping in other people’s lives, so I never asked.”

She gave her a humorless chuckle, wondering if the entire hospital noticed the shitty state she was in when he left. She knew she was pathetic in those weeks, but she had managed to forget it, all thanks to Bryce.

“Yes, well, we ended what we had the night before he left. And tonight, he told me he wants me back.”

“Aren’t you with Bryce?”

“Yes, I am, but the thing is…”

Eleanor explained the basics so Aurora could understand her dilemma. The agreement with Bryce, that it all started a little bit casual but after a few weeks things got pretty serious, because she started feeling things for Bryce, but she still loved Ethan, and Bryce knew all that.

“Are you saying… Bryce is with you even knowing you still love Ethan… and he will let you go if you choose to be with him?”

Aurora was shocked.

“Yes, pretty much.”

“This dude is insane, and a saint.”

“I know.”

“And why this has you this bad, this is not what you wanted? With, Ramsey, I mean.”

“That’s what I wanted at first. But then things with Bryce worked out better than I thought, so I truly wanted to be over Ethan, cause I got too hurt. But then I heard him saying all those things and I felt like he’s really going to change and do things right this time, and for a moment I considered that maybe things would work, but then I started feeling so bad, like guilty, like… like… Oh.”

Like someone used to make her feel years ago.

“What is it?”

“How stupid I’ve been.”

Even after all these years and that she swore to herself that she wouldn’t repeat the same pattern, she had done exactly that, and that night she had been about to do exactly that again, but luckily, she caught herself on time.

Eleanor took a breath. She hadn’t thought about it in years, let alone speak about it, and she didn’t know if she was ready to do it, considering how bad it made her react, but having Aurora by her side would make things a lot easier. It was something she needed to do to end the cycle.

“I had a boyfriend in Med School, Dylan.”—She started, trying to control her shaky voice— “He was a year older than me. At first, it was all good, he was cute, caring, and we shared a lot of goals, but then… he changed a lot. When he realized I was top of my class, he felt jealous, and he started diminishing me, telling me that I wasn’t spending enough time with him, that I wasn’t too committed to our relationship. What he was doing, was making me feel guilty for my success, just because he wasn’t as successful as I was.”

Aurora stared at her quietly, paying complete attention to what she was saying and prepared for any reaction that could trigger what she was about to say. She could sense it was a sensitive topic for Eleanor.

“After a while, I realized what was the problem. It wasn’t me, it was him. He was insecure and felt threatened by me, but he picked it on me. So instead of dumping him, I wanted to heal him, to show him that he couldn’t feel that way, that he was enough and all that. But it wasn’t enough. He wasn’t interested in healing and I got tired.”

She breathed heavily and then closed her eyes, large tears falling over her cheeks.

“We were more than a year like that, me asking for forgiveness for something he did, and then, when I was trying to heal him, it was him apologizing for tearing me apart and blame me for his failures. I stuck with him ‘cause I foolishly I believed I could heal him. I’ve always been like that, even with friendships, but with him, it reached toxic levels. He manipulated me so well that he made me believe I was the problem.”

She sobbed again, remembering the loneliness of those months, how he parted her from her friends and made her believe she was the problem, that she wasn’t trying enough for them. How at some point he made her believe she was selfish and she didn’t deserve anything, that she was lucky he still loved her.

“Until one day I opened my eyes with the help of some friends. They showed me all the horrible things he did to me, all the lies and manipulations. So I left him. I felt guilty for a long time, though. Thinking that I should’ve tried harder, but then when I saw all clearly, I let him go. And of course, after what I’d been through, it was really hard to trust in a man again. My next boyfriend was almost like a convenience, I was bored of casual hookups, so I started dating a guy just because I needed some stability, but I didn’t get involved much. But then I met Ethan and I couldn’t help but… Being involved with him. We had a strong connection. He understood me like no one just in a few weeks.”

And at that moment, remembering how it had been her story with Dylan, and how things developed with Ethan, it was evident for her that she had fallen in love with the idea of him. Because she didn’t know him at all. The only glimpses she got, were when he opened about Naveen, but she didn’t know him more than that. So she idealized the rest. She idealized him simply because he understood her, and she still believed at that moment that no one could love her. Dylan had branded her with fire.

“But then, when he acknowledged he had feelings for me, something stopped us from being together, and he pushed me away. I tried to make it work, but he thought our relationship was impossible. He didn’t want to jeopardize my career, and that was more important than what he or I want. And somehow I understood it, but I knew there was more than that. And effectively, it was. He healed from that and now he wants to make it work”

Eleanor shook her head, kind of amused.

“After all the hell I lived, he wants me back, and somehow I have to do like nothing happened. But I can’t. I won’t make the same mistake again. It would be like betraying myself, like coming back to my med school boyfriend.”

“I agree, this situation does seem a bit like what you lived with your ex-boyfriend.”

“Yeah, kinda. I’m not saying Ethan is like him, at least he didn’t do the emotional abuse this imbecile did to me, but he did hurt me, he hurt me before he left, when he left, he hurt me when he came back and acted like an asshole because I was with Bryce, and made me feel guilty for moving on. So, no, I can’t be with a person that made me feel so miserably, even if he didn’t do it consciously.”

After a few moments, Aurora slid an arm and pulled Eleanor towards her.

“I’m so sorry you had to live this, Ellie. I’m glad you could get out of that hell, and that you’re doing something for yourself now. Thank you for telling me.”

“Thank you for listening and helping me. I hadn’t thought about it in years. That’s why I reacted so badly.”

“It’s okay, I’m glad I was here to be for you.”

Eleanor pulled out and gave her a sad smile.

“And what about your feelings after this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you still love Ramsey? Because of what I understood, that’s the only thing that has parted you from Bryce.”

That was a whole different topic. But by this time, Eleanor already knew the answer: She wasn’t.

“I still have feelings for him, maybe I’ll never stop loving him in some way, but no, I’m not in love with him anymore.”

In the last months since he was back, she had been in love with the idea of him, and the person who could’ve wanted to know the real Ethan Ramsey, all healed and in love, didn’t exist anymore.

That person started to die the moment Eleanor looked into the golden eyes of the sweet and caring Bryce Lahela and told him she wanted to try with him. When she chose herself for once in her life.

And that person had died tonight when she opened her eyes and realized that she didn’t belong to him anymore. Ethan wasn’t her place anymore, he hadn’t been in a long time, but the illusion of him made her believe he was. And that illusion vanished with a simple kiss.

“And what about Bryce? Do you think things are gonna change after this?”

“I hope so. All this time I’ve wanted so bad to end this crap with Ramsey… But I never considered that maybe I’m still scared of what happened to me before. Like… I’ll live the same shit again, even if he has proved me enough that he would never hurt me.”

“I guess those scars take years to heal and is more difficult when you’ve been hurt again and so recently.”

“Yeah, it took me a couple of years to not think about it, and before now I had it completely blocked in my brain.”

“You know, I’m clear that you’re the only one who can decide this, but I think you have nothing to worry about with Bryce. I’m not a person who would stake my neck for anybody, but I can tell that he’s the one for you.”

“You really think so?”

“The way he looks at you, how he cares about you, how he treats you? God, yes, I’m sure. I’ve never seen a man so in love like him. He’s like a puppy with you.”

Eleanor chuckled, agreeing with Aurora.

“And the way your eyes shine with you’re with him? How happy you are? He makes me appreciate him even more just for the way he’s with you.”

“Awww, Aurora, that’s too cute”

“I’m just saying. I do hope you realize he’s the one. Maybe you’re completely in love, Eleanor, it’s just that you’ve been too afraid to assume it, and is understandable with all the hell you have lived.”

She nodded, thoughtfully.

“Perhaps.”

“In the meantime, you have to resolve this thing with Ramsey. After that’s settled, you’ll find out your answer.”

Aurora stood from the bed, and Eleanor followed suit.

“You’re right. First things first.”

“I’ll leave you to it, do you think you’ll be okay by yourself?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”—She replied, smiling, but after a few seconds, it faded.—“You’re not mad at me for what happened this afternoon?”

“No, are you?”

“No, of course not. I’m actually sorry for what happened. I know you didn’t do it on purpose.”

“I should’ve imagined Tobias would have second intentions.”

“Well, that’s how things are now, but we are good, right?”

“Absolutely.”

“Come here.”

Eleanor wrapped her arms around Aurora’s back and held her tightly.

“Thank you, Aurora, I’m so happy to have you in my life.”

“I’m happy to have you in mine as well.”

*

An hour later, after tossing and turning in bed, she was standing in front of Ethan’s apartment, feeling a pit in her stomach. What she was about to do it wasn’t easy. To a man she had love, and to a man just a few hours ago had spilled out his feelings for her.

But it had to be done.

She knocked on the door, but no answer. After a minute, she rang the doorbell. A few seconds later, he opened. He was disheveled and confused. Still dressed. Eleanor assumed he had fallen asleep on the couch.

He looked surprised when he recognized her. It was pretty late.

She had imagined in her head that she would speak the very moment he would open the door, but she couldn’t.

How do you start something like this? What are the kindest words to put an end to this?

He turned to her once the door was closed.

“It’s over, Ethan”

His eyes widened, but it was hard to know what he was feeling.

“W… What do you mean?”—He asked after a few seconds.

“Us. I… I’m not in love with you anymore.”

She saw how his world fell apart the moment her words reached his ears. It took him a while to placate his feelings, the sadness that was invading him.

“Can I ask why? What happened?”

"I'll never be able to forgive what you did. You hurt me too many times and I can’t let myself come back where I was so hurt. My love is not unconditional as yours, you made me realize that.”

He nodded.

“I’m sorry if somehow I made you believe we still had a chance, but the truth is… we never had. From the beginning. That day in your car, when you asked me if it was too late, I should’ve said that it was, but a part of me, part of me that doesn’t exist anymore, forced me to open the door. But the door has been closed since you left, since you pushed me away, and tonight when you said all those things, I could see it clearly.”

“I understand. Thank you for your honesty.”

“I know it’s not the most appropriate hour, but I needed to finish this as soon as possible. I’m sorry it had to be this way.”

“Eleanor, you have nothing to apologize for. It was my fault. You gave everything you had to make it work, and I ruined it. I missed my chance, I missed the one hundred chances you gave me. I’m the one in debt with you.”

Eleanor gave him a sad smile when she saw his eyes full of tears. She would’ve never imagined Ethan would exposer himself that way. But she was grateful for finally seeing some honesty in his feelings.

“You were brave, after all.”

“I thought I made a mistake saying all those things.”

“No, it was the right thing. I’m glad I could finally know what you feel about me. It was the least I deserved, don’t you think?”

Eleanor wiped the tears falling from his sky-blue eyes.

“Of course. I wish it could’ve been sooner, and that I hadn’t hurt you this bad. But that’s how things are. It was my mistake.”

He took her hand on his before she could pull them away, and he closed his eyes, losing himself in her touch. 

It broke her seeing this way. But there was nothing she could do now.

He wasn’t ready when she was, and now that he was, she would never be ready for him. She was hoping to be ready for someone else.

She pulled away gently, and he opened his eyes, looking at her, shattered. 

“I know this will be awkward for a while, but I really hope we can be friends someday. When we both heal. I don’t wanna lose you.”

He cleared his throat before speaking. His lips were quivering.

“That would be nice.”

He gave her the saddest smile she had ever seen.

“Goodnight, Ethan.”

It was a bittersweet goodbye.

“Goodnight, Eleanor.”

When she came back to the open air, she breathed deeply. She felt lighter, happier, and somehow a lot more secure about her life than ever before.

She checked her cellphone and realized it was 3.35. There was no point in going home and grab a poor hour of sleep, so she requested an Uber to the hospital instead. Once there, she took a shower, changed into clean scrubs, and then she went to the on-call room and to take a nap until there was time to do rounds.

It was a busy morning, and she barely had the time to check on her friends or Bryce. She wanted to see him. He needed to know what had happened, but he would be in surgery all day, so she’d have to wait until the evening.

Her necessity for him increased critic levels when Eleanor found out Kyra’s cancer was worsening. She texted him to meet when he had some spare time, but he didn’t reply to her messages all day.

The afternoon went in a blur with her visit to Mass Kenmore to convince Senator Farrugia of going to Edenbrook to get treated.

By the end of her shift, she was exhausted. The fact that she only slept an hour in the on-call room was clearly manifesting.

She was about to go home with her hopes down when her pager went off. Bryce hadn’t responded to her messages and she had the feeling that he was hurt because she went to have dinner with Ethan. She couldn’t blame him. 

When she entered Kyra’s room, he was sitting by her side, both laughing at each other’s banters.

Eleanor's eyes lightened when she saw him, but when he turned to her, she could decipher he wasn’t feeling the same, as his smile didn’t reach his eyes.

When Kyra told her Bryce would do a procedure that could save her life, her stomach fluttered violently. If she already admired Bryce for how talented he was, Eleanor felt her chest was about to explode with that news. She was so proud she wanted to cry.

About fifteen minutes later, after talking about the procedure and encouraging Kyra for her decision, they both left the room.

“How have you been?”—She asked softly, once Bryce closed the door—“I’ve been trying to reach you all day.”

“Yeah, I know”—Bryce scratched the back of his head, tense.—“Has been a hectic day, that’s all.”

“Can we talk?”

His eyes betrayed him a bit, exposing his fear, but after a while, he managed to act nonchalant.

“Actually, I have no brains for nothing more than to drive home and sleep. I’m drained.”

“Oh. Of course. Send Keiki a kiss for me, okay?”

“Sure.”

He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and left.

Eleanor stared at him walking down the hall, fighting the tears that wanted to come out of her eyes.

Of course, it hurt her that Bryce was distant. She knew she deserved it, but never thought it would be so damn painful.

But why?

It was her ego? Or the honest feeling of not wanting to lose him?

The next day wasn’t any different. She hadn’t had the chance to see him all day until she bumped into him in her way to the atrium, before going to the interview with the Senator.

“I’m going to A.N.B Studios with Ethan, Senator Furriaga invited us.”—She announced, trying to obtain a smile from him.

“Look at you, two TV interviews in one day. Next month they’re gonna give you a segment in Good Morning America.”

He teased, but his smile wasn’t the usual, again. And she could tell he was putting an effort into talking to her.

“Bryce… We need to talk. I know you’re crossed with me.”

He nodded imperceptibly.

“Yeah, I know we need to talk, but not now, and not tonight, at least. I have to focus on Kyra’s surgery tomorrow and I need time to study and my mind clear.”

He evidently was thinking the worse about their conversation, but Eleanor didn’t want to push him. He had every right to put distance between in a moment like that. Kyra’s surgery was complex, and she would respect the time and distance he was asking her.

“Of course, whatever you need.—She responded.

“Good luck with that interview.”

He was about to leave when she took him by the wrist.

“Could you give me a kiss, at least?”

Her words were soft and almost imploring, so were her eyes.

She tried her best to hide how she was feeling. How scared she was at the possibility that he hurt him so badly that he would push her away. She didn’t want this. She’d always been scared of this and finally was seeing the consequences of her actions.

Bryce gave her a half-smile and leaned to kiss her on the lips, chastely.

“Thank you.”

“See ya, Elle.”

And he left without looking back.

Eleanor continued her way to the atrium, thinking about Bryce and how scared he was. He was protecting himself. Eleanor knew he was just preparing himself for the worst, and trying to be ready to be on his own again.

But what she did not know, was the magnitude of his fears, insecurities, and his pain. Bryce never told her how bad he felt about all the Ethan thing, she just suspected. But it didn’t bother her. Since that moment she lost all fears. She realized she didn’t care what she had to face, or how hard it would be. She wanted to know every part of him, even the tough ones, and she would fight for him, to show him he has nothing to be scared of. 

Suddenly she saw herself standing in Leland Bloom’s yacht, thinking about the level of depth and understanding she had reached with Bryce, and that she hadn’t reached with anyone else.

And Eleanor knew in that moment that if Bryce decides one day to open the door to his fears and traumas, Eleanor would dive in, no matter what she might find in the depths. She wanted to know all his fears, his pains, insecurities, joys, and miseries. All the things that made him the man he was today, the man she loved. 

When she knew about Keiki and his family, she didn’t even have to think about it, she wanted to help him. She wanted to be with him and for him. Support him, accompanying him.

When they stopped talking for days, she understood he was hurt and scared, and she respected his space and time.

There was never anguish and desperation. He missed him, yes. But she knew he needed space, and that on time, they would talk through things. And they did. 

Eleanor smiled, noticing how different things were with Bryce, compared to what she had lived in pasts relationships. He had a way to always bring the best of her even in worst situations, just like now. Because she wasn’t desperate to fix things between them. She wanted to solve it and make it work out. And she didn't want to heal him. 

And, if she was honest, with him _everything_ was different.

From the fact that he never hid his feelings, and he was always upfront from the beginning.

In the way she was in his first priorities, and he always managed to find the time to be with her, even if it were five minutes, or just to say hi or steal her a kiss.

In the way how protective and caring he was with Keiki, and how much effort he was putting in become a better person to give Keiki everything their parents hadn’t given her, and him either.

In the way he looked at her, always with love and tenderness, and his words always conveyed what he was feeling for her. Love and admiration. Passion and understanding.

In the way he respected her space, her times, her feelings and insecurities, and how he offered everything just to show her what happiness was, assuming that maybe he wouldn’t be the one in the end.

In the way he showed her what real love was, without hurting, without all the misconceptions she had thanks to past experiences. 

That and in a million ways more. All of them leading to the same conclusion:

Bryce Lahela was exceptional. Unique. The person who had made her the happiest in her whole life. And she wanted to be with him, through thick and thin, forever. Grow together, get to know each other, protect and support each other.

And she wanted to love him. _God_ , she wanted to love him deeply and unconditionally. She wanted to make him happy, and give him everything he had given to her and more. 

A warm and evolving feeling coursed through her body, with the big and final realization. A revelation, something she snesed that had been inside her for a while, but only today she was abe to see it.

She was in love with him.

Eleanor had fallen for Bryce at last.


	16. Into The Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bryce is convinced that Eleanor gave Ethan another chance so he has been avoiding her. How will he feel when he finds out she's been caught in the assassination attempt on Senator Farrugia?

**Chapter 16: Into The Dark.**

_If I could choose, I'd have you stay_

_But I gave my heart to you, so is yours to break_

_Before my fears tear us apart_

_Won't you follow me into the dark?_

A grunge song from the 90s was playing in the background, but Bryce was barely paying attention. Even if back in his teenage days he was all in the grunge and rebel aesthetic, now was too troubled to hum Nirvana.

The image of Eleanor leaving the softball game with Ramsey was stuck in his head just as all the painful memories do. You want to forget them, but they're already past your hippocampus, all settled in your guts, determined to make you hurt and distort everything about them. You forget what is real and what is not. There's only pain, and you can't help but soak in it.

Bryce knew he had no right to be this mad because he had pushed Eleanor to do it, but he couldn't help it. There wasn't a good way to react to the fact that Eleanor would have dinner with Ethan at his apartment _to talk._

Eleanor hadn't given him any reason to doubt, though. She hadn't changed a thing towards him since Ethan and she made peace. She wasn't distant or suspiciously nervous or guilty. If so, she looked a lot less affected by Ethan, and when she talked about him was very casual. Almost nonchalant. But he wasn't sure if that was an act, or not.

He wasn't sure about anything. If she was smiling when she got in the car; if she was looking guilty when she approached him. He even started to doubt about past days. That's the problem with memories mixed with pain. Everything was distorted.

"B? Are you okay?"—Sienna asked him, waking him up from his trance.

"Yeah, sure, just a bit tired, that's all."—He replied almost mechanically, giving her a quick glance.

Sienna looked at him with a sad smile before standing up and sitting next to him so they could have more privacy, while Elijah and Jackie were in deep conversation with Sothy and Gary.

"It's Eleanor, right? I saw she left with Dr. Ramsey."

"N…"

"Please, don't lie to me."

Bryce sighed looking directly into his half-drunk jar of beer.

"Yes, Si."—He admitted—"I know I shouldn't be worried, Eleanor has been honest with me the whole time, but…"

He closed his eyes, ashamed. He hated to be this way. He wasn't like that in the first place, but overthinking was his best way to be prepared for the worst. To not be surprised by the punch the moment it's thrown.

"…there's always the possibility that Ramsey will say exactly what she wants to hear and that could change everything for her. For us."

Sienna hummed thoughtfully for a few seconds.

"Yes, but also might be the words she needs to open her eyes and realize he's not for him. Nothing is 100% sure."

"I know, but I don't wanna be optimistic in this case. If this goes wrong…"—He shook his head trying to discard the fatalist thought off his head.—"Has she… tell you anything about him? I don't wanna interfere in Eleanor's privacy, believe me, but… maybe you know something that I don't?"

"If I know if Eleanor has been in something suspicious with Dr. Ramsey?"

"God, when you put it that way, I hate myself for asking."

"I wouldn't break Eleanor trust, I swear, but she's been sincere with you, Bryce, maybe even more sincere with you than she's with me."—Bryce nodded, kind of relieved—"She owes you honesty, and I believe she's been acting accordingly to that. I haven't seen or heard anything unusual. She's interested in you as usual."

"And what about Ramsey? As uninterested and distant as usual?"

Sienna took a few times before responding.

"I've seen her professional and friendly, just like she was towards him at the beginning of your intern year, before… you know, before Miami and all that jazz."

 _Before he opened his mouth and confused her. Before he kissed her and made her believe they would have a future together._ Yeah. That could've been very tranquilizing to Bryce but he knew Ethan's words still held some power over Eleanor, that even if they were all professional now, a word from him could change everything.

Sienna observed how conflicted he was and she took his hand in hers.

"B, I'm sure nothing will happen."

Bryce felt embarrassed. He wasn't used to this, to open up to people. He had barely managed to open up to Eleanor, with a lot of effort, and now there he was, opening his heart almost easily to Sienna, but for some reason, it felt good. For once in his life, he didn't feel alone in this path. He now knew he wasn't the only one who wanted to be the one for Eleanor in the end, and that gave him a bit of reassurance after feeling hopeless the past hours.

"I really want to believe that, Si."

"Don't mortify yourself, okay? You'll know more in the morning."

"I hope so. Thank you for listening."

"Anytime, my friend."

She gave him a reassuringly pat on the shoulder and tried to change the subject to cheer him up.

*

It was almost midday when Bryce got out of the OR and bumped into Elijah after wandering for some hallways.

"Hey mate, have you seen Elle?"—He asked. —"I have my cellphone in my locker and I can't find her."

"No, I haven't seen her. Since yesterday, actually."

His eyes opened wide and the panic froze him for a second.

"You… You didn't see her this morning?"

"No, she wasn't at home last night either, and maybe she just stayed the night here?"—Elijah shrugged.

Sienna had told Elijah that Eleanor couldn't join them after the game because she'd been paged, so he just assumed that if she wasn't at home, Eleanor was still at the hospital. But Bryce knew better.

"Do you want to call her with my phone?"—Elijah took out his phone from his coat and offered it to him.

"No, I… I, crap! I actually have to prep for another surgery."—He said, watching the hour on Elijah's phone screen.—"I'll reach out later. Thanks anyway!"

Bryce waved and then got lost behind the emergency stairs' door.

If somehow he had managed to have hopes this morning, every single one of them was screwed by now.

Eleanor had spent the night with Ramsey.

And if she did so, it only meant one thing. Love. That was the only reason Eleanor would go all the way with him. She had been very reluctant to all that "let Ethan make a move on you" thing, and he didn't want to believe that she would be so hypocrite to just go all the way with him out of curiosity. Not when she had been avoiding him for four months.

There was only one explanation, and as he started to feel how painful that realization was, soon he decided that he didn't want to deal with it now. There was nothing he could do, so he just had to focus on work and seclude himself from anything that would involve Eleanor and bumping into her: cafeteria, doctor's lounge, even the Nurses' Stations if he could. That was his only way to survive the day.

Late in the afternoon, Bryce went to his locker, worried that Keiki would've tried to reach him during the day. He checked, as he supposed, that Eleanor had sent him several texts asking to meet her. The last of them were more insistent. She was affected by Kyra's diagnosis and she wanted to talk.

He was affected too but he couldn't bear to be close to her at that moment, so he ignored her texts and just focused on finding a way to help Kyra.

He knew there was something else that could be done to help her, so after analyzing and overanalyzing her latest tests' results, he talked with Dr. Tanaka about the possibility to make an Extrapleural Pneumonectomy on Kyra and replace the lining of chest and heart with fore-tex, a procedure he had done a couple of times before with him, and he wanted to do it on his own.

Tanaka, impressed with his disposition, questioned him, however, about the difficulty of this procedure, considering that even if he had assisted two times, it required a lot more time to be ready to perform the surgery by himself and that it was better if he only assisted. Bryce, always ready for a challenge, and even more willing if it meant helping a friend, gave him enough reasons to let him fly solo this time. After making an exhaustive interrogatory, and confirm he indeed knew the procedure well, Tanaka accepted his proposition and went to talk to Dr. Banerji, to ask for his consent.

A couple hours later, Tanaka paged him to tell him he could do the surgery, and due to the delicate state of Kyra, it had to be soon, so Bryce ran to Kyra's office to deliver the news and almost forcing her to agree with his idea.

The offer was tempting. It was a really good option, and Bryce managed to give her all the information and all the possibilities, probabilities, and outcomes that could be expected after the surgery. It was risky, Kyra might die during the procedure, but it was a risk worth taking because if everything went well, she had a high chance to be cancer-free in the future, a scenario that had never been offered before.

That information, and the fact that Bryce was so excited about performing the surgery by himself, made Kyra impossible to say no to him.

By the end of the day she was admitted, and while Kyra and he were in the middle of their usual banter and teasing, Eleanor appeared to check on her, amazed that she had agreed to be readmitted.

The moment he saw her, his stomach flipped. He had been so focused on helping Kyra that Bryce had completely forgotten about Eleanor, and somehow he was glad it was that way because just being close to her made him feel… Scared. Hopeless. Like he wasn't himself.

After informing Eleanor about the procedure, and a few minutes of chatting, Bryce and she decided to leave Kyra to rest.

The moment they were alone, Eleanor threw the first bomb. They needed to talk. And that totally froze him. She looked scared and maybe guilty, and for once in his life, Bryce felt cowardice. He had always been ready for whatever life throws at him, even the worst. But he wasn't prepared to have a conversation with Eleanor, so he just pretended to be really tired and said they could talk another day. It wasn't a lie, he was tired, but in different circumstances, tiredness was never a reason to not spend time with Eleanor. He was just delaying the inevitable.

So he went home and found Keiki watching the TV, waiting for him to have dinner.

"Hey, glad you came, I'm starving."—She said, standing from the couch.

"I'm sorry. You know there's no need for you to wait for me, right?"

"I know, but I already have breakfast and lunch alone, so, I would like to have company at least at dinner."

Bryce sighed and guilt and sadness twisted in his guts.

"I'm sorry, you're right."

Keiki turned to him, his somber expression too evident to ignore.

"Are you okay?"

He hesitated for a moment. He hated lying, but in this case, part of the reason he was sad didn't involve telling a lie to his sister.

"Actually no. Kyra, my friend, was readmitted."

"What happened?"

"Her cancer is worsening"

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Is it… too critical?"

"Yeah, her chances of surviving are low, but I found a way to level up her chances and maybe beat it up."

"Really?"

Bryce told her about the procedure and that he would do it as lead surgeon.

"Woow."—Keiki just said after hearing her brother and imagining him bossing around the OR like in the movies.

"'Wow, bro, you're the coolest', I think those were the words you're missing"

Keiki punched him in the shoulder before sauntering to the kitchen to turn on the oven.

"Okay, maybe you're kinda cool."

Bryce walked toward the kitchen counter and leaned over.

"Have you thought what I told you the other day?"—Bryce asked, watching as Keiki was taking two plates from a cupboard.

"About calling mom and dad?"

"Yes. You're missing school, Keiki. You're alone all day, you need to do something with your life."

"I know. But I'm scared of what they could do."

"Knowing them and considering all the time has passed and they've done anything… maybe they won't do anything and they'll just agree to make things easier."

Keiki stared at him, unsure. And he couldn't blame her. He didn't want to risk her stay with him, but the fact that Keiki was missing school and she wasn't able to do anything more than being at home or explore the city alone, was worrying him too much. Bryce was giving her all the spare time he had, but it wasn't enough, and of course, she needed to continue her education, and the only way to get it, was calling their parents.

"Two more days, Keiki. After Kyra's surgery, I'll call our parents, and it's better if you are agreeing with this, alright?"

"Yes. Okay, I'll think about it."

The next day he didn't have to do so much effort to evade Eleanor. He was busy all day going in and out of surgeries, and Eleanor was really busy with Senator Farrugia, the star case of the Diagnostic Team. By the end of the afternoon, he bumped into her, and, while managing to hide his surprise, he did his best to not look nervous or hurt.

But he _was_ nervous.

Nervous to be around her and seeing the guilt in her eyes, the eyes of the person who might break his heart. But he knew he could do so much better. He had years mastering the art of hiding his feelings, and even if it was a lot more difficult with Eleanor, it wasn't impossible, so he just teased her when she announced she was going to an interview with Ethan –the damn Ethan— to give the appearance that he was a lot less affected than yesterday.

But she knew him too well, and at that moment, he hated it.

"Bryce… We need to talk. I know you're crossed with me."

She said and he nodded deadpan, unable to deny it. But he brushed it off again. Cowardice again. He couldn't. And honestly, the best he could do at that moment was to avoid it. Not have a difficult conversation before such an important day as Kyra's surgery. He needed to focus. And she agreed, of course she agreed. She gave him her characteristic understanding smile he loved so fucking much. That smile that always made him wrapping her by the waist and kissing her like the world was about to end. So he tried to leave before the temptation was too big.

But she stopped him as if she knew she could test his reins.

How could she know him so _damn_ well?

"Could you give me a kiss at least?"—She muttered with those puppy eyes she rarely used.

He was the one who would use puppy eyes when he did something wrong or was too annoying with her. But Eleanor, looking at him pleading… For a kiss? No. That wasn't normal. And although that guilty and apologetic look on her face made him fear the worst, he surrendered. He needed that too, but he did his best to hide how much he wanted to kiss her and hug her and not letting her go ever.

Instead, he gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. And even if he saw the hurt in her eyes for being too cold with her, that kiss hurt him the most. It was against all what he was. He wasn't like that, he didn't use to ignore people. He hated to ignore Eleanor, and not kissing her, and not talking to her. But it had to be done. He had to protect himself.

The last time he saw her was the next morning, while he was wheeling Kyra to her surgery. Her expression had changed drastically. There was no guilt in her eyes, no pleading and she wasn't pushing his boundaries either.

"I know she will be golden with you in there, but please, take care of her for me."

"Of course, I will, Elle."—He replied softly, addressing how worried Eleanor was about Kyra. He was too.

Eleanor looked at him like she wanted to say something else, but instead, he just stared with her eyes swelling with warmth, candor, and something he wasn't sure what it was, but it made his heart skip a beat. 

A few moments later, she muttered tenderly:

"I'm so proud of you, Bryce, you have no idea."

Then she kissed him on the cheek and turned to Kyra, witnessing the exchange from below, with a smirk on her face.

"I second. I'm proud of you too, hotshot."

Eleanor hugged Kyra one last time and then took a step back so Bryce could continue wheeling her to the OR.

The procedure went by without complications. 

It had passed more than three hours when he heard loud whispers and surprised expressions, and people walking in and out of the observation deck, which startled him a bit. It wasn't a normal situation that people would act that way in the deck.

"What's going on?"—Bryce asked, looking up at a resident entering the OR.

"Sorry, Dr. Lahela. Chief Banerji sent me to round up whoever I could. The feds are here… Something's going on upstairs."

He looked up at Ines Delarosa, who was observing the procedure since the beginning. Her expression had changed. She was scared and her eyes somehow looked at him with worry.

"Dr. Delarosa, what's happening up there?"

She reluctantly hit the button and answered:

"There's been an assassination attempt on Senator Ed Farrugia and apparently some staff were caught in the crossfire."

 _Ed Farrugia._ All his bones froze up at the mention of his name.

"Ines, that was Eleanor's patient. Was she in there?"

Ines hesitated before answering. Those two seconds felt like an eternity to him.

"Yes".

For the first time in his career, his scalpel hand shook. _All his body trembled_ , his chest started beating fast, his mind went numb and a lump grew in his throat, making him stand motionless for a few seconds.

"Is she okay?"—He asked in a tiny voice, and then he cleared his throat, trying to regain composure.—"Is Eleanor okay, Ines?"

"So far, yes. The assassin used a kind of spray, the whole floor's been evacuated, and she's been put under quarantine, along with Bobby Gunderson, Danny Cardinal, and former paramedic, Rafael Aveiro. The CDC is here, and the FBI are on their way."

At least she wasn't wounded, but the use of a chemical weapon wasn't any consolation either. It was unpredictable and quickly lethal if it's not treated on due time.

Eleanor was at risk and the only thing he could think was running to her side. But after a few seconds, he remembered where he was. Kyra needed him. He was the reason she had agreed to that surgery. He couldn't fail her. And he had promised Eleanor that he would take care of her.

Despite the horrible feeling, and that his legs were burning for running to Eleanor's side, Kyra was first. Her life was depending on him, so he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and somehow managed to control his mind and fear for two hours until Dr. Tanaka finally entered the room to continue the surgery.

The moment Bryce left the OR he started running upstairs to the fourth floor. Once inside the empty floor, staffed with a few nurses and some feds, he found Ethan talking through the Diagnostics Room door. When Ethan felt his footsteps, he turned and approached him with a solemn expression.

"Ethan. How is Eleanor?"

"She's stable. Giving her symptoms, she was the least affected by the canister. Rafael is with her but in worse shape. They have put Danny in a separated room with life support, and a few minutes ago they took Bobby Gunderson's body."

"What?"—His heart did a flip for the umpteenth time that day.—"His b... body, you say… Bobby died?"

"Yes, he received the major amount of the content as he was close to Travis, Senator’s assistant, and who planned all this. Bobby died almost instantly."

This was worse than he expected. Eleanor might die. She could've died if it wasn't because she happened to be in the _right_ place. Otherwise she…

She would be dead by now.

Ethan saw his troubled eyes and for a second, it seemed like they both shared the same painful and desperate concern, but after a moment, he came back to his stoic poise, like he reminded he was Eleanor's doctor and he had to behave like that in front of Bryce too.

"And what the hell was in that fucking canister?"

"It's unknown, not even Travis was able to tell us. I'll have to get information from the FBI someway because so far they haven't shared a bit. If they don't share anything, we'll have to investigate on our own."

"Are you serious? Ethan, they must help to find out what's in there, people might die because of their fucking national security and crap. She… She could…"

He couldn't bring himself to say those words.

"I know. I'm furious too, but you need to calm down, Bryce. Right now, the best we can do is give Eleanor peace and stability."

Bryce took a deep breath and nodded.

"Go to see her, I'm sure she will be happy to see you, but please… Pull yourself together. Even if she doesn't want to show it, she's scared, and we need her in her best mood to inform us if her symptoms or Rafael's are changing. She's our best hope to solve this case."

Bryce followed down the hall until he reached the quarantine room. Eleanor was talking to Rafael, who smiled at him weakly when he spotted him on the other side of the door.

"Elle"

Eleanor turned around and her eyes sparkled with hope for a moment.

"Bryce? Wh… What are you doing here?"

"You cannot expect I won't race to your side if I know you're in danger, babe. I had to come to see you."

"I know, but… Kyra?"

"Dr. Tanaka is taking care of her now. I did everything I could until he showed up. I… I don't know if I could've kept up much longer."

Bryce frowned to show his worry, but he gave everything he had to hide how terrified he was actually.

"I'm happy you're here. Thank you."

Bryce gave her a reassuring smile. She was trying really hard to stay calm, but her whole body was shaking, and Bryce could read the fear in her eyes. The desperation, the hopelessness.She was losing it.

"... and no one knows what was in the fucking canister, not even Travis knows! We all could die without knowing."—She said while telling Bryce how everything happened. She shook her head.—"Fucking asshole, how did I not realize sooner?"—Her voice was caught up in her throat.

"This is not your fault, babe. He had been planning to kill him for years. The only responsible it’s him.”

“I know, but I could’ve been more subtle. I brough Bobby here and now he’s.. And Danny, and Raf and me.... Could..."

Her lips quievered, and large tears streamed down her face. She wanted to have hopes but it was difficult to. She couldn't get the image of Bobby dying off her head. She knew she could die. They were racing against time.

"Hey, babe, look at me."—He said softly—"Look at me."

Eleanor obeyed, looked directly into his eyes. Bryce laid a hand against the glass, and she slowly lifted her own to meet it. Even if they couldn't touch, the gesture seemed to have the same soothing effect on her as if they were really touching.}

Just the fact that he was there was enough for her.

"Everything's going to be fine, alright? Everyone here is doing their best to help you, and I'll help however I can too. Stay strong, beautiful. You'll get through this, I know."

"Thank you. Thank you for being here despite… you know, everything that has happened."

There was a hint of guilt in her eyes, but the guilt he was feeling was even bigger, but couldn't let it show.

"Doesn't matter know. What matters is that you're okay."

Bryce gave her a reassuring smile, but she was barely paying attention now, it was like she got lost in his eyes.

"You're doing amazing, princess."—He insisted—"Keep holding on, okay?"

Eleanor didn’t say or do anything, just stared at him, with an amazed smile for a few seconds until she broke the spell of silence.

"I love you."—She whispered lovingly, adoringly, her eyes conveying love, admiration, thankfulness. But again, there was something different about the way she was looking at him that he couldn't name. He was too blind to realize what it was.

"I love you too babe. So much."

"No, what I mean-"

But she was interrupted by Ethan, who appeared beside Bryce and looked at them ruefully.

"I'm sorry for interfering, but with June and Baz are getting inside to get some samples. Danny's too weak to risk even drawing blood right now, so we'll have to get them from you and Rafael."

Eleanor nodded.

"I'll be near if you need anything, okay?"—Bryce gave her one last look, before winking at her and turning towards the hallway.

*

About an hour has passed since Bryce saw Eleanor. He was lost in sight, observing Danny from outside, when Aurora stood beside him.

"Hey”

“Hey Aurie”

“I wanted to know are you holding up."

He breathed heavily, considering his words.

“I’m terrified as fuck, but managing to not lose my shit for Eleanor’s sake.”

Aurora gave him an inquiring glance before insisting.

“Okay, now how are you holding up _for real_?”

Bryce shook his head and then laughed bitterly. There he was again, opening his mouth even if a part of his head was telling him to shut up. But another part of him, one really powerful, was begging for someone who could save him from the hell he had inside his head. 

“Like crap. Guilty. Ashamed. Stupid.”—He replied sharply. 

“Why?”

Aurora turned to him, but he couldn’t look at her back.

“I’ve been ignoring Eleanor for the last three days and now I can’t stop thinking of how much time I wasted. How bad she must have felt… That she’s alone there… and I…"

"Bryce, don't go there." 

“What else can I do, Aurora? What else besides feeling guilty?—He shoved his hair with both hands in frustration, still unable to look at her.—“I… I should've listened to her, even if what she wanted to say would hurt me, but at least she wouldn't have felt bad because I ignored her."

Aurora knew what was happening, Eleanor had told her the day before, and somehow, she wanted to do something to open his eyes and made him realize that nothing his mind was thinking, was real. She also knew it wasn’t her place to do it, but he was blind and the circumstances… were painfully unusual. 

“Bryce, you got it all wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“About what happened that day.”

“What do you know?”

“Everything. Eleanor told me.”

“Even about… Ramsey?”

“Yes. About him, about you.”

“And what happened between him and Eleanor that night?”

“Bryce, I can’t tell you that. That’s something you have to talk with her. But you have to know that whatever you’re thinking about that day, it didn’t happen.”

Bryce considered what he was gonna say for a second. What he had been thinking was disgusting, and he wasn’t sure how Aurora would react, but that was the only way to find out what he had been fearing to know for three days now. 

“I thought that she gave him a chance. That she… That she slept with him” He confessed, with evident shame.

Aurora gave him a humorless smile, shooking her head.

“She didn’t.”

“But Elijah told me he wasn’t at home that night, so I thought…”

“That was a misunderstanding, she slept here, at the hospital. But she… She didn’t sleep with Ramsey, Bryce. In fact, that won’t happen. Ever.”

If Bryce had been feeling guilty for ignoring her despite the fact that she would break his heart, he had no idea what was the sentiment he was feeling now. There was a chance that he could lose her, and all he he had been doing was ignoring her for something that didn’t happen only because he let the fear ate him alive. 

___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! ❤


	17. Truly, Madly, Deeply

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone seems to notice Eleanor is in love with Bryce, except himself.

**Chapter 17: Truly, Madly, Deeply.**

_I'll love you more with every breath  
Truly, madly, deeply do  
I will be strong  
I will be faithful  
'Cause I'm counting on  
A new beginning  
A reason for living  
A deeper meaning, yeah _

“I’m an asshole.”

Aurora stared at Bryce leaning against the wall with his face buried in his forearm and his shoulders slumped. Defeated. Ashamed. Mortified.

“Bryce, if I told you this is not to make you feel worse than you already feel, it’s because you had understandable reasons to be mad. This whole situation between Eleanor and Ethan is… complicated and adding the information Elijah gave it to you only made things worse.”

Bryce stood straight and faced his friend, his eyes glistening.

“ _Understandable reasons_. Thinking that Eleanor slept with Ramsey and she would dump me it’s an understandable reason to ignore her even if she had never given me _any_ reasons to distrust her? I think not. It’s awful.”

His voice was full of regret and desperation, and even if seeing Bryce like that was painful for her, she didn’t regret her decision.

“You got caught in a misunderstanding. I bet you thought the worst because you’re afraid and that’s _understandable_. Now you know the truth and you can move on.” 

“Move on?—He turned around and started pacing around the hallway trying to contain his anger.—"How can I move on if I know the last three days could’ve been so much different and I…”

“Bryce, stop there.”—Aurora snapped, serious. —"You have to stop wallowing in _what-ifs_ and _should’ves_ right now, because is not going to lead you anywhere, and is not going to help Eleanor either. She needs you. You’re the person she needs the most now, so you have to be in your best shape and mood to help her. Your feelings are important, but right now you have to focus on her.”

Bryce stopped in the middle of the hallway and sighed loudly, then he nodded and looked up at Aurora.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m not usually like this, I don’t lose control this easily, it’s just…”

It’s just that he couldn’t imagine a life without Eleanor, and he couldn't live with the fact that he could've held her, and kiss her, and love her the last three days but he didn't because he was blind and scared.

His breath started raging and he winced, trying to contain the emotions that were overwhelming him. The idea of losing her was becoming more palpable than ever.

“It’s okay, Bryce. You love her, she’s your girlfriend, I’d be more worried if you hadn’t lost your shit by now. Come here.”

Aurora pulled him into a hug, and he wrapped her instantly as if holding her was like clinging to the last drop of sanity he had left.

Guilt had always been his weak spot. He learned it when he left Keiki in Maui and never came back, and to this day he was still dealing with the consequences and trying to make up for the lost time. 

And now he was dealing with another kind of guilt, and facing death was making everything worse. The effects were instant, devastating, and maddening.

After a minute of herculean effort to not crying his soul out, Bryce pulled away from Aurora, feeling more serene and like a lot of weight had been taken off his shoulders. 

“Thank you, Aurora.”—He muttered, staring deeply at her chocolate eyes, trying to convey his feelings.— “You’re an amazing friend.”

If it wasn’t for her, Bryce would’ve drowned in guilt, shame, and self-loathing to a depth so dangerous, it would've taken an impossible effort to come afloat by himself.

Aurora smiled at him and shook him by the shoulders.

“Anytime you need, I’ll be there for you. You’re not alone.”

“Likewise.”

“Dr. Lahela?”

Bryce turned around and found a nurse a few feet away, looking at them cautiously, almost sorry for interrupting the intimate moment. 

“Yes, Marlene?”

“I’ve been trying to contact Eleanor’s family for a couple of hours, but no success. Dr. Ramsey told me you probably have an alternative number? Or maybe you could have access to Eleanor’s phone so we could get another number?”

“And what numbers do you have?”

“Her family emergency contact was her mom’s cellphone and a landline in Cincinnati.”

“And none of them works?”

“The cellphone is out of service, and no one answers in her house.”

Bryce frowned, thoughtful, and after a few seconds, he nodded.

“Oh. Of course. Eleanor’s parents aren’t in the city. They went to Chile to spend the national holidays with her mom’s family. We should try with her brother, he’s in college in Michigan. Where’s Eleanor’s phone?”

“It’s at the Diagnostics Office, with the rest of her belongings.”

Bryce and Aurora entered the empty office. In the center of the round table was a plastic bag with Eleanor’s clothes, shoes, and her phone. Bryce grabbed her phone and unlocked it with his fingerprint without a moment's hesitation.

Aurora chuckled without hiding the surprise in her eyes.

“What?”

“One thing is knowing her password, but adding your fingerprint?”

“It’s faster when you wanna put a song on Spotify.—He shrugged with a nonchalant expression on his face.—"She has access to mine too.”

Aurora and Marlene shared a knowing smile, but he didn’t notice it. 

Bryce scrolled through Eleanor’s contacts list. When he found “Benja”, he dialed instantly. After several rings, a whispering voice was heard on the other side of the line.

“Hello? Andrew? I’m in class right now.”

“Um, hello Benjamin, this is Bryce Lahela.”—He said softly.

“Bryce Lahela… oh, shoot. Hello. You’re my sister’s boyfriend, right?”

“Y… Yes. Can we talk? I have something important to tell you.”

“Okay, wait a second.”

While he was waiting, Bryce couldn’t help but feel shivers down his spine. It was the first time he was talking to a member of Eleanor’s family, and even if he knew her family was aware of their relationship, it made him feel nervous reaching this milestone, especially under terrible circumstances, and after the doubts he had been feeling the past few days.

“Okay, I’m out. Something happened?”

Bryce tried to balance the concern of a boyfriend with the calmness and professionalism acquired in his medical career to not shock Benjamin more than necessary.

“Unfortunately, yes. There was an assassination attempt on a Senator here in Edenbrook, it was Eleanor’s patient, and she was caught in the middle. The hospital tried to contact your mother, but as she’s in Chile, I decided to contact you directly.”

“Shit. Yes, you did the right thing. How is she? What happened exactly?”

“She’s stable at the moment. This assassin used a canister with an unknown substance, so the hospital is working to figure out what was inside as soon as possible. It already killed a man, and there’s a nurse in a coma."

“Oh my god, no…”

Bryce could sense the pain Benjamin was feeling even if he couldn’t see him. He knew how much Eleanor adored her brother, so it was natural that Benjamin would feel the same way about her. And knowing his sister was in danger of course would cause this type of reaction, especially being away.

“Is she awake? Can I speak with her?”

“She’s in quarantine, so is kind of difficult to let you talk through the phone, but I can try.”

“No, it’s okay. Don’t worry. I… I’ll fly as soon as I can to Boston.”

“Do you have a number so we can call your parents?”

“I’ll do it. I have my grandma’s landline, that’s the quickest way to contact mom.”

“Okay, then. Let me know if you need anything, alright? Do you have money to fly here?”

“Yes, I have a credit card to use in case of emergencies. Thank you, Bryce.”

“No problem.”

After a few more questions and Bryce giving him his number, Benjamin hung up. If he was lucky, he would be able to land in Boston in three hours.

“Okay, Benjamin is going to contact Eleanor’s parents and once he's here, they'll have a video call with the Team so they can inform Eleanor’s state more detailly.”

“Understood. Thank you so much, Dr. Lahela. I’ll let know Dr. Ramsey.”

“No problem, glad I could help.”

When Bryce grabbed his own phone to save Benjamin’s number, he noticed he had several missed calls and messages from Keiki.

_“Bryce, I read that something happened at the hospital. Please answer me.” “I know you probably are in the OR but please call me when you see this” “Are you okay?”_

Bryce sighed and dialed her number.

“Bryce? Oh my god, how are you? Why you didn’t answer!”

“I was at the surgery, Keiki. I told you it would last long”—He lied, but regretted it the second he let out the words.

“I know, but… I was worried, the news are saying the police is in the hospital, that someone tried to kill a Senator. Is that true?”

Bryce pondered his words. There was no point in lying, sooner or later she would find out, and it was better if it was from him. So he told her the truth. That the rumors she saw on the news were true, and that Eleanor was in danger. Keiki was desperate and wanted to come over to the hospital to see her, but even if he needed his sister here, he had to play the responsible and serious older brother for once in his life.

“Keiki, it’s better if you stay at home. Is too dangerous here and I think Eleanor would kill me if I let you come over.”

She chuckled.

“That’s true. Better not give her a hard time.”

“Exactly.”

“Okay, but please, keep me informed.”

“I will. And if you need anything, please call me, and stay safe. I’m probably staying here tonight.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Please send Ella all my love if you see her, okay?”

“Sure, thank you, sis."

Three hours later, Bryce was deep in thoughts sitting in a chair near the atrium, when he saw the vivid image of Eleanor walking towards him. He had to blink several times.

“Damn, pictures give you an idea, but I didn’t know you and Elle were _so_ alike.— He joked, standing up from the chair and offering his hand to the guy in front of him. —"Hello Benjamin, nice to meet you.”

The situation wasn’t appropriate for jokes, but somehow Bryce felt like he needed to kill the tension from the start. Eleanor had told him her brother was ongoing and nice, and it just felt right to act that way with him, instead of serious and gloomy.

Benjamin returned the handshake and smiled.

He was way taller than Eleanor but not taller than him, and he had an athletic body, even if he wasn't on any sports team at college. He was just a soccer and basketball aficionado, or at least that’s what Eleanor had told him.

“Nice to meet you too, Bryce. For what it's worth, you’re as handsome as you seem in Ellie’s Pictogram. Thought you were using some Ken filter, but nope, that’s really you.—Benja teased, containing a laugh.

Bryce couldn’t help but chuckle.

“100% real, no weird filters, I promise.”

“Any updates?”

“None. She’s stable and was sedated right after we spoke the first time, so she should be awake by now. The rest is working in the labs trying to find out what could’ve been inside the canister.”

“And you’re not going?”

“I was hired as moral support. My friends are more expert in that field than me, I’m just a surgeon.”—Bryce replied sheepishly, shrugging.

“But the best surgical resident or that’s what I’ve heard.”

His eyes widened for a second, but then Bryce shook his head, amused.

“She told you that?”

“That and other fangirly praises like “oh, he’s so cute, so charming, and talented, the best surgeon, he’s amazing.”

His heart did a flip. He never expected Eleanor would talk about him like that to her brother. Or that she would talk about him at all.

“You must be really impressive to have my sister babbling like a teenager at the age of 27.”

“What can I say? I’m a total catch.”—Bryce gave him his characteristic charming smile, feeling somehow relieved for a moment. It was like Benjamin was giving him the same relaxed and nice vibes he always felt around Eleanor.

Benjamin laughed and Bryce’s heart did another flip as he saw traces of Eleanor’s smile in him. She was everywhere. In the shape of his eyes, the way he quirked his brows, in his grin, even he could hear her in his still marked Ohioan accent.

“Yeah, I’m pretty cocky too, ask my friends and everyone will say a round yes, but your sister doesn’t deserve any less.”

“I agree completely.”

After a few minutes, Bryce and Benjamin stood in front of the quarantined room. Eleanor was half-asleep staring at Rafael, who was sleeping.

“Andrew”—Benjamin muttered.

Eleanor was extremely pale, her eyes were puffy, and her lips parched and cracked, but the moment she opened her eyes and recognized Benjamin, her whole face brightened with love and surprise. 

“Benja! Ohmygod! What are you doing here?”

“Bryce contacted me so I had to come to see you. How are you?”

Eleanor stood up with difficulty. When she reached the door, her eyes were full of tears.

“Bebé… I’m… well, I’ve been better, but right now I’m so happy to see you.”

“Me too, sis.”

Both siblings shared a smile, the same kind smile, and Bryce couldn't help but mirror them.

“Well, I leave you to it. I’ll let Dr. Ramsey know you’re here so you can have the meeting with your parents.”

Bryce turned to leave but Eleanor stopped him.

“Bryce, wait.”

“Yes?”

“Thank you, thank you for calling my brother.”

Eleanor gave him a tender smile, full of thankfulness and adoration.

“Yeah, thank you, Bryce, for all you’ve done for my sister.”—Benjamin added, earnestly.

“It’s nothing. Let me know if you need anything.”

And he left the siblings catching up with their lives, the younger trying to cheer up the older with the usual jokes and mocks siblings have.

Hours later, Eleanor paged to report a new symptom Rafael had manifested before falling into a coma. Hopefully, it would be the key to find the answer they’ve been trying to reach all day.

“Bryce?”—Aurora murmured, approaching him in the hallway. “Dr. Ramsey wants to talk to you, he’s in his personal office.”

When Bryce turned to her he didn’t need a second glance to read the panic in her eyes. He gulped and then forced himself to smile at Eleanor.

“See you later, gorgeous.”

Bryce walked to the office as fast as he could. When he reached Ethan’s office, he breathed deeply before getting in. As he opened the door, he found the attending looking at the window, pensive. He looked small and fragile, and when Bryce stood behind him, he saw how haggard he was in the reflection of the window. After a few moments, Ethan turned to face him, and he didn’t even bother to hide his feelings.

“Do you know what’s in the canister?”

“Yes. June was right. It’s…”.—Ethan cleared his throat, brows knitted in worry.—“ It’s a maitotoxine.”

“Maitotoxine? I think I’m not familiar with the name.”

“It’s an extremely potent toxin commonly found in fish, but this… this toxin is something I’ve never seen before. Not June, not Baz…”—Ethan shoved his hand through his hair, evidencing his frustration.

“What does this mean?”—Bryce said in a tiny voice, already knowing what Ethan was about to say.

“There is no antidote for this, Bryce.”

For a moment, Bryce felt like he would faint, his mind went clouded, and lost track of space and time. His body wasn’t strong enough to process such information. Such undeniable and hurtful truth.

What he had been fearing all day was now materializing.

“And what are you going to do? Can you create an antidote or modify another one with a similar molecular structure? That has been done lots of times.”

“Yes, that’s what we are hoping to do. Aurora informed me that a group of doctors from Mass Kenmore is coming to Edenbrook to help, so we’ll have the best minds working on an antidote.”

But they had to have it before it’s too late.”

“You have to… you have to find the antidote, Ethan. She can’t die… She…”

Bryce suddenly got out of breath. The desperation was brewing again. The pain was inexorable. He couldn’t hold it anymore.

“I can’t lose her. Ethan, please… You have to...”

He couldn’t tell when happened, but all at once, he found himself drowning in sobs and with large tears streaming past his neck, reaching his chest.

He did his best to not succumb to his feelings in the OR because Kyra needed him, and he couldn't fail her nor Eleanor.

He managed to hold it while he was with Aurora because there was still hope and Aurora forced him to focus on Eleanor.

He was doing fine keeping his hopes high, trusting they would find out what was in the canister and then set a treatment and everything would be alright.

But there was no cure, no antidote.

Even if one hundred doctors were working on it, no one could assure him that they could do it before it’s too late. Before she’s gone.

He didn't even want to think in a world without her, but the sole draft, just a slight hint of it was devastating, unbearable.

He started gasping for air. His guts were shaking uncontrollably. The lump he felt in his throat at OR was now bigger and even more painful. His entire body was numb.

This was a living nightmare.

After a few seconds, Bryce took a chair and sat down before his legs could fail him. Ethan did the same.

“We have to stay positive, Bryce. Many of us have experience with research and with the help of Mass Kenmore and your friends, I’m sure will be on time to fight the toxin.”

“I wanna believe that, I’ve been believing this shit all day, Ethan. But… if it’s too late. I…”—He rubbed his face with both hands, his face red and wet with tears. Then he buried his face in his hands.—“She doesn’t deserve this… She can’t die… Please…”

Ethan patted him in the shoulder, comfortingly, his eyes haunted with fear and sadness.

“Bryce, I won’t let anything happen to Eleanor ...”—He hesitated for a moment, pondering his next words.— “You know what she means to me. I know you do. And I’ll do everything I can to save her, I promise. Whatever it takes. I won’t let anything happen to her. "

Bryce looked at him defeated.

“If I could, I would do it too, but I’m so useless. I feel so useless.”

"No, Bryce, on the contrary, you have done for her more than any of us could. If she’s still able to have a smile on her face despite the hell she’s living, if she’s still standing is not only because she’s incredibly strong. It’s because she has you. You’re part of the reason she hasn’t fallen into a coma yet.”

There was a painful rawness in those words. In another time and circumstances, Ethan would have never been able to say it aloud, mostly for pride and because he didn’t use to open to anyone. But not today. His love for Eleanor was selfless enough to let him recognize that if she was doing good was because of Bryce, and she had given him enough bravery to accept it out loud in front of the person she had chosen over him. Because Ethan only needed one second of watching Eleanor looking at Bryce to realize she was in love with him.

The only person Eleanor needed, was Bryce.

Ethan’s words felt like an absolute and relieving certainty to Bryce, mostly because who was saying it was the person he would expect it the less, and it gave him the strength he needed to keep going. To keep being there for Eleanor in this difficult night.

“Thank you, Ethan.”—Bryce said after a while, regaining breath and clarity.

The attending nodded and then stood up from the chair.

“Come on, we have to speak with Eleanor, and she’ll need you by her side.”

Eleanor was hopeless. Bryce could tell how the slight hope she had inside her had vanished with the news.

“We’ll do our best to find the antidote. Just keep fighting Eleanor.”—Elijah reassured.

The doctors from Mass Kenmore and the rest of their friends started to go. Sienna was heading Benjamin to the fifth floor so he could have some rest. He didn’t want to leave the hospital in case something happened.

And then, there was only Ethan and Bryce outside the room.

Eleanor smiled at Ethan, noticing how troubled and scared he was, as if he didn’t want to leave her there, knowing things could go wrong anytime and he couldn’t say goodbye. But he knew it wasn’t his place to be anymore. He knew it was Bryce’s.

“Thank you, Ethan. For everything.”

“We’ll make it, Eleanor. Keep fighting just as you’ve been doing until now.”—He stared deeply into her eyes for a moment, before turning around and leave Bryce alone in the hallway. 

Bryce watched him leave, and when he looked at Eleanor, her swelling eyes were already on him, clinging onto him even if she couldn’t touch him. Like his eyes were strong and powerful enough to hold her to life.

She was tired. She was giving up.

“It’s gonna be okay, Elle, I promise.”

“It won’t. How they’re going to create an antidote in just a few hours? Raf and Danny are in a coma, they could go at any moment, so do I."

“Yes, it could happen at any moment, but that moment could take hours, even days, and I’m sure the team will have it on time. They have a lot of brilliant people working on it, with tons of experience. They’ll make it, I know.”

Eleanor shook her head hastily, sobbing.

“It’s just I’m so tired, Bryce. I… I can’t take it anymore, I’m tired of being strong and show hope and shit, I want this to be over, I’m done.”

“I know you are, babe. You have been so strong and brave, it’s understandable that you want a break. You deserve it, but you have to keep fighting, okay?”

“The only reason I’m doing it it’s because of you. Because somehow you don’t let me fall. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t think I would be still standing. I don’t know I’d be here. I wouldn’t be that strong.”

Bryce smiled tenderly at her puffed eyes.

“You would. Don’t you know it already, Eleanor? That strength that you have is all you. You have it inside you. You always have.”

“Don’t you know it already, Bryce? You make me stronger. You know it’s true.”

“Glad to be of service.”—He flashed her a smile that made her smile too.—“But this is mostly you.”

“I wish I could hold you right now. I miss you so much.”

“Maybe you can.”

“How?”

“There’s another hazmat suit out here. I could go inside and make you company for a while. I hate the idea of you being alone in a moment like this.”

“Would you do that for me?”

“How dare to ask that, Eleanor Andrea Bloom? You know I would do anything for you.”

Eleanor bit his lower lip, compassing her sobs for a moment.

“I’d love to have you here with me.”

“That’s it, then.”

A few minutes later, Bryce entered the room with the hazmat suit on, and a dashing smile adorning his face. 

“Well, what do you think? Am I still handsome? Or am I somehow more handsome? Be honest.”—He said flirtily.

She shook her head, chuckling.

“God, how I missed you, Johnny Bravo.”—She said looking at him from head to toes.—"I think it’s your best look yet. You’ll catch a lot of babes with that.”

“Ah,”—He growled, taking slow steps towards her— “but you know there’s just one babe I want, and I have it right here in front of me.”

Eleanor looked up at him, almost not believing he was in front of her, that she was able to touch him.

In an intent to believe it, she cut the distance and wrapped Bryce in a tight embrace.

“You’re here, you’re really here.”

“You’re not the only one who was dying for a hug, you know? Especially after all the opportunities, I wasted in these few days."

Bryce tightened his hold, almost scared that Eleanor would vanish into thin air any second now.

“Elle, I’m…”

“Shhh… Not now.”

He nodded and both remained silent, savoring the embrace, the sweet feeling of having each other in their arms. Even if they couldn’t feel the warmth and smell they loved so much, feeling their arms wrapped around those so well known curves was sufficient. It brought them joy, peace. A sense of reality in the middle of that living hell. 

After a minute, her limbs started trembling and her breath got short.

“Come on, babe, let’s get you to bed.”

Bryce took her hand and helped her laid down. Then, somehow, he managed to squeeze in the bed beside her. 

“How’s that?”

“Much, much better.”—Eleanor placed a hand over his waist and then added: —“My brother really liked you. A lot.”

“I know. I liked him too.”

“You know?”

“I told him I was a total catch, cause I am, and he agreed with me. That totally means that he likes me, right?”

“Bryce…”—She laughed, rolling her eyes.

“What? It’s the truth! I didn’t force him to agree or anything! I mean, you did half the job by telling him all those incredible things about me.”

“He told you that? Oh, that brat!”

Bryce shrugged, amused while Eleanor shook her head.

I’m glad you finally get to know each other, and you actually _liked_ each other.”

"I mean, it's hard not to. He's really nice and you've told me so much about him I feel like I've known him for a long time."

“I think something like that happened to me with Keiki, even if I had _absolutely no idea_ about her existence before I met her”—Eleanor teased, feigning annoyance.

“Keiki… She’s been worried about you all day. She was crazy to come up here, but I told her you would kill me if she came. But I’ve been giving her updates every hour.”

“Oh, yes. I would’ve been so fucking mad, Bryce Lahela. I’m glad you kept her safe.”—Then she sighed.—"The poor thing, must be all alone. You should go to see her.”

“I know, but I can’t leave you here, Elle.”

“Would it be too selfish of me if I tell you I don’t want you to leave?”

“No. Not at all.”—His look softened.—“I don’t want to leave, either. In fact, I _won’t_ leave your side, Eleanor.”

Bryce gave him a tiny smiled and they stared at each other, savoring once again the moment of being together. After a while, Eleanor laughed.

“What is it?”

“You look so fucking handsome, Bryce, it’s _ridiculous_ , and I look like shit. I’m done a complete mess.”

Bryce chuckled, spotting the dark circles around her eyes, her tousled hair, how pale she was. He really hadn’t noticed how bad she looked.

“Yeah, you look like shit”—He teased.—"But you know what? You’re still the most beautiful creature in the universe, princess.”

Her eyes were swelling with tears, and a moment later, a sob escaped her mouth.

“Okay, okay, I take it back,”—He added seconds, later, noticing her swelling eyes. “you don’t look like shit, you look amazing, babe, incredible. Ready for a Vogue photoshoot. Ready for the Oscars.”

Bryce couldn’t tell if what escaped her mouth was a sob or a giggle, but her face had lightened somehow.

Somehow, he managed to end her anguish and ease her pain.

_Somehow._

He didn’t know how.

As if it was pure luck.

But she perfectly knew it wasn’t luck.

“Gosh, Bryce…”—She couldn’t continue. It felt like she was out of breath.—"Bryce I…”

She brought her hands to the side of his head, her thumbs over the face shield as if she was caressing his cheeks.

She locked eyes with him, and that look, that adoring look made him feel millions of shivers through his all body. Those dreamy tender eyes managed to convey all the emotions that were brewing inside her.

And Bryce was finally, finally able to see it, after missing it so many times that day.

“Te amo.”

He was at last, at last able to hear it, after longing for it for so long.

Her eyes were looking directly into his soul, into his heart, pouring everything she had inside to fill him with the most sincere and sweet love. With adoration, admiration, tenderness. With the purest feelings anyone could imagine.

And those two words sounded like relief. Like she had been choking and those words out loud were acting like the air she had been needing for so long.

“I love you so, so, so much, Bryce.”

And her eyes now were even fuller with adoration and candor. Full of happiness and life, even if ten minutes ago she had been feeling ready to die.

“I… I wish I had realized sooner, and these weren’t the circumstances where I’m able to say it… but if I don’t make it, I don’t want to go without you knowing what I feel about you.”

“Babe, you’ll make it, you don’t need to do this just because you’re here.”

“I’m doing this because that’s how I truly feel. I’m in love with you.”

“You really are?”

Even if he had been waiting for those words for months, he couldn’t believe it. Even if he had been receiving signs all day, from different people, he still couldn’t believe it.

“Yes. Yesterday I was finally able to see it, but it has been there for a while.”

“How so?”

“I’ll explain it later. You need to know some things first.”

“Okay.”

“As you know, I went to Ethan’s apartment after the game.”

“Aha.”

And she told him everything that happened that night. She didn’t keep anything. Well, except the personal stuff Ethan had shared with her, but the confession, the things he promised her, the kiss, how she felt after that, what she talked with Aurora. Everything. Because she had nothing to hide and he deserved to know everything, just as it always had been.

“And I just like that, I realized that I was over him. Just like you said. I was in front of the Ethan I used to love, telling me he loved me, offering me everything. But it turned out I… I didn’t want him anymore.”

“I’m sorry it had to be this painful to you. I had no idea you had been hurt so much.”

“Yeah, I had it blocked, but I’m sure I would’ve told you if it wasn't the case.

Bryce stroke her hair in the most tender way he could, his eyes haunted.

“I’m sorry, babe. I’m for being so distant and an ass with you. I should’ve let you talk, but I was afraid of what you would tell me”

“I know. I know and I completely understood it. But I can’t deny that at some point I was afraid that… I hurt you to the point of you not wanting anything to do with me anymore. That going with Ethan that night was the last straw and that no matter what happened between him and me, you… you would want to break up."

“No, of course not. How could I decide something like that without a warning? And with something I pushed you to do? No. I was just… trying to delay the inevitable. The suffering of knowing that you gave him a chance.”

“Well, I didn’t. And I realized that I was in love with you instead. At last.”

“Are you sure about that? You know there’s no need to hurry…”

“Bryce, why is so hard to believe it? Should I shout it with a megaphone, or maybe post photos and stories on my Pictogram telling that I’m truly, madly, deeply in love with you so you can believe me? Because I’m willing to.”

Bryce laughed, incredulous.

“Truly, Madly, Deeply. Damn. Just like that Savage Garden song?”

“The very same. I like the 90s.”

“A woman after my own heart.”

She bit her lower lip, smiling.

“I cannot believe how blind I was. It has been there, the whole time!”

“I’m listening.”

“It’s…”

Her whole face lit up with that sunny smile he loved so much. For a moment, he forgot where they were.

“It’s in the way I look at you, like a fool. Like I was fifteen. It’s the fact that you’re my first thought in the morning and my last one before going to sleep. You’re the first person I think of when something good happens, or when something bad happens too. In your arms is where I feel safe, and I know there's no other place I'd rather be. And god, I laugh with all your jokes, even the bad ones, and I don't find you cocky anymore because all that you say about yourself is true, and I think about you all the damn day, Bryce. I’m all day wanting for the day to end so I can see you and kiss you. And…”

Eleanor stopped for a moment, trying to catch some breath. Bryce shook his head. He had the stupidest smile she had ever seen on him. The same smile she was sure she had on her face right now.

“Another example? My brother. I haven’t been able to stop talking about you. It wasn’t like this from the beginning, but now I’ve just realized that the last few weeks I haven’t done anything but tell him, or my mom, how happy I am with you. I’ve been even imagining how it would be if I ever introduce you to my _abuela_. I bet she would adore you the moment she meets you, and she would love you more than me, and would cook your favorite meal, and would give you the last spoon of ice cream and… and I really don’t care, because you deserve it. You deserve the last spoon of ice cream, and my grandma’s meals, and … Everything. You deserve everything, Bryce. I don’t know what else to say. I’m in love with you like a teenager, and I feel like never before. What did you do to me?”

He smiled, tears of joy streaming down his face. That slump in his throat hurt again, but for different reasons. It was for the absolute tenderness and adoration he was feeling inside his chest. Admiration. Love. God. He couldn’t understand how he could love her so much. How much she meant to him. How happy and complete she made him feel. He had never felt this for anybody before, he knew it already, but now he was realizing he would never feel this way for anybody else, ever.

“I’m crazy about you too, Eleanor. I’ve been holding these feelings for so long to not scare you or pressure you, but god, I feel the same way. I think about you all day, and every time I think about the future, you’re in there.”

“That’s a relief, because for a moment I thought I was being too cheesy and clingy.”

“Babe, you’re always cheesy. You can’t help it around me.”

“You created a monster, Bryce Lahela.”

“I like cheese. I would eat cheese all day. And for the record, I would definitely share the last spoon of ice cream with you"

Bryce winked at her and then pressed her body against his.

“God, I wish I could kiss you.”

“You will.”

“But I want to kiss you _noooow."_

Eleanor pouted and butterflies fluttered ferociously in his stomach. She made him feel like fifteen too.

“Well, miss impatience, is nice to finally meet you.”

"Tell me that you're not dying to kiss me right now."

“I am. But we’ll have to manage with what we have for now.”

“How so?”

“Imagination. How would you like me to kiss you the next time?”

“If there’s a next time.”

Bryce scowled her and squeezed her waist.

“There will be. You’ll get through this, babe. I promise.”

She gave him a sad smile.

“So?”

“So what?”

“How will you want me to kiss you after you get out of here.”

“Mmm… I think… Slow and sweet, just like our ‘first kiss’ at Isabella’s”

“Mmm what a good kiss. Cute and romantic.”

“Or maybe passionate and breathtaking, just like that kiss at the beach, on your birthday. God, I can’t decide!”

“Don’t worry, we can always try both.”

“I hope so.”

“We will. You have to believe me.”

“Okay. I believe you. If I die, I’ll come to visit you every night, Bryce Lahela.”

“Lucky for me you won’t die. I would hate to have your ghost every night by my side and not being able to kiss you and do you dirty things.”

“Bryce!”—Eleanor giggled. “Okay, okay, I believe you. Bring me that dreamy kiss now!”

“Close your eyes.”

Eleanor obeyed and closed her eyes.

“Remember that night at the Museum?”

“I could never forget”—She muttered—.

Bryce took her hand and with the tip of her fingers, he brushed her lips delicately, exposing her inner lip for a moment. Then with her thumb, he caressed her mouth.

“I will kiss you sweetly and delicately while I hold you by the waist, transmitting how much I love you, how much you mean to me. How happy I am to have you in my life.”

After a few seconds, she opened her eyes, smiling. 

“That night was perfect.”

“Yeah, and you looked gorgeous.”

“But you, you were stunning in that silky pink shirt… And the night was so nice. Warm and starry. Oh, and there was music playing.”

“Yes, that slow jazz… _When I fall in love… It will be forever”—_ He sang slowly.

“ _Or I’ll never fall in love…”—_ She continued.—“You remember the song?”

“Obviously. It played on my mind on repeat for like two weeks.”

“Oh. That means you had that kiss playing on repeat on your head for two weeks?”

“I plead the fifth.”

She chuckled.

“Well, I, for one, thought about that kiss a lot in the following days. Another example of how goofy you leave me.”

“Good I wasn’t the only one.”

Suddenly, her smile faded, and Eleanor looked at him earnestly.

“Thank you for taking a chance on us that night, Bryce. Since that day you’ve given me nothing but happiness. And I’m sure that from that day there was no returning point for me. Sooner or later I would fall for you, and I’m glad I finally did.”

“I would do it a million times, in a heartbeat, Eleanor.”

“And I’d choose you a million times, over and over again. I only wish that none of those million times had to involve me dying just when I realized I was in love with you.”

“You’ll make it, babe. I have so much love to give you, that I won’t let you go so easily.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! If you make it this far, I have to thank you! I know it was a super long chapter, but it was really important (for the story and for me) and I honestly didn’t want to save words, nor split it in two chapters.
> 
> If I had to resume Bryce in this chapter in two words those would be: Husband material. And next chapter will be husband material x3264546.
> 
> Thank you for all your support, I hope you liked this chapter. I’d love to hear your opinions in the comments.
> 
> A big hug to each and every one of you!


	18. Into My Arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bryce holds onto hope in the longest night of his life. Life and death put a lot of things in perspective for both Bryce and Eleanor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse me the fact that I’m mixing past and present tense in this chapter. I tried to writ it all in past tense as usual, but it didn’t feel right aesthetically, so I just let it be.

**Chapter 18: Into My Arms.**

_So keep your candles burning_

_And make her journey bright and pure_

_That she will keep returning_

_Always and evermore_

_Into my arms, O Lord_

Bryce had never been a man of strong faiths, but he wasn't a cynical either.

He was just practical. He respected people who needed something to believe in, but preferred to put his beliefs in science because that's what was closer to infallibility compared to religion. After all, that's why he decided to become a surgeon, he believed in the power of medicine to heal people against all adversities.

However, he knew medicine wasn't enough. At least not when he's not the one holding the scalpel and giving everything he has to save a life, but holding the hand of the person he loves the most, and her life is hanging by a thread.

Doctors have medicine. They do everything they can with their knowledge and skills to save lives. But patients? All they have in the waiting is hope. And all they can do is pray.

After spending hours awake, not missing a single second of her breath, of her arterial pressure, of her oxygen levels, all the indicators that could assure him that she was alive, the passing of time inevitably starts kitting uncertainty upon him. Would it be enough? Will they do it on time? Will they do it _at all_? Because he knows the possibilities and limits of medicine. He knows that sometimes there won't be an answer, there won't be a cure, there won't be anything that could be done. 

Sometimes, medicine is not enough and death is inevitable.

Bryce had never been a man of strong faiths, but he wasn't a cynical because maybe, just maybe, he was just waiting for the time he would need something to believe in. When his optimism and science combined wouldn't be enough. When the waiting would be so long, excruciating, and painful that he would need _something_ to hold on to. A refuge.

Just like now.

Just like now when there's nothing left to do but pray.

To God, Allah, Buddha, Yahweh, Jehovah, Kāne.

"Please, please, let them find the antidote. Please, let them find it on time so Eleanor, Rafael, and Danny can survive. Please. Please."

There's no logic in asking the unseen something only medicine can give. But it doesn't hurt. It actually feels like a warm blanket that envelops in the middle of a tempest. At some point, it will soak with rain and it will no longer provide warmth, but it will do for a while. And that's all that he needs. Temporary comfort. Temporary faith to go through the night.

"Please protect her. Don't take her away. Don't take her away from me. Please. Please."

And then he begs like God is doing all this. As if they don't make the antidote, is because God moved his thread to not make it happen.

As if he needs to have someone to blame in case things go wrong.

Because blaming God is universal.

"They'll make it, they'll make it. They'll find the cure. She will live. They will live. Everything will be alright."

And then he just holds onto hope. He desperately forces himself to stay positive. To not think in a scenario where they don't make the antidote or where it's too late. And he tries to remain in that state, not daring to move his thoughts even a single inch, fearing that the slight movement could send him to the abyss. So he just locks himself in that state of mind. Hoping. Pleading.

Sunrise was dimly percolating through the blinds when a shriek startled him. Bryce turned his gaze, previously fixated in the monitor, and found Eleanor tossing on the bed, shuddering.

"Eleanor, what is it? I'm here, baby."—He asked, standing up from the chair and leaning over her, studying her reactions. Her breath was ragging and all of a sudden, she sat up, clutching her stomach desperately.

"It… Owww! It hurts so much…"

"What hurts?"

"My stomach and… my chest… My… My lungs and… heart…"

Her voice went mute and then hunched on the bed, her cries growing desperate.

"It's okay babe, take a deep breath."—He pated her on the back in a soothing way, hoping that the slow movement could ease her pain somehow.—"In half an hour someone from the team should come to administer the next dose of your treatment. How much it hurts? Do you think you can hold on?"

After a few moments, Eleanor nodded, thriving to breathe as deep and slowly as she could.

"Seven."

"Okay, you can do this, beautiful."

Bryce forced himself to take a deep breath too. Even if had passed several hours since Eleanor fell in that state, he could never get used to the idea of her suffering and not being able to do anything to stop her pain.

"Do you want some water?"

"Please."

Trying to ignore the lump in his throat, Bryce walked to the other side of the bed, poured a glass of water, and offered it to her, sitting behind her to give her support.

Eleanor received the glass and brought it to her mouth her hand quivering. Bryce hurried to place his own hand over hers to steady the glass and then watched her intently, waiting for her reaction.

A moment later, her eyes widened.

_Fuck._

"What is it? It… it feels hot for you?"

She nodded, slowly and solemnly.

His whole body froze for a second.

"I'm doomed."

It was an affirmation, not even a complaint.

"Babe, you are _not_ doomed. You're still standing, there's still time, and I'm sure the team will find the antidote soon."

"Stop this crap, Bryce. Let's be realistic here, it will be less painful for you in the … Owwww. Shit!"—Her face flinched and a hysteric sob escaped her mouth.—"Fuckkk, it hurts so much now…"

"How much?"

"A nine."

"I'll page Ramsey."

Bryce took Eleanor's pager and wrote frantically. He didn't know how he steadied his hands because his whole body was trembling, and his mind was feeling unbearably dizzy.

"COME NOW."

It had taken him just a few seconds paging Ethan, but when Bryce looked at Eleanor, her face was glistening with sweat and the only reason she was still staying upright on the bed, was because he was holding her from behind.

"I'm sorry Bryce… I'm… not strong enough."

"Baby don't say that. You're incredibly strong and brave."

Even through the latex, Bryce could feel how cold her body was, and when he placed a hand over her forehead, she felt even colder.

Desperate, he took her in his arms and placed her on his lap, cradling her protectively.

As she felt his warmth enveloping her, Eleanor curled up over him, grasping the fabric of his suit instinctively, and pressed her face to his chest.

He had never seen her this fragile and weak.

"I'm so tired…"

Her eyelids seemed heavy, making her incapable of keeping them open, but she was resisting, trying to see him through the window of his suit. 

He looked into her chocolate eyes, tired and pleading, while he was tracing soothing circles on her temple.

"It will pass, babe, I promise. Ethan will put you to sleep, but please, please stay with me. Stay with me."

How much he wanted to place a kiss on her forehead and soothe her pain with his caresses, as so many times he had done before. When she was feeling sad, angry, frustrated, sick. He had always found a way to make her feel better.

But now…

The lump in his throat was so painful that he couldn't hold the tears anymore.

He felt so useless.

So hopeless.

He couldn't do anything right. He couldn't stop her pain, he couldn't find the antidote. And now he couldn't even hold his emotions and stay strong for her, while she was trying so hard to keep her eyes open and stay with him. 

He was an utter fiasco.

And then… her body felt heavier in his arms and her grip on him loosed.

Bryce panicked.

"Babe?"—His voice was barely a whisper. He looked at the monitor, her vitals were dropping. —"Babe? _Please_ …"

He didn't know if he was pleading to her or to the unknown.

"I'm… ssso…tired…"

His whole body relaxed when he heard her voice. She was still with him. She just couldn't with her body anymore. 

He embraced her more tightly, pressing her head to his chest, and stroked her hair softly.

"Keep fighting, babe, I got you. You're doing great, gorgeous."

He didn't know how much time passed, but suddenly the sound of the decontamination tent door woke him up from his pleading state. When he looked up, Ethan was standing in the entry, frozen.

It was a shocking view, undoubtedly. Her body motionless in Bryce's arms, while he was fighting the sobs with pleading words.

"What happened?"

Baz asked, slipping behind Ethan, with an evident tremor in his voice. 

Bryce cleared his throat and breathed deeply.

"She… Uh… experienced the hot-cold reversal a while ago and her pain has escalated. Started with a seven and now is a nine."

Only then Ethan could react, taking a step toward the bed, studying the bundle of bones curled up over Bryce's lap.

"Her vitals had dropped but are still better than Rafael's at the moment he fell into a coma."— June commented, inspecting the numbers in the monitor.—"Any other symptoms?"

"Cold sweat and loss of strength."

"Did she sleep?"

"Yes, about five hours. She woke up minutes before I paged."

June nodded, adding the new information to the chart.

"Eleanor, are you still with us?"—Baz asked, holding a needle with a crystalline liquid inside.

Eleanor hummed. 

"Good. Excellent. I'm gonna administer a higher dose than last time, okay? This will put you to sleep and hopefully when you wake up the pain will have decreased."

Baz injected the dose into the IV. After a few minutes, when Bryce felt she had fallen into a deep slumber, he stood up and placed her on the bed, covering her with the duvet. Then, turned to Ethan, who was witnessing the whole process silently.

"Any progress with the antidote?"

"Yes. There's a chemical that we are synthesizing that seems to be our best option so far. We are expecting to have it ready in a couple of hours."

Bryce nodded, hope resurfacing again after such dark and tortuous hours.

After a few more exchanges, the Team left, leaving him alone again, praying with all his strength that the chemical is the answer.

Minutes feel like hours. And hours an eternity. His hand had gotten atrophied by holding hers, but letting her go isn't an option, scared that she might go if he leaves her even for a second.

He's drugged by fear.

*

"We did it!"

Bryce isn't sure if he's imagining it, if he's daydreaming about the moment when their friends and the team will find the cure, or if it's true. If it's really happening.

But when he sees Ethan entering the room again, his eyes glistening with pride and hope _, smiling,_ he knows is not his imagination. 

"We made an antidote."

It feels surreal. His whole body feels lighter and suddenly a burst of laughter attacked him.

Happiness, relief. Hope.

He knew there was a chance the antidote couldn't work. But he chose to believe it would.

And then he can't stop thinking about all the things they talked through the night. All their plans, all the places they would go, all the things they would do. All the things he would say to her, but he kept inside for fear.

All the love he had to give to her.

There was so much to explore and learn with her. Life was giving both of them a second chance. Not only to Eleanor but to him too.

And then all he can do is thank. Thank to whoever accompanied him through the night. To whoever held him and filled him with hope.

To whoever put a blanket over him, to keep him warm until he reached a shelter. A safe place.

Bryce was now full of hope and optimism. With the optimism he knows so well and that comes naturally to him. He's sure everything will be alright now.

And he thanks his friends and the doctors who helped. He knows words will never be enough to thank them for what they've done, but he decides to do it on the brink of his emotions, when they are more genuine, and retributions and gratefulness is all that people need after such a long night giving everything of themselves to find the antidote. To save the lives of their friends and colleagues.

*

The waiting in the next hours was nothing like the last one. They're full of hope.

Benjamin joined him in the room once he gave his parents the news. After a while he forced him, with the same persuasion and stubbornness that Eleanor would do, to take a break.

"Bryce, you should have some rest."

"I can't leave her side."

"I get it, I really do, but at least you should take some air, eat something, have a coffee. You haven't left the room in like ten hours. I'm sure you wanna be in your best conditions when Eleanor wakes up and not pass out of exhaustion after five minutes."

Bryce stared at Benjamin, the determination set in his eyes was the same he had found so many times in Eleanor's. Where would that come from? From their mother or their father? Hopefully, he was expecting to find it out that night.

An hour later, after catching up with his friends in the cafeteria and calling Keiki to give her the news, he returned to the room with renewed energy and a lot more confident than before.

It only takes him a minute to start talking with Benjamin as if they were old friends.

Hours flied by.

"Man, I'm not saying that Kobe doesn't have his merits, but let's be honest: without Michael Jordan, there is no Kobe."—Bryce stated, both sitting in chairs at the end of the bed.

"But we are not discussing who came first or their legacies, we are discussing objective facts. For example, Kobe beats Michael in career poin-"

"Shut up you two, we all know Lebron James is better than Michael and Kobe."

Bryce and Benjamin's eyes widened in shock and turned to the bed, where Eleanor was awake and smiling.

"Andrew! You're awake!"—Benjamin jumped up toward her side and hugged her affectionately. –"I'm so happy to see you okay, sis."

"And I'm glad to see you again, bebé."

Bryce sat on the other side of the bed and caressed her cheek.

"Hey, babe."

"Hey."—She smirked—"I should've asked you if you were team Kobe or team Jordan before agreeing to be your girlfriend but… I think it's too late to give you back now."

Bryce chuckled, giving Benjamin an amusing glance.

"I'm sure we'll be able to keep the debate on civil terms, right, Benji?

"Absolutely."

"How are you, beautiful?"

"I'm feeling… surprisingly good. Did they change the treatment?"

"No, must be the antidote that's working. And probably you're still high for the morphine."

"Did you say antidote?"

Eleanor was a mix of confusion and amazement.

"Yeah. The team created an antidote. They injected it like… about four hours ago."

"And why didn't you wake me up?"

"Because Baz put you to sleep, you don't remember?"

"No? What happened?"

Bryce looked at Benjamin who shook his head subtly.

"You were in deep pain, so Baz put a higher dose of morphine. It would have been like… humanly impossible to wake you up considering the dose."

Eleanor frowned.

"I don't remember any of it, honestly. How deep are we talking about?"

"You reached a nine, but the Team came quickly so you didn't suffer too much."

"A nine? Shit. That's pretty bad. Maybe that's why I don't remember a thing. "

"And you had a fever too."

She nodded.

"And how they did it? The antidote, I mean."

"In simple terms, they created a compound that binds to the maitotoxin and prevents it from attaching to the plasma membranes. So far has worked very well and your levels of the toxin had decreased significantly since the administration."

"And they beat the stupid Government. How embarrassing—She giggled.—"And how has worked with the boys?"

"They are still in a coma, but their levels had dropped too. Very slowly, though."

"I'm glad Danny is still with us. I really thought he would…"—Eleanor shook her head—"He's such a fighter."

"Yes. You all are, Elle."

"What about mom and dad, Benji? Have you spoken to them today?"

"Early in the morning, before they took their flight here. And luckily for them, they were at a stop in Lima when the news of the antidote came, so I texted them right away. They'll arrive at about 11 pm."

"Great. Great. Poor things, at least they are traveling knowing the worst has passed."—Benji nodded—"And you, kiddo, have had some rest?"

"Yeah, I could sleep a few hours during the night, but then I went to Lab to see how was the searching. It was really impressive watching all those brilliant minds working."

"Oh, yeah. I would've loved seeing Ethan working with Tobias. Those to hate each other, you know? I don't know how their egos fit the room."

Eleanor laughed, imagining the picture.

"And what about you, mister?"—He directed to Bryce—"I got the feeling you didn't sleep a wink last night."

"I didn't. I had to monitor you, but I went for a coffee and some food a few hours ago under the strict orders of my very good friend Benjamin."

"You're the best, Benji, thank you for taking care of him for me."— Eleanor squeezed his hand approvingly and blow him a kiss.—"Well then. Now that I'm feeling better, and under my strict orders, you're gonna go home, have some sleep, and spend a few hours with your sister, alright?"

"But babe... I ca-"

"Bryce Golden Lahela. I know you want to stay with me, and I swear if I were in your position I'd never want to leave your side, but please, pretty please, do this for me, okay? I bet you haven't seen Keiki since when…? the day before yesterday? Because I'm sure she was completely asleep when you left your apartment yesterday morning"

"Yeah, she was."—Bryce replied sheepishly.

Eleanor was still weak, and he could tell she was doing an incredible amount of effort to stay lucid and strong, but even like that, she had enough energy and strength to take care of him and Keiki. That selfless side of her would always marvel him.

"Please, I'd feel a lot better if you go to sleep and spend the afternoon with Keiki. But…"—She stared at him seriously and then her whole face transfigured in a wicked, almost psycho, smile—"If you don't do it, don't worry, honey, I won't be mad, but I'll kick you out of my room."

Benjamin giggled.

"Dude, do as she says. You know she means it literally, right? Because I'm already seeing her getting up from the bed and kicking your ass."

"Okay, okay, I'll go."—Bryce stood up from the bed, lifting his hands in surrender—"There's no need to use violence. Any special message for your _beloved_ Keiki?"

"Yes, tell her I'm sorry I had to borrow his brother for too long and that I hope I can see her soon because I miss her."

"Yes ma'am."

*

When Bryce opened the door of his apartment, the smell of sauteed veggies gave him a warm welcome.

It'd always cheered him up having his sister receiving him when he got home, but today was different. Today he was grateful for having her after the living nightmare he had been into in the last 24 hours. Her sole presence was enough to soothe him.

"Bryce?"—Keiki poked her head out of the kitchen and then ran towards him.—"Ohmygod, what are you doing here? Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, everything's okay, don't worry. Elle's awake and getting better. She's so well that…—He chuckled, collapsing on the couch.—" she made me come here to see you and have some sleep. She was worried you were too much time alone… And she's right, of course. I'm sorry Keiki, I know how abandoned you must have felt."

Keiki shook her head, sitting beside him.

"It's okay, Bryce. You needed to be with her, I totally get it. Not knowing what was happening was worse."

"I know."—He gave him a sad smile.

"Do you wanna have lunch? I have mashed potatoes pie in the oven. It should be ready in like twenty-five minutes."

"Ooh, are you serious? The one you cooked the other day? Because that was _superb,_ Keiks"

"Yeah, the same. I actually was thinking about bringing you some to the hospital. I know you told me not to go, but…"—She gave him a sheepishly smile, shrugging, but before she could continue, Bryce hugged her, warm and tightly.—"Woah, woah, is just mashed potatoes and ground beef, no need to do such fuss."—She added instantly, patting him nervously in the back.

"Keiki, I was an ass with you for years, and now you're taking care of me like this? I don't deserve it."

"Nonsense. You know we are okay now, and you care a lot about me too, this is nothing."

Seeing Benjamin and Eleanor together had put a lot of things in perspective for him. How caring they were to each other had reminded him of his own relationship with Keiki before he moved to California. They were very close, so close, that he had no doubt that if he hadn't distanced himself the way he did, they wouldn't be much different from how Elle and Benji were.

Even if she was a six-year-old princess living in a fantasy world and he was a teenager soon-to-be a college student, they used to spend a lot of time together back in Maui. Entire days at the beach, swimming, playing hide and seek, playing tag, building sandcastles, doing races, finding forms in the clouds during the day, and looking at the stars at night.

He even learned about constellations just because she liked the stars.

But all that ended when he left and never came back.

He knew closeness and affection were still there, even if had passed ten years, even if she wasn't a kid anymore, but a teenager with a strong character that pretended to be too cool for affection. Because if it weren't like that, Keiki wouldn't have risked what she risked at coming to Boston. She wouldn't have forgiven him how she did weeks ago, and things wouldn't be as good as they were now.

After all those years, Bryce was still her refuge. The only person she could come to. And after all those years, Keiki still managed to bring out the best of him. She was making him thrive to become a better brother, a better man.

"What is it?"—She asked, as Bryce was staring at her tenderly.

"Nothing, I was just remembering those days at the beach. You were so little, and you're so grown up now… and you're even taking care of me when I should be the one taking care of you…"

She smiled sheepishly at him again.

"That's what siblings do."

"That's what I should've done in all these years and I didn't, and what I should be doing now…"

"Bryce, how many times I have to tell you…?"

"Okay, okay, I won't say it again. But… the thing is..."

He breathed. It wasn't easy for him. In fact, he used to avoid at all costs this kind of conversation because there were still a lot of issues he had to resolve with himself, but he felt like he had to say it now, without thinking it too much.

"What?"

"Look… I know things cannot be like they were before, but… I want you to know that you're the most important person in the world to me, Keiki, even if it seemed otherwise for ten years. Nothing has changed between you and me, okay?"

He didn't know how else to say it but in the way he was feeling it.

And for the first time in weeks, Bryce saw Keiki let her guard down. Her eyes swelled with tears at the mention of those memories at the beach, but after hearing his last words, her lips quivered. 

"Okay,"—She said, wiping a tear from her eye—"But, gosh, what's gotten into you?"

What had gotten into him was that almost losing Eleanor also put a lot in perspective regarding how much he kept to himself. And he couldn't let that happen, let alone with Keiki. She deserved better. She deserved so much more than what their parents (poorly) had given to them, emotionally and affectively. He had to make things right, starting now.

"I love you, Keiki."—Before a sob could escape from her mouth, Bryce hugged her again, this time more tightly. –"Don't you ever doubt about it, okay? And please remember that, at heart, we are the same Bryce and Keiki playing on the beach. No matter the years."

He felt her fighting the sobs, but then she just let it flow.

"I love you too, Bryce."

Bryce breathed contently at hearing those words. That's all that he needed to hear.

After several seconds, Keiki parted from him, wiping the trace of tears off her face.

"This is a one-time bonding moment, right? Because if you're going to be this cheesy and make me cry everyday…"

Bryce chuckled.

"No, no. I know this is not your thing. This is just for today, a cathartic moment after what happened with Elle. But now we return to our regular sibling's relationship, where I'm obviously the cool one."

"HA! Dream on, Bryce. Let me inform you that today I award you with the title of the weirdest and most sentimental brother of the year."

He smiled fondly.

"I guess that makes me even cooler. I'm a total winner. Thank you, sis."

"No! You're the… You know what? Nevermind. After what you did yesterday with Kyra, and considering you're a very caring boyfriend with Ella, yeah, I'll let you be the cooler sibling, _but only_ for this week."

"Oh, thank you for your generosity, loser."

Keiki rolled her eyes, and before sauntering to the kitchen, she ruffled his hair affectionately.

"Take a shower, weirdo. By the time you finish with all your beauty care routines, lunch will be ready."

*

He wasn't sure how many times he'd pleaded for that moment, how many times he'd imagined it on his mind, but it was finally happening. And it felt a thousand times better.

Bryce opened the door of Eleanor's room just as he had arrived at Edenbrook. With a navy-blue hoodie, light-blue jeans, and black and white sneakers. No hazmat suit, no gloves, nothing.

She was asleep. Her chest was moving harmoniously under the sheets, and the vitals on the monitor were almost on normal levels.

She was alright.

He walked to the other side of the bed and carefully laid behind her, placing an arm around her waist. She wasn't as cold as in the morning but still wasn't at her usual warmth. He buried his nose in the crook of her neck and breathed deeply, smelling the natural scent of her body mixed with some very faintly remnants of her shampoo. The sweetness of the pomegranate added even more joy to the fact she was safe.

His hot breath must have woken her up because, after a few seconds lost in her scent, she started stirring on the bed until she finally turned around and faced him.

"I'm dreaming? Why you're not using the hazmat suit?"—She muttered in a slurry voice, looking equally surprised and confused.

He smiled, sliding his index over her cheek softly.

"No, you're very much awake. And safe. Toxin-free safe."

"Toxin-free? Are you for real?"

"Absolutely, the last two blood tests have shown you have no traces of the toxin in your bloodstream."

"Oh my god, I can't believe it… I thought I would die here…"

"And I told you you would live." 

"Yeah, and I've never been happier to be wrong."

They both chuckled

"And I've never been happier to be right."

After a moment, Eleanor started caressing his just shaved and very smooth cheek, but suddenly, she stopped, staring at him expectantly.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Are you gonna kiss me or not?"

"I was just letting you contemplate me, I'm sure you missed touching this flawless skin."

She snorted.

"I know last night I said I don't find you cocky anymore, but I can change my mind any minute, you know?"

"But you won't."

Bryce parted from her slightly and took his phone out of the pocket of his jeans. He scrolled a few seconds and then a piano melody started playing.

"Is that…?"

_When I fall in love it will be forever_

_Or I'll never fall in love_

"You said you wanted a kiss just like Isabella's…"

"Oh my god, I should've known you'd do this."

She placed her hands around his neck.

"The problem is… If I remember this right… _you_ were the one who kissed me that night…"

"Yes, now you will. Period. You're talking too much."

"Now you realize I talk too much?!"

"Bryceeeeeee"

He laughed heartly.

"Okay, okay, miss impatience..."

Bryce tightened the grip around her waist and placed a hand over her cheek. After a few seconds of looking deeply into her amber eyes, he brushed his lips over hers. It was sweet and slow at first, but then he deepened the kiss, capturing her lips in his teeth and playing with her tongue just as she liked it.

Eleanor wanted a kiss like the one at Isabella's, but so much had changed since then, so much he had learned since then.

He knew the way she liked his kisses, how much pressure to use or how deep his tongue could go, so he was going to give her exactly that, a dreamy kiss, because honestly, he didn't know any other way.

After several seconds, he parted from her.

"Happy now?"

"Mmm… I'm not sure… Maybe you can give me another taste?"

He shook his head and kissed her again, harder. And this time he left her breathless, and giggling, and with the goofiest smile he had ever seen in her.

"Wow. 100/10."

"I'm amazing, I know."

And then, she couldn't help but look at him adoringly. Because yes, yes, he was indeed amazing. And she was completely in love with that amazing man.

"Te amo."—She said with warm candor, and then kissed him enthusiastically and incessantly for several seconds. –"I love you... god, I love you so much… Telling I was in love with you… without being able to kiss you… was a nightmare! But now I can... Finally…Kiss you…As much… as I want…"

Once she stopped, Bryce looked at her, marveled.

"What? Too much?"

He shook his head, biting his lower lip.

"No, it's perfect. Feel free to act like that whenever you want."—He kissed her forehead—"I love you, beautiful."

After receiving the official information from Ethan, June, and Baz, and being filled with kisses and hugs from Benjamin, Bryce wheeled her to her new room so she could take a shower. She didn't want to spend another second in that damned room.

"This is mine?"—Eleanor asked, inspecting the light blue bag over the bed.

"Yeah, I swung by your apartment before coming here, I thought you would need some fresh clothes."

Eleanor stood up with difficulty and wrapped him in her arms lovingly.

"Thank you, my love."

He smiled, melting by the words, but before he could say anything, she clung to him clumsily. Her legs failed her.

"Mmm, I think someone's going to need some help in the shower."

"Ooops, too bad that _someone_ has a boyfriend with magic hands to help her."—She replied teasingly.

"C'mon, princess."—He whispered, picking her up in his arms and taking her to the bathroom.

Once he collected her shampoo and conditioner from the bag, he returned to the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

When Eleanor looked up at him, he felt the air changed instantly. 

It's the intimacy.

The formula is simple. It has always been simple between them. It's just the two of them present at the moment. Whether they're alone or in a group, it doesn't matter. It can happen anywhere. It could be just an intense look; a simple touch; even a hug without saying a word. They only need to be focused on each other.

Bryce took a few steps until his lips were inches apart from hers. His hand took with precision the hook of her gown, and after untangling it, he threw it to the floor.

When his hands touched her waist, her whole body trembled, and a soft moan escaped her mouth, but soon she shut herself up by kissing Bryce delicately, sinking a hand under his shirt, craving for his skin. He conceded to her desires instantly, of course. After tugging his hoodie and shirt out, Eleanor roamed her hands roam over his bare chest, and leaving a trail of kisses up his chest, until she reached his jaw.

The heat radiating from his body had always soothed her. Even before realizing she was in love with him, being in his arms was her favorite place in the world. But when Bryce pulled her closer, enveloping her arms around the small of her back, and pressed her body flush to his, this time, Eleanor felt like she was coming home.

He wasn't her favorite spot anymore.

He was her home.

The supreme feeling of comfort and tranquility. A safe haven where she could be herself and where she's the happiest.

And where she can be at her lowest too. So she let it all go.

She let go of all her fears, all the what-ifs that had been torturing her mind; all those questions wondering how much she would've missed…

Millions of kisses and hugs; thousands of showers together; thousands of hours of amazing sex; thousands of nights talking, drinking, dancing. Adventures. Movies, movies interrupted by his unstoppable talking, by his kisses, by his innuendos. Sleepovers on the couch with Keiki. Countless moments just staring at each other without saying a word, because sometimes even for Bryce words wouldn't be necessary.

She wouldn't have lived the life she wanted to have with him. The future she wanted with him. She couldn't have known him as she always wanted, with all his wonders and terrors.

A sob echoed in the immaculate bathroom. Bryce gripped her more firmly to calm her shaky body.

The idea of dying with so much left to give was devastating.

Because she was _so_ _full_ of love. The moment she realized she was in love with Bryce she felt like she was going to burst. When she told him she was in love, she was choking with words because her heart inside was bursting with her purest feelings and sensations. And thinking that she could've died without giving him everything she wanted to give him, without giving him everything he deserved, was maddening.

Even if it was in the past, the fear was still too vivid.

"Let it go, love, I got you"—He whispered, his hands always drawing soft patterns on her head and back.

_Love._

She could've missed that too. Bryce calling her love. Bryce calling her in so many ways.

She had always wished for a beautiful love, just like their parents had, but for some reason, it was always out of her reach despite her best efforts. And she could've died without experience it to the fullest with him. With the most wonderful person in the world.

Eleanor wrapped him more tightly, as if she's scared that he could go any minute now. 

"I'm here for you and I'll always be, babe. We have now a whole life ahead of us to do everything we dreamed last night, that and much more."

_How? How could he know what she was thinking? How he could know her so well?_

"But… we need to start somewhere, right?-- —He whispered, pulling her gently from him.—"We need to start with something small."

He looked into her puffy and reddened face and wiped the tears off her face.

"We'll start with a shower. You need to get rid of all the traces of that fucking toxin. You'll let me take care of you, and then, if you want, we can make a visit to see Kyra and the rest of our friends, who must be waiting for you expectantly to fill you with hugs and tons of love."

"I'd like that."—She replied softly.

"Perfect."—He said before leaning in the shower to turn the faucet on.

After a few seconds, Bryce led her to the shower, and both hummed at the feeling of the hot water running through their bodies. Then he turned and looked at her, deeply.

"Are you feeling better, gorgeous?"—He asked softly and sweetly

"Yeah, so much better. Thank you, my love."

He chuckled and then bit his lower lip.

"God, I love it when you call me like that"

"My love? Well, you _are_ my love."

"Yeah, I guess it's just that… now I understand why you were so reluctant to all this pet name situation."

"Yup, I wanted to say it just when I was 100% sure I was in love with you."

"Makes sense. Now I feel guilty for being too annoying with it."

"You're a Goldie, being annoying is part of your DNA."

He raised an eyebrow, seriously.

"But don't worry, my love is my main pet name for you now. And mi amor. Or maybe you prefer that in the first place?"

Bryce narrowed his eyes, thoughtfully.

"Tough question. I like that too, Spanish sounds so sexy in your mouth."

She smiled mischievously and then planted a chaste kiss on his lips.

"Te amo, mi amor"

"Feel free to call me however you want, but I'm warning you, I feel things when you speak to me in Spanish."

"What kind of things, _mi amor_?"

Bryce roamed his hands over her back until he reached her tights. Then, he lifted her effortlessly in his arms and pushed her against the wall.

"Things that… "—He kissed her hard.—"even if it's tempting to do here, I'll save it for another time. I'll create a whole kink of you speaking in Spanish in the meantime"

"Mmm, a new kink. My, oh my. I'll exercise my pronunciation, then, because it has gotten a little rusty over the years."

She kissed him hard this time, pressing her legs and heels against his back.

"Okay, as much as I want to keep going, let's slow it down, babe. We should be doing some cleaning, you know? Or you'll stay as a koala indefinitely?"

She giggled.

"Yes, I'm a koala now."

"Oh, well, then thank you for simplifying me the choice. I was always divided between calling you a sloth or a koala, but koala is perfect. It wouldn't be too romantic of me calling you a sloth."

Both cackled.

"Only in the bed."

"Specify that? In bed like _sleeping_ or like…—He raised his brows suggestively.

"I'm multifaceted, I can be both."

Bryce chuckled.

"Of course you can, babe."

Eventually, Eleanor gave up her dream of remaining as a koala forever and returned to her feet.

Bryce took the shampoo and massaged her scalp softly and dedicatedly, relaxing her. His hands were magical in so many ways.

Then he helped her clean some parts of her body she couldn't reach, teasing her once in a while, until she was all cleaned. 

Once he dried himself up and put his clothes on, he helped Eleanor getting out of the shower and took her back to the room.

He dried her skin delicately. At first, she tried to dress up by herself, but the shower had relaxed her so much, that Eleanor finally gave up, letting Bryce taking care of her as he wanted.

Even if she was feeling a little sleepy, that didn't stop her from feeling amazed with his dedication and the tenderness with whom he was pampering her.

His soft hands spread ever so softly the cream over her arms and legs, and the massaged her so exquisite on her back, that after a while she wondered if she was actually dead and that was heaven. 

Once she was all moisturized and dressed in a mint green pajama, he took the towel wrapped around her head and began combing her hair softly and delicately. At some point, she felt like she was six again, when her mum would bathe her and then comb her long wavy hair patiently until she was free of knots.

"Gosh, you could be a stylist or a massagist, and you'd do it wonderfully."—Eleanor moaned, feeling his fingers combing her hair as Bryce was directing the hairdryer to the nape of her head.

"Of course, I'd be wonderful in anything I pursue, especially with these magic hands."

After five minutes, her hair was completely dry.

"Ponytail or braid?"

"Braid."

She was about to lift her hands to make herself a braid when Bryce asked.

"French or normal?"

She turned around with her mouth agape.

"Wait, besides all your many talents, you also know how to braid?"

"Yeah, you didn't know?"—He chuckled

"No! When did you learn?"

"When Keiki was like… four?—Bryce replied as he was dividing her hair into three sections.—"She's always been bossy, you know? And one day after a day at the beach her braid was a mess, so she said: _Bryze, fixit! You're a grown-up, you shud know how to braid hair.._. And of course, she was right! How incompetent of me not knowing how to braid hair, right? Especially since I had a little sister with very long hair."

"Awww, love, this is so cute! Little Keiki asking for a braid. I'm melting."

A couple of minutes later, Bryce took the hair bun from his wrist and use it to secure the end of the braid.

"There, my princess. All done."—He announced, kissing her crown.

Eleanor brought a hand to her hair and felt the patterns with her fingers. It was a perfect and firm french braid.

"This is perfect."

"Why the tone of surprise? Of course it's perfect! I don't do anything that's below perfection."

"I know, I'm just admiring your beautiful work, love."

Bryce gathered all her things and placed them in the closet.

"Ready to see our friends?"

"Honestly? Not yet."

"Hey, you don't have to go if you don't want to. Do you want me to call the guys?"

"No, no… besides I have to go to see Kyra."

"But you don't have to if you don't feel in the mood for that."

"I know, I just want to lay down a bit with you."—She took his hand, inviting him to the bed.

"Of course, babe"—He replied, crawling in the bed until he laid by her side.

Eleanor turned to look at him and caressed his cheek.

"I'm completely melted inside, you know?"

"Why?"

"For the way you've taken care of me, how you pampered me… you even braided my hair…"

"It's the less I can do for you, babe. This is nothing, actually."

She kissed him on the lips and then rubbed the tip of her nose on his. Both smiled sweetly. Their hearts were swelling with so much love in that moment. He was melting inside too. 

"You know, if boyfriend lottery exists, I'm sure you're the biggest prize in history, and I'm the lucky winner."

Because she could win the biggest money prize in history, but not even that could compare to the feeling of having Bryce loving her.

Nothing compares to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N2: Make Bryce even more perfect than he already is? Achievement unlocked. Like I love to hurt him (I love angst, actually) but I also love to make him more perfect and more god-tier than he already is. Pure self-indulgence here.
> 
> A/N3: As you can see, I'm cheesy/corny not only in romantic relationships but in fraternal relationships too. I have a good relationship with my brother, in fact, we have the same age difference Keiki and Bryce have, so I know firsthand the kind of relationship they could have. And I want to give them that, despite their personalities and the fact that maybe Americans, in general, are not as caring as we the Latinos but… being this caring is something you can learn, you know? So Bryce is learning that from Eleanor. Anyway, it won't be easy, Keiki and Bryce have a lot of issues to explore yet, but Bryce had to take the first step.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. I appreciate each and every one of you for supporting my story ❤❤❤


	19. Can't Imagine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ethan's still dealing with the ten horrible seconds in which he thought Eleanor had died.  
> Bryce and Ethan make amends.  
> Bryce is nervous about meeting Eleanor's parents, but evertyhing goes better than he expected.

**Chapter 19: Can’t Imagine.**

_Without you, all the birds would stop their songs_

_Without you, all things right would feel so wrong_

There was no amount of water or any beverage, not even the sweetest, that could take the nauseous bitter taste off his mouth. The bitter taste of fear. Because even the blackest coffee would feel like saccharine compared to this.

Maybe a glass of scotch could do the labor, but not for the taste but because it could numb his mind for a moment. A mind that hadn’t shut down for forty hours, and even exhaustion seemed weak compared to this dread.

It already had happened more than twelve hours, fifteen hours to be exact, but still was there. More repugnant than bile and more exasperating than the worst headache.

She thought she was dead.

He couldn’t shake the feeling off his guts even if he had tried to load his mind with work and paperwork, and meetings, and consultations, and countless times of overanalyzing her chart.

But it wasn’t enough.

When he saw Eleanor’s motionless body over Bryce, the shock deafened him. He couldn’t hear Baz or June’s voice, the beep on the monitor, not even his own breath. He only heard blurred voices apparently exchanging information, Bryce talking to June, to Baz, and some constant but slow beep in the monitor, but he wasn’t entirely conscious.

Only when he saw her shifting, almost imperceptibly, over Bryce’s body, he reacted, he understood it wasn’t what he thought.

Nothing had paralyzed him like those ten seconds. Nothing had made him feel that dreaded. He thought the day before would coronate top spot, when he saw her at the other side of the door, looking at him with panicked eyes as Bobby Gunderson was vanishing in front of her while Rafael and Danny were fighting for their lives, so as she.

But no. This was. Those ten seconds destroyed him forever even if he realized afterward that it wasn’t real.

He wouldn’t be the same after that.

It shattered him inside and he knew nothing, and no one, could heal him from that.

He thought he had lost her, that he had failed and had been late. As if he hadn’t failed her enough the past months, as if he hadn’t been late three days ago. 

He had lost her in a way already. He wasn’t ready to lose her completely. He would never be.

“Ethan?”

Ethan turned his head to the source of the noise and found Bryce staring at him with a worried expression, “Bryce. Something happened?”

“No, Eleanor is alright. Are you okay?”

The question took him aback. After the hostility he had used towards Bryce in the past months, and maybe the things he knew about his relationship with Eleanor, he didn’t expect this level of worry and kindness, not now that there was no need to act on civil terms. Yesterday, the woman they both loved was dying, and both had to work together to support her. Now she was fine, so there was no need to keep pretending.

But maybe he had misjudged him. Again.

“I’m just tired, nothing to worry about.” He replied shaking his head with a nonchalant expression. “What brings you here?”

Bryce didn’t look too convinced but preferred not to push, “I’m coming to pick up Eleanor’s parents from the airport.” 

“Good, I’ll be here waiting for them.”

“I know that. I… I want to ask you something, actually,” Ethan nodded, encouraging him to continue, “Could you stay with Eleanor while I’m away?”

The attending couldn’t help but frown at the request.

“She… She’ll never admit it, but I think the idea of being alone terrifies her. I’ve sensed she gets anxious if there’s a chance she’ll have to be alone in a room.” 

“And where is she now?”

“She’s with Jackie, but she’s on duty and sooner or later she’ll have to come back to work, so I need to be sure she’ll be accompanied while I’m out.”

How he could be so wrong about him? So blind? Or it was just that he didn't want to see it. He was wallowing in pride and envy the entire time he tried to diminish Bryce to nothing more than a talented but flirty scalpel jockey. He was a good doctor, but that didn't mean he deserved Eleanor.

But he was more than that. So much more. Much more than he will ever be.

She did deserve Bryce.

“Do you think she’ll be comfortable with me?”

“Yes, otherwise I wouldn’t be here asking you this.”

Ethan nodded, “I just thought she wouldn’t like to see me after… I don’t know if you know, I think you do.”

“I do. She told me what happened after the softball game."

“Bryce, I…”

Ethan didn't owe him anything. They weren’t friends. If all, he owed everything to Eleanor, but after what had happened, after everything he had learned about Bryce in the last few days and for all the things Eleanor had told him, respect started to grow on him. He was nothing of what he thought Bryce was. But now Ethan considered that Bryce deserved his respect, his apologies, even if the sole thought seemed as bitter as the fucking dread that had been haunting him. It was beyond his pride now.

Bryce shook his head, giving him a sad smile, “You don’t have to say anything. I honestly respect it,”

He didn’t expect that reaction, “You _respect_ it?”

“I mean, you wouldn’t have valued Eleanor as she deserved if you wouldn’t have tried. If I tried even knowing that she was crazy for you was precisely because I knew what she deserved. I always knew you would do it at some point.”

“And you’re okay with this?”

“What do you mean?”

“Of me being near her?”

“Why wouldn’t I? Ethan, she’s an adult. She made her choice and I trust her, and I know you enough to tell you’re not the kind of person who will pursue her after what happened, that you’ll respect her decision. Besides…” Bryce sighed and then looked at him earnestly “because I know what she means to you is that I can go in peace to the airport. If there is one person that will look after her as I would, it’s you.”

His eyes widened.

No resentment. Ethan deserved resentment for all the hell he made her live, for all the crap he talked about him. For all the hell he gave him too. But no, there was no resentment, at the contrary. Bryce was being considerate with him and with his _feelings._

He knew he didn’t deserve this kind of consideration from Bryce, but the surgeon was selfless, he wasn’t prideful as he was. That was the difference between him and Bryce. That’s why Eleanor deserved Bryce.

“You’re something else, Lahela.” The words simply came out of his mouth, he didn’t even consider it for a second. And he felt embarrassed the moment he heard his own words. But hell, of all people, he deserved his honesty as mortifying as it was.

“ _She_ made me something else, Ethan.”

“I think I know what you mean.”

Because Eleanor made him something else too. No matter the choice in the end; he would never be the same Ethan he was before knowing her. The whole reason he was saying the things he was saying, was because of her.

“I can tell.”

“Thank you, Bryce.”

_Thank you for giving her everything she deserves. For lulling her and watching over her all night. For saving her and giving her the paradise she deserves. Thank you for giving her everything I couldn’t._

Bryce nodded.

They shared an understanding look charged with mutual respect and trust. Whatever had happened in the past, whatever they had said about the other it would remain there, in the past. Both wanted the best for Eleanor and they would respect her decision. Ethan respected that she had chosen Bryce over him, and Bryce would respect her decision if she wanted to have Ethan in her life as a friend.

“So, I can count on you?”

“Yes, I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Thank you, Ethan.”

Two minutes later, after regaining some stoicism and ignore the lump that had been aching all day in his throat, he exited toward her room, where Eleanor and Jackie were in deep conversation about the antidote creation process. He checked on her vitals and made a follow up of her soreness. After a few minutes, Jackie was paged and as she realized Ethan had no intention of leaving, she simply left.

“Have you slept?” Ethan asked, sitting in the chair Jackie had used a few seconds ago.

“Since I moved to this room, no. I’m holding on just because of my parents.”

“Don’t push yourself too hard, Eleanor.”

“I know… It’s just… I really want to see them. I’ve expected this moment since midday.”

He nodded.

“How are you?”

The question caught him off guard. Just as Bryce’s. Maybe more because she, of all people, shouldn’t be worrying about him.

“I’m alright.”

“The question is not courtesy Ethan, I’m expecting some truth. I know Bryce is holding on for my sake, so are you, but please… I need some sincerity for once in this day.”

Not for nothing she was the youngest fellow member of the team. Not for nothing he had fallen hard for her. She was clever, observant… and she had a way to read him that no other had.

“I’m tired.” He sighed.

“And?”

“And what?”

“Just tired? That look on your face doesn’t look exactly like tiredness. Or only tiredness.”

He stared at her thoughtfully. He would never tell her the truth, but he didn’t want to lie to her either. “I’m worried about you, Eleanor. I’m worried about you and your health. Even if you’re free of the toxin it doesn’t mean this couldn’t bring you further side effects or consequences later in your life.”

Eleanor nodded, apparently convinced of his half-truth, “Yeah, I’m worried about that too.”

“But don’t exert yourself with that for, you just need to focus on your recovering.”

“How do you can ask me not to worry about it? I’m a freaking doctor, Ethan.”

"I know, but as a doctor, you also know that good mental health better up the chances of recovery."

She took a deep breath, almost chewing the words she wanted to say, and then nodded, “How’s Raf and Danny, anyway?”

“Rafael's numbers have gotten better in the last few hours, so we are expecting that he’ll wake up during the night, maybe tomorrow morning. Danny’s numbers still are low, but the antidote is working.”

Suddenly a knock on the door startled them, a nurse was standing at the entry.

“Excuse me, Eleanor. Dr. Ramsey? Dr. O’Connell has been looking for you.”

From the corner of his eye, Ethan noticed how Eleanor’s jaw clenched tightly and her hands clutched the sheets at either side of her body.

“Is it urgent?”

“He needs to do a consultation with you.”

And now the monitor was showing an alteration in her heartbeat.

“I can’t right now, Susan. Please tell him I’ll look for him once I’m free.”

“Ethan, don’t worry about me, go ahead,” She said, her voice was slightly trembling.

“Thank you Susan” He added, ignoring Eleanor.

The nurse looked at Eleanor and then at him in understanding, “Of course Dr. Ramsey.” And then she closed the door behind her.

“Why didn’t you go?”

“My shift is done.”

“That has never stopped you before.”

“You're right. But at this precise moment, I'm with a patient and I'm supposed to talk with my patient's parents any minute now.”

“But your shift it’s done.” She retorted, an amused smirk on her face.

Ethan chuckled. Teasing and stubborn as always. “Bryce asked me to stay with you.”

She gasped, completely shocked with his admission, “He what?” Why?”

“He told me you’re not dealing well with being alone in the room.”

“That’s not true.”

“And that you’d never admit it. But he’s right. You got anxious when the nurse came, your heart rate raised.”

Her eyes glimmered with tears but soon she blinked rapidly to keep them at bay, “It’s true. But I don’t wanna talk about it now.”

“Of course, let’s change the topic then.”

“Thank you, Ethan.”

“No thanks necessary.”

*

It was dark and chill when Bryce got out of the hospital towards his car. Just as he reached his destination, his phone started vibrating in his pocket, “Keiks?”

“Hey Bryce, how everything’s going?”

“Elle’s doing well, tired but getting stronger. How are you?”

“Good, I’m about to sleep, so I wanted to know if you’re coming home tonight.”

“I don’t know for sure yet, if Eleanor’s mom stays with her, then yes.”

“Have they arrived?”

"Soon, in fact, I’m almost on my way to the airport, Benjamin’s waiting for me at the entry.”

Keiki chuckled, “Are you still nervous, or are you a nervous wreck by now?”

“Keiki…”

He was a nervous wreck, but he didn’t want to admit it.

“Bryce, it's going to be okay. What can possibly go wrong? This is not the time for being modest and insecure."

“I know… it’s just… I told you, I haven’t been in the ‘meet the parents’ situation since I was seventeen. Eleven years, Keiki. And this is serious.”

“So? You’re all grown-up by now, successful surgical resident, annoyingly charming, and just as handsome as your little sister. The whole damn lottery.”

Bryce laughed, remembering what Eleanor had said to him a few hours before: he was ‘ _the biggest boyfriend lottery prize in history’_ , and he couldn’t help but blush just as the moment he heard the words from her. “Well, when you put it that way…”

“And oh, how to forget the fact that you’ve been an angel to their daughter in the last two days, witnessed by their younger son? What else can you ask?”

“Okay, okay, you’re being incredibly nice to prove your point, but I won’t complain.”

“You better not. This is a one-time exception, so yeah, better take the compliment silently.” Then, Bryce heard her snort. “Besides, no one can resist a Goldie”

“Oh, no, not you too!”

Keiki giggled.

“Just be a good boy and they will love you.”

Bryce shook his head, “Thank you Keiks. This really means a lot.”

“You’re welcome. I’m going to bed now. Good luck,”

“Okay. Sweet dreams, bye.”

But even if his sister’s words had given him some reassurance, he was still nervous. He knew her parents were nice, just like her, but they were her _parents._ They were the ones who knew what was best for her, who adored her, and would protect her at all costs. What if he was not good enough for them?

Well, at least he had Benjamin’s support, he reassured himself. Maybe the fact that Benjamin had liked him was a good sign.

Forty minutes later, Benjamin and Bryce were in the airport terminal waiting for The Blooms. The flight from Santiago de Chile had landed ten minutes ago and the couple would show up any minute now.

The nervousness was horribly worst than before. He didn’t know why that much. Maybe because he had never liked anyone like he liked Eleanor. He never had _loved_ anyone the way he loved her, so he just wanted to impress her parents. Maybe they wouldn’t see what Eleanor sees in him. Maybe…

“There they are! Mom, dad!”

_Shit. Holy shit. This is it. Do not say anything stupid, Bryce._

Benjamin sprinted towards a smiley couple in their fifties, carrying big suitcases and walking towards them.

The woman, dressed in blue jeans and a salmon blouse, was a little shorter than Eleanor, slim body, wavy dark brown hair styled in a medium bob, olive skin, and bright brown eyes. Her glance was witty and almost intimidating if it weren't for the smile adorning her face, which managed to soften her features. 

The man by her side, wearing black pants and a grey zipped hoodie, was as tall as Benjamin and had short black hair and sand-tone skin. His smile was smile and energetic, even if the bags under his eyes were telling out loud how exhausted he actually was. 

“Hey mom, how are you doing?” Benjamin asked, embracing her.

“Fine, fine, darling. How are you? God, I missed you!”

“Me too, mom. It’s all good”

Then he moved to his dad and the woman looked directly at Bryce.

“You must be Bryce?”

“The very same, ma’am”

The woman inspected him for a few moments, trying to connect the dots of the information her daughter had given her, as well as the picture she probably had seen in Eleanor’s social media, and it seemed that it was more than she expected.

“I’m so pleased to meet you at last, Bryce,” she said. Her voice was lively and accompanied by her kind smile, she managed to convey the sincerity of her words.

Eleanor hadn’t her eyes, but he recognized that subtle inquisitiveness he used on him when she knew something was happening with him but didn’t want to push. That intuitive look came definitely from her mother. 

“Likewise, Mrs. Bloom”

Verónica enveloped him in her arms tightly, and for a moment it caught him off guard. He didn’t expect such emotiveness coming from her, looking so clever and strong, but after a while it made sense. When people see Eleanor, all kind and warm, they could never imagine how strong she is, what a fighter she is. But she is. She’s extremely strong. And in this case, her mother looked strong, maybe even fierce, but no one could imagine how kind and soft she could be, and Bryce had learned it just now. “Please, call me Verónica. And, oh, Bryce, I can't thank you enough for all you've done for my daughter.”

“There’s no need, it was the least I could do to help her. I care about her.”

“Knowing she had you by her side was such a relief despite the terrible circumstances. It gave us some sense of peace that she wouldn't feel alone there. Thank you for taking care of her so well when we couldn’t be there for her”

Bryce coughed, suppressing the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm him. He was feeling emotional for such a warm welcome. Even if Eleanor was the warmest person he had known and that he knew she got it from her parents, he wasn’t prepared for that level of… sincerity and affection. For that kind and warm welcome, for such acknowledgment. Even less when all the nervousness he had been feeling before that moment.

Verónica chuckled, “Ellie is lucky to have you.”

“Thank you, ma’am”

Then, the man approached to greet him. “Hello, I’m Robert, nice to meet you, Bryce.”

“Nice to meet you, sir.” He replied offering his hand.

Robert responded to the handshake but pulling Bryce into a quick, grateful hug, which overwhelmed him even more. But in no case he disliked it.

 _Well, no wonder why Eleanor is so affectionate,_ he thought, amused.

“How is she?”

“She’s… okay. Very fragile, physically and emotionally, but overall, she’s getting stronger. Dr. Ramsey says she'll have to stay a few days at the hospital to monitor her vitals and any unpredictable consequences or unknown damages that could show up. He’ll inform you better once we are at the hospital.”

“Let’s go then.”

After a fifteen minutes’ drive, Bryce parked outside Edenbook and led the family to Eleanor’s room, where she was happily chatting with Ethan, who looked a lot more composed than the last time Bryce saw him. The time alone had done them both well.

“Mom! Dad!” She exclaimed, her eyes brightening up at the sight of them at the entry of the room.

“Oh, sweetie, my god, how are you, precious?” Said Verónica, sprinting towards her.

“I’m fine mom,” She replied hugging her “God, I missed you so much. How are you?”

“I’m okay, so much better now that I get to see you.” She replied, patting her sweetly on the head.

After a well-deserved tight hug, she took a step back so Robert could greet his daughter, and Verónica could say hi to Ethan, who was standing at the other side of the bed contemplating the whole scene.

"Hey, dad."

“How’s my precious sunflower?” He said softly, taking a sit in front of her.

“Dad! Is that really necessary?” She said kind of ashamed but pleased at the same time.

"I'm so happy you're okay, sweetheart. We were so scared with your mom.”

“I know…” She gave him an earnest look and then smiled. “I was scared too but Bryce didn’t let me be scared for too long.” And she turned to where Bryce was standing and smiled tenderly at him.

“That’s what we heard.”

“I’ve kept them well informed of your status, sis, as well as all your impressive behavior, praises included, Bryce. You’re welcome.” Teased Benjamin, leaning in the corner of the room.

A combination of five laughs filled the air while Ethan was still observing silently. Eleanor caught it instantly, so she tried to change the focus of the conversation. "Mom, Dad, this is Dr. Ethan Ramsey, my boss in the Diagnostics Team, and he was the one who led the team to discover the antidote.”

“The infamous Dr. Ramsey!” Robert’s eyes widened.

“Dad! Please!”

“But maybe now he deserves to be promoted to the famous category! You were an important part of our family chatting, Dr. Ramsey. When Sunny would visit us for the holidays while she was in Med School, all he could talk about was Dr. Ramsey and his book.”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry Ethan.…”

“Oh, I figure” Ethan smiled. “I am the one who should be sorry for ruining the holidays with your family with my boring medical books.”

“Oh no, Dr. Ramsey, it was rather marvelous, and probably my dad’s favorite topic now that he could talk about medicine with someone that it wasn’t my mom,” Verónica added.

"Oh, your grandfather is a doctor, Eleanor? I didn't know that."

"Yes, he was a doctor in Chile before exiling to the USA with my grandmother. He did a pediatrics fellowship here and kept practicing until a few years ago when he retired. And my grandma is a midwife so both love kids.”

Ethan nodded, “Now I understand the easy bond with... Newborns. Apparently is genetics.”

"Yeah. For a moment I really considered following pediatrics, but your work enchanted me too much, Dr. Ramsey" She replied, blushed, and she couldn't help but look at Bryce, who was smirking knowingly at her. He knew by heart how crazy she was about Dr. Ramsey in the intellectual aspect, how she admired him. He knew it as well as all that he meant to her in a deeper sense, and he couldn't do anything but respect it.

“And that enchanting is what lead you to be the younger junior fellow member of the diagnostics team, right? So you definitely made the right choice” Bryce reassured, winking at her.

“That’s very true, Bryce.” Robert coincided. “How has been the new addition, Dr. Ramsey?”

“She’s been stellar, Mr. Bloom. There’s no doubt Chief Banerji did the right choice at choosing her.”

Eleanor chuckled. “Wow, I had to almost die to hear such a compliment from you, Dr. Ramsey?”

Her mother laughed, while Robert looked awkwardly at Benjamin and Bryce, who had their eyes widened in discomfort.

Ethan forced a nonchalant smile to not put in evidence the internal conflict he was having with such affirmation—the deep damage that those words were making on him.

“Oh, dear, for being so sunny, you have such dark humor sometimes." Reprimanded his father. “Clearly your mother’s sense of humor”

"That is probably remnants of morphine, Mr. Bloom." Informed Ethan, once he suppressed the guilt the words had produced on him. "Lightness and unusual sincerity are nothing more than euphoria caused by painkillers."

“Yeah, that’s true.” Benjamin agreed. “She was talking a lot of nonsense this morning, and was very giggly too.”

Eleanor scowled at him. “Benjamin, shut up!”

Ethan nodded imperceptibly, suppressing the smirk on his face. “Can’t argue with the giggles, but the nonsense? That sounds pretty normal.”

Eleanor looked at Ethan in disbelief, “Ethan, seriously? Where is your professionalism?”

“Telling the truth is being unprofessional now?”

After a few more minutes of funny exchanges, Ethan finally could explain to the family Eleanor’s state, how the antidote had worked, and the steps the team would be following in the next days. She’d be evaluated in her vitals constantly in case some side effects might appear unexpectedly. Once all the questions were answered, he left the room.

“I pictured him grumpier” Verónica confessed.

Eleanor giggled, “He is grumpier, he just behaved because of you, guys, and I bet it was just his survival instinct.”

“I agree” Conceded Bryce. “I figured you were funny, but damn, you’re hilarious.”

Everyone laughed.

“Sorry sister, if that surprises Bryce, that can only mean you’re the less funny of us all.”

“Well, maybe I am. Someone has to add the quote of seriousness in the family.”

“Seriousness my butt, maybe you’re less funny but a lot more ridiculous.”

More laughs. Then, Eleanor yawned.

“Well, as much as I’d like to keep talking to you all, I’m gonna invite you to leave. I’m about to faint of exhaustion.”

“Of course, honey. Are you gonna stay, Bryce? Or can I borrow her for the night?”

“Please, Verónica, stay. I’m sure Eleanor is needing a bit of maternal love right now.”

“Indeed. But that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna miss you,” she confessed, smiling at him.

Bryce sauntered toward her bed and leaned to kiss her, “Me too, babe.”

Then, unexpectedly, she took his hand and invited him to sit beside her, “Before you leave, I’m gonna ask… What do you think, guys? Aren’t we adorable?”

Eleanor smiled broadly and tenderly as she wrapped Bryce in her arms.

Bryce looked down as he embraced her, and he couldn’t help but feel like he was melting inside. The tender smile, the affection, the pride she seemed to feel for having him. 

Despite the rushed circumstances in which he met her parents, he had to thank it was after a happy ending and not in a situation where… Where they only meet to say goodbye. He couldn’t even imagine it. He didn’t want to. Every time his mind wandered near that scenario, he forced himself to leave. But the feeling would be haunting him for a long time. He was sure.

So he just tries to focus on the reality, in the good things. She was safe, her parents were safe. She was with her family, and she was happy. He couldn’t ask for more.

Robert and Verónica took in the lovely view of the couple before responding, “Yes, you definitely are.”

“Can I say something?”

“If you’re gonna keep praising me, then yes, Benji, you can,” Bryce teased.

“Since I met you I haven’t stopped thinking about that Inside Out scene when they make copies of the imaginary boyfriend.”

Eleanor burst out laughing, "The 'I would die for Riley” guy?"

“Yeah, the same.”

“Why? You thought I was lying when I said I was dating someone?”

“He kinda sounded too good to be true. Too perfect. So for a moment, I thought you were just talking about your imaginary boyfriend like when you were fifteen."

“Benjamin, I’ve posted like a dozen of photos with him on Pictagram.” She replied with a serious glare.

Benjamin giggled, “I’m teasing you, Andrew. Chill out.”

Bryce laughed, “Well, but for the record, I’m way more handsome, right? That dude was a bit scrawny if I remember well.”

“Yeah, and you’re much more competent that only provide a human bridge and say you would die for Eleanor a thousand times a day. You cut people, you can drive…”

“And you know how to make braids." Eleanor added, winking, "More than competent I would say.”

Bryce smiled, “Heh, I accept it.”

“Oh, of course you accept it, Goldie.” Eleanor parted from him, and with a softer voice, she added: “You love when people call you a good boy, don’t you?” Bryce smiled sheepishly at her and then shrugged. "But that's okay because you're are a good boy, the best good boy, in fact."

Verónica laughed, completely intrigued by the exchange, “Ellie, darling, why you’re speaking to Bryce like that?”

Bryce's head slumped in embarrassment, but Eleanor soon took his face in her hands and directed it to her mother. “Mom, just look at this face… Look at this precious face and tell me he doesn’t remind you of a Golden Retriever.”

“Well…”

Bryce smiled at her, even if his cheeks were blushed.

“Look how cute he is, and how protective he is. He’s definitely like a golden, so I call him Goldie when he’s acting like one.”

“You mean he’s like Dug from Up?” Benjamin questioned.

Bryce freed himself from Eleanor’s hands and scowled at Benjamin, feigning exasperation, “What, are you some kind of Disney Pixar’s best moments machine, or what?”

“Am I wrong?” Benjamin turned his phone to show a picture of Dug, the animated golden retriever with a broad smile, and a long tongue hanging from its mouth. Its face was a bit too dummy, but its cuteness was almost as irresistible as Bryce’s.

Eleanor snorted and then looked apologetically at Bryce. Yes, that was their joke, and he didn’t bother that other people knew about it, but that didn’t mean he would feel comfortable with being teased in that way, especially in front of her parents. “Love, I’m sorry, if it’s too much…”

Bryce shook his head, delighted, and gave a quick glance to her parents to check if they were having fun with the situation, before adding “Nah, if I’m honest, the first time I met you I would’ve definitely said something like “Hey, I’m Bryce, I have just met you and I love you” but I had to play it cool, I normally reveal my golden side after a few weeks.”

Eleanor squealed and then wrapped her arms around his neck, “Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re so cute that you’re playing along even if I’m embarrassing you with my parents.” She kissed his forehead and then cupped her hands on his cheeks, “You’re the bestest boy, my love”

“Not that you mention it, I should be the one embarrassing _you_ , Sunny” Teased Robert. “But I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time in the future to do that, so don’t worry Bryce, we’ll equilibrate the balance soon.”

“Thank you, Robert. One of these days I’ll show you the tricks I have up my sleeve as well.”

“Oh yeah? What kind of tricks?” Eleanor asked, skeptically. 

“Ah, that’s secret.”

“I bet is total B.S. to scare me off.”

“Just wait and see, babe” and he kissed her cheek tenderly.

He couldn’t care less about feeling embarrassed. She was safe. She was happy.

That’s what only mattered to him. 

_____

Here's the [link](https://eleanorbloom.tumblr.com/post/639604766025121792/hello-so-ive-been-wanting-to-do-this-for) to my Tumblr post about Eleanor's background (along with her face claim) in case someone is interested.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you so much for reading and sticking with me despite my absence and that I have taken more time than normal to update ❤
> 
> My inspiration and motivation had dropped in the last few weeks, but I always find it back at some point to write all the things I had been planning for months. Next chapter we’ll be back to our regular angsty story. I hadn’t planned to make it this funny, but I just couldn’t help but tease Bryce with the goldie thing in front of Eleanor’s parents. It’s kind of a ritual to enter in the family hahahah And well, Bryce will have his revenge soon, and if it’s not soon, the embarrassment he made her feel with the cue cards in the Christmas fic can count as delayed payment. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!! I adore you all for your support! 😘😘😘


	20. I'll Stand By You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor deals with the aftermaths of the attack, so is Bryce.

**Chapter 20. I’ll Stand By You**

_I'll stand by you_

_Take me in, into your darkest hour_

_And I'll never desert you_

Whatever cloud of anxiety and fear had been following her since she got out of the quarantine room, now it seemed in suspension. Right above her head, waiting for the proper moment to come back and shower her with the consequences, with the realizations that inevitably death brings in.

Her family was being like a dome, a bubble protecting her from hurt and pain, and from any damage she could do to herself with her mind. With her thoughts. With the memories, the guilt, the I-should-haves. She could see everything outside, wandering, waiting for any nook to sneak into, but somehow her family managed to catch them before they could reach her.

No one had doubts that there would be aftermaths, that at some point she’d have to face them, but they wanted to delay it as much as they could.

Bryce had identified the anxiety she felt at the thought of being alone, so now everyone was attentive to not leaving her alone.

Her mother had identified the guilt was slowly consuming her. It was the sadness in her eyes, her fingers fidgeting distractingly. It was sometimes just a mother's instinct.

But despite all the effort everyone was making, no one could stop what happened inside her head at night. Somehow, she felt like she was in that quarantine room over and over again. The same heavier sensation on her chest. The feeling of being scared and tired. Of wanting to leave. But someone was pleading her to not go, something was pulling her back to the ground.

When Eleanor went to see Rafael the next morning, it made everything worse, even if she was happy that he had survived.

He was fragile, it would take him a long road to recover, and it was all her fault. Why she had to let him accompany her? Why she had to put him in such danger? Why she ruined his life like that when he had plans? When he wanted to start over?

The only thing she had managed to do was screw his future up. His life.

Verónica knew what was happening. She saw the pain in her eyes, the rage brewing inside her, she saw her knuckles turning white over her knees, her hands grasping the blanket over her tights, the imploring look she gave Rafael while he was speaking. She had seen it so many times. The guilty look. It wasn’t the first time that she was taking responsibility for something that was completely out of her hands. And it wouldn’t be the last time either. But she knew how to handle it. Mothers always know.

As Verónica knew when she was feeling bad, she also knew the best ways to put her out of her misery, to distract her, to not let her mind sunk in guilty and self-deprecation. “Honey, is that true that Bryce braided your hair?” she asked, while she was combing her hair after returning from Rafael’s room.

She felt the exact moment her body relaxed at the mention of Bryce. Then, she chuckled, and a bright smile rested on her face. “Yes, he did. And I still can’t believe it.”

“I have to say he’s pretty good at it. It barely loosened overnight, and you have amazing waves in your hair now.”

“Heh. Please repeat this in his presence. Or not. He won’t shut up about it for a week.”

“He deserves to be proud of that talent. Well, more than a talent, this is a skill. A very useful skill. Now you don’t have to worry about doing your daughter’s hair all by yourself because he’ll deal with it pretty well. Maybe even better than you.”

Eleanor glanced back at her, flushed, “Mom!”

“Oh, sorry, darling, could be a son too, there’s nothing wrong with boys having long hair.”

“Mamá…”

“Well, maybe you don’t want to have kids, and that’s respectable, sorry for being too intrusive.”

Eleanor giggled, amused, “You really liked him, uh?”

“Is there any other alternative, Ellie? He’s too likable. Too charming. And he’s been an angel with you. I don’t feel nothing but gratitude towards him.”

“He’s been amazing. Not just now. He has always been this way…”

Suddenly a knock on the door interrupted her, “Can I come in?”

Eleanor looked at the door where Keiki was standing with a mix of shyness and surprise, and for a brief moment, she thought she saw pain flashing her eyes, “Keiki! Yes, come in!”

The girl walked towards her and, in a surprising act, hugged her, “Ella! I’m so happy you’re okay!”

She had never done that before. Hug her and speak to her with such sincerity. The had become close by the weeks, but she never had shown any spontaneous affection towards her, not even to Bryce. “Keiki! Oh! Thank you. And I’m so happy to see you again! I missed you.” She said, her eyes glimmering with emotion at the gesture,

“Me too.”

Eleanor smiled at her and then Keiki looked at Verónica, standing at the other side of the bed. “Oh, let me introduce you to my mom, Verónica. Mom, she’s Bryce’s sister, Keiki.”

“Hi, Mrs. Bloom, nice to meet you.” She said, giving her a brief nod.

"Hello, Keiki, nice to meet you too. I’ve heard so much about you!”

“You have?”

“Oh, yes, Ellie has mentioned you lots of times! She says you're incredibly smart and sass and she loves spending time with you. Must be she misses the role of elder sister.”

Both girls laughed in agreement. Then, Verónica got up from the bed and walked towards the door, “I’ll leave you to it, girls, I’ll call mom.”

“Okay send her and Tata a kiss, please.”

“Sure, honey,”

“How are you feeling?” Keiki asked once Verónica closed the door behind her.

“Still a bit tired, but I can’t complain.”

“Bryce told me Rafael woke up this morning.”

“Yes! And he’s doing fine. Now we are waiting for Danny to wake up. You can go to see him too, I’m sure he will be happy to see you.”

“My volleyball buddy.”

“The biggest treason you could’ve done to you brother.”

“Oh, please. We both know how much he loved kicking my ass that day.”

“Well, yeah.”

Suddenly, Keiki chuckled, “You should’ve seen him yesterday at lunch. Freaking out.”

“Freaking out?”

“Yes, he told me he would meet your parents at night, and he didn’t know what to do, what to say… It was hilarious seeing him freaking out when… he usually doesn’t freak out with anything… Well, if not involves cooking, of course”

“Why didn’t I notice? To me he looked pretty composed when he came back.”

“Well, at home he was rambling, saying he would screw it up, wondering what he would do if they didn’t like him.”

“No way! He was really freaking out! I would’ve never imagined he would be nervous about that, I mean, he’s the King of Smooths.”

They both laughed, “He told me he wasn’t in that situation since he was seventeen, and… well at that moment the situation was very different because our dad was already in jail, so it’s understandable the bad experience.”

“But now nothing of that matters, he’s a very accomplished young man.”

“Now he’s Mister Imaginary Boyfriend.”

Eleanor snorted, “Oh god, he told you?”

“Yeah, he told me every second since he met your parents. He woke me up when he got home and had me until 3 am gushing about it.”

Eleanor and Keiki laughed and kept catching up and laughing for a few hours until the teen decided to visit Kyra and then Rafael, so Eleanor could have some rest.

The following days weren't very much different. Benjamin returned to Detroit, but her parents would stay in the city until she was discharged.

Danny woke up two days later. He’d have to remain in the ICU for a long time, but he’d be fine. Even if Eleanor had seen Sienna happy for Rafael’s and her recovery, just when Danny woke up she was the same Sienna again. With hope in her eyes, with the glimmer that characterized her kind and sweet smile. Her happiness was now complete.

The next day after Danny woke up, she was discharged, just in time to attend Bobby’s funeral.

The dome she’d been in the last three days couldn’t protect her from what was coming. Even if her parents and Bryce tried to convince her that she didn’t have to attend Bobby Gunderson’s memorial, she insisted that she had. That she was fine enough to attend.

Physically yes, she was. But the moment she set a foot in the memorial, Eleanor realized that emotionally, she wasn’t. She would never be.

It was so tangible how the dome started to vanish. How the pain, the guilt, the regrets, everything, was coming to get her.

And the guilt… the guilt soaked her to the bones.

Seeing the pain in the other person is painful. But seeing the mix of gratefulness and envy in the family is hard to manage. Because Eleanor can’t help but think that Bobby’s wife was glad that the rest survived but can’t help but wonder why her husband had to die, why he was the only one who’s gone, why he was the only unfortunate. Why just him and not Eleanor, or Rafael, or Danny. Why she wasn’t as lucky as Verónica and Robert, who had their family complete.

And Eleanor can’t blame her.

Why it had to be him when she was the responsible one? The Senator was her patient, she had discovered that Travis was poisoning him, she should’ve informed Ethan, and Banerji, and the police, and not deal with the situation by herself, let alone involve innocent people.

If someone deserved to die, was her. It was _her_ fault what had happened. Mrs. Gunderson didn’t deserve any of the pain and sorrow she was feeling, nor her family.

The rest of the afternoon went in a blur. She lost track of time and space for periods. Sometimes she focused on the conversation she had in front of her, sometimes her mind wandered. Sometimes the guilt was too big she couldn’t think about anything else. Sometimes she couldn’t think about anything.

She wasn’t alone any minute. Whether she was with Bryce, her parents, or her friends, she was wandering through the service and reception like a wave in the middle of the sea, moved by external impulse, and not by her own will.

A couple of hours later, while Bryce and Eleanor were talking to Jackie and Aurora, her parents approached to say goodbye. They gave a grateful hug to her friends and thanked them for the umpteenth time for all they did for their daughter. Then, Eleanor and Bryce led them outside, where the taxi was waiting for them. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay here, sweetheart?”

Robert and Verónica gave her a worried glance. She was paler than when she got out of the hospital, and Verónica could read the haunting in her eyes.

Even if Eleanor knew her mom probably read her, she gave both her parents a reassuring smile, “Yeah, mom, don’t worry, I’ll be staying with Bryce and Keiki so she’ll keep me company while Bryce is working.”

“Okay, but if you need anything, please call us, okay?”

“I promise,”

Robert pulled her into a hug while Verónica did the same with Bryce, “Visit us soon, Sunny. You could stay with us if you’re getting bored here, you know? We will always be happy to have you."

“I’ll keep it in mind, thanks dad,”

“And of course you too, Bryce, visit us soon with Keiki, I’m sure she’d be delighted with the lovely spots that we have in Cincinnati to take pictures of.”

"Thank you, Veronica, we'll plan a trip for sure. Hope you have a safe flight."

Then it was the time for Bryce to say goodbye to Robert, “I know there’s no need, but take care of my Sunny, alright?”

“Of course, Robert. With my life.”

“Please call us if you need anything, if you need help or if something is happening with Ellie. You have our numbers now.”

“I will.”

*

Hours later, when they arrived home, Eleanor went directly to bed. Her head was bumping and couldn’t handle another word with anyone. Bryce decided to join Keiki in the living room and watch something on the TV. She’d been alone most of the day.

Now that she was out of the hospital, the idea of being alone wasn’t as hard as it was at Edenbrook. She was alone in the room, but there were people near. And Bryce’s room didn’t remind her of the attack, and she didn’t feel like someone would appear from anywhere and would threaten her life again.

In fact, now she was relieved of being alone, _at last_. Now she could let all her feelings flow.

Her mom had been filling her with questions, comments, and ideas to not let her think about the attack, and even if Eleanor was grateful for the help she had given her, somehow that just had made her accumulate things. Accumulate thoughts, feelings, anger, guilt.

She buried her face in the pillow and cried, anger exploding in her core like a balloon that can’t hold any more air.

She was so mad. With the world. With herself. Above all, with herself.

She deserved misery, pain. A man had died because of her and her irresponsibility.

She didn’t deserve people worrying about her.

What was her purpose after this? Why had life decided that her life was more worthy than Bobby’s? How could she live with his death on her back? With the suffering Rafael and Danny will have to endure to recover?

It was all her fault.

She didn’t know how much time she cried, but after a while, she started seeing flashes of that horrid night. The night she should’ve died.

At first, it was calm. Bryce was lulling her to sleep. For a moment, everything felt fine. But then it was all darkness and pain, and a voice breaking the silence in the middle of the darkness, pleading. “Please protect her. Don’t take her away. Don’t take her away from me. Please. Please,” she could hear while a tight grip was pulling her by the hand.

She was floating in midair, tired, ready to go. Her whole body was aching. But the grip on her hand was like an anchor, it wasn’t letting her go very far. Something kept pulling her to the ground. She didn’t know what or who. It was dark.

But then she saw Bryce’s face over her, his arms around her, and he was sobbing incessantly. Tears spilling down his cheeks and to the window of the hazmat suit, “Please, stay with me, stay with me” he begged, pulling her life like a kite flying away in a storm.

“Bryce…” She tried to whisper, but she couldn’t. She couldn’t move or speak. She was exhausted. But she could see him, she could hear him.

She had never seen him like that. So broken. So… desperate.

It was in sorrow. Desolation. But it wasn’t real, isn’t it? It was just a dream.

“Stay with me, please. Babe, don’t leave me, please. I don’t know what I’d do without you, please.” She could feel the lump in his throat aching with every word. The desperation in his grip, the fear with every inch he pulled her against his chest. She knew it was a dream, but something about it felt so real. So familiar.

“Bryce…” She tried again.

“Please don’t leave me.”

She wanted to go. She was tired. She deserved to die. She was the one who should’ve died.

But Bryce didn’t let her.

_“Elle, babe.”_

Why didn't he just let her go? Couldn't he see the pain was too much? That she couldn't live with herself after what she did to Bobby?

_“Babe… Love, wake up. Wake up.”_

And then she opened her eyes and found Bryce, no hazmat suit, no tears, just a concerned look on his face in dim light, “Babe, what happened?”

She looked around, trying to distinguish where she was. It was his room. The lamp on his nightstand was turned on, there was absolute silence in the apartment. Bryce was sitting at the edge of the bed with boxers and a shirt on, his hair disheveled. They both had been sleeping.

“I was… dreaming…”

And as she remembered her dream, rage suddenly started to boil inside her. Unstoppable, unbearable. All the rage and guilt and anger that had been brewing inside her, was unleashed now that she knew it had been him, “Why didn’t you just let me go?”

“What do you mean?”

“Why you held me and begged, and prayed to keep me alive… When I was so tired and I…” Eleanor covered her face with both hands in exasperation, “I… I wanted to go but you didn’t let me, you pulled me to stay with you, but I shouldn’t be here, Bryce… I should be the one... I don’t deserve to be here”

Bryce’s face disfigured at her words and shook his head instantly, “Don’t say that,” his voice was indignant.

"But it's true. I'm responsible for this. Bobby shouldn’t have died. I should have. He didn’t deserve to die, I was the stupid one who thought I could deal with the situation…”

“Elle, you’re not responsible for this, the only one to blame here is Travis. He wanted to kill the Senator, he brought the canister. You just tried to save him.”

“But I… I did it all wrong. I should’ve called the cops, he was dangerous, I put everyone in danger… And an innocent person died.”

“And just for that you think you should’ve died?”

“I-, if there was someone that should’ve paid the price, that was me. Not Bobby, or Raf of Danny. I ruined their lives.”

“No, Eleanor. The only one who should’ve paid the price was Travis, and he paid it with his life. It should’ve been in jail, but he did pay.”

Silence.

Bryce’s words made sense. But that didn’t stop her from feeling all the rage she had inside.

But the rage wasn’t actually towards Bryce, she realized. It was towards herself, for wanting to live, for fighting for her life and succeed, when she didn’t deserve it. Bobby deserved to live. “I don’t know. It’s just that… I can’t stop feeling guilty, all the time, Bryce. When I see Raf, Danny, suffering, when I saw Mrs. Gunderson, her daughter, all his family suffering, I feel terrible. I am responsible for this, and I’m here, alive, safe. I’m the least affected of all. I don’t deserve to be here when I brought so much pain with my actions.”

Bryce gave her a sad look as his eyes started to glimmer, then he laid down beside her and pulled her towards his body, “Babe how could you say that? You deserve to live. What you did not deserve was to die, to die because of some stupid psycho who didn't give a damn about anyone else but his revenge. He's the only one who should've died, and he did. Unfortunately, Bobby died too, but that’s not on you.”

Eleanor shivered at the feeling of his touch, of his comforting and soothing touch. She looked deep into his amber eyes and for a moment, things weren’t as horrible as it seemed. “But how… How can I live after this? What can I do with all this anger I have inside? How I stop feeling anger towards you for… For not letting me go? Towards myself for surviving?”

“I think that’s something you have to figure out with time, babe. I know this is all dark and horrible right now, but with the proper help, it will get better. Soon you’ll understand that this is not your fault. Just don’t give up.”

Eleanor nodded, and then she nuzzled her face against his chest, his lips brushing her forehead as his arms enveloped her in a tight and warm embrace.

After a few seconds, she couldn't help but whisper, "Was it real?"

“What?”

Eleanor parted from him a few inches so she could see him in the eyes, “What I dreamed? You really said those things and… held my hand… like you were trying to hold me to life?”

Bryce couldn’t hide the conflict in his eyes, how reluctant he felt about responding to her, but after a few seconds, he nodded, “Yes. I didn’t leave your side, and I didn’t let go of your hand for a second. I was scared that you would go if you… If you felt alone.”

“Would have been that difficult if I had died?”

“How… How can you ask me that, Elle?” His voice broke all of a sudden, as if the last source of strength had crumbled inside him.

“It’s just… you were so desperate. I… I’d never seen you like that. I could have never imagined you could break like that.”

“I broke a lot of times that day, actually, but I didn’t want you to see me like that. I wanted to be strong for you, but at that moment… You were so fragile, so in pain… that the idea of losing you was… too much, more than I could handle…” Bryce sighed and wiped the tears streaming down his cheeks. Eleanor stroke his hair, looking pensive at him.

Then his eyes looked at her for a few seconds, deeply and thoughtfully, like he’d never done before.

It was with a vulnerability that had never seen in him, not even that night at the quarantine room, not even in the shower while she was crying her fears away, not even the night he told her about his parents and Keiki.

It was raw vulnerability, and not by chance or by the circumstances. He was choosing to show himself like that in front of her. He was opening a door that had never been opened. And it was heartbreaking. Her heart ached at the sight of it.

“Eleanor you… You’ve been the only person that has loved me… That has loved me for who I am. That has seen the broken pieces of me, my past, my mistakes and… and even still has kept loving me.” A shiver cursed down her spine as the words reached her ears, just as it happens when a heartbreaking truth is revealed. _How? How this could happen?_ “Even before you said you were in love with me, you loved me like no one else ever did. Without judging, without wavering.” His voice was tremulous, his eyes threatening with tears again, but he looked so, so earnestly at her that for a moment she didn't recognize him. And in fact, she didn’t know him. She was meeting Bryce for the first time. The real Bryce. The Bryce under layers and layers of protection built over the years. The Bryce she always wanted to meet. Where she wanted to dive in.

Her brain couldn’t process such truth. She could’ve never imagined that no one… _No one_ had loved him unconditionally. How? How so many people could miss _him_?

“It took me years to come to terms with the fact that I lost my parents. I never did with my sister for some reason, and now she’s here. I always thought I’d be alone my whole life… But everything changed when I met you. I could trust someone for the first time. I could love someone for the first time. That's why I was so scared at first when you met Keiki. Because it would've been extremely difficult for me to overcome our breakup in case you choose Ethan, or simply because you didn't want me. But then I chose to let you in… And… is it beautiful as it is frightening. The fear of losing you is worse. I would’ve never overcome it if you’d gone, Eleanor. That’s why… I was so… desperate. So hopeless, because I don’t know what I’d do if I lose you. You mean too much to me.” He couldn’t go on. The lump in his throat was too painful.

Eleanor pulled him into a hug and kissed his temple, “Bryce, my love… I…” She couldn’t continue either. The truth hurt too much. So she simply held him and pulled him towards her chest, stroking his hair, kissing his temple, letting him know that she was there for him.

“I’m sorry, it’s just I… I can’t stop thinking about that day, about the moment I found out you were in danger, when I saw you there, scared. When… when you started crying because the pain was too much. I still hear your screams sometimes, and it breaks my heart every time I think what you went through” He shook his head, trying to suppress the memories but he needed to let all out. “And… I can’t stop thinking about the moment I held you in my arms and suddenly you felt so heavy that for a moment I thought you were…” He needed to say it. The word had been eating him alive all those days, and he knew he needed to say it to find some kind of closure, to face this idea with reality. "I thought you were dead."

But the reality was that she wasn’t dead. She was with him.

“I thought you were dead and I…” He held her like clinging to life. Almost like how she clung to him in that quarantine room.

You never know when the roles can be reversed.

For the first time in days, Eleanor felt thankful for being alive. Even if she still felt guilty about Bobby's death, at that moment she realized how much more damage would've done her death. The pain that could've caused her family and friends. The pain that could've inflicted in Bryce. How devastated he would've been. And she didn’t want that. He didn’t want more suffering for Bryce. She wanted her happiness.

So, somehow, somewhere between all that pain, all those fears, all those tears, and late-night confessions, Eleanor found some sense of purpose. A reason to stay alive, to stay positive, a reason to heal.

She knew it wasn’t a definitive solution, that at some point she would find her path again, her own sense of life, but right now, when all was dark and painful, Bryce was pulling her back to life again.

“But I’m here, I’m here my love, I’m with you. And I’ll always be, I promise.”

His love was saving her _again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far, thank you so much for reading!! 😘


	21. Keep On Loving You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eleanor and Bryce have intimacy but is very different from what they are used to.  
> Bryce makes that so postponed call to Maui and things don't go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning: Angst, mentions of anxiety and guilt, smut, mentions of child neglect (medical).

**Chapter 21: Keep On Loving You**

_And I meant every word that I said_

_When I said that I love you_

_I meant that I love you forever_

For the first time in days, she’d had a blank dream.

When Eleanor opened her eyes, there was no knot on her chest, no exhausting sensation of being pulled, no maddening sensation of wanting to die. No. This time she simply woke up.

She woke up well-rested and with a warm sensation enveloping her: his arms around her waist, his breath on her neck.

Home.

She turned around and found Bryce still asleep. It was a rare experience waking up before him and have the chance to see him sleeping. So she just observed him.

Couldn’t he be any more gorgeous while he was sleeping? Even with his open mouth, his lower lip slightly separated from the upper, his oblivious look, his hair a mess; he was beautiful, and Eleanor still couldn’t believe she was lucky enough to have him.

She bit her lower lip. The temptation of touching him was too irresistible, so she just surrendered and brought a hand to his cheek and stroked it. He was soft. Even with the incipient stubble, he was so soft.

 _These are the perks of being alive,_ she thought.

Tenderness invaded her remembering the conversation they had the night before.

The way he looked at her. The vulnerability, the candor. The pain, the rawness.

The truth about him. About his love. About his heart.

Bryce had opened his heart and her, without hesitation, dived in. And without hesitation, she would dive in a thousand times more.

That’s why she fell in love with him in the first place. That’s what made all the difference to make her fall for him. Knowing what no one else did and wanting to stay no matter what.

“Like what you see?” He muttered, with his eyes still close.

Eleanor chuckled, then pinched his cheek softly and playfully with her fingers, “Very much.”

His eyes smiled instantly the moment they reached hers, “How are you, princess?”

“Right now, grateful for being with you. I can’t promise how I’ll feel in the next minutes or hours, but I feel the progress.”

“That’s amazing, babe.”

She beamed and then leaned to kiss him, a soft caress on his lips, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For pulling me back and talk me into my senses. I know there’ll be times I won’t be thankful, that I’ll relapse, but last night you made me see there are a lot of reasons to keep living for. Being with you is one of the most important.”

“Babe…” He frowned, looking somewhat ashamed. 

“What is it?”

“I feel like an ass.”

“What? Why?”

“Because last night, at the end I made it all about me, when you were the one who needed comfort, not me. But at that moment I just couldn’t…”

She shook her head softly, “No, no, don’t say that. This whole thing is not just about me. You suffered too. My family, our friends suffered too. You made me realize that. I was the selfish one just focusing on my pain, on my guilt, on my mistakes, and I didn’t realize that this was bigger than me. So… thank you for that. Thank you for opening up to me.”

He nodded, “I’m glad you can see it now. And please, whenever you feel like you don’t deserve to live just remember all the good you’ve done. All the lives you’ve enlightened with your presence, with your kindness, with your give. As a person and as a doctor. Not just mine, but your friends, your family, Keiki. Everyone around you. You do more good than any bad or any mistake you thought you made.”

She shook her head, amazed, “I’m so lucky to have you,” she whispered, looking adoringly at him, lost in his eyes.

“But I’m luckier to have you,” he clarified.

She arched a brow, defiantly, “Oh, now it’s a competition?”

“Nah, that’s a fact.”

Eleanor rolled her eyes, “I don’t wanna argue, but I strongly disagree.”

Bryce smirked and pulled her into a deep, searing kiss. She sighed the moment he pulled apart, “And you just keep proving my point.”

He kissed her again, but this time he pushed her against the mattress, “Yep, you’re not helping your case at all,” she giggled.

“I disagree, this just points how lucky I am of being able to do this,” he looked down at her with a bright smile, relishing in the sight of her smile, of her happiness.

“I love you,” she whispered, caressing his cheek softly, her eyes glimmering with adoration.

“And I love you,” he replied, brushing her lower lip with his thumb before leaning down to her lips. 

A warm sensation started to build inside her. Euphoria. An almost irrational feeling of happiness for being alive. And want and need, as never before. After feeling dead inside for so many days, this felt like an awakening.

She locked her arms around his neck to stop him from parting from her. At the evident gesture, he deepened the kiss, opening his mouth to grasp her lips with his teeth and then softly suck them with his own lips. The warmth kept building, now raising her heartbeat and breath. 

Then he continued down her neck, leaving a trail of kisses while a hand sunk under her pajama. She couldn’t help but gasping at the feeling of his warm fingers caressing the contour of her waist, and her breasts. At the hearing of her own sound, she pulled apart, “Wait, what about Keiki?”

“She’s not here,” he replied instantly, his lips now against the skin of her clavicle.

“Uh?”

Bryce parted from her and propped in one arm by her side, “She’s at the hospital with Kyra. She doesn’t want to be here when I… When I call my parents.”

“Oh, okay,”

"You want me to stop?"

Eleanor shook her head, staring deeply at the hungriness of his eyes, and hearing attentively his want with every breath, “No. I want you,” she sighed.

Bryce smiled and then kissed her hard again, this time cupping her breast fully with his hand, while the other was roaming over her hips and tights, “if you want me to stop, just tell me, okay, babe?” he muttered, tenderness in his voice, looking for her approval.

She nodded, and at that moment, that warmth, that want melt into something else. Something new. What she wanted, what she needed was like never before.

Why he was always so considerate towards her? How could he be so gentle with things that she would never expect?

As her heart was swelling with this new sensation, she pushed him against the bed and straddled him, tenderness still set on her features. Bryce looked up at her with curiosity, but the moment he read the way she was looking at him, inquisitive, but sweet, and almost melancholic, that curiosity faded. It was replaced with vulnerability and yearning.

The door was still open.

Her thumb caressed his cheek, down his jaw, and up to his cheekbones, every inch inspected with earnest adoration. 

_How could she not be the luckiest woman on the planet?_

Bryce lifted a hand and placed it on her cheek. Eleanor nuzzled in it closing her eyes for a brief moment, softly brushing the back of his hand with her lips.

He gulped at the feeling of her touch, at her eyes piercing him completely, studying his eyes, his nose, his cheeks, his lips like never before. Discovering. Relishing.

She was exploring beyond that desire and that want, beyond the surface. She wanted to dive in deeper and decipher his vulnerability as if she knew she would find the most beautiful pearl at the bottom of all those layers incessantly built with the years.

Drove by instinct, she cupped his cheeks gently, and leaned down to kiss his forehead and temples, slowly and delicately; each peck as a precious promise, a gentle introduction to something he’d been missing all those years. Then placed a kiss at the tip of his nose, then over his lips, Bryce returning the peck with equal softness. When she parted from him, he was with his eyes closed, and a dreamy smile on his lips, lost in the sensation.

But when he opened his eyes and found her staring, a glint of fear crossed his face. This was new to him. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t use to show this side to anyone. He had never _shown_ this side to anyone before.

She brushed her knuckles over his cheeks, and he closed his eyes instantly, the ghost of a smile creasing in his lips.

That’s when she knew. She had found him at last.

What she was seeing, wasn’t the Bryce that everybody knew, his persona. No. She finally was seeing him under the surface, diving deeper and deeper, past his self-assurance and cockiness, past under his warmth, and niceness. Even under his caring nature.

At the bottom, all that was left was the desire to be loved, loved unconditionally and with no bounds.

That was Bryce Lahela. Raw and real.

The only thing his heart wanted, was to be loved.

And Eleanor couldn’t help but wonder: How is it possible that no one had loved him like this before? How? How no one kneeled to his kindness, to his generosity, his selflessness? To his loving nature? How could no one see him? How could people be so blind? How no one had been willing to give him the world?

Her eyes glimmered at the sight of him vulnerable, opening completely to her for the first time in his life. Imagining all those years by himself, dealing alone with his traumas and lacks. Convincing himself that he’d always be by himself, that no one could love him.

And Bryce looked at her scarer than before, panicking. As if he was sure that Eleanor couldn’t give it to him, as if it was too much, as if she doesn’t love him enough as she thought.

He trembled. She felt his stomach quivering down her tights.

For Bryce, it was so easy to love, but so difficult to accept being loved. He never thought he would be worthy of being loved. Especially not this way.

He had been so broken. He had been so unloved. Rejected. Bullied. Ignored. Abandoned, even. And yet. And yet he was the most wonderful man she’d ever met. The most loving and caring. The man who gave her his heart expecting nothing in return.

Of course he deserved to be loved. Of course she would give everything in her to love him as he always should’ve been loved.

A tear streamed down her face before she could find the strength to talk, “You’re so beautiful. So kind. So generous. And loving. And caring. And cute, and tender. And compassionate. And clever. And I love you so, so, so much Bryce. So much.”

His eyes glistened. His lip quivered. His breath sped up. He was unrecognizable. There was no even a shade of the Bryce she’d know for more than a year.

“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I promise you I’ll spend my whole life showing how much I love you.”

He gulped. His eyes were full of tears. It was like her words broke him somehow. His past self. Or maybe broke something inside him. Something old and damaged. A shield.

Eleanor wiped the tears off his face and kissed him sweetly, trying to dissolve the pain in his heart, trying to fill that void with the love that was bursting inside her again.

Perhaps that’s why she was so full of love. It was never too much love. It was just that the void to fill was too big. For too many years of waiting.

And she kissed him again and again until the desire was stronger than the pain. Until the lump in his throat dissolved into a groan of pleasure. 

Until the desire grew stronger enough to make Bryce pinning her against the bed. He wasn’t back yet, the overconfident and expert Bryce, his features still showed vulnerability, but his eyes were studying her. As if looking for a hint of betrayal, of a lie, of faking. God, no. How? She could never. “Te amo. Te amo, Bryce. I love you so much” she reassured, staring deeply into his amber eyes. There weren't more certain words than those.

That was fuel. Because a second later he’s frantically kissing down her neck, while his hands were trying to get rid of her pajama. Her skin tickled and burned with every kiss, with every touch.

The sensations were intoxicating.

But there’s no hurry once he had her skin. He savored her, and she savored his touch. She and he got lost in the other, none of them craving for more touch or release. They’re loving every second. They’re happy with the connection. With the unspoken.

Some things happened in a blur. A golden haze numbed them from everything. Love was intoxicating enough to make them miss the track of time, but not to miss a single bit of the sensations. Of how the other made them feel. How the love is so palpable with every caress and kiss, with every look, with every moan and sigh.

When their bodies connected, the haze simply turned into a warm bliss. As if what they’d been living was the best thing, the pleasure building inside proved them wrong. This was.

Bryce looked up at her, beautiful and powerful like a goddess, establishing a pace, panting, her body shaking with every thrust. “Oh my god, you feel incredible”, he groaned, and then sat up to envelope her in his arms and kiss her because he couldn’t get enough of her.

With his hands on her hips, he pushed her even deeper into him, “Bryce…” she purred, looking at him with a mock of desperation on her face, her cheeks flushed and her whole face glistening in sweat. She is glowing.

“Eleanor…” he gasped, losing himself in the honey of her irises. In the pomegranate scent of her shampoo, in the sweet scent of her skin. There, at that moment, he realized. He finally had what he always wanted, “You’re mine, you’re… Mine.”

“Yes," she sighed, her hot breath against his mouth, "I’m yours, and you are mine. You’re mine and I’m yours, love.”

“Say it again”

“I’m yours, Bryce, I’m completely yours," she promised.

Bryce had never been possessive. He was very far from that. But there was something about the fact that she was finally his. His girlfriend, his partner, his lover. That she had chosen him. That their love was mutual and reciprocated, and probably everlasting.

And Bryce never had anyone. No one who could hold him, who could love him, and now he had her. Those words were a simple sense of belonging. 

He kissed her hard and a groan crashed against her mouth. The shared moment electrified her body from head to toes, making her feel how her brain was slowly melting, shutting her down from any coherent thought. There was just one thought. She needed release.

As if he’d read her, he started moving senselessly.

“Bryce” His name was sugar on her lips. The most exquisite elixir causing the most beautiful feeling inside her.

The pain. Sadness. Distress. Fear. Guilt. Everything was gone at that moment. It was only him and his touch, and his love. And everything him.

“And I’m yours. Damn, I’m yours, Eleanor, all yours” he groaned. It was only her and her touch, and her love. Everything about her. It had always been about her. It had always been her. It would always be her.

The way he spoke. His voice. Like a plead. Desperation. Like it was beyond him.

It was so intimate, pure. But at the same time so sensual. Carnal.

Eleanor pulled his hair on the back of his head, purring for the last time, “Bryce, love!” as her back arched, her whole body shuddering with the most divine sensation she’d ever felt. Buzzing, pure, sweet, warm. A few tears had escaped her eyes, the sensation was overwhelming and healing.

A few moments later, one last grunt escaped his mouth. Visceral. Primal.

He remained with his forehead against hers for a few seconds before hurling himself over the bed with Eleanor on top of him. Then she rolled to the side to regain some coolness, their bodies were almost unbearably hot and sweated.

After a while, Bryce turned to her, smiling contently, and slid an arm under her neck and pulled her against him, her face barely inches apart from his. “Thank you,” he said, a hand cupping her cheek.

She frowned, “for what?”

“For loving me.”

The look he gave her broke her again. Open doors. But somehow… the void didn’t look empty. Not as empty as it was before.

It was glowing.

*

The moment shared that morning worked like a destressing charm for what was coming. Even if momentarily.

As if he hadn’t dealt with enough that week, now he needed to do something unpostponable. Call his parents.

He had planned to call them on Monday, after Kyra’s surgery, but with Eleanor’s accident, he prioritized other things, and Keiki was honestly grateful for that. Even if she agreed that Bryce had to call their parents, she was scared of what could happen. That’s why she preferred not being there when Bryce called them, and instead, decided to spend the day with Kyra, with whom had found a good friend despite the age difference.

After lunch, Bryce and Eleanor were sitting on the couch, waiting for Bryce’s mother to pick up the phone. After a few seconds, a feminine voice was heard at the other side of the line, “Hello?”

"Hi, mom."

“Bryce? What a surprise! How are you doing? How is Keiki?”

“She’s fine.”

“Is she there?”

“No, she’s with a friend.”

“A friend?”

Bryce rolled his eyes before continuing, “Mom, I called you because we need to discuss something important.”

“What would that be?”

“You really don’t know? Or you just simply prefer not to give a damn about your daughter?”

“Oh. You want me to go for her? Did you get bored already? You two lasted more than I thought.”

Bryce breathed deeply, containing his anger, “No, that’s not what I meant. I… I want to be Keiki’s legal guardian.”

A laugh was heard on the other side of the line, “You got to be kidding me, you, in charge of Keiki?”

“What’s the joke here? What I’ve been doing this time, then?”

“I guess just keep with your life with the only difference that there’s a teenager in your house when you come home.”

“Oh, are you talking about when Keiki was with you? Or when I lived there too?”

“What do you want, Bryce? Money? A ticket flight so you can send her back?”

Bryce's ears turned red in anger, “I want to be her legal guardianship, mother. School started here, I can’t enroll her in any place without your and dad’s authorization. I’m sure you don't want me to be annoying you every five seconds to make a decision that affects her, so that's why being her legal guardian would simplify things."

“Absolutely not.”

“Why not? You seem pretty comfortable with her being here, you didn’t even bother to come here to talk. You give a shit about Keiki, mom.”

Silence, but Bryce would tell she was resisting a snarl, “You really want to take care of her?”

“Yes. I want her to live with me, she’s not happy there.”

"Oh, Bryce, you should know better. You yourself were a teenager and everything seemed bad to you. We were monsters.”

“I’m 28 and that hasn’t changed.”

“ _You_ haven’t changed a thing, have you? Always with your drama and victimization. Now I understand why Keiki doesn’t want to come back, I can only imagine the things you’ve said to her.”

“Not very much different from what she’s shared with me.”

“And she wants to stay with you? She’s okay with being alone all day? You’re a doctor Bryce, you barely have time for yourself.”

“Well, I’ll make the time. I’ve made the time to be with her. That’s what we do for the people we love.”

Silence again, then, she stated, “I need to discuss this with your father, we can’t just let you take care of her.”

“I think you already did it.”

“I’ll call you in a couple of days.”

“Okay.”

The woman ended the call.

Eleanor stared at him. His face was unreadable, but it didn’t feel right.

“This doesn’t look good,” he said after a few seconds contemplating his cellphone.

“Do you think?”

“Yes. She feels… threatened. I guess they never expected that I’d ask to be in charge of her, they thought I’d give up after a month and I’ll send her back. But I won’t do it. Now more than ever, hearing all the shit mom said with just a call.”

“It’s like she doesn’t care about it, like she never did anything wrong with you, or with her. Like this is all a tantrum.”

“She’d always been like this, blaming me for the things they did, never take any responsibility with anything. Apparently they've been doing the same with Keiki.”

Eleanor saw the fear in his eyes and couldn’t help but reach out his hands and held them between hers. “You’re doing this for Keiki, love. And I know you’ll do whatever it takes to have her with you for good.”

“Yes, but what if it’s not enough? If for some reason, life keeps protecting them, keeps helping them and they get away with everything?”

“Let’s hope things with children are different than with insider trading criminals.”

“The lawyer with whom I spoke told me they had to be really miserable and negligent to lose Keiki’s custody, that my best option, in this case, was to obtain an agreement. But if they won’t agree with it, I will go to court if that's what it takes to protect Keiki from them."

That evening, when Keiki returned, Bryce told her about the conversation. Anxiety grew in both of them. In the three of them, actually, Eleanor was concerned too.

This situation felt like an escape from her own mind, something new to think about, something worthy to spend neurons in, instead of sulking all day in guilt.

The following days were odd. Eleanor and Keiki spend most of the day together, watching movies, silly videos, or just talking about life. Some other times they'd been on their own, dealing with their problems in peace. Eleanor didn't want to contaminate Keiki with her bad mood when the guilt was coming for her again.

Four days since the call, Eleanor was still sleeping when heated voices in the living room woke her up.

“You what? No!”

Eleanor got up and dressed up in a matter of seconds before sprinting to the bedroom door.

When she opened the door, she found an elegant woman standing in the center of the living room. She had black hair styled in an updo, sharp cheekbones, and pristine makeup, making her look younger than the age Eleanor knew she had, a couple years older than her mother. She was wearing an emerald green jacket over a black dress and matched heels. What she was wearing probably costed more than her intern salary, probably even more.

A few feet from her was Keiki, who gave her a pleading look when she noticed her presence. She was panicking.

“What’s happening here?” she asked, walking towards the woman.

“Oh, I thought you were alone, Keiki. And you are?”

“Eleanor Bloom, I’m Bryce’s girlfriend.”

“I’m Rebecca Lahela, nice to meet you, Eleanor. And Bryce?”

“He’s at work.”

“Oh. So he lets you in charge of Keiki when he’s not here?”

“No, I’m not in charge of her, I’m staying a couple of days so I can recover from an accident.”

“Oh, sorry to hear about that. So Bryce has you as her carer, Keiki? That’s why he doesn’t want you to leave?”

“Mom…”

“Excuse me, how do you speak to your daughter like this?”

“This is not your business, Eleanor, so stay out of this” She replied, dryly. “Get your things done, Keiki, we are leaving at 3 pm.”

“I’m not going anywhere. Does Bryce know about this?”

“Of course, he called me to take you home.”

“No, he called to ask if he could be my guardian, he wants to enroll me in school here in Boston.”

“What he really meant, is that he wants you back in Hawaii.”

“Don’t lie to her” Eleanor snapped, serious.

“Pardon me?”

“I was there when he called you. I heard everything you said, everything he said, and Bryce said loud and clear that he wants to be Keiki’s legal guardian, that he doesn’t want to send Keiki back.

“Well, I won’t let that happen, so it doesn't matter what he actually said. I won’t let you keep this rebellious behavior another second, Keiki.”

“I said I’m not going anywhere, and I’m not going anywhere.” Keiki insisted in a mir voice.

“You have no opinion in this. I’m your mother, I know what’s best for you.”

“Oh, so now you’re my mother. After two months of giving a crap about me, now I’m your daughter and now you remember your obligations as a mother? A little bit late, don’t you think?

“Don’t talk to me like that, Keiki.”

“But it’s the truth! I left almost eight weeks ago. You could’ve come seven weeks and a half ago, even just the day after I left Hawaii. But no. You just assumed I was with my brother and that I’d come back soon, and gave a shit about me. You did nothing but call me a couple of times and then you did like I didn’t exist.”

Rebecca’s eyes widened before giving her a guilty look, as she noticed Eleanor was observing the whole exchange, “We let you do your thing, darling. You wanted to reconnect with your brother, that’s okay but we thought you wouldn’t last two days. You wouldn’t tolerate the loneliness because your brother is working all day and you wouldn’t connect, since you haven’t seen him since you’re six.”

“Loneliness.” She repeated, her voice trembling. “Do you think I don’t know anything about loneliness?”

“Do you?”

“Do you even notice when I’m home? Like, really notice me? Not to dictate my life or ask about my accomplishments, my grades, or with who I hang out at school. Do you know who I am, what I like? What do I want in life? No, you don’t. I’m alone in that house all day. I’ve spent the last three years locked in my room for holidays because I have no friends while you do your life and pretend that I don’t exist, so, mom, I think I know a thing or two about loneliness.”

Rebecca snorted, ignoring the tears that were streaming down her duaghter’s cheeks, “You’re exaggerating things, Keiki, we do care for you, but you just don’t like whatever we say.”

“You almost let me die. You do not care about me.” Her voice was enraged.

Eleanor froze in her place, unsure of what she’d heard, “Keiki, what are you talking about?”

Keiki turned to her, her eyes full of tears, looking somewhat ashamed of what she had just admitted in front of her. She cleared her throat before speaking, “a month before coming here I had some stomach pain, it didn’t stop with anything. My beloved mother didn’t even bother to take me to the hospital, she thought it would pass with some Bentyl. One afternoon the housekeeper found me drenched in sweat, almost unconscious, and took me to the hospital because none of them were at home. At the hospital, they had to make me an emergency operation. I had appendicitis that turned into peritonitis. They should’ve done the appendectomy two days before, and if I had taken one more day, I might have died, or at least had major organ failure.”

Eleanor’s heart sunk at her words, and probably then it just broke, “oh my god, Keiki.”.

“We didn’t know it was that severe. She just downplayed her pain, she was going to school as normal.”

“Because you forced me, because you minimized my pain and thought I was just trying to get your attention and have an excuse to not go to your shitty dinner...”

“Watch out your tongue, Keiki”

“You see? You care more about my vocabulary than what happened to me.”

At that moment, Eleanor ran to the room to pick up her phone, hands trembling and her eyes blurry with the tears. She called Bryce but he didn’t respond. He texted him. Left voice messages. Nothing. Then she sent a message to the group chat. "Please, if you see Bryce tell him to call me ASAP”

A minute later her phone rang, it was Sienna, “Ellie, are you okay? I saw your text.”

“I’m okay, but I’m in a situation with Keiki and I need him to come home. It’s urgent.”

“Heavens. Okay, I’ll check the board. Did you know if he had surgeries today?”

“He told me about one at 2 PM, he had only preops in the morning.”

“Okay, I’ll tell a nurse in case he’s at the OR”

"Thank you, Si."

When she came back to the living room Keiki was still arguing with Rebecca, “Keiki, I apologized for what happened, but that doesn't justify this behavior of yours."

“Why did you come now? Why now that Bryce called you, why you suddenly care? If he hadn’t called you, you would’ve not given a fuck, would you?”

Rebecca didn’t respond.

“Now, leave, because I’m not going anywhere with you.”

“I’ll give you the afternoon, Keiki. I’ll wait for Bryce’s call. If he doesn’t reach out at 7PM, and you don’t come into your senses, I’ll bring the police if it’s necessary, you hear me?”

Rebecca shouldered her bag and got out of the apartment.

The moment she closed the door, Keiki burst into tears. Eleanor ran to catch her in her arms, “Keiki, oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

The girl just sobbed, and sobbed, and sobbed. Incessantly. Like everything she had inside was flowing like an avalanche. All that she had kept for how many years, and all she had to repress after such horrible experience, “I don’t wanna go, Ella, I… I can’t go back there, now you understand why… why I can’ go back there?”

“Of course, but… why you never told us? Keiki, this is terrible.”

“I don’t know, I always tried to tell Bryce, but I knew I would start crying, and I’d lose it and I don’t like to feel like that.”

That story seemed familiar. Eleven years apart but they were cut from the same cloth. The same scars. The same behavior.

Eleanor couldn’t say anything. She couldn’t blame her. Keiki, like Bryce, had no one. She didn’t trust anyone, she barely trusted them. Saying something like that was too much for her.

“I’m tired of being strong, Eleanor,” she confessed after a while.

“You don’t have to be, not with us. We’re here for you, Keiki. Bryce will do whatever it takes to keep you with him.”

She didn’t know how much time passed, but Keiki had fallen asleep on her lap when Bryce arrived home. He knew his mother had been home but didn’t know any details.

As Keiki didn't wake up with Bryce's arrival, Elanor took a pillow and put it under her head, and covered her with a blanket before leading Bryce to the room, where she told him everything. The fact that her mom came to take her back to Maui, what she heard in the conversation, and all the things Keiki had told her after Rebecca left. The real reason why she decided to ran away and why she didn’t want to come back.

“I… I can’t believe it. She… could’ve died, Elle.”

Bryce was devastated. For her sister, for all she’d lived, and also because he was seeing the consequences, new unknown consequences, of having left Keiki in the past. If he’d been more present, she wouldn’t have lived that. “Do you realize that… that if I’d been closer to her, if we had spoken daily, or frequently, none of this would’ve happened? I would’ve told her to go to the hospital? She wouldn’t have been in danger. The fucking irony.”

“Love, you can’t blame yourself for this. It was your parents' responsibility.”

“But I know perfectly well how irresponsible they are. I should’ve at least doubted that they would treat her the way they did with me. But I assumed that things would be different with her, that they’d take care of her, that they’d _care_ for her. But I’m realizing she’d been a ghost like I was.”

Bryce was livid with himself. Even if Eleanor tried to calm him down, there was just so much anger, so much guilt, that simple words or reassurance weren’t enough. Even if he’d been dealing with the guilt since Keiki was with him, there was still a lot more to unfold. And it’d be so much more after the bomb he received that morning. This was much worse than he thought.

“Babe, I’m sorry, I need to be alone now. I… I need to deal with this on my own.”

Eleanor gave him a sad smile before standing up from the bed, “okay, but if you need to talk, if you need anything, please tell me, you’re not alone in this, okay?”

Bryce nodded, his face emotionless, “I know. I just need some space to think.”

“Of course,” she whispered, stroking his hair before leaving the room. 

Bryce knew he wasn’t alone. Not anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keiki, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for doing this to you. I don’t know if Bryce’s parents are this crappy in the game, maybe we’ll never know, but they’ve been totally been neglectful with Keiki when she was at home, and after she left and they didn’t even bother to come to talk to her. So I think they’re not very far from being that shitty.
> 
> (NExt is just rambling, you can skip it)
> 
> Also, I’ve never been more nervous about posting a chapter as this one, and that’s thanks to the first part. (that’s why I moved it from ch. 20 to ch. 21, trying to delay “the inevitable”). Even if I loved writing it, I’m afraid you’ll find it too much? Like, too intense, like Bryce wouldn’t reach those levels? Personally I think he would. Well, the Bryce I’ve been writing all these months would, I don’t know if the game Bryce, because PB hasn’t gave him so much deepness unfortunately.
> 
> I’ve been meditating this scene for months, deliberating if it’s something he would do, if it’s too much, and most of the time my instinct told me he would react that way but under very specific circumstances, as it is to be feeling emotionally vulnerable (the conversation they had the night before, when he opened up to Eleanor like never before), and being in the presence of a very loving and passionate partner as Eleanor. I mean, people who had been alone, unloved, have a strange reaction to intimacy. Bryce doesn’t have problems with intimacy per se, but certainly it shocked him the way he was receiving love, that’s why he was scared. If he wasn’t that emotionally vulnerable he wouldn’t have shed some tears, but he had been very passionate, just as he was after that brief moment of heartbreaking vulnerability.
> 
> I don’t know. If I’m honest, I’m really proud of what I did there, I even cried, but I also know that not everyone has to agree with my interpretation of Bryce. I know I made him unrecognizable, and I explained why. This was just for that moment, it’s not that he’s gonna cry all the time now, or every time they have intimacy.
> 
> Maybe this explanation wasn’t necessary but I’m gonna leave it just in case :)
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Thank you so much for reading! ❤


	22. Like To Be You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keiki tells Bryce how things were in Maui before she ran away.  
> Bryce stands up to Rebecca and finds a way to convince her to let Keiki stay with him.  
> An argument between Keiki and Eleanor unleashes tons of feelings Eleanor had swept under the carpet.

**Chapter 22: Like To Be You.**

_I don't know what it's like to be you_

_I don't know what it's like but I'm dying to_

_If I could put myself in your shoes_

_Then I know what it's like to be you_

Keiki was already awake when Bryce got out of his room. Eleanor's heart tore at the sight of him, as his eyes were reddened and his hair a bit disheveled, but she remained silent, observing how he sauntered towards the couch and took a seat beside Keiki. The girl had her eyes fixated on the TV but was barely paying attention to the documentary in front of her. "Hey, Keiks," he greeted, waiting for her to face him.

After a few seconds of hesitation, she looked up at him, “Hey.”

“How are you?”

“Better,” she replied simply.

She was indeed better, she looked calmer, but everyone in the room knew her mind was very far from calm and good, especially considering that problem wouldn't be over in who knows how many more days.

He cleared his throat, shifting on the couch, uncomfortable, knowing that what he was about to ask would be very difficult for both of them, but it was for the better, "I know you mustn't want to relive those things, but… I would really appreciate it if you could tell me what happened, from the start. Elle already told me, but I really, really need to listen to this from you, if you're okay with it."

After a few seconds of silence, Keiki nodded, “Yeah, I think you deserve to know this from me,” she agreed and turned off the TV, leaving the room in complete silence.

Keiki took a deep breath and after wrapping her arms around her legs, she started to talk, not keeping anything, but doing a huge effort to not break like the last time.

She started by telling him she had been thinking about running away from home for months, because she felt lost and alone, and the situation at school was more and more unbearable, and she thought he would support her and understand her because he lived the same. But the breaking point had been what happened at the end of June, when she got sick and almost died of peritonitis, all because of their parents’ neglect. What’s worse is that they didn’t even care about her after that. They went to visit her and then to pick her up when she was discharged, but her mother never stayed more than five minutes to make her company, and while she was resting at home, it was just the same routine. She just dropped by her room to say hi and check if she was alive, but no more than that.

At that moment, Keiki realized that they only cared about reputation, about appearance, to portray the perfect family, and that they would never care about her, no matter what. That’s why she ran away, because even if she barely spoke with Bryce, he had shown more interest than her parents ever did.

That broke him of course, more than he already was. A simple call. A simple _birthday call_ was more than her parents had given her.

Nevertheless, that was just another reason to fight for her. To give her the best and do something he should’ve done ages ago. To stand up to his parents and let them face the consequences of their actions, of their selfishness, and not let them get away with anything again.

After Keiki told him how things had happened, the only thing Bryce was able to do was apologizing, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being there for you Keiki. If I had been there, you wouldn't have lived this, your life wouldn't have been at risk the way it was."

Even if Eleanor, or Keiki, or just a million people tried to convince him otherwise, no one could change his mind. Part of the reason that that had happened to Keiki was his fault, and surprisingly, saying that out loud made him feel less guilty. Like facing his responsibility with her was taking a lot of weight off his shoulders somehow. A decade of weight.

Keiki got up from the couch and started wandering around the living room, thinking, looking for the right words. As if it was really difficult for her to deny that downright. That although she didn't want to hold any grudges on him, it was simply the truth or part of the truth. If he had cared more for her, probably that wouldn't have happened.

Finally, she sat in her bed in the corner of the room, across from the couch, and confessed “I can’t deny that I thought about it many times… but they are my parents, they were supposed to look after me, and they didn’t. This was not your responsibility, much less if you weren’t living there.”

“I should’ve known better that they would be just like how they were with me, but I always felt they… they were different with you.”

“Maybe they were at some point, my mom above all” She shrugged, frowning her lips, “but after dad went out of jail, things changed. Mom kept pressuring me to be better and have a low profile, but that was it, she was more invested in dad and the meetings with that scumbag Jennings than in me.”

Bryce’s eyebrows furrowed in disconcert, “Wait, did you say… Jennings? As in _Stuart_ Jennings?”

“Yes. Do you know him?”

Bryce shook his head, a glint of disappointment flashing his features.

“What?” Keiki insisted.

“When they were judging dad, the attorney accused Jennings of being his accomplice, but they could never prove anything, they said they weren’t friends, that they had no contact, so they dismissed the accusation. But I knew he was involved, I saw dad multiple times with him, at home and sneaking out in the Club. Now you’re telling me this dude has been frequenting the house?”

“Yes, mostly at night.”

“Did he go while dad was in jail?”

Keiki’s frowned, considering, “Maybe a couple of times, usually after mom went to see dad.”

Bryce shoved his hair in frustration, "I can't believe being in jail taught him anything, and keeps doing this bullshit!"

“But, if they were accomplices, why dad didn’t denounce him?” Keiki asked, after a few seconds, confused, “he wouldn't want to be the only one falling, would he?”

"Maybe, this is just a supposition, it was better if his source was free. Probably he knew he would be released soon, so after a few years he would still have him in the field to keep doing this crap."

“That makes sense, but… You really think they are into it?”

“Yes, that’s the only reason he would be in touch with him and so secretly,” Keiki nodded, “This is good information, Keiks. Maybe we can get something out of this.”

“You think so?”

“Yes,” he reassured, giving her a weak smile, “I don’t like to threaten people, but at this point, they’re giving me no option.”

After a long call to his lawyer, Bryce was convinced that his hunch about Jennings could be really helpful if he wanted to get that Agreement, so he called Rebecca to set a meeting that afternoon.

It was minutes before 7 PM when Bryce, Keiki, and Eleanor stood in front of a hotel suite in Boston Harbor, waiting for Rebecca to open the door.

At first, Eleanor wasn't sure she should be there, but both Keiki and Bryce asked her to go with them for moral support and because she'd witnessed both exchanges with Rebecca, and they didn't want to risk any chance to get involved in misunderstandings with the older woman's manipulations.

After a few seconds, Rebecca opened the door.

Bryce froze in place. More than ten years had passed since the last time he saw her. Ten years of holding grudges, anger, guilt, all because of her and his father. There was no easy way to face this.

Once he was able to regain composure, he looked up and down at his mother, from head to toes, taking in the visible passing of time. She was the same stunning woman he remembered, she even was using the same elegant perfume she used back then, and probably was slimmer than before, but she had aged. No matter the serums and surgeries, no matter the money, the passing of time was there, hidden behind that conceal and foundation. Behind that expensive and loyal red lipstick. Behind the fake image of a perfect wife and perfect mother.

Rebecca did the same. She looked at him silently, giving an admired look at the features on his face, and the particular hairstyle that probably was completely the opposite of what he used to wear in high school, long and rebellious. "Hello, Bryce. You're just as handsome as when I met your father thirty years ago, son," she said, stroking his cheek with a melancholic glint in her eyes.

A cold glare settled in Bryce’s face, clearly annoyed with the comparison, “Hello mother, it’s been a while.”

“Not by my decision, of course,” she remarked, dryly. “Oh, I didn’t expect to see you here, Eleanor, are you coming as attestor again?” she added, as she noticed her presence behind Keiki.

“Good evening, Ms. Lahela” Eleanor replied, ignoring the provocation, while the three entered the elegant light blue living room and sat on a cream couch at the center of the room. 

Rebecca took a seat on a black leather sofa beside Bryce and gave him a smug smirk, "So? Are you going to leave that nonsense of yours in the past and send Keiki with me?"

Bryce didn’t hesitate a second before staring at her, serious and determined, “I’m gonna be clever and demand you to agree to what I’m asking you.”

“Why would I do that?”

"Because you're hurting your daughter. You're irresponsible and the only thing you care about is money, and status and keep helping dad with his bullshit."

Rebecca gave him a tense smile, and then arched a brow “What are you talking about, Bryce? Why would your dad keep doing what led him to jail? That’s absurd.”

“You tell me.”

“I’m not here to play games, Bryce, so let’s finish this straight away: I’m gonna take Keiki with me, like it or not.”

“To what? To keep pretending you’re the perfect mother? Can I ask why now? Why now that I called you, two months after she ran away, you suddenly care about her? I truly can’t understand it.”

“We were just waiting for her to get bored, so she doesn’t become more rebellious.”

Bryce and Keiki snorted at the same time, but this time Keiki spoke, “Oh, always taking the easy path instead of educating, yeah, very understandable.”

"Keiki, Bryce is working all day, you'd be alone all day, and above all that" Rebecca directed her eyes to Eleanor, "he has a girlfriend, and as doctors, I'm sure both of you want to make the best of the short time you have, there's no room for Keiki here."

Rebecca had done her homework during the afternoon.

Eleanor looked attentively as Bryce took a deep, deep breath before speaking. She was getting under his skin quicker than she thought.

“Don’t talk about my life as if you knew, you have no idea, mother. And you have no idea about giving quality time to your loved ones, you never did it with me and clearly you’re not doing it with Keiki.”

Rebecca opened her eyes, shocked, “What are you talking about, I always tried to give you the best.”

“The best schools, the best clothes, all the damn material things, but you never took the time to educate us, to raise is, to _love_ us.”

“Oh, Lord, here we go again with your drama. You really haven’t changed a thing, have you?”

“Oh? So you’ve been a good mother who has always been there for your kids, right? So, tell me, How many times did you go to Keiki’s room to see how she was feeling with her stomach pain? Or if you stayed the night with her in the hospital when she had surgery?”

Rebecca snorted, not a bit affected by his implications, “You’re unbelievable, the most hypocrite person I’ve ever met,” she snapped. “You haven’t set a foot in Maui for ten years, you only reach out for holidays and birthdays, and you’re talking to me about being present, about caring about Keiki? You were the one who didn’t give a damn about her, and now because she’s been two months with you, suddenly you’re morally superior to me?”

Her words took Bryce and Keiki aback, making them freeze in place for a moment. “Are you really sure this is what you want? Put your career on hold, stop taking more surgeries, more shifts to succeed, because there’s a kid you have to care about, to give less time to your girlfriend? Or are you just going to split the time and gave that responsibility to her too? Because that’s why she’s here too, right? Because you’re incapable of taking the responsibility on your own.”

Bryce stuttered. It really hurt him. Even if she was just pushing his buttons, it was hard to hear the ugly truth, even if there were parts that weren't accurate. He thought he was ready to face her, but after ten years she still had the ability to break him, to make his mind a mess, to distort everything for her own benefit.

"Two months is nothing, nothing if she's not going to school," she continued, taking advantage of his silence, "you'll have to make time to help her study, go to her performances, meetings with the principal if she's a troublema—"

“Shut up,” Bryce barked suddenly, his teeth gritting. His patience was dropping with every word he had to hear from her mouth.

Rebecca looked at him surprised, “Excuse me?”

“ _Shut up, mother,”_ he insisted, “You’re talking about raising Keiki like it was a burden, like she was a burden. It may be a burden to you, but it’s not a burden to me. She will never be.”

“I’m not-”

"And don't talk to me like you know what it takes," he continued, ignoring her words, "as if you've done all those things with me when I was at school. You only cared about the public side of all, concerts, expositions, games… You were there just because there were photos, but you never sat beside me to ask for my homework, or grades, or to ask what I liked, how good I was at surfing. You only cared when you wanted me to become a lawyer, but nothing more than that. So don't talk to me like you know how to be a caring mother because you don't know!"

“That’s what you want to believe,” She said, giving her the most cynical smile he had seen in his life, “that’s what you want to remember, what better suits you.”

“If that attitude is what lets you sleep at night, go for it, mother, but you won’t make me feel guilty again.”

“And you’re not going to convince me about this stupid idea.”

“You really don’t care about what your daughter needs, uh? What only matters to you is winning, no matter the cost, no matter how hurt your daughter gets.”

“I know what she needs, she needs someone who takes care of her.”

Bryce couldn’t hold it anymore. There was just too much hypocrisy, too much manipulation, too much malice and he was reaching his limit. “And when the hell did you take care of her if she almost died because you ignored a stomach pain _for a fucking week_?!” he shouted, standing up from the couch, all remnants of patience gone by now. “A fucking week, not two days when you can think is stomach flu, a fucking week, so don’t talk about giving a damn about your daughter!”

“That was a mistake and I said I was sorry.”

“Stop lying! Stop pretending! You’re not sorry, you never really cared about what happened, the only thing that mattered to you was the stupid meetings with Jennings!”

Rebecca paled at the mention of him.

_Got you._

“Wh-What are you talking about?”

“Deny it, deny that Stuart Jennings has been in your house doing bullshit with my father.”

The silence was deafening for a couple of seconds. Rebecca's mind was working miles per minute trying to explain that situation, trying to get out of the dead-end Bryce had put her in. But that's what it was, a dead end. Bryce had her cornered. There was no escape from this.

“That’s what I thought,” Bryce said, smugly.

“It does not mean anything...”

"Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure the attorney back in Hawaii will find it totally normal that Stuart Jennings is spending evenings in the Lahela house after dad went out of jail when it was supposed that they don't meet each other, right?"

“Where did you get that? Keiki told you that?”

“What if she did?”

“She’s lying.”

“I’m not lying!” Keiki yelled, scowling at her.

“If she’s lying, why would Keiki be able to describe him if he’d never set a foot there? If when they were investigating dad she was five years old? Very curious, uh?”

“Where are you going with this?”

"Where I'm going with this, mother, is that if you don't sign the legal guardianship agreement I'm proposing, not only I'll sue you for child neglect, I'll inform the attorney that Stuart is dad's accomplice and that he keeps doing his bullshit, so he'll have to go to jail again."

Rebecca’s reaction was a divine gift. Bryce never thought he would be lucky enough to leave her mother like she was at that moment. Panicking, cornered, defeated.

"You wouldn't. He's... He's your father, Bryce."

And stuttering.

Bryce chuckled, amused with her desperate appeal to mercy based on blood ties, “You and he gave me and Keiki life, but you’re nothing more than that. And if I use the words, it’s just me trying to be polite, but I don’t actually feel it. Mom, dad? They’re just empty words.”

“Bryce, how can you say that? How can you be so cruel to send your own father to jail?”

"How can you be so cruel to ignore your daughter's well-being your whole life, ignore her to the point of almost letting her die because of your neglect, to the point of not giving a fuck about her when she ran away? That's what I can't fucking understand, woman! So don't come at me begging to behave like a son, when he has been anything but a father to me and Keiki, the same as you."

Bryce was out of line, letting all his anger go, but as the words went out of him, he was feeling lighter and lighter, and more and more hopeful. Eleanor and Keiki had never seen him like that, but both knew he was doing what he should’ve done years ago, that he was doing this for his and Keiki’s sake. That the hell he was giving Rebecca was minimum compared to what she and his father deserved.

Rebecca, instead, was shocked and kind of frightened of his reaction. She never expected he would react that way and that he would handle the situation so smoothly. She never considered that maybe, she would return home with empty hands.

"I mean it, mother. If you don't sign the agreement, I'll tell the attorney, and I'm willing to tell everything and do anything to destroy you at court and take Keiki with me. Dad is going to go to jail again and your stupid reputation is going to hell. Probably you're going to jail too."

“Bryce…Don’t threaten us, you have no chance…” It was her last trying before admitting defeat, but she had already lost.

“Don’t I? With what you did to Keiki? With the fact that you didn’t come after her? She’s fifteen, the court will take her opinion into consideration. Come on, this is just your pride, you cannot accept that Keiki prefers me, who was out of her life for ten years, over you.”

Rebecca stared at him and Keiki for a long time. Keiki was sitting on the couch, facing her, determination in her eyes. Nothing she had said had changed her mind.

“I’m going to talk to you father,” she said, and went to the next room.

In the meantime, Bryce sat back in his seat and looked at Eleanor with subtle hope. He didn't want to admit it out loud, but he was sure their parents would agree. Keiki, on the other hand, didn't want to have her hopes high, so she just waited in silence, with her shoulders slumped and her hands fidgeting, the anxiety slowly consuming her.

After about thirty minutes later, Rebecca came back to the room with an unreadable expression on her face and stared silently at Bryce and Keiki for a moment before speaking. “Alright. Your father and I have agreed to let you stay here, Keiki.”

The girl released a long and deep breath, a breath that probably had been holding since she had entered the suite.

"And I spoke with our lawyer and he'll start with the legal guardianship process Bryce, including child support. No judge would approve something like that without providing for education, food, and housing, much less considering our situation. I'll let you know when all is settled so you can travel to Maui to sign the papers."

“My intention wasn’t getting any money from yo-” Bryce started, but soon was interrupted.

“That’s okay, Bryce,” Keiki said, making Bryce look at her, surprised, “it isn’t fair that you have to cover everything when our parents are loaded money, it’s the least they can do for not being able to raise their child properly.”

“Watch out your tongue, Keiki. I’m still your mother.”

“How about not?” Keiki defied, getting up from the couch. “Anyway, I’m done with this, can we go?”

Bryce stared at Rebecca, wondering if she wanted to add something else. She simply shook her head, so both Keiki and Eleanor abandoned the room after giving Rebecca a nod as a goodbye.

“You better keep your word and this isn’t a scheme of yours,” Bryce warned, standing up at the same time as her, “And I mean it mother, one wrong move and I swear I’ll go to the police. Am I clear?”

Rebecca nodded, "Yes. In three weeks maximum, we should be able to ask for the judge's approval."

"Well, until then, mother," he said before going out of the suite and joining Eleanor and Keiki in the hallway.

When he reached Keiki, he gave him the most luminous smile he had given her, charged with pride and victory, “We made it, Keiks.”

Even if he feared the worst when he received that call and Eleanor told him what had happened, even when he thought what Rebecca had said would convince Keiki to go with her; against all odds, he made it, both made it. Keiki would stay with him.

He knew things wouldn’t be easy, that both would have to struggle a lot to make it work, but Bryce was determined to make up for his mistakes and give her everything their parents failed to give Keiki.

“We really did it,” she said, lifting her hand to high-five him, “Thank you, bro.”

“Wanna eat something special to celebrate?” He asked, embracing her tightly.

"Mmm, maybe sushi."

“Let’s get that sushi, then, come on.”

As Keiki started walking towards the elevator, Bryce looked down at Eleanor, eyes sparkling with the smile she was giving him, “How are you feeling?”

“Great. Amazing. I can’t believe what just happened. And that I finally… Could tell her all that I had inside.”

“I’m so, so proud of you, my love,” She whispered, caressing his cheek with her knuckles, “and I admire you so much.”

“Well, this wouldn’t have been that easy if it wasn’t for your support.”

“I appreciate the acknowledgment, but this is all you.”

“I disagree, but I’m done with discussions for the day.”

Eleanor giggled, “Fair enough.”

As the elevator reached their floor, the three of them got in, ready to celebrate the first family victory of the Lahela siblings.

*

The following days were unexpectedly weird and disconcerting. Keiki started avoiding Eleanor without motive.

She wasn't interested in talking or watching movies together, and when they had lunch, there was this uncomfortable and painful silence between them, a silence that had never been between them, not even the first day.

Eleanor didn’t know why. She tried to think about anything she could’ve said, if she overstepped with something, but there was nothing. She thought maybe it was just the natural aftermaths of such a traumatic experience as what had happened with Rebecca a few days ago. A recharging after a very emotional day.

Bryce had noticed too, but as he hated conflict more than anyone in the world, he just preferred to ask Eleanor instead of Keiki, and as she didn’t know, days kept passing by without knowing what was happening with her.

But then, after three excruciating days in which she convinced herself that things wouldn’t get better, Eleanor finally found the strength to ask Keiki, just as she finished putting the dishes in the cabinet after lunch. “Keiki, is there something wrong?”

“Why you ask?” She replied without looking up at her, eyes fixated on her cellphone.

“You’ve been very quiet these few days, you don’t want to talk or do anything together, and I’m wondering if something’s bothering you? Or maybe I did something wrong?”

Keiki looked up at her, serious, but didn’t say anything. Then she shook her head and murmured, “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Why not?”

“Let’s leave it there.”

“Keiki, I want to help you, but I can’t do it if you don't tell me what’s wrong.”

Keiki scoffed, really annoyed with her insistence, “That’s exactly the problem, Eleanor. Why of all people is _you_ who’s offering help.”

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t understand why, having already a family, a father, a mother, a brother, is you, someone who was a total stranger to me two months ago, the one who cares about me the most.”

“Keiki, what are you saying? Bryce cares about you more than anyone.”

“Oh, but I haven’t seen him asking what’s wrong with me, even if he knows perfectly well there’s something wrong.”

“You have to understand this is difficult for him...”

"Oh, as if this has been really easy for me! All I have been is being understanding, comprehensive, patient. Ten years waiting for him to visit me, ten years waiting for more than a fucking birthday call! And now I've been waiting two fucking months for him to show me some interest, but there's always something first, if it's not work, it's you, or your accident. Anything, but me!"

Eleanor couldn't say anything. Part of what she was saying was true, and part of the reason that this has turned this bad, was her fault, so she couldn't contradict her. Besides, she had the feeling that all this anger was motivated by what her mother had told her the other day. Rebecca's poison was working on her.

“I’m sorry Eleanor,” she added, after a few seconds, her voice shaking, “I know this is not your fault… that I shouldn't take it on you but it’s just... sometimes I can’t help but feel anger towards you because…” she sighed, ashamed, “because I see you and you have everything I’ve always wanted.”

Eleanor’s heart skipped a beat with guilt.

“You have a family that loves you, a brother that missed school just to be with you, parents that flew thousands of miles to see you. You have a mother who does your hair and never abandoned you while you were at the hospital, and… and I want to hate you but I can’t! Because you’ve been nothing but nice to me, and sometimes I feel like you’re the person that cares about me the most.”

“Keiki… I’m so sorry, I didn’t know…”

Keiki shook her head, stopping her mid-sentence, "This is not your fault, but I needed to let you know why I've been so… cold with you. I just can't stop thinking about it sometimes. Like, I feel envy, and I know it's wrong, but I just prefer to deal with it on my own."

Eleanor nodded, “I understand. It’s okay, Keiki, thank you for telling me.”

“I still like your parents, it’s just that this is too much for me sometimes.”

“Keiki…” She muttered a few minutes later, after pondering carefully her words. She told herself she wouldn't intervene, but she felt like she needed to do something anyway, to give Bryce a little push even if she was realizing it was time for him to fight his own battles. “I… I know that this is something that you have to talk about with Bryce but… But you have to know that Bryce cares about you, that you _are_ his priority. Bryce has changed a lot of things in his life in order to spend time with you, to give you the time you deserve. You knew since the first moment that it would be complicated. The life of a doctor is hard, and even like that, he’s been giving you all his time. Please, don’t believe for a second what your mother told you. She has no idea.”

Keiki shook her head, a tear streaming down her face, “But she’s right, Elle. Sometimes I can’t help but feel like you care more about me than he does, because you always take the time to listen to me, and all Bryce does is trying to avoid conflict, just like my parents. Why can't Bryce be like you?”

Eleanor bit her lip. Keiki was overreacting, she was sure Bryce _had_ taken the time to listen to her, but at that moment, the only thing that the teenager could think, is that her brother wasn’t giving her the attention she needed, the fifteen years of attention she needed, and Eleanor couldn’t argue with that.

“Keiks, not everyone has this… easiness with people’s emotions, as you’re suggesting I have. Bryce is not one of those people, he struggles a lot with his own, so it’s not that he doesn’t care about you, it’s just that this is really difficult for him to talk about it. Some topics still trigger a lot of things in him and he’s not ready to face them with you in front.”

“Really?”

“Yes. But I also understand where you’re going with this, that maybe he’s not trying hard enough in opening up to you, and I have to say that’s partly my fault.

“Your fault? Why?”

“Because I’ve meddled in your relationship with him trying to help you two, but that has only let him evade the responsibility he has with you. Don’t get me wrong, I like that you can count on me, but now you’ve made me see that Bryce should be able to talk to you about everything, especially now that you’re going to live officially with him.”

At that moment, Eleanor realized that situation would keep occurring as long as she was in the middle, always ready to save Bryce from a disastrous talk, or always providing advice about how to deal with him, almost depriving him of making mistakes, and that couldn't happen anymore.

She had to get out of the way.

"The good thing is there's one quick way to fix this. Well, not exactly fix it, but to push him to do better," She said after a few minutes considering her decision.

“Which is?”

“I’m going back home.”

"What, Eleanor, no! There's no need!" Her answer didn't have that usual determination that characterized her voice, it was weak and almost hesitant.

Eleanor shook her head, chuckling, “That’s okay, no need to pretend with me. I’m sure you’ll be alright by yourself, right? Considering that you’ll start school in a couple of weeks.”

“Yeah, I think so, but what about you?”

"I'll be alright," She said, nonchalant, "I'm doing this for me too. I've stayed more than I planned here, besides, it's about damn time I start taking care of my own life, don't you think?"

After a couple of hours collecting her things and messaging her friends and Bryce that she would go back home, she said goodbye to Keiki, more determined than ever that this was the best decision. Not only for Keiki but for her too.

“Eleanor I… You don’t have to…”

“Keiki, you have every right to be upset, or mad, or just uncomfortable with me being here, so please don’t feel bad. We’re okay. And I really hope that this is the push your brother needs to react. I understand what you’re struggling with, okay?”

“Thank you, Ella.”

“Of course. I care about you Keiki. A lot. But not as much as you brother,” She winked at her, and Keiki couldn’t help but smile.

“Please let me know when you’re at home.”

“Sure.”

*

When Eleanor got home, the adrenaline of what had happened that day slowly started to drop, until all that was left was her reality. Her naked and rough reality, without other people's problems, without a teenager who was pushing her to be better, without a boyfriend who could comfort her when everything was wrong.

No.

Now she was all by herself.

Just herself and her demons, the million demons that she'd been avoiding for days, weeks, months, even years, and that she'd swept under the carpet.

And it was huge.

The guilt after what happened at the hospital hadn’t receded, she’d just pushed it to the back, but was still there.

Bobby was dead. The family was still mourning his loss.

Raf and Danny were still at the hospital, and despite the fact that they were getting better, it would take them months to be back in their normal states.

And she? She was fine. She was alive, in good health, she was able to walk to anywhere she wanted, she could do whatever she wanted with her life, but instead of doing something good, she was just screwing the lives she had around.

She had been trying so hard to focus on Keiki but in the end, she only ended up ruining her. Her presence at Bryce's apartment had cracked her relationship with Keiki, and also Keiki's with Bryce.

Was there anything good she could do at this point or she'll just spend her entire life failing by default?

The following hours happened in an almost familiar blur trying to ignore the fact that she was alone and that the reason she was back at her room was because she was a complete failure that couldn't even help a fifteen-year-old girl.

She wasn’t really paying attention when her friends arrived and greeted her. She didn’t even know how she managed to talk about the past days and ask them how they were doing, how Kyra, Rafael, and Danny were, but she did. Somehow, the words came out of her mouth, somehow she understood the information her ears received.

And then, suddenly, Bryce was in front of her, talking, both sitting on her bed.

_When he had arrived? Did she kiss him? What was he saying?_

“Elle, babe?”

“Uh?”

“Are you okay?”

“Sorry, what were you saying?”

“I just wanna know why you didn’t tell me you were planning to come back.”

"Oh, that. Actually, it's not that I had it planned, I made the decision today after I spoke with Keiki."

“What Keiki has to do with this?”

“She…” No, she had to stop doing that. “I… I think it’s better if you ask her yourself.”

“But you know what was happening with her?”

“Yes, and after she told me, I thought the best I could do was get out of there and just try to do something with my life.”

“You had a fight with my sister, my teenage sister, and you just left?”

His voice was teasing but also kind of... recriminatory. _What the fuck?_ Anger started to itch in her guts.

“Oh my god, you cannot be serious.”

“What?”

“I did what you should’ve done to help you, and you’re judging me?”

“No, I’m not saying that!”

"Well, it looks like. I did what you've been avoiding all this time and now I decided that I'm done with this situation, that's all."

“What are you talking about?” 

Eleanor rolled her eyes, slowly losing it, “Bryce, you’ve spent the last three days asking _me_ what was happening with Keiki because you're incapable of facing conflict, and I'm simply done with that, I can't do it anymore. I realized that me meddling between you two was doing more harm than good."

“Do me harm? How can you say that? You’ve helped us a lot!”

“Well, ask your sister and she’ll tell you the contrary. She wasn’t comfortable with my presence there because you’re not giving her the attention she deserves, and I honestly believe she’s right.”

“Elle, come on, she’s just overreacting, I don’t give her attention, ha! I give her _all_ my attention.”

“You know that’s not true. And it’s not the only problem. You’re always relying on me when things are wrong with Keiki and that’s not fair.”

“Oh, I see. My mother’s words did their work on you too.”

“What? No! It’s just….”

“Just what?"

Eleanor released a sigh, her hands started trembling, her core blazing with anger. She couldn’t hold it anymore. This was not only about what had happened with Keiki. It was so, so much more than that. "I can’t take it anymore, Bryce I… just can't. I CAN’T!”

Bryce stared at her with eyes widened, surprised by her sudden outburst.

“Shit, I’m sorry… It’s just… I’m tired, Bryce. Of this situation with Keiki, the stupid accident, the mess I have in my head… I…”

“Babe…” He whispered, enveloping her in his arms before she broke in sobs.

"I'm doing everything wrong, Bryce. I...I wanted to help Keiki but I screwed it up instead. I wanted to save Senator Farrugia and instead, I killed an innocent man and two innocent lives were affected… I … Shit, I can't…"

“Oh, god, babe. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

She shook her head, “I’m the one who’s sorry, I promised you I’d be with you but I just can’t.”

“No, babe. This is my fault, I shouldn't have let this happen, not when you’re going through something so difficult, I’m sorry.”

They stayed in silence for a while, Eleanor letting the warm embrace soothe her like so many times before, but there was still so much anger bottled up. With herself, of course, but she was trying not to take it on Bryce.

“Don’t worry, baby, we’ll face this together,”

“No,” she said, pulling away from him.

“What do you mean no?”

"Bryce, don't you understand? You have to focus on Keiki, not on me, for god's sake!"

“But…”

“I need to do this on my own,” snapped, categorically.

Suddenly, Eleanor realized that coming back to her apartment wouldn’t be enough to set boundaries between her and Bryce, and to have the needed space to work on her issues, on the mess she had as life.

She had to get completely out of the way. Out of the city. Out of the state.

“I think I… I’m going to Cincinnati,” she announced a moment later.

“What?

“I need some time and space to think, Bryce, I need to set some boundaries and I can’t have them if you’re close.”

“Boundaries? Why would you need to set boundaries with _me_?”

“I just need time to think, okay? Everything has happened so fast these past weeks, that we haven’t even had the chance to talk about us, about what happened with Ethan, about what’s next for us. Things have been just happening, things have been changing, and now I feel like I’m not ready for that.”

Eleanor could swear that Bryce paled at those words. God, there she was again, screwing it all up, but she needed to be honest with him.

“What do you mean you’re not ready?”

“I’m not ready to give that kind of compromise right now, Bryce. Our relationship at first was… casual or… I don’t know, without projecting too much, because nothing was settled between us, and now that we’re committed, there’s a lot of decisions to make, a lot of things to give to the relationship, and I really, really want to do it, I wanna make plans with you, but I can’t do it, Bryce. I’m not okay, so I’m not in a position to give anything in our relationship, and that’s not fair to you.”

And now his eyes were glimmering with tears and widened in a mix of desperation and pain, “Are you breaking up with me?” he said in a breaking voice.

She hated herself for giving him that impression with her own words.

“What? No! Of course not!” She reassured instantly, “I’m just being completely honest about how I feel. Just take it as I told you, I’m not in a position to give anything at this moment so I’m just taking a time away to regain some stability and solve my issues, so I can come back to you… not healed, but at least ready and stable to give everything our relationship deserves.”

Bryce didn’t look so convinced.

“Love, you deserve the best, only the best, and at this moment I can’t give you anything. The only thing I have is problems and I don’t wanna give you that burden when you already have so much on your plate with Keiki. I’m doing this for me, but also for you, for us. I don’t wanna ruin what we have.”

After her words settled in him, he breathed deeply, “Okay.”

“Do you understand now why I’m doing this?”

“Yes. Yes, I do. I’m sorry for reacting that way.”

Eleanor shook her head, furrowing her lips, “I’m sorry for putting you in this position,” she said, cupping his cheeks with both hands. “And please, never, ever doubt about my feelings for you, okay? I would never give up so easily on us. You never did and neither I will.”

Bryce simply nodded, unable to say another word.

It was hard for him to accept it, but only with time he would realize she wasn't lying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I know this was longer than usual, but my babies had a lot to say! I hope you had enjoyed today's chapter despite its length.  
> Thank you so much for reading and giving me your support in all this journey!  
> I big hug to each and every one of you, I hope you're doing well!!


	23. Homesick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bryce is back in Maui to finish Keiki's legal guardianship process.  
> Eleanor is back in Cincinnati to start her healing process.  
> What seemed scary at first, ended up being precisely what they needed.

**Chapter 23. Homesick**

_Tell my heart to lie,_

_but I know deep inside it's true_

_That I wish I was there with you_

The first thing Bryce saw when the elevator’s door opened on the third floor of Wailuku Courthouse, was the silhouette of Haulani Lahela, his father.

As with his mother, the passing of time was visible on him. White hair in his sideburns and all the way up the crown of his head; wrinkles in the corner of his eyes and forehead, and loose skin on his neck. Clearly, he wasn’t as interested in his appearance as his wife.

 _A trait that I definitely inherited from my dear mother_ , Bryce thought, as he approached the couple and the man talking to them in the busy hallway.

"Good morning," Bryce said, perfectly standing in his grey suit, white button-up shirt with black dots, and a black tie. His head was slightly tilted up in subtle but deliberate arrogance, and his face was completely serious. Inscrutable. 

Bryce didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of seeing him intimidated or unsure about his decision to take care of Keiki, hence the unusual arrogance. 

By his side was Keiki, wearing light blue jeans, a cream blouse, and a pine green leather jacket, her gestures mirroring her brother's. "Hello mom, dad, Nathaniel," she said, giving glances at her parents and the family lawyer.

Haulani turned to his kids and couldn’t hide the surprise and commotion. Strangely, their father had always been more indulgent and sentimental than their mother, so his reaction to Bryce was more genuine and kind of poignant than Rebecca’s back in the hotel two weeks ago.

“Bryce,” he sighed, and then stared at him for a few seconds, speechless, “you’re a man, now.”

"Long time no see, dad," Bryce replied dryly, ignoring the evident melancholy in Haulani's voice.

He had a (very tiny) soft spot for his father, but he couldn't forget the harm he had done to Keiki. And to him. Even if he seemed less cold than Rebecca, none of them cared about Keiki enough to take her to the hospital and provide medical care. None of them cared enough to prevent the misery she had as life now. Not to mention their schemes and crimes.

Both Haulani and Rebecca were equally responsible.

"I thought I'd miss my chance to see you both, my parole officer didn't let me leave the state to go to Boston, that's why your mother had to go alone," the older man excused smiling ruefully at Keiki and Bryce, as if both had been completely heartbroken with his absence that horrific day.

“Don’t worry, dad, we had enough with mom’s crap,” Keiki said, with arms crossed, not believing a single second of Haulani’s acting.

Rebecca was about to bark something but stopped the moment Bryce gave her a fulminant glare.

Fifteen minutes later, the Lahelas got in the courtroom in the company of their respective lawyers.

They all knew this wouldn’t be easy, that the judge would not agree right away with the petition Rebecca and Nathaniel were requesting, considering they were healthy, wealthy, and had everything to provide a safe environment to Keiki. It seemed a bit unusual that they would let Keiki live with her brother, a surgeon who worked more than 80 hours a week and barely had time for himself, much less his teenage sister.

However, both lawyers were consistent in their petitions and convinced the judge with a very, very stretched truth: Keiki wasn't happy and comfortable living in Maui because of the stigma of her last name and what her family implies in Hawaii. Starting in a new place would give her peace and stability, besides she was happy with her brother and the friends she had made in Boston. 

When Keiki was called to the stand to confirm what both lawyers had stated, she was eloquent and convincing about her bond with Bryce and the roots she had set in Boston in the past two months.

"Bryce cares a lot about me, despite he's working all day," she said, giving glances to Rebecca and then to Bryce, who was hearing her completely serious and focused. "He's always checking on me throughout the day, and once at home, he makes sure to spend time with me, whether it be talking, watching TV, or just… be there for me even when I don't want to talk. I know I'm his priority."

Keiki couldn’t help but remember the things Eleanor had said to her. Even if she was reluctant to see the truth at first, Keiki had finally realized she was right: Bryce cared about her, even more than she could imagine. If she felt like Bryce wasn’t giving her what she needed was only because she never said to him what she needed. She just expected that Bryce would magically realize it, and that was just wrong. She was also a bit to blame for the miscommunication that tore them apart the last few weeks.

“Miss Lahela, we need to be sure that Boston is the best place for you to be,” the judge said, considering her words. “Are you happy with your brother?”

Keiki looked at Bryce, who was with the same serious stance, but his brows betrayed him for a brief second, showing his concern and… fear.

He knew she’d stretch the truth too, that she wouldn’t say to the judge how bad the last weeks had been, that she would say instead that everything was fine between them so the court could rule in Bryce’s favor, but probably it hurt him knowing the truth. That she actually wasn’t happy there but she had no better place to go.

Keiki gave him a brief smile before looking back at the judge and saying earnestly, “Yes. I’m happy in Boston, more than I’ve ever been. I know you might think I’ll be alone most of the time but once I start school I’ll have my own life and it won’t be much different from what a lot of kids live with two parents working all day. My brother is great, is caring and I know he’ll be willing to help me whatever I need, so… I think there’s no better place to be but with him, and I’m glad my parents see it that way too.”

Bryce bit his lips, trying to resist the urge to laugh at the incredible acting she was doing. Painting their parents as supportive and understanding. And them as if they had an ideal relationship. Nothing further from the truth.

After a conscious deliberation from the judge, she finally conceded the legal guardianship to Bryce and accepted the substantial amount of child support offered by Rebecca and Haulani. They were clearly trying to pay all their guilts with money.

Once the hearing was over, Bryce, Rebecca, and Haulani spent the following hour filling forms and signing a lot of the paperwork needed to settle him as Keiki's guardian. Most of them needed to be done as soon as possible so Bryce could enroll Keiki in High School once they were back in Boston.

“All done,” he said, approaching Keiki in the hallway with a folder full of paperwork.

"Great, it took you forever,” she mumbled, getting up from the bench and starting to walk toward the elevator.

Their relationship had been more tense than usual in the last days since Eleanor left. Bryce had been pissed off at Keiki for what had happened, and Keiki was mad at his reaction, but they had agreed to keep it civil while they were at court. Now there was no need to pretend, but still, Bryce couldn't resist the urge to ask her if all that she said was true. Because he felt like it was true. He _wanted_ it to be true.

“You really meant that?” Bryce asked after a few minutes of silence, as they were heading to the main street in Wailuku.

“About what?”

“Do you really believe I care about you? Are you really happy with me?”

Keiki sighed and stopped in the middle of the street, turning reluctantly to him. Bryce followed suit and stared at her, looking for any kind of answer in her features before she could respond. He only found her cheeks blushed in embarrassment.

“I do,” she said, looking up at him at last. “I know I said you didn't care about me, that you were more invested in your work, and in Eleanor and her recovery, but…” she shook her head, her brows knitting in regret, “That’s not true, you care about me. Is just that… I was so pissed off because you avoided talking to me that I started to believe what mom said, I know I shouldn’t have, but I did. And I was wrong in assuming you would read my mind and guess what I was feeling, because sometimes even I don’t know what I feel.”

Bryce gave her a sad smile, observing the regret in her eyes, "That would be great, Keiks, really. I assume my fault on this, I've been avoiding talking to you about difficult stuff because I hate conflict and I don't know how to deal with you and the guilt I feel, but if you help me by telling me how you feel, or if you need _anything,_ that could save us a lot of problems in the future. But I know this is hard for you too, because it's difficult for me as well, even with Eleanor I still feel that way."

“I'll do my best,” Keiki promised, smiling at him with sincerity, “And I can also help you by telling you this: All that has happened is not your fault. Yes, you should’ve reached out more, but I truly understand why you didn’t want to come back. You made mistakes and you have a reason to feel guilty about it, but not more than that.”

“But Kei-”

“No, Bryce,” she interrupted, determined, “Nothing that happened to me was your fault. Nothing. _They_ failed, they didn’t look after me, they decided to give their attention to business and their schemes more than me. They are my parents and didn’t do enough.”

“But a lot of things wouldn’t have happened if I had reached out.”

“Yes, probably. But a lot of things shouldn’t have happened in the first place.”

Bryce looked at her with eyes widened, speechless. After a few seconds, he nodded, “You’re right, a lot of things shouldn’t have happened in the first place," he repeated, trying to process such freeing truth, "It seems you're wiser than me, uh?”

“Of course, anyone is wiser than you,” she snorted quirking a brow.

“Hey! ” Bryce scolded, stabbing her belly with a finger.

Keiki giggled, looking more loosely than he’d seen her in weeks, probably since his birthday.

He took that as an opportunity and wrapped his arms around her, as a conclusion to one of the hardest times of his life, “You’re officially stuck with me now.”

“ _You_ are stuck with me now,” she teased, returning the hug almost reluctantly. But soon she got lost in the sensation, Bryce always had that effect on her.

His embrace was the living proof of how her life would be since that moment. Warm, cozy, and loving. Something she never had, or something she probably had until she was six, when Bryce left.

She knew it wouldn’t be easy nor perfect, the past weeks were proof of that. But those past weeks had also taught her that no matter the fights and misunderstandings, he would be there and they would talk through things. She wouldn’t be alone anymore because she had someone who cared for her, someone who would listen to her, and would comfort her when everything seemed wrong. She had someone who was giving her a chance to start over, away from her negligent parents and the hell she’d been living in Maui.

She had someone who _loved_ her unconditionally.

She couldn’t ask for more.

“Okay, as much as I love hugging you, that’s enough,” Bryce said, gently pulling away, “I kinda forgot how hot it is here all the time and I’m melting.”

“It’s your fault deciding to do your residency in the extreme north of the country, you know? You could’ve just stayed in California.” Keiki condemned, watching as Bryce was taking off his grey suit jacket.

“Unfortunately, California didn't have a surgical program as good as Edenbrook. Hold this for a second,” Bryce asked, handing her his jacket and tie, and the folder with paperwork so he could unbutton his shirt above his chest and then roll up his sleeves. "Besides, someone called Eleanor was waiting for me there,” he joked, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“You’re ridiculous,” she sighed, rolling her eyes.

“Okay, miss ‘you’re-so-ridiculous’, what about going to Ho’okipa to make the most of this amazing weather before returning to the rain and snow? Like old times?”

“Mmmh” Keiki stared at him, pensively.

"You don't expect to spend the rest of the day locked in the hotel room, do you? "

“I thought we would pick up my stuff at home? Well, at our parents’ house…”

“Yeah, but we can go later, our flight leaves at midnight. We have time.”

“I don’t have a swimsuit.”

"I'm sure the juicy child support we'll be receiving can cost a swimsuit, a beach towel, and some flip flops, don't you think?"

After shopping a few blocks away from the court, Bryce and Keiki took a car toward Ho’okipa beach, their favorite beach back in the day, and the best place to surf in all Maui.

Despite the town had changed a lot in ten years, somehow Ho'okipa seemed to have been encapsulated in time. It was as he remembered it: the same beautiful gold sand with the same rocky shore. And the wild and challenging waves pulled him as if the sea was still the owner of his own will.

He had surfed over the years in California and Massachusetts, but there was nothing like surfing again in those waves. In the sea that watched him grow, that taught him about surf and persistence, in the place where he forged the best memories of his childhood and adolescence. The very few good memories he had of Maui, were mostly made in that place.

Ho’okipa was the beach that always made him take his surfboard and try, no matter the weather or the wild waves. Try and try until thrive.

And that feeling kept with him over the years.

The persistence to try until excel.

It stood with him at every difficult subject or exam, at every assignment, at every betrayal, at every bad day, at every bad surgery, at every fight.

Keep going, keep going until excel.

He kept going, despite the loneliness. He kept going despite the difficulties, despite him failing.

He kept going despite being scared and not knowing how to fix things with Keiki.

And there he was, maybe not excelling, but thriving to fix up his relationship with her, and honestly, that was more than he had hoped for.

Despite the distance and his mistakes, he was with her. And he would have her by his side, day after day until it would be her time to go and fly.

Looking at the waves, Bryce chuckled, realizing.

Eleanor was right. He needed this time alone with Keiki.

It felt sudden and it made him feel scared to be left alone with Keiki and being apart from Eleanor, but that was precisely what they needed. Time and space to process on their own time, without mediators or distractions. With raw pain and tough conversations. With all honesty despite the fear.

The fear and pain he had been feeling since she left suddenly turned into thankfulness and infinite love.

She did help him in the end, just in a way he didn’t expect.

They spent the whole afternoon in the water. Surfing, swimming, chatting, remembering. Remembering their favorite memories, their favorite hidden places. And making new memories too.

“When I was old enough to be by myself around the island, I used to come a lot here, to feel closer to you,” Keiki confessed, as they were watching the sunset, the orange light reflecting on their faces.

Bryce gave her a pained smile, not knowing if she was doing it on purpose or just opening up to him.

“I missed you a lot, Bryce,” she continued, her eyes fixated on the bright orb dissolving in the horizon, “But somehow being here always soothed me. Could be the memories, or that you loved this place so much, I don’t know. But it helped me keep going.”

“Keiki… I…”

Keiki shook her head, dissuading him to continue, “And look at us now, here again, together.”

His crooked smile quickly turned into a beaming one, feeling somewhat proud of how optimistic Keiki was being. How she was making an effort to open up to him, to bond, to leave the grudges in the past. He felt like he didn’t deserve it, but he made his best to play along, “And here we are, finishing the mess where it all started.”

“Kinda poetic, don’t you think?”

“I’d say bittersweet.”

Keiki nodded, silently.

“I used to do the same, you know?”

“Do what?”

“Looking at the ocean in California and thinking about you, about what would you be doing, remembering our time together.”

“Glad to know I crossed your mind.”

“More than you’ll ever know,” he muttered, pensive. “Thanks for telling me this, Keiki.”

“I had to start with something.”

“Well, you’re doing a terrific job.”

“Heh, you too, bro.”

They stood in silence, letting the words settle, to open the wound and heal.

The place that held so many bittersweet memories, so much melancholy, now could harbor sweet and happy memories too.

That was just the beginning.

Once the sun had set, they changed their clothes and took a car towards the Lahela Mansion.

The house was as beautiful and impressive as ever. With big gardens full of bushes, flowers, and trees, a large pool in the backyard, and another two private pools, one at the end of the compound and another inside the house itself.

Inside, the house had been renovated and redecorated with luminous colors and ostentatious ornaments, but it felt truly impersonal. With style but without a family or personal touch.

Bryce wandered through the hallways and rooms remembering his time there. The constant fights with his father, the resentment for being ignored by her mother. The pain of feeling like a ghost in his own house. Not being noticed by anyone but Keiki.

The truth that came with that travel in time, sad for anyone, was reassuring for him: he didn't miss a thing about that place. The only thing he missed was Keiki, but she was with him now. The house had nothing valuable for him any longer.

"I think I'm ready," Keiki said, standing beside him on the balcony of her bedroom. The steel blue sky above them was slightly stained with the first stars of the night.

“Excellent, time to go, then."

Bryce took two of the three suitcases Keiki would take with her, and both walked to the foyer, where Haulani and Rebecca were already waiting with the chauffeur who would drive Keiki and Bryce back to the hotel.

The man took the suitcases and left the four alone with an uncomfortable silence.

How do you say goodbye to the people who hurt you so much? To the people who gave you life but ruined practically every second of it since you have memory?

Probably you just gave in the emotions, but only because you don’t want to have regrets later, but not because you actually feel it.

Haulani was more emotional than Rebecca, as expected. Both Bryce and Keiki accepted his hug and the pained look he gave to them only because it was the last time they would see him, but not because they actually felt it. No.

“I hope you’re not making a mistake choosing to stay with your brother," Rebecca said, taking her by the shoulders with a worried look. "I truly wish you’re right, Keiki. ”

Keiki snorted, "The only one who made mistake over mistake, over and over again, was you. I gave you too many chances and even then you failed. My place is with Bryce now. "

“Keiki…”

“Bye mother,” she said dryly and then walked towards the great door without hesitating or looking back. She couldn't stand her another second. 

Bryce approached Rebecca, his face, always warm and welcoming, now painfully inexpressive, “If there’s anything we have to discuss, first contact our lawyer. And if you want to see Keiki, she’s the only one who can decide that, I won’t force her to anything, alright?”

Rebecca nodded, “Clear.”

"Goodbye, mother."

"Goodbye, son."

Bryce turned toward the door as well and followed his sister.

He didn’t look back either. Both Keiki and Bryce had no time to deal with the past, with the living hell they were leaving behind.

Their new beginning full of hope was awaiting.

******

Eleanor was back at home, but why did she feel like something was missing?

Why, for some unknown reason, there was a hole in her heart when she was in the place that always made her feel full?

Her happy place.

Where it was the warm embrace of _mamá._

Where it was the gentle and sweet words of dad.

Where she always found comfort, no matter how bad it was.

There was this nostalgia she couldn’t explain.

However, being back in Cincinnati was precisely what she needed. A time-out from all the craziness her life had been in the last weeks, hell, in the last months, the last _years._

This was the place where she could be just Ellie. Not Doctor Bloom, not even an adult with hundreds of responsibilities. Just Ellie, daughter and sister. Actually, just daughter, because as Benjamin was at college, she could enjoy the perks of being the only child of the house.

Being at home meant her dad would cook her favorite meals, her mom would make her breakfast on weekends, and that they would watch TV after dinner until dad would fall asleep on the couch and his snoring wouldn’t let her and mom hear the dialogues. And dad would swear he wasn’t sleeping.

Despite the years, the family dynamics hadn't changed a bit.

The first three days back in Cincinnati Eleanor tried to avoid the mess she had, naturally. She went for long walks in the neighborhood, trying to detect how much West Chester had changed over the years and to visit some of her friends who still lived in the zone. It was a good distraction for a while.

But then, her grandparents from Columbus went to visit her, and the lie was over. Reliving the nightmare that almost killed her became inevitable.

Eleanor suspected her mother had warned them before arriving that they shouldn't ask her about those days at the hospital because there wasn't a single mention about it while Lorraine and Albert were there. Just happy words about seeing her again after so long.

Happy words, and incessant worried glances towards her, unusual softness in the way they spoke to her, and whispers about her when they thought she wasn’t listening.

“Poor thing.” “I can’t imagine how hard it must be for her.” “Thinking she could’ve died.” “What a tragedy.” “Is she alright?”

Those whispers were as harmful as an explicit conversation because showed her that no matter how hard she tried to hide it, to avoid it, the trauma was still there and would still be there as long as she wouldn't work on it. 

The trauma wouldn’t vanish magically, on the contrary, it could become worse as the days went by.

The whole reason she was there was to start her healing process, so that's what she did: she started facing her feelings as they came.

There was a lot inside her, but a lot of strength to fight with.

The guilt she felt thinking she could've done a lot of things to prevent the accident.

 _Travis was responsible,_ she would say to herself, _not me, not me. There’s nothing I could've done. There’s no way I would’ve known what he would do._

The anger towards herself for making so many mistakes. With Ethan, with Bryce, with Keiki. With a lot of people in her life.

_I’m more than my mistakes. I’m more than my mistakes, just give it time._

The uncertainty of tomorrow, of not knowing if she would ever be ready to come back to Boston, to come back to work, to come back to her ñlife. To come back to Bryce.

 _You’ll be ready in time. Just don’t rush it. You need to start healing first. You can do this, you can do this_.

The fear of not feeling good enough. Of feeling she would ruin Bryce with her mess, because remembering Dylan weeks ago had opened a wound that she thought was closed and healed, but turned out to be just a weak scab. A scab that now was disgustingly purulent.

His words still had some power over her.

_Don’t let him get under your skin again. He’s in the past. You can’t let him hurt you after so many years._

_You're enough. You deserve Bryce. You deserve a beautiful love like the one you have with him._

Day after day she would fight. Fight with herself and her thoughts. 

Some days were more successful than others.

Some days were simply horrible, but at least she was trying.

Her mom helped her a lot to talk through things, to convince her that none of what happened was her fault, that it was okay to be scared. She encouraged her every day to keep fighting.

On good days, she would cling onto the beautiful things in her life. Her family, her job, her friends. Her boyfriend, her _amazing_ boyfriend. The whole reason why she was there, still standing, the whole reason why she didn’t give up when she was tired the most.

Bryce would never know how much he saved her.

And not like Superman saved Lois Lane.

He had saved her from herself. From her own self-sabotage, her own self-doubts. He had saved her from things she didn’t even know she needed to be saved. Because he always knew what she needed even before she knew. From the very first day.

And he saved her by just being himself. Just being there. Just loving her. Just holding her. Just like that, he had saved her, just like that he had healed her.

With love.

And now he was pushing her, unknowingly and from distance, to do better. To wake up in the morning and spend less and less time engaged in guilt. Less and less time blaming herself for everything. And spend more and more time appreciating what she had, what she could do, what she could give.

Love was her driving force to this constant fight.

At the end of the day, she was so tired of fighting against herself, but each day felt more rewarding than the day before.

Maybe the darkest hour was coming to an end.

One afternoon, a big reward came to her hands. A phone call. Bryce was officially Keiki’s legal guardian. He was beside himself with joy. And so was she.

Everything would be alright between Keiki and Bryce. She felt it. Despite the fights, she could envision a bright future for them. Her heart was full of pride.

The same day, a bigger reward came to her hands. At midnight.

The last time Eleanor had spoken with Keiki was the day she came back to her apartment. After that, both distanced themselves from one another. Eleanor simply respected Keiki’s silence and preferred not to push her.

But that night, after more than a week of silence, a video appeared in their private chat.

A video of Bryce surfing.

The message said: _Look, ur boyfriend is a total surfer bro_ _😂_

In the video, Bryce appeared in coral swim shorts, surfing a massive wave. She had seen Bryce surfing a couple of times in Boston, but the waves were nothing like the ones in Maui. They could only be dominated by a pro. A pro like Bryce, who even if was a bit rusty in his skills still managed to win over the sea.

And he looked so happy, so light, so in his element. The water always transformed him. It was where he was happiest outside the OR. Where his true nature would bloom.

A simple video meant so much to her.

She felt it like a kind of truce between Keiki and her.

Maybe there was still hope for them.

Then she noticed a lot of photos posted on social media by her and Bryce. In some of them, they were even together and happy. Happy as she had never seen them before.

Maybe she hadn't ruined everything in the end. Maybe she made the right choice by getting out of the way.

That realization was a push for her but still, it didn't give her the strength to come back.

Maybe they were better without her. Maybe _he_ was better without her.

She was still afraid.

The days kept going by, with their ups and downs.

One afternoon she was alone at home, binge-watching some series when she received a call from Bryce. Their daily call had no set time because it all depended on how busy Bryce was throughout the day. Sometimes it was at lunch, sometimes after work, sometimes in the middle of the day.

That day he had just come out of a big surgery and was incredibly happy with the outcome.

"Have any idea when you're coming back?" he asked her deep in the conversation, as she was telling him how she had been feeling the last few days.

Eleanor froze up with the question. "I… I… I don't know, soon," she said, gulping.

She didn't know, or she was afraid to tell him the truth? That the idea of coming back simply terrified her? 

"Don't worry, babe, take your time. Just know I miss you, okay? And I can't wait to have you with me again and kiss you for all the days we haven't kissed."

Her lip quivered.

Since he had returned from Hawaii there was something different about him. Before the trip, she felt him a bit cold, maybe because he was still scared or hurt about her leaving, but since he was back in Boston he was like his usual sweet self, and that made it just worse. It made her miss him more than she already was. So hearing him saying all those things, as sweet as they were, also hurt her.

"I miss you too, love" she whispered, trying to muffle her shaky voice.

Suddenly, she noticed her mom was looking at her from the hallway, worried, "Shoot, my mom's at home and I need to help her with the grocery bags."

"Sure babe, give her a hug for me, okay? Love you."

"I will. Love you, bye".

And she hung up.

"How much time will you keep escaping, Ellie?" Verónica asked as she took a seat beside her and gave a deep breath. She was coming from a long day at work.

"What do you mean?"

"You can't keep hiding here forever."

"Oh, you want me to leave already?"

"You know that's not what I mean," the older woman said, serious. "You have to come back and talk to him, he doesn't deserve this."

"He's better without me."

"If he really was better without you, he wouldn't call you every single day to know how you are, and he wouldn't text me to be sure you're actually doing okay."

"He what?"

"What are you so afraid of? But I want the truth, no more evasive answers, Ellie." Verónica asked, ignoring the previous question.

Eleanor looked down at her hands, searching for the right words to explain her fears. After a minute, she found them: “I don't want to ruin him with the mess I have, with my problems, and I don't wanna ruin his relationship with Keiki now that everything's good."

"Ellie, helping each other is what partners do. You've been doing it with Bryce for months, it's just fair that he helps you too."

"But this is different, _mamá_. This is big and he has other responsibilities now. He has to focus on Keiki, and I know that if I come back I'll end up messing it all up again. I'll want to help him and Keiki is going to hate me even more, and I don't want that. "

"Have you thought that maybe Keiki also needs you?"

Eleanor snorted, "Don’t be silly."

"Ellie, I saw the way she looked at you at the hospital, how worried she was. She cares about you. And the fact that she told you how she really felt about you and Bryce just proves it even more, because she trusts you."

"But I also meddled in their relationship."

"Yeah, but you also helped them to mend it. You helped _both_ to understand each other, not just Bryce. And if somehow you made a mistake, is just that, a mistake, and everyone makes mistakes.”

Eleanor stared at her mother in silence, not knowing what to say. She was the person who knew her the most, even the worst parts of her, so she knew exactly what to say at that moment to snap her out of her misery. Of her stubborn mindset. And this time, like so many others, she was right.

“Look, I know that you’re scared, that you feel like you’re not ready to come back to your reality, that’s okay, darling, I’ll be happy to have you here as long as you need, but only if you’re not escaping, or hiding for something that is only happening in your head. Because you know Bryce wants you back, you know you want to go back, but the fear has you paralyzed.”

Eleanor sighed. That was precisely what was happening. She was paralyzed to make another mistake. And that was what she was stopping her from being ready to be back with Bryce. The fear that while trying to give all in the relationship, she would err again.

"I know, I know, but I can't help but think that I don't wanna ruin him. Mom, you know him, he's amazing, he's sweet, caring, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me and I don't wanna lose him for my mistakes. Right now I feel like I can't do anything but ruin the people around me."

Veronica looked at her silently, studying her, analyzing her words, probably remembering all that they've talked about in the last weeks, maybe even remembering what Eleanor had lived in the past with her ex-boyfriends, trying to get all the information that could back her up.

Just as Verónica knew her daughter, Eleanor knew her mother. She knew that what her mom was about to say would disarm her.

“You know what's the easiest way to ruin him? Pushing him away, just as you're doing now.”

Eleanor’s face fell. Her mother was dead serious.

"If you keep hiding, if you don't let him in, if you keep thinking that you don't deserve a healthy relationship, if you keep believing the crap Dylan said to you years ago, Bryce will end up paying the price. _That_ could ruin him. That you're so consumed by fear that you can't even fight for your relationship."

Every word felt like a slap on her face.

"The difficult time you're having, your fears, your trauma, your mistakes? Nah," she shook her head, completely sure about what she was stating You two have a solid relationship, and you love each other. You can survive that and more. But distance, the emotional distance that you're putting right now, that certainly can tear him apart."

And _how_ she disarmed her.

She couldn't say anything, because every word was true. Deep down, she knew she couldn’t keep doing it, hiding and pushing him away again, because of fear.

She had her right to take some space and time to heal, that was fair, but she couldn’t keep him away from her and her problems. She had to let him in just as he let her in when Keiki came into their lives.

She had to be brave no matter how frightened she was.

That ugly truth really got her thinking, _for days_. Processing, internalizing, accepting. Until finally she found herself looking for an appointment with a psychiatrist and booking a flight back to Boston for the next day.

The next day both parents took her to the airport and hugged her goodbye, full of happiness and pride for how far she had come since she had arrived in Cincinnati almost a month ago. Somehow, she was proud of herself too.

The two-hour flight felt eternal. It was funny how much she didn't want to come back for weeks, but now the only thing she wanted, was to arrive in Boston and go to Bryce's place to surprise him with her return.

Around 10 pm, Eleanor landed in Boston. The terminal was crowded with people walking in every direction. Sleepy people, busy people, happy people. Families waiting for their loved ones, drivers waiting for their passengers.

Boyfriends waiting for their girlfriends.

Her breath got caught in her throat and her eyes filled with tears the moment she spotted him.

A few feet from the arrival gate was Bryce, in a caramel brown jacket with hood, and blue jeans; waiting for her with a white sign in his hands that said: **_WELCOME BACK, BABE_** , in black letters and adorned with some cutouts of koalas all over the paper. And on his right hand, he was holding a beautiful bouquet of sunflowers.

It was surreal. Surreal that he was there when she was the one that wanted to surprise him.

Surreal that his golden eyes were looking at her and his bright smile was shining just for her, after so long apart.

With her head spinning furiously in shock, she ran towards him and jumped in his arms. "Bryce, oh my god," she whispered, with her limbs around his neck,

“Welcome home, my love,” he said softly, enveloping her in his arms and twirling her in the air.

His embrace worked like a spell.

Eleanor couldn’t understand why, the whole time she was in Cincinnati, she felt like something was missing. A strange nostalgic feeling that never left her.

At that moment she understood why. The whole time she had been missing home.

Because Cincinnati wasn’t her home anymore.

Bryce was.

And right there in his arms, she was finally back at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello!  
> I'm gonna be honest, my brain is fried and probably the second half of this chapter doesn't make any sense, so what matters is that Bryce finally had his closure and that Eleanor is back at Boston to start her therapy and to fight for her relationship with Bryce 😂  
> Okay, no, the Eleanor part is importat too, to understand why she was feeling so bad and why she felt the urge to "escape" to Cincinnati. We'll now more about it once she and Bryce talk in next chapter (last time we’ll talk about it, I promise, after that just good things for them!)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and for all your support in all these months.  
> A big hug to every one of you!


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